Pamie has a whole Tae-bo section on her discussion board, so just tell me how you feel about exercise fads in general. Or puppy abuse. Either topic is fine.

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

Answers

The last fad I purchased was an AEROFIT. And I did kick my dog in the head with it several times before it became a towel holder - the aerofit, of course.. Although, the dog (having bonded with said exercise equipment) then proceeded to pull towels off the washing line and sit on them. It also came with The AB-SCULPTOR.. (yours free, if you pay by credit card..) which is now being decorative in the spare room..

Going to the gym is easier..

Oh, and don't tell me you've paid $29.95 for Tae-Bo.. I would soooo like to Tae-Bo, except the video is only available through a home shopping network at the moment here in Australia - and as they have the monopoly, they are trying to charge AUD$200 for it (I'm not joking..)

Two-hundred dollars..! How rude is that..??

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

-Oooh Beth, we'll get rich from selling black market Tae-Bo tapes to the Aussies! Time to call those contacts of yours down under!

Anyways -I like doing yoga, it feels really good, and keeps me from injuring myself during those Mountain Dew sports I like. The problem is that whenever I do yoga at home, SHASTA thinks I'm playing with her. It's really funny because she doesn't think it's the fetching kind of playing, she thinks it's the lick his ears kind of playing. The problem is when you twist your body into a pretsel it takes some concentration, but when the dog starts licking your ear, you start to giggle -giggling is bad for yoga. It makes you fall into the stereo, which doesn't help limberness at all. Of course the other option is to pay to go do yoga, but that always gets in the way of more important things, like beer and Buffy. Oh well, it'll be a rough aging process...where's my walker!

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

Oh, yeah, the cats like to help me exercise, too. I've done many thousands of sit ups with Sally or Rudy on my stomach, trying to bite my nose. Rudy used to try to sit in my lap while I was on the exercise bike. Nowadays, of course, there are no sit ups done in this house, because Doc thinks that game is "tackle me! lick my ears!"

I like this black market Tae-Bo thing. The problem is that Australian VCRs are different than American VCRs, although maybe the newer ones will play American tapes. I know my dad had to buy my sister an American VCR so she could watch our home videos.

I've got a whole box of American videos to send to my nephew. Maybe I should stick in a couple of Tae-Bo videos, and put my nephew in business.

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

I, too, was conned into taking up Tae-Bo by Pamie. Peter and I did really well for about three or four weeks. We quickly learned to gate our puppy into the non-TV part of the living room. He thought it was great fun to jump at our feet when we kicked them up in the air. And when he wasn't jumping, he would lay down as close to you as possible so he could be sure to get squashed when you lost your balance and toppled during those double-time round house kicks.

Then we went on vacation for a week and completely lost all discipline. I guess it wouldn't be a fad if you didn't quit after a month. I still have the tape displayed prominently next to the VCR. Maybe when the weather cools off...

As to more generic puppy abuse, I have been known to pass my potato chip right under the dog's nose and then chew noisily, mouth wide open, in his face. Only when he deserves it, though. Really.

I also get a lot of pay-back satisfaction when we bathe him. He despises baths. As soon as you take his collar off, he runs to the farthest corner of the house and tries to hide. When you pick him up to put him in the tub, his tail curls completely under his body. It's great. I get points for being a good puppy parent while torturing him! Muhuhuhahahaha

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

Doc doesn't like baths either, but he loves the part where he gets dried off with a towel. Right now I try to make baths really fast so we get to the towelling-off part pretty quickly. He doesn't mind the water as much as he hates the bathtub, and I think he's getting over that, too -- last week I had to stop him from jumping in the tub with me.

Our big puppy revenge is cleaning his ears. He really hates that.

He took a real beating last night, though. I accidentally whacked him in the head another time, and Sally scratched him right on his nose.

If you feel like you have to call the humane society now, I really won't blame you.

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

My reply is up, missy.

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

hey!

well, i must brag that i've Taebo'd in my parents' living room with three--count 'em, three--raggmopp dogs who stand around for a minute waiting to see what i do, and then are perfectly happy to recline on the couch watching and waiting for me to regain my senses. but then again, they're small dogs, and they're pretty much used to moving quickly if they don't want to get squished underfoot.

i fully agree that pamie is in league with the devil. either that, or she's getting kickbacks from billy.

s. ($29, beth? i'm impressed....)

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

Oh yeah, baby. I abuse puppies. Or at least, I have. But I think maybe it started with abusing cats. Only, see, I didn't know I was abusing cats, still don't know for sure, it's just that I never had a cat. I am not a cat person. Nor is my husband. And so, when this devious little hussy of a tiny kitten just MOVED INTO OUR TREE and took over our yard, I don't know what happened, but before long, we had a cat. An not long after that, she was an indoor cat.

Well, what do I know about cats? I think maybe the way I treat her is okay. She's survived it for 15 years. Thing is, cats land on their feet, right? So, when I'm holding her and decide to put her down, I put her somewhere in the general vicinity of the floor and let go, and she lands gracefully and keeps going. (I've noticed, though, now that she's getting old, she doesn't always land so gracefully. I think I need to start paying attention.)

If she's in my lap and I decide to get up, I kind of shove/nudge her off, and she lands on her feet, gives me a dirty look (that's how cats show affection, right? pissing on your pillow and giving you dirty looks?) and keeps going. So you tell me, is this abuse, or is this just the way you treat a cat? I have no experience other than this cat, and this is the way we do it here. I drop/shove/nudge -- she lands on her feet.

So, is it any wonder that we had a new puppy, and I was sitting on the patio with said puppy in my lap, and she started gnawing on my hand, and I kinda, without thinking, nudge/shoved her off my lap --

She, er, didn't land gracefully. She hit the concrete with a loud CRACK on her head, YELPED like hell, and my kids yelled at me.

My name is Pooks and I abuse puppies. Is there a group for us somewhere?

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

The closest I get to an exercise fad these days is to go for walks - two to four mile walks usually. They're cheap - easily accesible - Can do them alone or with company if so inclined - and the dog LOVES to go too. Just have to hope the rest of the dogs in the neighborhood don't see you leaving too. My children have been known to abuse the old dog by taking him for a run instead of a walk - he now has a knee injury. We do have an expensive Nordic Trac sitting in our study getting used approximately once a year. Tae-bo? The closest i've gotten to doing any is to listen to younger girls at work talk about how much they hurt after attempting it.

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

I don't do exercise fads. I'm too lazy to start doing an exercise routine unless either it looks like fun or I'm pretty sure it's going to make me get stronger or lose weight or whatever.

what a wet blanket, huh?

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

Oh, man, I should have known better than to tangle with Pamie. That girl is the Tae-Bo queen. She'll kick my ass. My next entry better be a suck-up-to-Pamie fest.

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

Oh yeah, I'm afraid to say that I am a real sucker for fitness fads. Like you Beth, I was convinced by Pamie's enthusiasm for Tae-Bo (I agree with Malinchista, Pamie is surely getting kickbacks, or should be). I waited patiently for it to arrive in Australia and ordered it up quick smart at the outrageous price they were asking (I paid a mere *$150* for it - actually, I paid $50 - my boyfriend got suckered into paying for the other $100 - heh-heh! ). I am going to be very proud of myself the day I can even finish that beginners tape! Man, you should try doing those roundhouse kicks carrying all of my weight. I have no doubt that it's quite a site too.

Incidentally, as I did my Tae-Bo today, my cat was sitting dangerously close to me as I flung my limbs about (in a strong and controlled fashion), merely looking at me like I was an unbelievable idiot, but managed to remain unharmed throughout. Although I can't say the same for my boyfriend the other day when I bet him I could kick over his head. Oopsy. I was close though! Luckily, no brain-damage has been in evidence since then.

Anyway, tonight after finishing an attempt at Tae-Bo, I sat down to recover in front of the telly and what do I see? "Kickbox 2000". Man - that looks even harder than Tae-Bo. I want it! I am a real sucker for anything involving kicking or punching. Plus I still want the aero-fit, one of those big exercise balls, I could use a new exercise bike, oh, I definitely want a punching bag too, a slam man, a total gym, a smart gym, a body blade, the orbitrek, rollerblades, a treadmill... et cetera et cetera

Not to mention the non-fitness related items such as those space bags, stick-in corner shelves, an emjoi beauty, some of that tooth whitening stuff, a set of new super-knives, memory enhancing kits, and oh - you name it

If I sit through the infomercial, after scoffing at how lame the ads are, and marvelling at how could anybody be convinced by such awful acting, at the end of it I find myself having to resist racing to the phone and maniacally dialling up the number on the screen. I suppose it's lucky my credit card is maxed out or the temptation might be too much - I'd be ordering up the whole home shopping network library.

Amazingly, apart from the tae-bo vids, and my dad's rickety old exercise bike (a crusty old thing from the early 70s that makes a lot of loud squeaking and groaning noises when I ride it - very offputting!), and a cheap aerobics video or two, I have a house free of exercise fads...

Now I just have to justify the outrageous price of those tae-bo videos by using them... like, um - regularly. (Look, lets just not talk about my generous sponsorship of my local gym over the past yonk and a half where I attend twice a month at the most, but can't bring myself to cancel it or even put the membership on hold, because I constantly promise myself I will go regularly).

Hmmm, this is rather long. Now that I don't keep a journal I seem to feel even more verbose than usual. I can get terribly rambly like this late at night too (which it is here) sorry!

By the way, Beth, I didn't get to wish you a happy birthday on your birthday. But um, happy belated birthday!! Yaaayy!! May Billy make this a year for getting stronger, tougher, leaner and ready to face any vampire who gives you shit. Don't forget to *hold in those abs*

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

Apparently, either my roommate and I sleepwalk or someone has been sneaking into the house and abusing the puppy when we're not home, which is nearly impossible as I work days and he works graveyard.

We're pretty heavy handed with the big dogs, but the puppy is generally a good girl and she responds to "no" and "stop that" and "damn it dog quit eating my shoes!" (6 pairs so far). But any time we single her out, like when we're training her, or just calling her over to pet her, or taking her outside, she freaks. She'll cower and belly crawl on the floor as if we're about to start playing *yet another* round of Kick the Puppy (and we don't do Tae Bo! She doesn't know from Kick the Puppy!).

When we take her out in public, she does the exact same thing. The first time she went to Petsmart we practically had to drag her around on the linoleum.

It's embarrassing! I have physically disciplined her twice ever - both times by tapping her on the nose with my index finger to get her to let go of something.

Of course, this is the same puppy who begins frantically walking backwards in circles when we say "sit!". It's entirely possible that she's just a big ol' freak.

-Never

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

I just abused my puppy by falling on my ass and yelling. I took the case off my computer to try to fix the reset button, and I went to sit back in my computer chair ... but it wasn't where I thought it would be, so I fell. This room is full of furniture and I thought I was going to land on something painful (i.e., a piece of faddish exercise equipment that happens to be taking up the middle of the room), so I kind of screamed. Doc is now running away from me when I approach.

-- Anonymous, July 22, 1999

Only if the fad really grabs my attention. I bought a Slam Man last year. For those who haven't seen the infomercial, it's like a punching bag in the shape of a person and it lights up in the various "punching areas" on the dummy. I absolutely love it! It's great when you've had a rough day and you want to hit something but don't want to go to jail for doing so.

-- Anonymous, August 01, 1999