Share your horror stories of advanced tae-bo.

Or are you too afraid to try the tape?

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

Answers

I am always afraid I am going to hurt my back during those squat, kick things he does so I just jog in place when he gets to that. Is that wrong? Oh God, I feel so guilty. Also, I can't do the double time swivel kicks (the one where you are supposed to pretend you have a string attached to your knee and you pull). Going regular pace is fine but the double time is a mystery to me. I don't even know HOW to make my body do that. They all look like they are kind of jumping and kicking together while moving their arms.

I feel I must yell to aleviate (sp?) the pain while doing the floor work. The back kicks he starts out with and then the side lifts that follow are the worst. The sweat just drips off me. My husband is like "Will you please be quiet, it's 6:30 a.m. for the love of God." But I can't help it.

Am I a freak? I think I need help. Yet, I can't seem to get enough of the Billy induced punishment. (plus, I want to have a baby in the next 2 years and I plan on looking the same after as I do before) I plan to order the Live Advanced Tae-bo this weekend of the Tae-bo website (I think I will do the thing where you get a new one every 4 weeks, too pamie).

All I can say is it's painful, sometimes scary but totally worth it.

Damn, I AM a freak.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

Christine--

I still can't do those swivel kicks in double time. And yes, they ARE just jumping and moving their arms while flailing their legs. You have to hop up and down to keep your balance.

Wait to you see how Billy makes you hop in the advanced live. Man, oh, man.

I think if it was earlier in the tape I would attempt it. But the swivel kicks always come at a time where I'd rather just walk in place and drink some water.

you won't hurt your back on the squat kicks if you do what he says. Lean in-- take the weight in the backs of your legs. Tighten your stomach and think of keeping the top of your thigh to your stomach as you stand up and then extend it when you get to the top. Keep your arms up and close to you, so you don't use your shoulders to stay up.

use your butt, that's what this exercise is for.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

did anybody happen to catch the Inside Edition "expose" on Billy Blanks?? Apparently those 7 world titles are from competitions that nobody's heard of, except him, or something like that. And Tae-Bo has been causing injuries and such... and my it was funny how they were just trying SO HARD to rip him up.

Just wondering if anybody else happened to see it.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

Good grief, pamie, I just now finally got brave enough to get the basics tape. I broke out in a sweat just opening the package. My muscles got sore just watching (watching mind you, just watching) the damn tape. And I'm a pretty in-shape person. Really. I bike and walk.

And really, what's with the kicks up above my head? If an attacker is that big, I am not going to aim for his head... I'm going for middle ground, thank you very much. And running like hell. If God meant for my ankles to go above my ears, he'd have named me Barbie.

;)

Seriously, it looks like a good program. My brother's a third degree black belt (Tang Soo Do, one of the oldest Koran forms, predating Tae Kwan Do). Many of the moves Billy's demonstrating are Tang Soo Do moves, with a lot of basic aerobics thrown in. I don't have time to get to my brother's school (dojo) any longer to practice and I think these tapes may just keep me motivated. Thanks.

Toni

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

All I can say is that Billy Blanks is one rich bloke. His tapes are *everywhere* these days. They even sell the at Toys R Us, for crying out loud.

Physical fitness experts have generally condemned the Tae-Bo videos, by the way. They can easily lead to injury and do not provide any additional benefits over other, more conventional, aerobic workouts. And of course, anyway who knows anything about fitness knows that non-aerobic exercises (ie, weight training) are an important part of any fitness program.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

I was thinking, I'm going to have to start the advanced soon.

Someone hold me....I'm scared!!

--Eric

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

ohmygosh. This morning, whilst procrastinating doing a 3000 word essay, I flicked on the TV and my eyes were greeted with a half hour infomercial type thing about the wonders of Tae-Bo. Now, being isolated down in this little corner of the world [Tasmania, Australia], I'd read Squishy and been intrigued with this thing called Tae-Bo, but hadn't seen the videos anywhere, or known anything really about it, other than what I gathered from Pamie and everyone else. One look at Billy Blanks and I was ready to cower in a corner forever. I don't think I'm brave enough to buy the tapes. And this was just the infomercial!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

I don't wanna start the advanced tape. Uh-uh. I'm just getting to the point where the basic + 8 minute workouts doesn't completely kick my ass. And hey, I am incorporating weight training afterwards (well, sort of; I have a second-hand Soloflex, so it's realing rubber band training), so I'm getting more benefits than just doing tae-bo, right? I even do part of the yoga tapes-- it's just too hard to feel the majesty of proud warrior for a whole hour.

Besides, I saw one of Billy's movies. It was on USA as part of a Rowdy Roddy Piper double feature which also featured "They Live". I didn't catch the name of it, but (forgive me, this may be tae-heresy) it was truly bad, even by action movie standards. Don't get me wrong, Billy is an incredible motivator and I still watch the infomercials even though I've got the tapes, but as an actor he's on par with Keanu. I'm sort of scared that if I do too much tae-bo my acting will suffer. Be careful Pamie!

-- Anonymous, May 05, 1999

Something I am not sure that anyone's notices/remarked on:
On the basic tape, when he is cooling down and bends his head using his hands, look at his face when he's bending to his right. He looks like it's a paper mask melting off from the sweat. It disconcerts me.

Is it really necessary to do the advanced before the 8min?

-- Anonymous, May 06, 1999

Pamie you've got me all intregued and scared at the same time. Tae-bo mania hasn't hit Sydney yet . . . but I'll be waiting. (I'm not sure about this Billy guy though - he sounds a bit dangerous).

-- Anonymous, May 06, 1999

Since I hadn't done my Basic tape in about a week, I popped it in the VCR yesterday after work and got ready for a good ass kicking from Billy and his cohorts. I quickly discovered how much damage a week without Tae-Bo can do. But excrutiating pain aside, the worst thing about the tape (and I can't believe I haven't noticed this before) was that idiot, Kristin's (short brown-haired chick with the nasty tattoo on her sweaty stomach), "yelps" in the background. Can someone tell me if she has Tourette's Syndrome? Because every other minute she's making loud, annoying sounds that really bug the shit out of me. I think they're supposed to motivate me, but all I want to do is double time her in the mouth with a roundhouse kick. Do I have her to look forward to on the eight-minute and Advanced tapes?

-- Anonymous, May 06, 1999

Did I hear someone dis Keanu? Surely not. I know that I can't say "WHOOAA" with such feeling in so many contexts. Really, I just can't watch Billy. It's like watching a muscled up pug alternately yelling and mumbling at me. Ugly! And believe me when I say I know ugly when I see it....every morning in the mirror. 8^) Yes, I know;shallow and rude.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 1999

Jenni--

You don't have to do the advanced before the eight minute. You don't really ever have to do the eight minute if you don't want to. I think I've only done it once when I was in a pinch, and the other times I did it to add to the basic workout.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 1999

big joe,

okay, here's some inside. i happen to be a professinal fitness expert, and the tae bo tapes have in fact been a hot topic where i work (which happens to be a gym that specializes in martial arts/boxing/combat type aerobics and skills classes). when the tapes first got hot, the staff at this place was told that we'd better check them out because there might be stuff we could incorporate into our classes.

and yeah, we all had some concerns, but not so much about the workout, which we thought was good, as about the fact that a lot of the stuff he's doing on there is likely to cause injuries to lots of people because they're using the tape and there's nobody there to correct them if they're doing something wrong, which lots of people do when they get really into and enthusiastic about a workout.

and of course we all were kind of appalled that any self professed fitness expert would tell people that this tae bo workout was all they needed, because like you said, what it is is an aerobics componant of a workout, but very few people will get the bodies shown on the tape and the infomercial just by doing tae bo. i guarantee you that most of the people working out on the tape and billy himself are spending hours on the weights as well, and probably have a diet that's regimented down to the calorie, and probably run on top of their workouts.

a couple weeks ago i went to a conference, and opinions varied. some people hated them (the tapes), some people were neutral. most people had at least concerns about the safety factor.

personally, i've recommended (sp?) them to people. my thought is that at least he's willing to put a fairly challenging workout out there on tape that doesn't involve people in bathing suits on a beach, and as long as people are responsible about using it safely it can only help. but yeah, my point was that it is a big hub bub in the fitness community, though it's far from being condemmed (i totally can't spell today, sorry).

-- Anonymous, May 06, 1999

I bought a Tae Bo tape; not the ones on the infomercial, but the Cardio Crunch tape. Anyway, I did it once and won't again. Any workout that requires you to jump and land on one bent leg is stupid and dangerous.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 1999

Emma -- Do you really have Tazmanian Devils down there? Because I told a girl from New Zealand once about the muppet named after the country (Lou Zealand) and she never heard of it! Who never heard of Lou Zealand and His Flying Fish???

Jenni --

I noticed the same thing with the yelping!! I think the women are getting orgasmic over Billy's infamous "nipple shirt." Because if you noticed, tank top guy isn't yelping.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 1999

I actually really like the advanced tae-bo workout. I get kind of bored with the basic one, which is slow, though I do appreciate it time-wise. I'd been doing aerobics/step/weight training regularly for a couple of years (I highly recommend The Firm workout tapes) and found myself boredboredbored with those after a while. I loved the way they made me look and feel, but just got sick of them. Tae bo has given me something really fun to do alongside those now. I pace myself, so I don't do advanced tae bo all the time, but when I do it makes me feel good - both virtuous for having done it, and like my thighs are melting away. Someone even complimented me on how my butt looked in some jeans (which NEVER happens to me) and I figured it was from those roundhouse kicks and that killer butt workout.

Jen

-- Anonymous, May 08, 1999

erin--

What is that? Jump and land on one bent leg?

That doesn't happen on Tae-bo... wait, well, when we do those kicks in the air, but that's more like just your normal Karate type move thing. If you didn't buy Billy, you got ripped off.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 1999

Oh, there is someone even better than tank top guy in the advanced live. He's right up front and constantly off beat. He screws up all the time.

I can't even start with all of the Billy mumblings, either. I can't wait for some of you to get this tape.

Plus the guy in the very back in the acid washed workout pants makes me laugh every time he throws his hands in the air and cheers. Acid washed pants, people.

-- Anonymous, May 10, 1999

I did it. I finally did it. My roommate (whom I've also roped into this whole exercise thang) and I were saying how we should do Tae-Bo today, when he asks "So when should we start doing the advanced?" It sounded like a challenge to me. First of all, we've never done the tapes together-- it just seemed a little weird for two guys to be doing that. I know, I know, I should be confident enough blah bla blah... it just didn't feel right. But for this we knew we needed each other's support. And dammit, we were right. Yes, we made it through, but there were a few times where Billy would say he only needed three sets, and then he just keeps talking. We're sitting there screaming, "Shut up Billy! You lied to us! Go to hell, Debbie!" But we did it. Man do I feel like a conqueror. By the way, yes Lee, I did dis Keanu. Hard. And I'll do it again dammit!

-- Anonymous, May 11, 1999

WHOOOA-I defer to the gentleman conqueror. 8^D

-- Anonymous, May 11, 1999

There are so many mumbles in the Advanced Live that I start imagining that Billy is cursing at me.

That would really motivate me, you know?

"You call that shit a kick? What the hell is that? Get that fucking leg up there, you bunch of pussies! Jesus Christ, what are you people paying me for?"

And then he'd come over during the cool down and say, "I'm really sorry I yelled at you like that. You know I love you, don't you? I do. I care a lot about you. You're doing real good. I'm really proud of you. I like that sports bra on you. It makes you look really strong and sexy. You're stretching out real good, now. good job."

Just a little personal attention.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 1999

So, I got the Tae-Bo advanced tape in the mail yesterday and worked out to it this morning. Or rather, for long stretches I laid spread- eagled on the living room floor panting and sweating and praying for death.

Scarily enough, those down times corresponded almost perfectly with the moments when Billy looks at the screen and gives little pep talks about not giving up. He made me feel all guilty and shit. So I finished. And then my legs and butt trembled for half an hour.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 1999

Since Andy didn't share the story I will (Andy that's in my troupe, not the Andy that posted just before... it's the Andy that posted earlier over there with his roommate doing it with him. By doing it I mean Tae-Bo and not "it," but I assume you knew that...)

Anyway, Andy and I were in a scene together a couple of weeks ago and the suggestion we got was "Tae-Bo."

Andy was Billy and he kept calling me "Debbie" and we double round house kicked in perfect unison. The crowd was impressed.

Basically the sketch involved Andy saying Billy Blanksisms while I tried to pretend like I was still doing the exercises and periodically Andy would stop to yell at me.

Eventually I beat the shit out of him by front kicking him to the jaw.

it was fun.

What was even better was that we didn't have to really plan anything, Andy would just go, "okay, kick to the side, forward kick, ready? go!"

just like when Billy talks to me.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 1999

I can't do those double time swivel kicks to save my life but the part of the tape that constantly cracks me up is during the butt workout when Billy says "Michael up there he says he's locked up". If you look closely you can see old Michael up there not moving. I might be screaming by then but I'm still moving.

Also, I might be a giant corn ball but I always get chills when I have survived to the end and all the Tae-bo'ers hold hands and jump up and down.

-- Anonymous, May 19, 1999

That's dehydration and delirium. We all feel it.

-- Anonymous, May 20, 1999

Alright so, I broke out the advanced tae-bo tape last night. EEK! The basic tape is nothing compared to this madness!!! The sweat dripping off those people is insane. There are two chicks that I want to beat up on that tape...little miss spontanous clapper that looks like Spock's daughter, and the one in the corner in green that keeps making these moaning sounds like she's having wild animal sex. ACK! They scare me. But I made it through the tape. Yay me!

-- Anonymous, May 26, 1999

OK, well, the Advanced tape will be coming my way around the first week of July. I'm already getting sweaty! Oh wait, the humidity is 200% here in DC. That would explain that.

I'll keep you up to date on how it goes.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 1999

Got my notice from Amazon.com that Tae Bo advanced was on the way. I can hear the "Imperial March" from Star Wars playing ominously.

In other news, this bartender here I like does Tae Bo as well, and she and I bonded over it this weekend as I as sucking down gin and tonics and cigarettes. I don't think she thought someone like that would Tae Bo, but a "dropped some knowledge" on her to show her I wasn't playin'.

If this works out between us, Billy Blanks will be my best man, and I'll "right-hook" my arm to put the ring on her finger... ;)

-- Anonymous, June 30, 1999

OK Pamie, I should be getting my first installment of the Advanced Live any second now!! I am looking forward to getting my ass kicked.

By the way, since you asked about results: I have lost 1 complete pants size (now I am an 8) since I started doing Tae-Bo in January and can now wear a size M knit shirt very comfortably (despite the D cup). Also, this is the first summer in, oh about 10 years, that I am not giving my arms a second thought when I throw on a tank top or spagetti strap dress. They actually have definition. I am definitely firmer all over. No kidding. Oh, and I now have the stamina to run a couple of miles a week, something I could never do before.

Don't give up people! If nothing else, the confidence I gained is worth the price of the tapes and then some. Sorry I rambled.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 1999

Someone hold me. My hamstrings can no longer support my own weight. Billy, you broke me. I called for my higher power, like you said, and my higher power said, "What the F%^$@! ever! You on your own, beeyatch!"

You know the part where he says, your butt should be burning? Well, something was burning! MY EYES!! Sweat had literally run right into my eyes and I was blinded for a while. Those swivel kicks? Yeah right, I'm gonna do THAT double time!! And can anyone punch AND grapevine at the same time?

Yes, 2 times I did Advanced this weekend. I was a puddle of sweat. But amazingly, I noticed a difference after the second time. I think I actually shed some fat this weekend from it. Of course, I've been doing 2 other tapes as well for the past year, but this put me over the top.

But I still wanna strangle Billy. Anyone else think of 1984 when Billy says he's watching you. OK, Big Brother.....

-- Anonymous, July 06, 1999

So after a week and a half of advanced, it's getting a lot better. Not so much pain as there is sweating. LOTS of sweating. Ugh.

I'm finding that short-haired intense girl kind of hot. Am I some sort of freak? Not Billy's daughter, the one who takes over leading the group when he walks around. I bet she could kill me with her bare hands. Yet...I cannot turn away...

-- Anonymous, July 16, 1999

My thighs are still quivering even though it's been approximately 4 hours since I Tae-Bo'ed. Why, you ask? Two words: ADVANCED LIVE

Pamie was on the mark with the punching being non-stop! Not only that, but you do almost a full hour of straight Tae-Bo (and only like 10 or 15 minutes of floor work) instead of only 30 minutes of Tae-Bo and then 30 minutes of floor work like in the regular Advanced tape. However, I really like the cool down at the end, much better than the regular Advanced and I feel FABULOUS today. I could not do every exercise or every set (Billy moves super fast from one exercise to the next) but it was fun and I am looking forward to getting this tape under my belt and doing all the moves gracefully (yeah, right! I'll be satisfied just doing all the moves.) Christine

-- Anonymous, July 27, 1999