Med Extension Cohort Project Basic Skills: Examining Work & Life Alternative Book Article Kari Fruechte

A Parenting Manual: Heart Hope for the Family by: Doc Lew Childre

My specialization in the Extension Service is Child and Youth Development. This book not only sounded intriguing, but I felt it had implications for my work in several ways. I had three basic motives for reading this book, which I will describe in detail. I am involved in writing a cirriculum called Positive Parenting of Teens, a project headed by Ron Pitzer, University of Minnesota Family Social Scientist, that involves many Extension Educators in Minnesota and Wisconsin. Our team of four educators is writing the section on Perception. We are charged with coming up with fact sheets, parent hand-outs, activities and resources that form the basis for this particular lesson. One of the main themes the author is trying to convey is that parents can stay a step ahead by perceiving the world through the eyes of their children. I was looking closely at his views on perception. My second motive was fulfilling this class requirement. I felt the book could apply to further projects I may choose to become involved with, and hoped to be able to write two articles that I could use as resources down the road. Finally, I felt I could personally benefit from the suggestions in this book as I raise my own three sons. My husband and I are continually challenged as our children grow and change into unique individuals. The adolescent years are proving to be difficult at times, and the idea of staying a step ahead appealed to me as a parent. Doc Lew Childre is a leader in human development research and methodology. He has developed the HeartMath System to give parents and children tools to use to get in touch with their hearts and experience balance in their lives. He heads the Institute of HeartMath, a nonprofit research and education corporation in Boulder Creek, California. He has written several other books and produced musical albums, all dealing with reducing stress and adding love into your life. This book was written in a very easy to read and understand form. I believe any parent could pick it up and really try to use the information presented. I tended to be a bit skeptical at first because there is so much information out there and so many authors claiming to have the answers to parenting, but as I read the suggestions and tools provided, I decided it is a concept worth trying. Getting children and parents to tune in to their hearts instead of their heads could give families a chance to experience the love that is sometimes overlooked because of our hurried lifestyles today. The book suggests that the first step in practicing love is to know that the heart is a source of strength and power. It claims that research has proven the physical heart is indeed a seat of many of the most important human qualities. Our perceptions, mental and emotional attitudes, our immune system, our reaction times, and our decision-making skills are all directly related to the health of our heart. Sincere positive feelings actually increase the hearts pumping efficiency, thus beefing up the bodys immune system. Learning to consciously love can therefore be a contributing factor to strong mental and physical health. The author describes a method called FREEZE-FRAME that can be taught at most any age. It is a chance to stop what you are doing or thinking for a moment and reflect on your heart. It is described as similar to pushing the pause button on your VCR. Participants need to focus their breathing on their heart for about ten seconds, then recall a positive feeling or time in their lives. Eventually, you need to listen to what your heart is telling you in response to the situation you are involved with. The author then goes on to explain the method in more detail, including how it can be taught to various ages, and giving examples of its use. One of the features of the book that I found helpful was the way it categorized different ages and stages of development and described the way HeartMath methods could work with each. Even though it can be used with very young children, it is never too late to teach it, and to begin modeling the method as a parent. it gave particularly good advice on turning the teaching into a game-type activity for middle school youth, and a true discussion-starter for older adolescents. Another concept explored in this book is the idea of overcare of parents and children. My interpretation of the concept is that sometimes parents and children become too worried and stressed about day-to-day minor things, and can turn a natural, nurturing feeling into a negative experience. In general, children recoil from parents who are forever worrying or correcting them. Overcare comes out of insecurity, but never resolves the insecurity. I really related to this possibility with my own children. Sometimes I think I try too hard, especially because of my profession. Getting from overcare to balanced care requires your acceptance of adaptability and using your creative capacity to help a child make productive changes without nagging. Using the FREEZE-FRAME model can help turn your overcare into balanced care. Given the statistics we are faced with in todays children and families, I strongly believe we need to focus more of love and take time for responses from the heart. If we can teach our children to focus on their hearts, they should see a renewed sense of hope in their lives and learn to release some of their frustrations with the world in more constructive ways. My goal is to try these tools in my own family and write a second article on how that goes. I may also try some of the methods with an eighth grade religion class I teach. I plan to give feedback on how it works for me.

-- Anonymous, December 13, 1998

Answers

Really interesting synopsis. I'd like to keep being posted on how your thinking about this goes! I think this is really important. One of my first mentors in education, A.S. Neill of "Summerhill School" in England, wrote a book in the late 30's called "Hearts not Heads in the School"--many of the same thoughts.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 1999

Really interesting synopsis. I'd like to keep being posted on how your thinking about this goes! I think this is really important. One of my first mentors in education, A.S. Neill of "Summerhill School" in England, wrote a book in the late 30's called "Hearts not Heads in the School"--many of the same thoughts. Thanks again.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 1999