Do you still watch the video music awards? do you look forward to them? do you think they are accurate?

Do you agree with my predictions?

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Answers

Every year I like the VMA's a little less. Last year I think I only watched to see what outrageous thing Marilyn Manson was going to shock everyone with, and it turned out to be tame compared to the year before. Plus, his ass looked flabbier last year in that woman suit than it did when he performed The Beautiful People in a...whatever that was - a corset maybe? I am not a fan of his really, in that I have never bought any of his cd's, but he is fascinating to watch. I haven't heard that he is performing this year, so I guess that leaves me with no reason to tune in.

I never know half of the nominees anymore, partly because I am getting older and thus am less hip that I used to be, and also because I am just not into rap and R & B, which seemed to be the big theme of last year's awards if I remember correctly. I don't know Korn's stuff from Limp Bizkit's, although I can usually recognize a Kid Rock song when I hear it. Something about ho's and strippers, or was it crack dealers? Most of that stuff is just obnoxious noise to me, although if I were a teen I'm sure I would love it, since in the 80's I bought every AC/DC, Ratt, Motley Crue, Iron Maiden and Ozzy album I could get my hands on. That hardcore music today, I can't really get into it. Jeez, I really am becoming my mother.

I agree that Will Smith will win an award, only because Mtv can't possibly go one year without giving him one. Maybe he will treat us again to bringing his poor son onstage looking like a deer caught in headlights, jaw hanging open. And Madeline Kahn, er, I mean Madonna is sure to win something (Pamie, thanks for pinpointing the Madeline Kahn accent - it's the perfect description) because I can't remember a year that she didn't win something. I wonder what religion/race/nationality she will be tonight? One thing's for sure - she will blink a lot. She's a big advocate of blinking. Maybe she's secretly representing a mascara manufacturer, and they pay her big bucks to send out subliminal eyelash messages. Last year her shoes were cool enough to keep the whole event from being a total waste for me. How did she walk on those things - the heel was in the middle of the sole? I love Madonna. She is incredibly talented, and has no problem adjusting herself and her music to the times. She is always cutting edge, and smart as hell. And she could definitely kick my ass.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Well, I won't be watching them. I don't care anymore. I don't listen to the Top 40 and "Alternative" radio stations in my town and I don't watch Mtv anymore.

Back in the day, I loved Mtv. It was wonderful. I dutifuly taped music videos and watched them over and over again. I don't know. I got old. Or the music just began to suck.

As for groups like Limp Biskit and Korn or whatever, it's not like there weren't any "Bitches and Hos" groups around when I was a teen, but I mean, come on! And as for the teenage girls stupid enough to flash their breasts at these assholes, damn. Get some respect, ladies!

Don't I sound crochety! I've become my mother. Shit.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

MTV video awards: don't know and don't care.

Hey, remember when MTV used to be a channel that broadcast music videos? Seems like they almost never show them any more, just endless series of lame shows with lame hosts and/or participants and brain-dead audiences screaming and yelling for no reason. I used to like MTV and then it morphed into RapTV and now I think MTV must stand for MindlessTV... I have no idea what this Lopez chick sings (although I think I have seen her name in the newspaper?) but I followed your link to her website and I can understand why teenaged boys might like her. The pushbuttons on my car radio connect with classical/news (WGBH Boston), oldies (B101 Providence), and Alternative (but the alternative station has lost its edge)... on the rare times that I find myself listening to a Top 40 count-down show I typically hear them say "And the Number One song in the nation for the third week in a row is..." and not only have I never heard the song before, I have never heard of the artist...

However, your music award predictions were very funny... even if I don't know all of the artists (I do know Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Limp Biskit and Madonna, etc. but don't know Lopez and have only read about this Rick Martin guy, never heard him as far as I know)

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

this is a little off the topic, but, any Morphine fans with the song "french fries with pepper" stuck in their head? the song with the lines,

on 9-9-99
hope i'm sittin' on the back porch, sippin' red wine...

anybody sentimental out there planning a private tribute to mark sandman?

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

everyone needs to calm down. i'm gonna' let you in on a secret. mtv was never that good, and never will be that good. when was this golden age of mtv? was it when "dancing on the ceiling" was on? was it in the middle of "california girls"? was it while Quarterflash or the Outfiled was playing, or when Adam Curry was combing his hair. mtv always sucked. that's what was fun about it. it was like watching a traffic accident. the only difference between now and then is that our tastes dont suck as much. that means is that now we can all agree that will smiths' song makes us retch, where as we had no problem sitting through Greg Kihns' "jeopardy" or the Fat Boys' "wipe out" in the past. tonight i gonna' light a cigerette, sit back, watch all the video "stars" crash into each other and laugh my ass off. just like every other year.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

My boyfriend and I once found a tape of the first MTV video awards *ever* in this friend of ours' stash. It was really trippy...incredibly amateurish, sort of like a cross between a talent show and your high school awards ceremony. Plus, Bette Midler in an astronaut suit.

Has anybody else here seen M2? It's like MTV... only *they show videos.* Really. Amazing , I know. I watched it once for like, five hours when I was housesitting someplace with a satellite dish. It was like being twelve all over again and getting basic cable for the first time and there was that cool music channel thing I'd heard about! Whooa!

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

all i know is that the offspring and busta HAVE to win at least one thing each, and here's why: two of the streets around lincoln center were temporarily named after them. (not sure what other artists were included in this renaming, but i bet you can pretty much set your winner watch by

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

also also: the best mtv vma moment of ever, even better than prince-butt, will forever be when axl rose walked out to sing 'free fallin' with tom petty, if only because i, in all my 15-year-old glory, was really pissed when the 'surprise guest' was tom petty and then shocked, SHOCKED into thrill fitting (i was young, okay?!) when axl snaked out.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Have you guys seen the Blair Witch commercials for the VM awards? Oh man, I don't want the show to air because those commercials are so great!!!!

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

I like Korn.

Please don't throw anything at me, please.

But the "freak on a leash" video is well, it's so "spawn". These dorky dj's on the local "rock" station ACTUALLY said "who did the art work for their cd cover and that video?" ummmmm....hello? Then the other one said, "i'm not sure....let's look it up on the internet". O M G! I picked up my cell phone to call them and call them dumb asses right then, but then I got a grip and thought.....ehhhh...do I really want to waste my free minutes on them? Nope.

anyway....back to the nominees. I hope Ricky wins one 'cause I, too have that ricky kinda love for him. Not his music. Just him. If I HAD to pick between the BBS and NS...weeeeeeeeeeeell.....I'd pick 98 degrees. oh wait....they weren't nominated.

Jordan Knight? oh come now. Was that song even a "hit"? I did listen to it all the way through once. Some of those lyrics...SHEESH.

and yes.....there was a golden age of mtv. duran duran. need I say more? =)

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

me again.

way way way off the subject.......but I DO love those commercials. hysterical.

but have you seen the commericals for the scooby doo BWP parody or whatever?

omg

too funny.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Pamie, that Kravitz bit had me losing it here at work. Fortunately, that kind of behavior is expected around here...

First video I ever saw on MTV: "Cars" by Gary Neuman Then early eighties were pretty interesting: Devo, Men Without Hats "Safety Dance", mainly because it was a new medium.

After that, I don't know what happened. Now I turn to it occasionally but there never is any music on.

I'd rather have you tell me what's happening on MTV anyways, it's more interesting that way.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

I don't have cable, so I won't be watching the awards tonight, but all the MTV reminiscing (and bashing) is reminding me of my favourite music video of all time, "Take on Me" by norwegian group, A-ha.

I just adore norwegians. :)

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Oh Pamie,

You've done it again. This is reminiscent of your fine Grammies piece for Hissy Fit, which I just read recently. Truly a work of art.

One minor complaint: Lenny Kravitz IS white (thus the Kravitz), he's black also. I know you were joking, but thought I'd mention it just in case, as monoracial people seem to get this stuff all confused.

I work for a record label and people were on their way out to the VMAs as I read your predictions. Your comments were so on target, I had to stifle snickers as I sit in a cubicle, surrounded by product (posters, CDs, store displays, all kinds of cheesy stuff) for a certain boy band and teen queen you mentioned.

My favorite comment was about Britney Spears' dancing -- how do we know she's NOT been fucking for 15 years? Call me jaded, but...Also, I wouldn't count out Britney and Eminem for awards. If they're important enough for MTV to make ads for...

I don't know what's happened to me, but I'm just not into music right now and hadn't heard half of those songs and have seen only a few of the most unavoidable videos (so thanks for all the descriptions and details). This is really weird though, as I've always hung out with bands, listened to the radio religiously and distinctly remember my best friend and I begging our folks to let us watch the VMAs and stay up late when I was a teenager.

Now I find myself saying things like, "These kids today and their music," and meaning it! Ugh, where did my youth go? I'm sitting here listening to "Mexican Radio" and it feels like yesterday...what happened?!

Anyway, I'm going to hop in a cab now and see if I can get some pictures of attendees coming into the awards. What the heck?

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

I agree about the Lenny Kravitz thing. I laughed so hard, I had to drag people to read the Grammy entry and then the VMA entry together. I want a whole Squishy entry devoted to Lenny Kravitz!

I feel left out because I haven't seen a lot of the videos, though I do try to watch the MTV to see what them kids are yakkin about on that old radio. I've seen "Nookie" and "Cowboy" and some of those, but never the Korn video. And I'm REALLY upset that I haven't seen the ORBIT one. Doesn't that have Thom Yorke singing on it? DAMN THOSE MTV JACKALS! I still say Bjork's "Bachelorette" vid is the best one ever. None shall surpass.

o.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Okay, this is the quote I had to send to my boyfriend:

"Now the real impressive choreographer here is Britney's dance instructor. Someone made that girl dance like she's been fucking for fifteen years. That's a talent."

AAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Pamie you slay me, you really really do. :)

M.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Yeah, I forgot to mention the awards. It seems like the same five people are nominated for everything. I know there's more than five people making music, right? And do I have to tell you how much I hate Kid Rock? He's a waste of carbon.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

man. i never watch mtv. it's a lamer's paradise.

i don't even know ... almost all of the songs up for awards. i despise korn. and limp bizkit. and kid rock-- UGH! man, i love my rock'n'roll, but they suck my ass. it's really icky. crap, crap, crap.

oh, btw, thom yorke did vocals for u.n.k.l.e.'s "rabbit in your headlights." i haven't heard anything about him singing for orbit, afaik. and pamie, i wholly agree with you on that video. i downloaded it from the u.n.k.l.e. website when it first came out, and, damn, it's neato frito. neat song, too, imho.

okay. no more stupid acronyms for me.

-- Anonymous, September 09, 1999

Pamie, I agree with your predictions pretty much.

However, I boycotted the show, so I have no idea how you did. I could care less, as I truly believe MTV has lost its cutting edge. I mean, the awards are a joke, as are the Grammys. It's so obvious that there are politics rigging the competition for the awards themselves. So many talented people are not getting the recognition. MTV needs a huge makeover. They should start by hiring my roommate as a veejay as well. She barely missed the final cut for this year and well, the new one and Jesse (last year's winner) are both not worth a damn.

Loved the Lenny K. bit. I've been warming up to his music more, lately.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

I wasn't going to watch. I wasn't. But there wasn't anything on and I was clicking the channel changer up, and suddenly Chris Rock's face is staring at me.

"Jennifer Lopez.. now her ass should get the award. Yeah, Jeannifer's the Commodores, but her ass is Lionel Ritchie."

And what was with Diana Ross feeling up Little Kim's 'Little Kim'?

And what the hell was with that outfit in the first place?

And I find it hard to believe that over a full year of videos, only 10 or so stand out as top-notch and get nominated in every freakin' category.

Yeah, it was lame, but at least Chris Rock took pot-shots at every single artist to perform. 'Are you ready for some great lip-synching? Here'e Brittney!'

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

So, has anyone figured out Pamie's pick percentage?

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

I just want to thank you, Pamie, because now that I know who all the nominees are, I don't have to try to catch any of the show. What I like to do, ideally, is record the whole thing so I can fast-forward to the parts I want to watch. But it sounds like this one ain't got NO parts I want to watch!

I mean, I really doubt that Garbage, the Eels, or the Bare Naked Ladies were performing. Am I right? Was anyone along those lines even presenting? Well, I'll turn on MTV from time to time and catch glimpses of it, I'm sure.

But it's just nice to know I won't be missing anything by missing it.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

I just wanted to thank Maura for Clearing up the whole street named Busta and stuff. the other day I was in a cab on my way uptown for dinner and I saw Madonna Way and I was like "huh does she live over here, and when she was just starting she lived in the east Village what's up with that" now I know

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

Whoops, that's what I meant, U.N.K.L.E., not orbit -- okay, yeah, I'd heard Thom Yorke was doing vocals for that and it did sound like him when I heard the song (for like three seconds!) on the awards...

Did anyone feel like it just had really shoody production values? I mean things just didn't gel and there were moments where there were awkward pauses and... the best moment was when Steven Tyler and Joe whatsisname from Aerosmith burst through the door and for whatever reason, Joe can't get past Steven and they have to do this little "oh, no, you go first," movement, and THEN they can look like badasses striding up the aisle. It was like something out of a high school production of Godspell.

And what was up with Wyclef? I love his music, but damn that man is annoying. "Buy my single! NEXT WEEK! Bono 'n me! Look, I got a litle white girl with me! She digs my stuff!" It was almost as bad as all the "Chronic 2001" plugging. Somebody needed to lay the smack down on Enimen. or enema or M&M, or whatever the hell his name is.
no wonder Lauryn gave him the boot. U go L-Boogie! Clef needs ta be a "Lost One."

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

Yeah, I guess I should watch my Lenny Kravitz jokes. I knew he was half-white and all, but I always laugh when I see who they compare him to in certain categories. He never fits in the demographic that they stick him in and then he doesn't win.

How funny was Chris Rock's lip-synching comment, anyway? That's about all I caught this morning on my way to work. MTV was showing clips and that part cracked me up.

I told you Marilyn would win for the one category he was nominated for. Did he do anything to make MTV proud? I heard these were pretty tame in comparison to past MTV awards shows (cursing and flashing and such).

Oh, and I'm with you on that Axl Rose thing from back in the day. I blush thinking about how I was pissed off that the special guest was Tom Petty singing "Freefalling," but I remember seeing Axl come out to sing the chorus and I actually shouted, "IT'S AXL! IT'S AXL!" like I had won the freakin' Lotto. So sad.

But just didn't want you to think you were alone in Axl worship.

-- Anonymous, September 10, 1999

I didn't see the whole awards, but I have some comments/ questions about those involved:

Ricky Martin looked like a bloated impersonator of himself who hadn't shaved anywhere in a couple of weeks, (Gratituous chest hair display without display of a chest. Blecch!) and sounded like a BAD impersonator of himself.

Why didn't anyone take the opportunity to do the world of music a favor and throw a shrapnel grenade on stage when Brittney Spears and N'Sync were up there?

The same for Fatboy Slim's Dancers.

And for the Backstreet Boys. (If you REALLY want everything "that way", here's a list of options for your death...)

Why isn't there a "Best Ass in a Video" category? You've got Ricky Martin, Jennifer Lopez, etc...

What happened to the rest of Lil' Kim's outfit?

Prince (or whatever you are now), if you don't get help at Charter, please get help somewhere else...

How exactly does Chris Rock know that Tommy Lee's got "17 inches in front of him"? (Or do I want to know? And, yes I know about the whole video thing, but did he triangulate that measurement or something?)

Now I remember why I preferred Diana Ross when she was with the Supremes...

Can the awards be any more rigged?

-- Anonymous, September 11, 1999

Did you hear that loud slurping sound on Thursday?

That was me getting sucked in again. I wasn't going to watch at all. Then I told myself I would just catch the very beginning, and then............oh who am I kidding I watch every year.

I guess I am not as jaded as most people when it comes to MTV. I don't remember when it was ever really cool. Or maybe I just don't take it that seriously.

I don't watch MTV that often. But I do watch the VMA's. And I'm glad I do. I may not have an interest in what is popular now, but I like catching RUN DMC and Aerosmith with Kid Rock. I loved it that Snoop and Dre performed Nothin' but a G thing. I liked Bruce with the Wallflowers, and Sting with Puffy. Oh yeah and how could you not like Neil Young with Pearl Jam? See it's those damn surprise guests that catch me everytime.

I don't think that MTV has changed all that much, I just think that we all aren't still fifteen years old.

And anyway, I would have watched it this year just to see the freaking Puerto Rican Adonis, my baby, Ricky. So he may be gone tomorrow. I don't care. My god he was barefoot. Yum. And man can he shake that ass.

-- Anonymous, September 12, 1999

Oh, Ricky Martin.

Oh, Ricky.

Eh, he blows goats.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 1999

I can't believe none of you mentioned to me that guy who sabotaged the Backstreet Boys winning Viewer's Choice! What exactly did he say? I couldn't make out all of it.

I loved how Eminem got exactly thirty seconds of fame before Dr. Dre and Snoop just cold-kicked his ass to the curb to do a "real" song.

And how depressing was that video of the kid from Kid Rock where he was cursing and flipping off the camera while all of the "grown-ups" encourage him and laugh? It seemed like a tape for Child Protective services to me.

That last sentence is funnier if you say it like you're Edie McClurg.

-- Anonymous, September 13, 1999

Yeah, I didn't watch the awards on Thursday, but I did catch some of the replays over the weekend. They, like most aspects of pop culture, make me weep and laugh at the same time. Normally I'm the one yelling at the TV, but over waffles on Sunday my girlfriend made the following observations: "What the hell did Kid Rock ever do? So he can shout his name, big deal. Oh God, somebody make him put his shirt on! Now skinny pastey doughey white boys are going to think it's okay to walk around like that" (cue a raised eyebrow from me) "Hey, if assholes like that can say that fat women shouldn't leave the house, I can say that I don't want to see this no-talent topless"-- can you see why I like her so much? Now we see the Backstreet Boys "performance"- "THEY ARE SOOO GAY! Their name is the BACKSTREET BOYS and they are wearing black leather, people! What is that?! What the fuck is that?! A mid-drift?! This is beyond gay! Oh no, not corn-rows, too! AHHHHHH! Lookathisvestlookatitlookatthatsupergayvest!" Some day, I'm a' gonna' marry that girl.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999