Dear Squishy readers,

Thank you so much for the outpouring of support that you've given me and my family over the past week. You're concern and love has been overwhelming. We feel very loved.

I was wondering who you were writing letters to this week. As you can see from my entry, I had a few things to get off my chest.

Oh, and if you know any way that I can make money off this site and quit my day job, let me know.

Thanks.

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

Answers

What a very interesting question. I wrote a letter last month to a man I know fairly well. He is an engineer in his 30s, very successful, very nice, a great musician. We spend a week together as counselors every summer at a children's music camp. Last month, during camp, we spent practically every free moment together talking books, music, guitar, whatever. He has told me he thinks I am extremely talented. We make each other laugh. Blah Blah. So, much to my chagrin, I made no move towards any "action" during the week. (Which is probably good, because I am seeing someone in Dallas, but I digress).

Anyway, I sent him this letter when I got back - saying that I think he is an excellent guy, that I am so glad we are friends, and that, if he ever reaches a point in his life where he might like to start seeing someone on his same intellectual level, to keep me in mind. A very nice letter. I sent him two cds of music we had discussed all week long. This was a month ago.

HAVE NOT HEARD A WORD.

Sign me, Chopped Liver (http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Atrium/2958)

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

If you want to quit your day job, I think the odds are that you will get there faster if you go into politics than stay in acting. From what I understand, the skills you need to succeed in both are essentially the same, but there's a shortage of competetive talent in one field, and a surplus of the same in the other.

Of course, you'd have to spend your time in a community that attracts a completely different type of personality.

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

Squishy could be your bully pulpit.

And it doesn't have to just mean running for elected office. You could start a non-profit organization. Look at Paul Newman and Robert Redford, and their non-profit work.

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

Dear Chocolate,

Please stop being so fattening.

all my love, Kristin "oink" Thomas

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

Dear God, It's me again, Allison. Are you trying to kill us all here in Dallas. Have you noticed that it is 105 in the Big D today? Feelin' a little like the Big H, if you ask me. Yours, always.

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

Dear Martha,

Can you promise me that if I rub the exact mixture of paint thinner and eggshell white onto the desk that Paul got for $55 at a garage sale, I can achieve a rubbed white French Provincial finish? Or will it just look like I smeared paint all over an old desk and permanantly ruined it?

I need you to guarantee that "it's a good thing" before I get started. My marriage is at stake.

Sincerely, deb

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

If you want to know if you can make money off of Sqyishy, talk to the Shadow (kentallard@geocities.com). I think he may have some advice. Just a hunch.

As for letters..well, I just got laid off, so I'm in the middle of writing a hell of a lot of cover letters. Ugh. But here's a letter I'd love to write..

**************************** Dear Evil Bastards I think you all are hypocrites and stinkers. You are a rude bunch of coarse undeducables. I hope one day you actually meet your cult-like god, and he tells you that you have violated every tenet you profess to hold dear. I hope one day you lose something you value almost above all else, and I hope it hurts like hell. I think you should know that you are the most evil, un-christian like group of people I've ever met, and I truly believe that for you there can be no hell, because you seem to have unknowingly created your own hell on earth. MellieBee ********************

Nah, I'm not bitter or anything.

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

Dear clients,

Could you please stop having problems, just for a while, so that I can have a day off? I mean, I understand that it must suck to be homeless and jobless and all, but really... can't you just stop whining about it every now and again? I need a day off to, you know. Oh, and while we're at it... could you please tell your kids that it is NOT ok to unbuckle their seatbelts and open the car doors when we are on the freeway? Thanks. love, your devoted social worker

-- Anonymous, August 09, 1999

Dear Family,

Could you please, and I hope it is not asking too much, stope being insane for just maybe...I don't know...five seconds?

Could you just do that? Here's how: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Atrium/2958/today.html

Love,

Al

-- Anonymous, August 10, 1999

Dear customers, I can see that your ice tea is low for the 7th time in 5 minutes, and that you obviously need a new napkin since your such a fucking slob but since you stopped me while i'm carrying twice my bodyweight in dirty dishes and since the last time you stopped me while i was carrying a plate whose tempature was actually ripping off my skin I just haven't made it back to your table. Yes i've told the busboy, but since he's such a lazy smartass punk i can't really see him helping me out even though i have to tip him 15%. And yes, sir, your 3rd Stoli martini/up/with a twist/burn the glass is coming as soon as my bartender stops looking at himself in the mirrored walls and reads my ticket. Oh, and yes sir, I'm sure you are all that and i'd give anything to stay here and just flirt with you beacuse you are such a paragon of manliness but all those other evil customers are bugging me about their food. And ma'm, i'd appreciate it if, since you just ordered $70.00 worth of food but will only tip me 8%, if you could NOT sit at my table for 3 1/2 hours bitching about that snake at work who obviously wants to stab you in the back-your just not sure when she'll do it, or about the guy who never called you back. Wake up sister! He's over there at table 3 with a blonde set of 38-d's. what did you expect? You met him HERE. And lady, I'm trying really hard not to drop my little tray of 4 22oz beers and 3 hot sakes on your kids head but he makes it difficult when he runs into me with his fork. Be nice to your waiters, please (but not so nice that you think you don't have to tip.) because, though I have never spit on anyone's food before- everyone's got their breaking point.

webbed heart, je

-- Anonymous, August 11, 1999

Dear all my friends in New Zealand

OK, I know I chose to come to England, and I'm the one who got married and bought a flat here and is very into her job over here, but I really really miss you all, so could you please come and visit me? You know you're going to do the big trip to England at some stage - could it be this month? Please? I'd like you here for the Rugby World Cup, so I'll have New Zealanders to celebrate with when the All Blacks win the whole thing.

Loads of love,

Jacq. xxx

Dear Debbie

Why did your bloody Visa have to run out? You're my best friend and I'm going to miss having you around. Thanks for all the brilliant times we've had - I promise to come and visit you in Sydney next year.

Love,

Jackie. xxxxxxx

Dear Tristan

Please put the rubbish out, and next time you do the dishes, try to actually make them cleaner than they were before. And stop working so hard - I'd like to see you conscious for more than an hour a day.

Love you loads and loads of slimy toads,

Jacq. xxxxxx

Dear Brad Pitt

I've told you already. I'm not running away with you to your beachhouse. Give it up and move on.

Yours sincerely

Jackie Collins.

Dear Pamie

The only way I can think of is by getting published the old school way. Your site is one I always read and think 'I can't believe she has talent like this and lets us enjoy it for free.' If you wrote a book I'd buy it. If you wrote a magazine column I'd order it and have it sent over.

Cheers,

Jackie.

-- Anonymous, August 11, 1999

dear JACK

your Ultimate Cheese Burgers Rock!

-- Anonymous, August 13, 1999

Dont quit your job if you want to see the light of day. I sit here disigning websites all day in my house. I sometimes come out during the day. I did the other day, but it was during the eclispe. I got to see the outline of the sun, and laughed at the futile attempt of damage that the giant ball of burning gasses tried to do to my retinas. Obviously it didnt know that it was almost pleasurable after sitting in a dark cave staring into a radiation emmitting apparetice for months at a time. If this sound like a good time, e- mail at kdesigns@mediaone.net I think I have a job for you.

-- Anonymous, August 14, 1999

Dear James Cameron, Don't think that your snub at the Mars Society Conference was taken lightly, oh evil one. Your affrontery shall be dealt with in a manner fitting of the fabled Corsican vendettas. Let it here be known that Monks' Night Out shall not yield! With utmost contempt, Andrew J. Cobb, Esq. ps- We still remember who directed "Piranha 2-the Spawning", don't we?

-- Anonymous, August 16, 1999

dear nikki,

please come to carleton next year, because i miss your sister mad amounts when she's in ohio and i'm in minnesota, and having you around would make it a whole lot better. plus, then she'd come visit.

love, ags

*****

dear tim,

please remember that i love you, even if it is platonically (well, sort of). and thanks for giving me backrubs and making me screwdrivers and listening to me talk about my new guy without getting all huffy and sulking. and thank you for being happy for me.

love, girl

*****

dear michael,

please listen to what i say to you. and work on your short term memory.

besides that, i think you're charming and wonderful.

love, ag

*****

dear bosses at the horrible bakery,

i work my ass off for you. stop scheduling me at 5 fucking am on saturdays.

cheers, aggie

*****

dear jules and fergie,

i miss you. come home soon.

love, ags

-- Anonymous, August 16, 1999