Do you have any suggestions for festival/theatre behavior? Did you ever really screw up at a convention or a meeting? Was there a moment you wish you could take back and fix?

Have you ever had an interview or an audition with a big glob of water on your chest that looked like you had lactated right before you went in? Didn't think so. I figured it was just me.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 1999

Answers

My big mistake was that I just didn't get to see enough at this show because of rehearsals and work. I should have just taken the week off work like I said I would last year, but I didn't...
I'll probably be kicking myself for years to come because missed the Japanese improv troupe. But I did see One Hit Wonder twice and Ray Pruitt's twice, so I think those made up for. (despite sitting through some gawdawful improv and sketch groups who shall remain nameless).
other rules: don't trust the lights/sound at Scottish Rite
Clap even if you don't really mean it -- it's just fucking polite, people.
Stand up and sing if Chuy asks you to. There were these three people who just sat there in front of us like idiots while the rest of us were up and loving it and spreading the love. They were assholes. There is no other explanation. They were assholes. And everybody in the audience knew it.
Dap is funny
Gay humor is very funny, especially when two men spontaneously kiss on stage
It's okay to be offensive if it's funny. Honest. You can make fun.
People who say they're going to come see your Saturday show are lying. They're checking out "Whose Line is it Anyway?" But they WILL tell you your show was great and there's a buzz about your troupe.
The VIP section is easily infiltratable, especially if you're a good bullshitter
You don't have to go to the after party, but you DEFINITELY have to attend the after-after party.
Having too short a show is 10 times better than going too long
If you have someone in your improv group that just doesn't give back and isn't funny, kick them out. I'm serious. There's nothing worse than that one person that you know is ruining all the skits because they won't stop grinning or they just aren't smart enough and they sit there and don't say anything, clearly frustrating their fellow troupe members. Let that person go back to cleaning tables at Starbucks.
Dance
floss
Don't be reckless with someone else'e heart. And don't tolerate someone who is reckless with your heart.

oh shit, i think i'm off on a tangent.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 1999

omar, that is so funny because I was thinking the same thing when I was writing my list. I almost quoted that "dance. floss" thing too.

ha.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 1999

Am I the only one who hates, no, make that HATES, that dance-floss thing. I mean it's just plain awful. It's like this monotone of your mother back when you were in highschool. I mean, "use sunscreen?" GET A GRIP!! Who the heck doesn't know that. I mean, if the guy could sing, if there was some kind of tune, then maybe it would be tolerable. But sheesh. I mean, I didn't find it that great back when I read it on the internet. And then some lame-o turns it into a bad "song" and they play it 27 times a day. It just figures.

Okay, the "big blob of water" thing. What I hate is when you're washing your hands after going to the bathroom and a big blob of water jumps onto your pants so that as you walk out of the bathroom it looks like you peed on yourself. It's uncanny how often that happens.

There is some kind a magical force that makes that happen, I'm sure of it. It's the same force that makes ketchup jump off whatever it is you're eating and onto a clean shirt. NEVER put on a clean shirt before eating something with ketchup. That force will get you every time.

Sorry, I don't have any hilarious festival stories. Maybe I'll go some day and make some.

Oh! A suggestion for the future. If you get a big blob of water on your shirt just before an audition like that, just drench the whole shirt. Soak it completely! That should help the old audition immensely. In fact, maybe soak it down regardless.

Since we were talking about festivals I really wanted to mention the "festivus for the rest of us" but I couldn't work it in. Oh well. Next time.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 1999

All I know is, don't let a Kiwi get a hold of your guitar, unless you like a whole lot of Crowded House, Pseudo Echo, INXS and Silverchair to be played on it. Plus he'll ask you to turn down the music at your own party, in your own house, just so he can hit on your roommate's 20 yr old sister and her friends and woo them with an unplugged version of "Take On Me". Goddamn Kiwis. And don't let your roommate tell people there's an after-after party at your house. Just because he wants to have a festival fling, it doesn't mean you have to stay up until 5am listening to random drunk guys that nobody knows say "What? Nobody's got any weed?"-- and these definitely aren't the ones that are going to boost your career. Besides, does your roommate actually think that any of the girls from "Theatre Strike Force" are going to accept a drunken invitation to your house when there's a hash-o-rama party going on at the Austin Motel? Do show up to auditions. It doesn't matter how hungover you are or how bad your headshot is. They just might be looking for somebody who looks like they were doing tequila shots till 5am that morning and who has a headshot that looks like a close-up from "Moonlighting". Don't neglect your girlfriend. Okay, so you're pissed at your troupe's producer. You told him you thought he was making a mistake and you get screwed for it. But she has problems, too. At least ask if she wants to go to the after party, even though she doesn't drink. Because when she does have a margarita or two, she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen grace a dance floor. And industry people love the fact that your hair colors compliment each other. (They really don't give a rat's ass, but isn't it fun to pretend?)

-- Anonymous, April 13, 1999

cobb...

and you wonder why you get the girls.

dimples, dimples, dimples.

you and eric could single handedly take over all of Austin, I swear. (maybe this should be in the forum for today's topic...)

-- Anonymous, April 13, 1999

this may never be read by the eyes it is intended for. in response to the lil' blue hair boy, one year later. you are in L.A. and i miss you. it was your come-hither dimples and pulsing pectoral muscles that first attracted me and the fierce bobcat hair that kept me around. thank you for remembering that my life sucks too, sometimes, and for making the moments i spend with you not suck. hurry home, and then hurry off to be the big star you are destined to be. i miss you now and i will miss you then.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2000