Who is the Dreamiest Boy At YOUR School? Your school can be fictional if necessary...

-- stef noble (fiendishthingy@stef.net), June 30, 1999

Answers

Heya! I’m a fifteen year old blonde girl at high school in Portland, Oregon! Yeah, I know I write just like an over-educated middle-aged Anglo-Irishman, but Mom says that’s because she was bitten during pregnancy by an elderly vampire with halitosis. But anyway…

I just wanna say that the dreamiest boy in my school is called Aimless! He’s just the biz! He’s gorge! When he walks by, all the body-buildin’ cheer-leaders start sobbin’ over their Apple & Cinnamon Malt-o-Meal!

Downside is, he won’t date anyone. He says he’s ‘keepin’ himself pure’!!

So I’m like, what gives here?! And Aimless says he wants to save himself for the Ask A Drunk forum! He’s the second most prolific contributor and according to him it’s the only thing he wants in his life, and he don’t mean to be rude and he respects me and all but if he has to choose between romantic and sexual fulfilment on the one hand and Ask A Drunk on the other, well, I can basically go screw myself!!!!!

So screw you, Aimless!! You hear me? I don’t need you! Cuz I’m my own woman, and when I meet a guy who cares less for a sensationally beautiful fifteen year old (failed) cheer-leader (with scabies) than he does for a goddam LUSENET forum, I ain’t gonna wait around!! I already got me a date with Senator Strom Thurmond (99)! He knows how to treat a lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…;-)

-- Bobbie-Rae Klompertz III (rex@waitrose.com), February 23, 2002.