Have you just started something new in your life? Have you made a big change or are you preparing to do something you're nervous about or thought you'd never do?

Do these changes in your life make you feel stronger, or do they make you feel like you're getting older?

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Answers

I'm TRYING to make a new beginning. Somehow, though, I just can't seem to get started. I quit my job 10 months ago (geez, how could it possibly be that long ago when I'm still having nightmares about it?!) to figure out what I really want to be when I grow up. Now 10 months have passed, and I still have no clue. I have a couple of strong ideas, but I hated -- nay, LOATHED -- my last job so much that I am TERRIFIED of making the wrong career decision again. So I've been afraid to make a decision and then actually do something about it.

Looks like "gradual school" (in the words of John Irving) is probably in my future. That scares me a little, too, because although I still FEEL 22 -- 16 on a bad day -- I am quite a bit older than your typical gradual student. Although I like to remind myself that my mom made a great new beginning when she was exactly my age and went to law school, and now has more money than god.

So here I sit, stalled in my quest for a new life. Anyone have a good idea of how I can give myself a swift kick to the head and make a decision?

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Well, this isn't recent, but it counts. In 1992 I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, quit my job of 3 years, and finally moved out of my mother's house, in with roommates that I had only known for a couple of months. I started not one, but TWO new jobs on the same day, and soon began dating a guy I worked with at my night job in the restaurant (big step for me). I knew that I was really growing up, and I definitely know how you are feeling.

Of course, 6 months later I moved the hell away from the roomies, got back together with my ex that I had dumped and moved in with him (married him 4 years later), and went back to my old job when they called and begged me back (still here). I don't expect you will be making any backwards moves like I did, but I don't regret mine at all. I'm really glad I did everything I did (well almost everything). The experiences were good for me, and certainly helped sculpt the woman I am today. They say that change can really stress a person out, and the biggest stress causers are moving, changing jobs, death of someone close to you, traumatic breakups, and getting married. You are going through a couple of them at once, which takes a strong person. Luckily, you are one of the strongest people around.

Best of luck to you. You go girl!

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Last month i decided to move out of my parents house and move into an apartment of my own. i also began working at a new job and started dating a new girl. it has all been really good.

best of luck to you pamie in your new job

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

When I heard the place I was working at was moving, I bought a Rolling Stone classified ad for 6 issues to pimp t-shirts from my site (coming out this Friday). From what little research I've done, I should be able to reach people who share my taste in humor this way. If people come to like 3 of my shirts, I would only have to sell about 1000 of each in 12 months to not worry about finding a new job. That averages about 10 a day. The problem is, if I only sell 30 shirts total, then I would have only made 1% of my sales goal. On one hand, the books say I'm doing the right things, but on the other, I have no way of knowing, even if people do like what I'm doing, if I can make this work.

Can I ask people here to take 3 minutes, and do me a favor? I set up my t-shirt pages for people to submit their opinions by rating the drawings from Poor to Excellent. Right now, the ratings page shows that the feedback is kind of thin, and I was hoping I could convince some of you to find a drawing you prefer, and submit a rating for it. That way, when the ad comes out tomorrow, maybe people won't feel so foolish if they pick a shirt that they know has been rated favorably by other people.

Thanks.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Two years and one month ago I moved to the other side of the world, with a one-way ticket and #1000 to my name.

Two years and one month later I'm in a job I love, I'm married to a fantastic bloke, and I own a flat. So it was a good move.

It made me feel both stronger and older. Stronger because I could no longer rely on my family for support - they're 12,000 miles away and can't exactly lend me money for the food shopping, or mop up my flat if the washing machine leaks. Older because I feel so capable of dealing with stuff now. When you can rely on people you invariably do, but when you have to rely on yourself it's amazing what you can do.

I recommend major lifestyle changes to everyone I encounter now.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Yeah, some minor changes (and one MAJOR one) have happened just recently--a change for the better, especially with the major one. I'll go into it tonight on my site...it's practically an epiphany, concerning one of my kids.--Al

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

This year my New Year Resolution was to floss my teeth daily. (I have to make them easy, otherwise forget it.) But something happened in February and I was moved to make a larger lifestyle change--I decided to lose weight and get healthy.

Now, quite a few months later I have dropped 33lbs and have just 15 more to go until I reach my goal. In March I decided to stop using caffeine. In May I stopped using artificial sweetners and started buying organic foods. And finally, in June I stopped eating meat. I exercise (TAE-BO!) daily, can run a couple miles a week, and feel better than I have in years. Next phase? I think it's time for a change of scenery job-wise. Good luck, Pamie! (And yes, I have been continuing to floss daily!)

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Good luck Pamie!!!! I start a new job tomorrow and am both excited and scared so I know what you're feeling. It'll be great though!!!

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Well, the same thing happened to me over a year ago. My very first "real job" was at a bank inside a grocery store. I was a co-op student and ended up staying there for 2 and half years. When I was ready to quit, I got a lot of phone calls and cards from other branches and the people in the grocery store showed more concern about my leaving than my co-workers did. That kind of sucked, but I left on bad terms with my immediate co-workers, so I didn't really care.

But it's nice - I love my job now. I'm glad I quit the bank and I think you will be fine Pamie. I wish you luck on your first day and it won't be long until you feel right at home there.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

I just moved across the country from my beloved Texas to New York City for a totally new job. I'm in the midst of culture shock and homesickness, though my times here have been mostly good. That makes for a promising future.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

I made a monumentous change four months ago. I married my husband in Vegas, while we were on our first date.

I quit my job, cashed in my stock options, sold nearly everything I owned, and moved myself, 2 cats, and two dogs to the midwest from the west coast, and from Canada to the USA. Lots of change.

Sometimes drastic change is a good thing. In my case, it turned out to be a fabulous thing. It doesn't make me feel older at all...instead, it makes me feel fearless, and it makes me feel energized. It makes me feel like I can do anything I want with my life.

I come from a family where everyone looks very staid, and preppy, and they all behave like the staunch pillars of the community that they are....except about every 10 years, someone up and does something really suprising. My great grandfather ran away to join a Chataqua. I did this. And it feels Good.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Last year I moved from California to North Carolina to be with my fiance. I left my home, my job, my family, my best friends, basically everything I had ever known. Last month we were married...another big change!!! I never thought I would get married, ever!!! I have a great job here and I adore married life. However I still feel a little out of my element and I am often homesick. Do I feel older? Not really. But I think my husband must. He has told me like 100 times that he will always be young at heart and he can still hang out with the guys.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

I seem to have a big change of life every two years. To years ago, I left Oklahoma to come to Austin and start my first "real" job out of college. I got my own apartment (which I had done in college, but now without financial aid), I dealt with bills. I finally felt grown-up.< p> This summer has been big, too. I just started a new job (same newspaper, different section), I moved from a shitty apartment to a really nice house/duplex, I took a more active role in some outside-of- work projects and I finally have my finances under control.

I feel like the last two years have been a buildup to this kind of security and peace of mind. I still have things I want to do and ambitions that need to be fulfilled, but at least I don't feel like I'm scrambling any more. I feel like I deserve to be where I am and it's not just blind luck that I got to this point. That's a good feeling.< p> Good luck at the new job! :)

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

I moved to Texas to be a live-in nanny. I knew no one except the family I was working for. The first 9 month was pure hell. I just couldn't get into military life at all. I got so desperate I placed an ad in the local paper looking for other nannies to hang out with. I met my friend Michelle that way. She introduced me to computers back when it was all BBS's. I met tons of cool people, dated a lot, partied a lot. Then I met my now husband on-line, luckily we lived in the same place. We dated, he divorced, we got married, got custody of his three kids, my best friend moved to Texas, she met a guy, got married, then got divorced and we all moved back to my home state of Iowa. All of this took only 3 years, talk about change. But although some parts of it sucked, I've never regretted it. Change for me is usually for the best weither I know it or not.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

First of all thank you pamie, for posting this forum. I' was feeling really mopey about my life here lately but all these stories are inspiring me to take a deep breathe and count myself lucky. Seven months ago i moved from Texas to California with some cash, a very old car and anything i could cram into her. I'm still homesick for friends and family but LA has really been very welcoming. About a month ago i decided to change again. I'm moving to a new place and am planning on finding aa new job. Its never easy and does cause some growiing pains but the big move taught me that the little ones are worth your while if you aren't happy.

Why stay stuck when, in the end, you can move yourself? wish me luck and the same to,you pa

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Well, this is a big change for me, but my boyfriend and I just called it quits after a little over a year.

This is a big change for me because I'm finally thinking of myself, and my needs, instead of worrying about someone else's while I put my life on hold. So that's a big change in the right direction.

Plus I'm trying to change careers, which is scarey... (from secretarial to full-time web designing). To leave the "comfortable-ness" behind and make a leap of faith, is frightening...

And one more thing... songwriting in my future. I've been composing for years but now I'm actively looking to take it more seriously... getting published and selling my songs.

All these changes are scarey, but they sure do make me feel stronger, as yes, older. I'm no longer a little girl. I'm learning to listen to my inner voice telling me to forget the fear, and go for it. That's empowering (for everyone!)

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Congratulations and Good Luck with the new job! This month has been nothing but new beginnings for me. To make a long story short, I bought a brand new car 2 weeks ago, the closing for my new house is in 3 weeks, and I start college Monday (2 years after graduating from high school). Surprisingly, college is making me nervous... I've lived on my own since high school, so buying a house was actually something I looked forward to...I hate wasting money to live somewhere that isn't mine. The car was no big deal...I already had one (and a car note), I just wanted one that wouldn't require new parts being bought every 6 weeks. But I don't know about school. It's a totally new lifestyle for me. I'm used to going to work, coming home and not worrying about anything. No studying, no homework, no final exams.... I feel older and younger at the same time, though. In some aspects I feel much older because I'm doing things in life that people my age don't generally do. I feel younger when i'm around people my age, though...I haven't been around anyone my age in almost 2 years. I moved a few hours away from my parents and friends, so meeting people my age makes me feel like i'm in high school again...minus the bills. I have had to work very hard for what i've accomplished and I feel very blessed. It was hard, but I made it and i'm going back for more...

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

'They say that change can really stress a person out, and the biggest stress causers are moving, changing jobs, death [loss] of someone close to you, traumatic breakups, and getting married.'

Well, I went through all of that in one year with the exception of getting married.

At the beginning of this year, I finally moved to California. I left behind all of my family and friends to make a new life for myself. I didn't even have a job lined up before I came, nor a place to stay. That was either ballsy or stupid, but I didn't care. I was determined to leave the midwest for good.

I can't say this year has been stress-free with everything considered, but I can say this - I'm much happier where I am, now. That's very important to me.

Change is scary. Don't let anyone tell you different. It can be uncomfortable and fearsome, but that's only the beginning. You'll learn soon enough to adapt to it and your life will be richer for it. People who stay in one "place" (talking about life in general, not a building/home) will become complacent and unwilling to deal with new things that life throws at them down the road.

Everyone goes through it.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

Once upon a time my job title was, Molecular Biological Laboratory Technician. Today it is rifleman, 2nd squad, 3rd platoon, Alpha Company, 1/509 Airborne Infantry Battalion. A "grunt." I kid you not.

Did I hate the elitism and the constant pressure of my former job, or did I leave because I wasn't producing good results? Was my decision to enlist a bold and exciting life paradigm, or was it a desperate measure to end a frustrating job search?

Probably all of the above, though I don't know to what extent.

Change change change. From a state that borders Canada to a state that touches the Gulf of Mexico. From the ivory tower of academia to the muddy foxholes of the infantry. I used to work for people with PhDs, now I work for people with GEDs.

I used to worry about southern blots and PCR reactions, now I worry about my parachute not opening and objects below me that I might land on.

I used to spend nights in the lab playing cut and paste with strands of plasmid DNA, now I spend nights in the forest patrolling, setting ambuses, or if I'm lucky, in a firefight.

I used to think that my fancy sounding degree from a semi prestigious university made me special and different. Now I know better. I can't believe I used to be such a snob.

I'm probably over romanticizing the whole thing. And former classmates, co-workers, mentors, and my parents all thought that this decision was the worst thing I could do. To them, it was a thing only losers did.

Stronger? Yes. Older? No. Richer? No. Happier?

Yes.

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

in about 2 weeks i'm moving back to seattle from austin, where i've been living for a mere 6 months. i guess i just don't like it here as much as i thought i would! this makes the 10th interstate move in 6 years. what can i say, i'm a travelling girl....

sensa

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

well......after being overweight for most of my teenaged years....having both overweight parents I had kinda come to accept the teasing, not being able to find clothes to fit and the icky ness of how I felt......but in February my mom and I decided to make a change for teh better and decided to become healthy.....so far I have lost 45 pounds and have only 5 more to hit the goal weight watchers has set for me...(15 more to hit my personal goal) I exercise daily and feel great bout myself. I now love to shop casue it feels so good to buy things in size small and medium....another big change....In 9 days I move out of my house to a town 2.5 hours away adn start university....I'm both scared and excited all at the same time....Im really not sure what to think anymore..all I know is that Im gonna miss my mom like crazy (gotta include my moommy my hero in this entry as well) My mom is my best friend we go for dinner and talk bout everything, shes the first one I go to with problems, news or just when I need a hug...I cry on her shoulder she crys on mine, we laugh togehter, drink togheter and share experiences with each other....I can't im agine not having her around whenever I need her, and god only knows how big my phone bills are going to be next year *grin* Hopefully I can survive the chagne to university without to much turmoil...I look forward to the change...as I do to every change in life..and hope that things will turn out great.

Good lukc with the new job pamie *s* best wishes

-- Anonymous, August 26, 1999

This whole summer has been one change after another. Some of 'em bad, some good, some scary. Lots of friends have been leaving the office and more are on their way out. Before this year I loved my job and it was the biggest thing in my life. Now, I'm putting my efforts elsewhere and staying mostly out of curiosity.

Plus I have a new pet... both good and scary, since this is the first life other than my own that I've been responsible for and I hope I don't screw it up. I'd make a totally neurotic father.

So to answer the question... somewhere between older and disillusioned, but also somewhere between stronger and excited.

-- Anonymous, August 27, 1999

All you people who have lost weight? I so admire you. I had to do that before my wedding and I hated it. I have the willpower of a three year old child and am lazy, so it was a struggle.

And Kristin - you got married in Las Vegas on the first date? I think you win the 'most dramatic' prize. Well done.

-- Anonymous, August 27, 1999

oh it's all about to happen! I'm moving from Boston to London (England) to go to grad school on September 2. eek. back into academia, living in a foreign land, meeting new people. whee!!

-- Anonymous, August 27, 1999

I made my new beginning in 1993 when I left my husband, taking our two children to Atlantic Canada, and not knowing then that I was pregnant for the third. I returned to university, finished my BA, then my MA and now, in 1999, with three kids, 9,8, and 5, I am starting my Ph.D. And I am single and very content.

I was terrified when everything was happening. Doubt and fear were always lurking just below the surface. I would sit on my couch at night, feeling the new life growing inside me, while I was trying to study for exams or write a paper and think, "What the hell am I doing? Who the hell am I to think that I can do this?"

I did it. And more. And my children and I are doing very well. I found the fear and doubt were okay as long as I didn't let them consumer me, stymie me.

Good Luck Pamie!

dawne http://www.geocities.com/soho/atrium/5991

-- Anonymous, August 27, 1999

I started grad school last spring, which made me feel pretty good. I'm getting married in November, and that makes me feel weird and old. In a good way, I mean, I'm happy to be getting married. I think I still have the same feeling about it I had when I was five -- "I'll get married someday, when I'm really OLD."

-- Anonymous, August 27, 1999

I've made new beginnings more than once... (well, we do have to keep trying until we get it right, don't we?)

It's easier to do when you are younger... That, of course, is merely a retrospective outlook from a position of some age... and sometimes what seemed like a new beginning at the time look more like just moving the furniture around a bit from a later perspective... but that's not to say that certain changes didn't seem major at the time. Still, it is easier to change majors or schools or cities or jobs when you are somewhere around twenty... Maybe it's just that you still have lots of room to do it all over again. And yet I must admit having had some thoughts when I was thirty about if only I had done things differently... well, eventually I just got down to it and did do things differently.

After completing my B.A. I became a high school teacher. Oh, I had other jobs and spent a good amount of time in graduate school, but during the first decade after graduation I would most often be found in front of a classroom. And then I dropped that career and got into computing... in the course of doing this, at one point I found myself so broke that I was living on a friend's living room sofa for a couple weeks while looking for a job so I could afford to continue in grad school to study programming. (I found a job as a computer operator, then found a better one, and eventually became a programmer/analyst.)

And then, four years ago, I left my job as a senior business systems analyst to take a position in software training. We left the house we had lived in for fifteen years and moved to another state.

My wife was also involved with computers. (In fact we co-authored our master's thesis.) Last year she left a senior database architect job to become a high school math teacher. She doesn't even make half of what she used to earn, but she is much happier and feels that what she is doing now counts for more.

I've just begun taking a class that will meet every Tuesday night for the next few months (*sigh* it seemed like a good idea at the time)... at the first class meeting the instructor had us complete an info sheet about our backgrounds, etc.... and she asked a question about what did we see ourselves doing professionally three years from now. I answered with a question mark... I don't know what I'll be doing three years from now. I might stay on in my present job: I enjoy it and I think I'm pretty good at it. I might move over into our R&D dept and work at developing software. I might switch companies completely (I could be lured by an appropriate system architect type position).

My point? I guess I would just tell people that it is always possible to make changes. A new beginning? Sure... go for it! And if it doesn't work? Then I guess it's time to start again.

(After all, at least those of us who live in the U.S. or Canada or Australia or New Zealand are descended from people who were willing to take the risk of moving to a new land and starting over... and, often, succeeding generations were equally ready to move and start again.)

p.s. Pamie, good luck with your new job!

-- Anonymous, August 27, 1999

Change? In a little over two weeks I'm moving to Bucharest, Romania. I've lived in England and Ireland, but never a country where English wasn't the primary language. I've certainly never lived any place that didn't have consistent running water.

And my 21-year-old cat died almost exactly two months ago.

Remember: change is inevitable...except from a vending machine.

-- Anonymous, August 27, 1999

Change.

I'm a big believer in change. I like to make major changes in my life every now and then. When I was 17, I graduated from high school, took two 2-week early session college courses and immediately afterword moved to California. I lived on the Central Coast (between L.A. and S.F.) for three years, met some of the best friends I've ever had, and then quit my job, grabbed some clothes and my computer, and moved to the bay area around San Francisco. I lived in several different places for the next 6 months, looking for a good job to stick with for a while.

After a year, I finally found the good job, found a great wife, a nice affordable apartment and settled down a bit. Then a year and two months ago, after two years and two months at my job, my wife and I quit our jobs, packed all of our belongings into a rental truck, hitched my car behind it, and moved to Michigan. We didn't know anyone here, only had enough to live on for a couple of months. We just wanted a change of scenery.

I'll probably be here for a couple of more years, and then move on again. I'm leaning toward moving further East, though I have some interest in living in Great Britain, if I can find a way to do it. I mainly like to take in the atmosphere of a place and situation for a while, and then just find a brand new world of experiences. Every time I changed everything like that, things just kept getting better. So it works for me.

Anyhow...good luck with your changes, Pamie. Sometimes they get a bit rough, but I think a change is always good for the spirit.

-- Anonymous, August 27, 1999