Is there something unique about the city that you live in that casual observers wouldn't understand?

Is there something about your city that you hate, or you love?

Tell us the rules of your city.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Answers

Most people that I have met that are not from Tulsa after hearing me describe my fair city, tell me that I should work for the chamber of commerce.

What a great town. It's big enough that everything that you could possibly want is here, yet it's not so big that people are rude and obnoxious.

Yes. This is one of those cities where people say hi to each other walking down the street even though they don't know each other. This is a place where people open doors for each other at the convenience store. A place where pregnant women get assistance in the grocery store parking lot from perfect strangers.

Utopia? Perhaps! The great thing about Tulsa is the culture here. It is the most laid back place you could ever imagine! No one cooks dinner here. Everyone eats out. We have more restaurants than you could possibly imagine. More importantly. We don't have clique's here per se. For example, there's a bar and grill here where doctors, attorney's and bikers all sit together and share beer and bike stories every weekend, it's call The Blue Rose Cafe. It's the weirdest combination of Rolex's and spiked leather arm bands you've ever seen. If you're ever in Tulsa, stop by and have the Marinated Chicken Sandwich. I give you my word that it's the best chicken sandwich you will ever eat!

I could go on and on, but I will close with this.

Tulsa is A Slut backwards!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Okay, Rhode Island would make an interesting contrast with Texas... (Yes, I know, you've got ranches in Texas that are bigger than R.I.)

When Rhode Islanders want a drink of water while in a school or other public building they don't go to a water fountain or a drinking fountain... they go to a bubbler (pronounced "bub-lah" with the accent on the "bub")

When Rhode Islanders want to eat one of those sandwiches built on a long roll they don't order a sub or a hero or a hoagie... they order a grinder (pronounced, of course, "grind-ah")

When a Rhode Islander orders a "cabinet" they are not in a kitchen supply shop, they are in an ice cream parlor because a cabinet is sort of a milk shake. (Unless they are in a Newport Creamery restaurant, in which case they would order something called an "Awful Awful")

And in their cars... do you know what they call that little stalk sticking out from the side of their steering wheel shaft? "Turn signal?" you guess... Well, actually, they don't call it anything because they have yet to figure out what it is for...

Rhode Island is a state where kids can get coffee milk with lunch in the school cafeteria.

Rhode Island probably does not have the most corrupt governments in the country; it just seems that way because it is such a small state that everyone knows what is going on.

Rhode Island is a state where a state senator recently retired from state service with a pension based on eighty years of service (he was in his early fifties). Rhode Island is a state with a former governor serving time in the state prison. Rhode Island is a state that loves low-numbered license plates. People bequeath them in their wills, they steal them, they file lawsuits over them. There are almost a dozen number "1" plates because they multiplied them by reusing the number on different kinds of plates: passenger car, commercial, farm, truck, bus, municipal vehicle, state vehicle, etc. The state legislature recently passed overwhelmingly (only one negative vote) a special law giving legislators special free license plates for life.

People in Rhode Island believe that a trip of more than twenty miles is such a long journey they need to pack a lunch. People who live on Aquidneck Island (Newport) believe there is no need to travel to the mainland. People who live on Jamestown island believe mainlanders should not be allowed on their island. People who live on Block Island speak of "going to America" when they make a trip to the mainland.

Rhode Island is very beautiful.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Good Lord, Pamie, you made me all homesick, just when I thought I was adjusting to New York City. The folks here just don't understand what it's like knowing your state's charter says it can secede if it deems it necessary, or split into five separate states. They can't fathom why I would openly root for the Dallas Cowboys. Their idea of spicy is milder than that hot sauce with the green jar lid.

Most of all, they don't have real barbecue.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Well, Murfreesboro, Tenn. is (and I'm not making this up) the center of the universe. Middle Tennessee State University attracts a lot of freaks to its Aerospace and Recording Industry programs.

Several years back (sometime in the mid 70s, I'm told) Murfreesboro attracted a cult of religious iconoclasts. They went into a store on the corner of Main Street and Tennessee Blvd. called Davis Market.

They declared Davis Market the center of the universe and set up camp outside to await what the Vikings called Ragnarok.

Legend has it that anyone who enters Davis Market is doomed to return to Murfreesboro no matter how far astray they travel. I've seen evidence of people coming back to roost after extended periods away from God's country. To a man (or woman) they all blame Davis Market and the curse at the center of the universe.

Murfreesboro also has the largest wooden bucket ever built. It's on display at a faux pioneer villiage constructed for the Tennesee centenial celebration.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Interesting. At first, I thought Pamie could be describing San Francisco, what with the pig's head buying (just visit Chinatown) and the extreme temperature changes. We get one day of heat, one day of cold here all the time! I thought we were the only ones!

But then she went into the huge belt buckles and the butchering of the Spanish language and I knew my case was lost.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Oh, we have huge belt buckles and menudo (as opposed to Menudo) and women with hot pink nail polish in my home town, about 40 miles north of Sacramento, California. A little ways up the mountains, there are plenty of folks who'd like to secede -- one town called Rough and Ready (that's really its name; I wouldn't make up something like that) aleady has.

I think California is just a microcosm of the rest of the world. If you've got it in your state or city or country, we have a least a small example of it here. We're like a giant Epcot Center.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

I grew up in Wisconsin.

Yah der ey, I aaate der beer brats, ey, and drank from der bubblers. Yah I bin known t'talk kinder funny, der ey, wid der long vowel sounds which are makin' my "a"s sound like der tornado sirens, ey. Once at work, I was talkin' aboot der "laaag" and der co-worker, ey, got very confused an' couldn't understaaaaand why I would be tellin' him aboot my leg, ey. My "beg" an' my "baaag" an' my "big" are also apaaarently der saaame word, ey.

And speaking of der tornaaaado sirens! Der ain't nothin' like der sky when it's turnin' dat pea-green color, ey, and der aaaain't nuttin you can do, ey, except fir gittin into der baaaaasement,ey, and turnin on der raaaadio, only der raaadio is always tuned into der Packer Staaaation, ey, and it taaaakes you a minnut to find der weather.

Yah der, dem Packers, der ey! Come fall, it be like anudder *country*, ey, up nord der with all der green and der gold. Didja know, der ey, dat Brett Favre got hurt in Sunday's gaaaame, ey, but he kept on plaaaayin', he did, ey, because he's a PACKER, ey, and dat's what dem boys do. Dey even won der gaaame, ey (thanks to my dad for filling me in on the fascinating details of Mr. Favre's injuries when I called to say hi yesterday). Fancy dat. Brings a tear to my eye, dem Packers. Like when my boss in college build dat purty sign maaaade outta plywood (Home Depot) wid "GO PACKERS" in der purty flashy blinking Christmas lights, ey. He left it in der computer lab fir us all day, ey. He had a green and gold car, too, ey.

And I don't like all these insinuaaaations dat all we Wisconsinites tip der cows all der time. I never tipped a cow, ey. But I saw dem cows all der time, I did, ey.

So now I living in der San Francisco area, ey, and dat be nice too. Even doe no one eats der beer brats, ey, or wears der Green an' Gold, ey, and no one knows what I'm talking aboot when I ask fir der bubbler, ey.

Tragic.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Let me tell you about my two cities.

The first one was Zanesville, Ohio. It's the home of Zane Grey (he wrote westerns, dammit, and you should know that!), and the home of the World-Famous Y-Bridge. This is a bridge in the shape of a Y. I know it's world-famous because it says so on the sign. "World Famous Y Bridge". We have postcards in Zanesville that show the bridge, and they say "Go to the middle of the bridge and take a left". A lot of people think this is really funny.

My second city was Chicago, Illinois. Nobody understands Chicago unless they've lived there. Skyscrapers and hot dogs and deep dish pizza and LOTS of people speaking foreign languages, but somehow it's all OK, and museums and gay bars and ... everybody should live there at least once, I'm serious. Ask any Chicagoan; they'll tell you that they live at the center of the universe. Everybody there loves the Bulls, everybody talks like the Superfans on SNL (I started to, but escaped just in time), and everybody walks really really fast.

Now I'm in Seattle, but I haven't been here long enough to notice what's interesting or unusual. I mean, I have, but I'm new so everything is interesting and unusual. Ask me in a year.

Jan

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

boston. that's all i have to say. we don't pronounce r's, but we add them to words the don't have them. ex.: car=cah, idea=idear. hmmm. bostonians know what turns signals are, they just don't bother with them. if you can drive in boston, you can drive anywhere, i kid you not. we all hate people from new hampshire or maine that venture into the city because not only do they have no clue as to how to get around all the detours imposed on us from The Big Dig (yes, it's called that-we even have an ice cream from brigham's called the big dig--vanilla with caramel swirls, chocolate chips and little bits of fudge brownie--an anorexic's nightmare) but they also go much too slow and have no conception how to switch lanes, pass someone, etc. we have towns called worcester and haverhill. they are pronounced wuhstah and have-rull. honest to god. now i go to school in upstate new york, where we have many a cow and people who say: i didn't get no sleep last night. there is also an obession with salad dressing at my school. we put it on everything but, well, salad. pizza dipped in bleu cheese (or ranch, but i recommend the bleu cheese, personally, it's heaven), chicken fingers, french fries, cheeseburgers: they all get ranch dressing. anything you can think of gets dressing. there's also the concept of "townies" versus uni students. we don't mix. the townies think we are all rich, spoiled brats (which at my school, for the most part, the kids are all rich, spoiled brats) and i actually heard a student here say that they didn't think townies should have the right to vote, because they are supposedly so backwoods.

yay hometowns!

p.s. GO BRUINS!!!!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

How do you know you live in Sitka, Alaska? Well....

*For you--daylight savings is too little, too late. *There are four seasons? *You allot 30 minutes in the morning to defrost your car. *You don't call them snowtires, you just call them tires. *You have called an 800 number you found in a catalog, and then were told, "Alaska? Oh, we don't ship to foreign countries." *You have learned to never say to your kids, "Be home by dark!" *You can remember the time if you had only one drink in each bar, it would take a week to walk 2 blocks on 4th Ave. in Anchorage. *You have more recipes on how to cook salmon than you have salmon. *You know the Naknek twitch is an illegal fishing technique, not a spasmodic muscle in your neck. *You run to the store for "a couple of items" and come back with a 6-pack of pop and 50 lbs of dry dog food.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

For God's sake, when you stand on the escalator to the Metro, stand on the RIGHT NOT THE LEFT!! I CAN'T stress this enough, people!

Otherwise, have a nice time in Washington DC.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Oh, man, pamie, did you ever sum it up!

I think some of those things are indiginous to Austin, though. In Dallas, unless you were at Fiesta, you probably wouldn't see someone buying a pig's head. However, we are (allegedly) getting a few HEB stores here soon, and I can't wait. (For such a big city, our grocery stores SUCK. HEB ROCKS!)

"Fixin' to" is my favorite expression -- and the one I try never to say around "foreigners"! (But did you ever hear someone say "finna" for "fixin' to"? "I'm finna go to the sto'." Truly bizarre.)

I ate in Man-Chack the last time I was in town.

Texas really is like a whole 'nother country, because we're not a part of the South, especially the Deep South, and we're not part of the West. Oh, yeah, if you live in Amarillo or something, yeah, that might be considered part of the West, as could Longview be considered almost Deep South. But Texas (and Oklahoma to some extent, but please don't tell any other Native Texans I included them!) really is unique. We have our own atmosphere. Literally and figuratively.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

as a girl who has lived in this growing rapidly suburb of dc, i know all about our nation's capital. such as, what smeltz said, right, right, right. it holds true for any other place you may walk. going to the mall? stay on the right, dont slow us people who know where we're going down. and for, christ sake! speed up dammit!! i need hose, i have to be to work in ten minutes, move or ill move you. and i dont even live in the distric. i also know that if you go to the lovely and fabulous "air and space museum" every weekend as a kid, you get a b/f who wants to go, he'e out of the picture in seconds flat. i mean, dont get me wrong, they're great and all... once! ahh.. but back to where i live, im in northern va, and live very close to quanitco usmc base. its like ten minutes from my house. so the mall is filled on friday night with abercrombie and fitch high school girls and boys and marines. please, its the biggest showing of big hair, big belt buckles and those people i hated in high school you'll ever see. sure, the marines arent too bad, but they're all either pfc's or nco's, blick! not so great after about i dunno, two minutes? anyway, i think that sums up how lovely, beautiful and completly predictable my hometown is.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Having once lived in Murfreesboro, I can confirm what Mike says about it bing the center of the universe. It just is. Now I live in Athens, where I am literally expected to worship Michael Stipe and REM (in that order). As in other collge towns, there is great pressure to declare whether I am a "townie" or "a student". The two seem to be mutaully exclusive in the context of the local scene. Neither group takes each other seriously and both claim they are more entitled to take up space downtown at 2 am. I belong to both groups, which seems to confuse people. It also seems to disqualify me for true acceptance in either. I'm okay with that.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Carolyn, you must be from "up nort'" in Wisconsin, you don't hear a lot of "ya der hey" in Madison.

A bumper sticker I saw recently - "Madison: A nice place to visit, now go home!" Exactly! We really do love visitors, but please, remember that most of the streets downtown are one way. Pay attention, don't kill the residents!

Perfect time to Christmas shop is during a Packer game, the streets are deserted. Of course, that means you have to miss the game, which I would never do. Thankfully, most major department stores have TVs sets broadcasting the game, so if you really need to go out, you can still see Favre...who is a God.

Planning to buy a house in Madison? Converted chicken coops start at around $100,000. What do you expect of a city voted #1 Best Place to Live in 1996 and 1998 by Money magazine.

Oh, and we're the home of The Onion.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Please.....I seriously invite you all to come visit New Jersey! Take a ride in an Iroq!!! with a big haired girl with blue eyeshadow!!! Hot pink LIPSTICK Pamie, better than the polish!, nails 2 feet long, gum snappin, stretchpants wearin, Metallica T-shirt sportin, all around "joisey" girl, okay? Doesn't that sound like fun, fun, fun??? Well, okay, so it's not that bad. We have a lot of different ethnicities here, different regions for different cultures.

You'll find a neighborhood in Jersey of any and every single kind of person in the entire world you'd ever thought of. You'll find almost every dialect imagineable. Farmlands and country? With hillbilly talkin straw chewers? We got alla dat. Ritzy stuck up arrogant rich people in million dollar homes with kids looking like Abercrombie and Fith ads. Hey, got that too. Ghetto lookin bums talking like gangsters thinking they're down in Compton??? yup, sure got em.

Come one, Come all!!!! WE"VE GOT IT ALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Member now, this is Joisey

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Hey, Chicken Grrl -- I was right with you (being in Dallas and all) until you tried to lump Oklahoma in as part of Texas.

Sheee-yit!

Do you know why Texas doesn't just float off into the Gulf of Mexico?

'Cause Oklahoma sucks.

(Hook 'em, horns!)

Pooks

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Well Pamie, I grew up in the Dallas/Ft. Worth metroplex. I was born in a little town called Richland Hills where my grandfather is the mayor. I lived all over North and East Texas (Arlington, Euless, Hurst, Dallas, Longview) and I can confirm that Texas is just about the most different place you could ever be. When I was a junior in high school (good ole Sam Houston in South Arlington)we moved to Sacramento, CA. On my first day, I saw a girl wearing the shortest shorts I had ever seen before. Her butt was hanging out and I just about died. See, in Texas, we could only wear shorts that came down to our knees, and here this girl has her butt hanging out of hers. I was shocked. It took me over a year before I would even wear shorts (of any kind) to school.

Now I live down in Martinez, CA. We are across the bay from San Francisco. Very calm here, no weirdos and no pink nail polish. At least I haven't seen any yet. Give it time.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

***I so agree with Beth, you can find a part of every state in California, that is so true*****

I lived in Texas for a year. I liked it OK, except for that damn TEXAS PRIDE. "Don't mess with Texas"! "Everything is bigger and better in Texas" etc, etc, etc. People always asked me how I could have lived in California for so long, like I had found the promised land or something. Maybe I would have understood had I lived in San Antonio or Austin or even San Marcos(which I loved) but I lived in Houston, and I can guarantee you it definately was not my promised land. My hometown is located between Fresno and Los Angeles, California. It has been called the "Armpit of America". It is flat, hot, and covered in oil rigs. Definately not attractive to the eye. It is also now somewhat famous (infamous?) in that it is home to BUCK OWEN'S CRYSTAL PALACE (pseudo hard rock cafe for country music lovers) and good ol' BUCK even paid to have a freeway exit named after him. He really loves the city. He wrote a song about it.

GO BUCK!!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!

But I love my hometown. I love the old fashioned ice cream shop that has been there for 100 years and makes the best ice cream. I love the bar in the old hotel downtown where you can get Absolute martinis for $2. I love that on the night before Thanksgiving (Thanksgiving Eve?) it is an unspoken tradition that almost everyone you knew growing up will show up at the same Basque restaurant to eat and drink 7/7s. I miss home.

I now live in the SOUTH. Well I kind of think I live on the east coast, but IT IS STILL THE SOUTH! And don't you confuse that people!!! And by the way Lee surrendered, most of these people did not. Or so the many key chains/license plates/etc. say.

It is so beautiful where we live, plush and green and well of course it is, THIS IS GOD'S COUNTRY Y'ALL. But I don't really understand the people here. I don't understand how there is a church on every corner (in my husbands immediate family alone there are four ministers), and yet so much hate inside these church going people. I promise you I am not stereotyping the South. Today I passed a billboard for a local baptist church. It read "DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE!" I just don't understand.

I just miss my California, and my grandma's menudo, even if I do only eat the hominy.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

I have to agree with you Pamie about TX being as diff-ernt as it gets. Dallas likes to pretend sometimes that it's the anti-Texas. Like people are going to come to Dallas and look around and say "Ooo, Tiffany's, ooo Neiman's - am I in New York?" and then they'll see some guy walk by in an Armani suit with cowboy boots, looking like he just woke up from his nap in the tanning bed, strolling down Commerce with a fur-coat-wearing blond sociallite on his arm. Then they'll remember that this is Texas, actually, and Dallas is just trying to fool them into forgetting that this is, after all, where JR got shot.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Oaktown, baby, y'all gotta come kickit in oaktown. Like SF, but 10 degrees warmer and without the fog. Yeahhhh!

I grew up and learned to drive a cah in Bahstann, and i'd like to point out the difference between Boston drivers and California drivers:

In Boston, when somebody nearly runs you off the road, at least it's on purpose, and you can be prepared by the useful assumption that everybody's trying to kill you.

In California, when somebody nearly runs you off the road, it's because they had no idea that you were there.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Pamie, you have opened up a door for an excellent "written tour" that we can all take around the world via each others descriptions on the place they call home. I wasn't going to be able to afford a vacation this year, so thanks for providing a virtual one!

First, let me say before anyone decides to yell at me, that I use the term Black instead of African American because I am lazy. I am not trying to offend anyone, and in return I don't require anyone to call me American American. White will do just fine. You are also not required to call me a heterosexual, and if you call me a chick instead of a woman, that's okay too. I am pretty laid back, and I guess my point to this whole, too-long-as-usual post is that I wish Atlanta was a little more laid back where it needs to be. Living here for over 20 years I have been exposed to a lot of sides of the city, and although there are plenty of highlights, there is a lot of tension as well.

Atlanta - where racism and prejudice is still alive and well and ugly. Atlanta is supposed to be this great melting pot, but melting pot implies that the races and nationalities blend in harmony, and unfortunately that's just not the case here. I have family members born and raised in GA that are so prejudiced that I am constantly getting into yelling arguments and storming out in frustration because they are just too stubborn and set in their ways to open their minds a little bit. Mixed-race couples are still stared at in public, usually by filthy, toothless, obese people who think they're better than the polite, educated, well groomed couple they are looking at. I have been treated horribly by female black co-workers and told to my face that it's because I am white. They were not interested in whether or not I had a good personality, and had no problem telling me so. Gay couples still receive dirty looks and harassing comments. I have been made terribly uncomfortable by groups of Hispanic males staring at me (and any other females in the vicinity) while hooting catcalls in Spanish, only to be told later by someone who employs Hispanic construction crews that the general impression of white women to the Hispanics not educated otherwise, is that white women are whores who will have sex with anyone. I really doubt that's true, but if it is, how alarming! I was once turned down for a job because I was white, and they needed a black person for the department I applied to. Hispanics and Blacks don't seem to get along well together. Hispanics and Asians don't seem to get along well together. Blacks and Asians don't seem to get along well together. Blacks and whites have a history of not getting along well together. Why can't we all just play nice? Of course, there are exceptions to all of the comments I just made, I am only speaking generally.

The crime in Atlanta is phenomenal. I don't know anyone who has not been robbed somewhere - their car, their home, their office or in person. There are so many murders in GA that we must be close to ranking up there with New York, statistic-wise. And we have moronic criminals. Ever watch those "Most Dangerous Police Chases" and "Most Idiotic Drunk Asshole" shows? Next time, keep track of how many of them took place in GA. It's a lot, I promise.

But I'm not saying Atlanta is all bad. Houses are somewhat affordable and the market is great right now. Anyone who wants a job can have one. The unemployment rate is something like less than 1%, last I heard. If there weren't so many lazy people, then it would be at zero, because the wealth of opportunity here is amazing. Of course, the down side to that wealth is that people continue to move here from out of state in droves. I used to be a "the more the merrier" type of person, but now that I am stuck in traffic for 3 hours every day commuting to and from work, I sort of wish people would stop coming. No one in Atlanta uses turn signals either (we call 'em blinkers). In the land of Southern Hospitality, the greeting you are most likely to see on the road is someone flipping off someone else.

There's a barbeque restaurant whose biggest seller is their Fried Dill Pickles. A soul food restaurant nearby advertises their Fish Tacos. You can rent movies at the convenience store down the road from my house, but if you are hoping to see anything newer than 1997, go to Blockbuster instead. The farther South you go, the earlier everything closes. There is a Waffle House restaurant at every exit off the highway, and there are TWO on the busier exits. Breakfast is called breakfast, but lunch is called dinner, and dinner is called supper. Or is lunch supper? I was very confused by this as a child, and apparently I still am. Redneck men ("redneck" is not an insult in GA. I have friends who actually refer to themselves as rednecks) are proud of the fact that they kill squirrels and rabbits and deer. They think sitting up in a tree stand in the middle of the night freezing their asses off, drinking beer and waiting for some innocent creature to happen by so they can brutally kill it, is the the finest form of entertainment around. They also like to be called Good Ol' Boys, and you can sometimes hear them exchange the greeting, "How's your mama now?"

There is a community called Buckhead that houses a triangle block of bars of every type imagineable. A Reggae bar next to a Piano Bar, a Karioke joint next to a Techno club. This is what Atlanta calls eclectic, and Buckhead has all the ingredients of being a melting pot, but really you will mostly just see twenty-something preppies and college kids running around there on the weekends. People who live in the Buckhead area usually have BMW's, huge egos, tiny cell phones, manicured fingernails, lots of jewelry, suntans year round, and are very obnoxious and often promiscuous, when drunk.

Until this past weekend, the average high temperature has been in the mid 90's. It has rained about twice in 2 months. We have been on a water ban most of the summer. Spring usually lasts about 15 minutes. There are these things called wood roaches that are like cockroaches, only HUMONGOUS and black and shiny. They are horrible. The dirt here isn't dirt, it is "red clay", and it does not come out of carpet, socks, jeans, or anything else. If you want to grow something in your clay yard, you should go ahead and dig up the clay and fill the hole with potting soil, otherwise you are just killing a plant. When the leaves change color in the Fall, it is a breathtaking sight. Everywhere you go in the summer and Fall you see signs that say Go Braves! There are billboards throughout the city advertising vasectomies and paternity testing. WWF is pretty big around here. The Macarena, the Electric Slide and the Chicken Dance are still favorites at wedding receptions. Hot pink nail polish can usually be found on fake fingernails so long it's a wonder women don't put their eye out when applying their false eyelashes. If you go to the right block downtown you can see men with hot pink fingernails and fake lashes.

The most diverse grouping of people has to be in Little Five Points, and this remains one of my favorite places to visit because you will see some of the most colorful, rebellious, earthy, rich, poor, happy, angst-ridden people there. There's a store full of crystals, incense and New Age music a few shops down from The Junkman's Daughter, which sells novelties, faux leather clothes, feather boas, platform shoes, tasteless t-shirts and greeting cards, and there's a head shop in the back posted that none of the pipes and bongs are for use with marijuana, and anyone referring to drugs will be removed from the store. Wax 'N Facts is a record store packed with old albums in boxes that you can flip through all day if you don't mind standing on a cement floor for that long. Anything that is impossible to find you can find there, and the smell of old vinyl is divine. Little Five Points is generally full of a younger, very hip crowd. You will see lots of piercings and tattoes, and outfits that gypsies wouldn't even be able to come up with. And yet, you can go there in khakies (sp?) and a denim shirt and no one will look at you like you don't belong there. Everyone belongs there. The place is full of people who look like freaks on purpose, and although some might feel intimidated by that, these are some of the nicest people on the planet. If you ever find yourself there, be sure to hit The Bridgetown Grill for some Jerk Chicken, Black Bean soup and Yukka fries. It's the best!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

But Jan... Zane Grey had two home towns also... he was born in Zanesville (was he and the town named after the same person or something??) but he went to dental school in Pennsylvania and ended up living in Lackawaxen, PA (now is that a name or what?) in the upper Delaware River valley. Hmmm, grow up in Ohio, become a dentist in rural Pennsylvania, just the thing to make you turn in to a writer of Westerns!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Everything she said about Sitka is true, although I've never been there. But let me tell you about Valdez and Anchorage.

Plenty of time to sleep in the winter. In the summer, you're up for 20 hours a day. Use the light, people! The short and intense growing season produces the biggest cabbage you've ever seen. There is an annual spring contest betting on when the ice will break on the Nenana River. We just got a Gap in Anchorage less than a year ago. Every winter there are sled-dog races down the main street in town. Valdez has always been rich, first it was gold and then oil, and soon it will be tourism. Everyone is glad to see them all leave, and much ridicule is heaped on those who go south for the winter. Everything "down south" is referred to as Outside. In Seattle, they shut down the city for two inches of snow. In my entire school career in alaska, I can remember two snow days. Even in Valdez, which holds the record for highest snowfall in the country. Never say "snowmobile" to an alaskan. It's a snowmachine. The state ferry is affectionatly called the Blue Canoe. Our state song was written by a ten year old. Officially, the state bird is the Willow Ptarmigan, but everyone knows it should be the mosquito. Spring is not called "spring," it's called Break-Up and only lasts a week. I've seen piles of snow, in areas where they dump it from plowing the streets, that is unmelted at the end of May. Earthquakes are a way of life, with the casual attitudes not usually seen outside of LA.

But before I ramble on for ten pages, let me say that I never took a dog-sled to school, every house I've lived in had plumbing (not an outhouse), and I've never even see a real igloo.

Don't move there. Please. My fellow Alaskans will never forgive me.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

A class I took examined how and why different media campaigns worked in different places. One of my favorite examples pretty much summed up the difference between two places I've lived -- England and Texas. The campaign: Anti-Litter. The slogans: (Texas) "Don't mess with Texas". (England) "Keep Britain tidy".

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Andy. What is real barbeque in Texas? Seriously, I am curious. Being new to the south I get corrected when I say we are going to "BBQ" some hamburgers. That is not "BBQ" is it? I have found that in North Carolina "BBQ" is pig. And this is also known as a "pig pickin'". When we are cooking hamburgers or chicken or anything other than pig, we are having a "cook out". Even if we put BBQ sauce on it.

Where I am from if you are cooking a whole pig, it has an apple in its mouth and people are doing the hula.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Pooks,

Of course you realize dem is fightin' words!

At least Oklahoma has the assistance of Arkansas, Louisiana, and New Mexico in keeping the suction going as to not let our great lone start neighbor to the south indeed slip off into the ocean.

However, do you know why MEXICO and SOUTH FREAKIN' AMERICA don't fall off into the ocean?????????? You guessed it! The big ass state o' Texas!

Todd

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Carolyn! Muffett! My sisters. I live in Racine (I have all of my 30 years). You wanna see weather change? Come up here baby! You do not know if tomorrow will be in the 90's or in the 40's, even the weather people don't know with their "super doppler radar". Over in the middle of the state they have tornadoes and all but nothing major happens here (what's 40" of snow overnight? Nothing to us!) We have everything here too. The lower part of the state you gotcher big city life and up nor't you gotcher forests and hills and peace and quite. But please, please if you have an out of state plate drive according to our rules. Our speed limit signs are just a suggestion, ok? Anyway, come and visit just don't stay too long.

Koooooooooooooooooooooooooooonce! Kooooooooooooooooooooonce!

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

In Seattle:

• no jaywalking! we stand on the corner until the light changes.
• there really are espresso stands everywhere
• weather forcasts include the term "sunbreaks"

I do like it here; lots of good neighborhoods.

Anita of Anita's Book of Days

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

Well since I do live up the road from you in a lil lake town, our rules are a tad different from you city folk in Austin proper. We have signs that say No shirts, No shoes, No sweat. We take our animals into the local dives (restaurants and bars) cuz we can, and aint no buddy gonna fuck with us fer it.

We have signs posted on our road that says  Slow down see our Dam, Speed up see our Damn Judge. If you are a local when the cops pull you over, they let you go with a warning and a lecture on how we are setting a bad example for the tourists. If you get smashed (shit faced) at the local dive a cop will follow you home just to make sure you got in the house all right.

It is a prerequisite for anyone up here not to have all of their teeth, hell I lost a tooth on the river, I think that is the only reason I was considered a local after the first 10 years. We do have a uniform though, the fewer amount of clothing the better, and never do we wear shoes... it is not kosher.

I suppose this is why I moved out of Austin proper and into the Hill Country...close enough to visit but far enough to not get hassled.

Yes it is different in Texas,,, as different as night and day just 30 miles down the road a spell.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

It's true, you know: once a Texan, always a Texan. I was born in El Paso and went to high school in Dallas. My dad still has a hoarde of those huge, shiny belt buckles... as does my mother. Their bolos have gotten lost over the years, but they're still devoted collectors of cowboy boots and hats. You know the hats I'm talking about - the 10 gallon hats that make international customs officials stare in wonder before venturing, "Hey... you're from Texas, aren't you?"

And "y'all." Let me tell you. One small, comfortable word and the rest of the country (outside of Louisiana and the other southern states) takes much glee in envisioning hick-dom in all its uncouth, illiterate, cow-tipping glory. After two years in New York, I decided that it all stems from envy. Compare "you's guys" or "y'mOHrawns" with the tongue-pleasing "y'all." Who's heckling now? That's right, I am. I'm from Texas, you punks.

And right now, I'm from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. This is where people take pride in calling themselves "coon-asses" and eating nutria [a Rodent of Unusual Size]. During the insanity that is FOOTball season, the highways are clogged with caravans of RV's, Winnebagos, and other tailgating monstrosities. Said vehicles tend to fly brightly flapping pennons with "Geaux Tigers!" or "Geaux Team Geaux!" and of course you have to know that 'geaux' is a bastardized form of the word most pronounce as 'go.' And this is just Bat'n Rooge. If you're ever in N'orlins (New Orleans to the rest of y'all), don't even -try- to pronounce any of the street names in the downtown/uptown/FrenchQuarter are. You'll be laughed out of the state.

But that's okay - you could always go to Texas, and say you had planned it that way all along. Because it's also true that all roads lead to Texas.

-- Anonymous, September 14, 1999

San Diego, a poem by a hippie-spawn: Tan, tight asses Baywatch Boobs, Backbrush ticks, wildfires, earthquakes(--but no riots!) underpaid Latino gardeners Shamu Republican National Convention Democratic Majority And the best damn Mexican in the world: Health-Mex oh, and there's nice waves too. Flocks of disoriented Brazilian Parrots And lagoons Long freeways the complete idiocy of drivers during rain Sandy Salt & Vinegar chips on the beach Crescent Palms Black Widows Blink 182 Birthplace of FOUR Real World castmembers Mountains Ocean unfit for swimming, since 1982 Recycling Breezy days, warm nights The scent of the desert in the wind The elite of La Jolla and Rancho Bernardo Pubs The downtrodden mumblers of downtown Skaters, loose shirts flapping in the draft Come-as-you-are poetry meetings

Somehow, the sound of a distant bongo wafts into your ears...San Diego.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Well, Texas is different from other states, but Austin is different from the rest of Texas. There's a little more book-learnin' here than in other areas. But then, what do I know, being from Montgomery, AL. Actually, I'm from Pike Road, AL, but everyone thinks that's a street and not a city (pop. 500). Also not too far out from Montgomery (called Monkey-town by locals)is Slapout- so named because it's slap out in the middle of nowhere. Then there's Opp (short for opportunity) where they have the annual rattlesnake rodeo and the main street is the highway that goes through town. You might have to visit these places if you want draft beer in Montgomery, because it's illegal to have kegs inside the county, even for bars (except one place because it's in a historic building). But somehow certain 'clubs' can stay open well past 2am by saying that everyone inside is a 'member'. A jazz/blues bar called Souz La Terre doesn't even open till midnight and Henry, who's been playing the electric piano there for at least the past 30 years, doesn't start until 2. I and whomever I'm with are usually the only white people there under 50, and a guy with a Polaroid will come around and take your picture for a price (bargain with him). You can only get beer in cans, all the cigarettes are menthols, and the only food you can get is homemade pork-rinds. And the lady with the 2' beehive and blue eyeshadow at the front door (which is hidden and can only be found by someone whose been there before), doesn't care if it isn't you on the ID; she just has to see something. I left that for Athens, GA. Yeah, Wobby, I too felt the tension between students and townies. Get this, I used to work at the Roadhouse AND Gus's (everybody else read that as ex-biker-sort-of- townie-bar-that-tolerates-students, and a frat bar). I loved REM; in fact, they're the reason I moved there. I would go to parties after the bars closed that had 3 bands all playing because they lived in the same house in Normaltown, and Bill Berry would end up playing drums. Michael Stipe would show up at the 40Watt pretending that he didn't want to be noticed and smelling like he hadn't showered since "Pop Song '89". I had drinks with Kevn Kinney on Easter. I would lead my Spanish class to the Uptown Lounge for $2 fishbowl margaritas. I remember when they would suspend the open container law for the Twilight Criterium. Oh, they were good times. Then I moved to Austin because everyone said it was a larger version of Athens. Well, they were wrong. Unless, if you mean by larger that there are a lot more snotty kids in SUV's, no one can drive in the rain, and that I'm paying $100 more a month for a place that used to be in the flightpath of the airport where I have to share a bathroom with 2 other people as opposed to my Athens townhouse, with a fireplace, hot tub and a walk in closet. Oh, you did? Well then, yeah.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

in minnesota, people don't come with YOU somewhere, they just "come with." and it's not just cute, it's "oh, fer cute!" it's pop, not soda, and hotdish, not casserole. the minneapolis star tribune is the strib, and the pioneer press is a lesser paper. uptown is west of downtown, the twins play in the dome, and the vikes (not the vikings) are the football team of choice.

in baltimore, you drink warter not water and the capital of our great nation is warshinton. plus it's not westminster abbey but westminister, maryland. i just wish i could type how they pronounce the city that's spelled havre de grace.

remember, in baltimore, The Birds play in The Yard, not the orioles in oriole park, no matter what the sign says. and put old bay on everything.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

I miss New York. I miss getting my cawffee in a blue paper cup with Greek statues on it. I miss seeing steam come out of the sidewalk. I miss getting called for jury duty every month. I miss the fact that one person in every five is so deranged or incompetent you can't believe it, but another person in every five is so nice and/or brilliant you can't believe it. I miss going to the bodega and seeing the person in front of me with a jar of gefilte fish and a side of bacon. I miss buzzing people in. Now I live in Finland which is just like Alaska except you can get a smoked reindeer bagel here. It's just not the same.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

I come from Canberra, Australia (you wouldn't know it, it's the federal capital) and people don't get three things about it;

1. We are not parliament house (kinda like the whitehouse only with lawn on the roof).

2. See that collection of low buildings and bus stations? That's the centre of town. Yes, truly.

3. There is no nightlife before 12am.

Visit us. We aren't that bad. We have legalised porn, marijuana and heroin shooting galleries, plus the National Gallery and Parliament House and loads of interesting embassies.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Silicon Valley (and most of the San Francisco Bay area):

"Its not what you do for a living or how much money you make, its how long ago you bought your house."

...no kidding.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

THANK YOU Schmeltz!!! To reiterate: Two things to remember while in DC. Stand to the right. Walk to the left. Is it really that hard? And if I have to say "No this line doesn't go to the Smithsonian!" one more time, heads are gonna roll! Thank god tourist season is over.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

But it's the people, Andy, that make it worth your time here, right? Who wants a hot tub when you've got Monks' Night Out?

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Mis --

Barbeque is not hamburgers. Heaven forbid. And Texas BBQ isn't really pulled pork, either, in most places. It's brisket and ribs and sausage loaded with really spicey bits that make you grab for a beer. Real beer, Shiner, not Coors or Miller. I miss Shiner, too.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Ah, "Wild, Wonderful West Virginia"...where else would a complete stranger pull over to help you get your horse back in the pasture, and the stranger just happens to have a can of grain in his truck? Where else do the boys (and some girls) get excused from school just so they can go deer hunting around Thanksgiving?

The Mountain State, whose motto is "Montani Semper Liberi" (Mountaineers are always free) is one of the most beautiful states. There are 4 distinct seasons. Fall is gorgeous. It's not too hot in the summer, and the winters are somewhat bearable even though I hate snow, and the blizzard of 1993 is still quite fresh in my mind.

I spend my formative years in Charleston, the capital. The big claim to fame is the 3 story mall. At one time, it was the largest in-city mall in the country or something like that. Historic downtown went to pot when the fancy retailers moved in. Even though they tried to make a comeback by putting in brick intersections and those old fashioned streetlamps, downtown is now just office buildings and empty store fronts. But you can still walk to the mall.

Oh, and the airport....it has gates A, B, and 10. Go figure. The airport consists of the top of the mountain cut off and it is like taking off and landing on an aircraft carrier. They have to chase the deer off of it too.

You can drive down Kanawha (pronounced Ka-naw) Boulevard from one end of the city to the other in about 10 minutes. The river on one side, the city on the other. There is a town nearby called Hurricane (pronounced Hurriken). Nobody uses a turn signal and everybody is apparently a descendant of a coal-truck driver because they have to slow down to about 5 mph and swing really wide to make a turn. We hate people from Ohio, mostly because they can't drive.

Charleston is a very laid back city with lots of friendly people. It's pop instead of soda and you have to have slaw on your chili dog or barbecue sandwich (which is not the same barbecue as in Texas). Everyone knows what a pepperoni roll is. And if you really want to fit in, you should be a WVU fan and be able to quote all the stats of the last 15 years (I couldn't). You can be a Marshall fan if you want, but you will be made fun of.

For entertainment or nightlife, it is somewhat lacking. You can count on a sell-out at a Reba McIntire/Brooks & Dunn or Hank Williams, Jr. concert, but everything else ends up getting canceled due to lack of ticket sales. You have to go to Pittsburgh, Cinncinnati, or Columbus to see any "big" names. There are no discos. The bars all have karaoke. On the upside, the white water rafting and downhill skiing are all within a few hours drive.

So now I live in Houston. Talk about culture shock. I have only been here two years but I love it. I think everyone has the flavor of Texas from the other posts, so I won't go on about that.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

YO! From Philly, well really the ever-growing 'burbs of Philly. Here's our view from O'little town of Phoenixville PA mixed with Philly-isms. Everyone in P-ville has a nickname, if you don't have a nickname you will forever be described as relative of someone with a nickname ie "You know, Chet's granddaughter" who is also known as "Da- da's daughter"; everyone can tell you where PJ's ex mother-in-law lived while they were still in high school(which was 10 years before he actually married that woman's daughter), we don't take to change well, as every female from this town is always referred to by her maiden name; we still refer to what's been a hospital for 40 yrs now as the "Old High School" The Philly influence...WE HAVE THE ONLY REAL CHEESESTEAKS, I've visited a lot of places...believe me you don't have them. we hate the 'joisey mall chicks' but we love the joisey tomatoes, we go 'down the shore' not to the beach. we boo our sports superstars at the first glimmer of a mistake, we throw snowballs at anyone who's close enough during iggles (not eagles) games, we hate the cowboys and NYC just on g.p. and unfortunately for me (I went to Pitt) a vast majority of the populace here thinks God is a Penn State fan because the sky is blue&white. ugh

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

hey, people from wisconsin! you know what my favorite thing about your state is? (other than my friend gretchen, but i don't think she counts.) leinenkugel's. what good beer.

another baltimore thing: national bohemian beer. have a natty bo with your crabs, hon.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

people say "come with" in illinois too.

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

oh pamie- i know exactly what you are talking about! i am from texas- ft. worth to be exact. we have this wonderful pancake place called ol' south pancake house... with the slogan: "sho good eatin', caint be beaten". isnt that just great!? you can have anyone from very nicely dressed people from the theater to people that dont have very many teeth and lots of dirty, uncombed hair to lots of students from the nearby highschool. you also have the waitress that sings the beaver song for everyone in the store. wonderful! i go to the rodeo every year with my family- my mom used to raise horses, i know the bull bodacious that you named. half the kids in my high school have those belt buckles and the stars and bars flag on their cars. and people up north are referred to as "those damn yankees" i love the south. people will talk to you about anything- especially the weather. and football is king... texas is the best :) -elizabeth

-- Anonymous, September 15, 1999

Emma --

I noticed that about Illinois.. people saying "come with". It drives me nuts. It sounds like an unfinished sentence.

My town in Indiana is obviously home to many inbreds and rednecks... it's a given. We also have a problem putting accents on the wrong syllables.. or at least that's what our friends in Ohio and Illinois tell us. For instance...

The word "insurance." Most people apparently say "inSURance." Here in C-ville, Indiana, you won't catch a person that doesn't say "INsurance."

Cement. I guess it's supposed to be "ceMENT." We say it "SEE-ment."

I don't do this in particular, but I've heard tons of people say "toilet" "tore-let." Tore-let? What the hell?

I have a problem saying "pen". I think Pamie may have mentioned this. I say it "pee-in" or just plain "pin". My boyfriend (from Chicaaaaago) picks on me all the time about this.

Speaking of Chicaaaaago, it drives me nuts how people take short 'O' sounds (as in "Tom" or "cause") and make them into stretched out and short 'A' sounds. "Taaaam" and "caaaaz." A lot of them also have the tendency to take the short 'A' (as in "Zach") and turn into a short "E" - "Zech."

What's up with that?

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

yeah, short o and what i call "relaxed a" (as in "car" or whatever) are exactly the same sound in chicago. as for short a to short e -- i've never heard that! i do hear short e to short i, like say "imma". i love mocking my sister about her saying "whin" and "wint" and stuff like that.

i don't think i have very much of an accent at all really, but i guess it's all relative.

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

Hey Joy of West Virginia... regarding deer hunting... In Susequehanna County Pennsylvania... back in the eighties when I wrote COBOL for Bendix Aerospace in South Montrose, the plant was closed for the opening day of Pennsylvania deer season... and north of there... in Oxford, NY (about a half hour drive north of Binghamton) the high school used to have special mini-courses on the opening day of deer season in order to get some partial attendance credit because state aid was based on attendance and a lot of students (male & female) were hunters (a lot of families needed to fill their freezer with venison)... so it was "After you get your deer, stop by the school for our special mini-class on snow mobile maintenance" etc. etc.

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

I can't believe not a damn person from Michigan had the balls to contribute to the forum: In diversity-rich Ann Arbor (an EXTREMELY liberal college town), we have boys wearin' skirts, girls goin' topless, boys shavin' their legs, girls growin' out their armpit hairs, boys in long hair, girls in butch cuts, girls AND boys wearin' every damn color of the rainbow on their toenails, fingernails, eyelids, and any other visible area of skin; people of all sorts wearin' flip-flops or goin' barefoot to the opera, the orchestra, million-dollar fundraisers (often, the director itself is wearin' the best flip-flops around); we got streets that go by FOUR different names (turn left on Washtenaw, which turns into Stadium on the left or Huron on the right, which then turns into Jackson); and in one square mile, we've got a coupla coffee shops, bagel shops, hot-dog stands, chinese, mexican, italian, vietnamese, vegetarian, indian, korean, and truck-stop-type diners, but not a goddamned restaurant in that square mile carries mashed potatoes when you're cravin' comfort food; we've got equal-rights lobbyists standin' at the foot of the student union from the association for asian people, association for african american people, association for latino people, association for indian people, association for lesbians/gays, association for parents/friends of lesbians/gays, association of conservative homophobic white middle class anglo-saxons....people here go to the Diag, the Arb, the Quad, the Union, the Ice Cube, the Colonnade, the Blind Pig; people complain about the Halo, the Art Fair, Domino's Christmas display, traffic during home football games, and the reason why Maude's/Arriba's failed......and did you know that Ann Arbor is the world's capital for lithography????? Ann Arbor - it's a damn fine place to live.......But don't come visit us - everyone's car has a bumper sticker that says "Welcome to Ann Arbor - now go home."

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

Todd, I live in Tulsa too! I agree with everything you said...I love it here as well. I have to travel quite a bit on business, especially to large cities and I'm always relieved to come back to Tulsa.

One thing I wanted to add - Tulsa is a very cosmopolitan city for its size. I love the culture...we have a wonderful opera, all kinds of performing arts, one of the greatest museums in the world (Philbrook)and tons of great local musicians.

The weather can be a bit rough...it's wicked hot in the summer and freezing in the winter! (not to mention the tornadoes!)

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

Pooks, just read your post and HAD to respond (being a proud graduate of the University of Oklahoma)...

You DO know the only reason Texas exists, don't you?

***this is a little vulgar, so the faint of heart should stop reading now***

The only reason Texas exists is because of the Oklahoma cowboys and the Mexican whores!!! HAHAHA

-- Anonymous, September 16, 1999

Just to back up the earlier post about Ann Arbor, Michigan:

YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN ANN ARBOR WHEN ...

Your co-worker tells you she has eight body piercings but none are visible. You make over $100,000 and still can't afford a house.

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.

Your child's third grade teacher has two pierced ears, a nose ring, and is named "Breeze."

And, after telling that to a friend, they still need to ask if the teacher is male or female.

You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin or building your own website class.

A man walks by in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't notice.

A woman walks by with live poultry. You don't notice.

You keep a list of companies to boycott.

Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Avon Lady is a guy in drag.

-- Anonymous, September 17, 1999

When I was living in Seattle, on one of my many nights spent in front of the computer, I came across this website:

http://www.slanguage.com/

On this site there are all sorts of "catch" phrases for alot of the major cities around the country. I thought y'all (I'm a transplanted Floridian now :) might want to take a look at this :)

-- Anonymous, September 17, 1999

boomer sooner.....boomer sooner.....

ok...now that I'm through with my song....I HATE when ppl say "fixin". OMG it's here in Oklahoma, too.

UT? well....that's better than being an aggie.

-- Anonymous, September 17, 1999

Cassie: that list has been circulating for a long time under the name, "You know you're in San Francisco when ..."

-- Anonymous, September 17, 1999

Laura, thanks for the Philly memories. I'm from Cheltenham originally, or as we pronounce it, "Sheltenham." Philly is like the Stone Cold Steve Austin of American Cities -- a constant chip on our shoulders, and we don't take no crap from any SOB from a glitzy metropolis.

As far as the DC folks on here, thank god I'm not the only one to get pissy at the stupid tourists standing on the left all the time. Grrrr.... (funny that technically, I was a tourist just 2 years ago)

-- Anonymous, September 17, 1999

* Tourist season? What the hell is that? To us, every day is tourist season. * We have a square, a circle, a village and several Keys. * I tell people I live on Siesta and immediately they ask: "Are you rich?" * Our used bookstore is a tourist trap...hell, our entire *town* is a tourist trap. * Everyone has met Jerry Springer...but only a select few have had the pleasure of meeting Tom Cruise:) * Disneyworld and Universal Studios can all be done in a day trip. * You're either a 'Nole's fan or a Gator's fan...whether you want to or not. (I've seen vans all decked out in Seminoles regailia) * Home of: Paul Ruebens (he was arrested about 15 minutes from my house) and the creators of _The Blair Witch Project_. * Come to my school and you can pick put at least 6 different people wearing bathing suits. And about 20 more walking around campus barefoot. * At about the middle of April to the beginning of June, Siesta Drive is *not* where you wanna be at about 2:00 in the afternoon.

Welcome to Saraota, Florida:)

-- Anonymous, September 17, 1999

Forgot one: * The main road can be called 3 different things and everyone still knows what youre talking about: The Trail, 41, or Tamiami.

-- Anonymous, September 17, 1999

Ky,

You're so right about Bahston! I grew up north of Boston in a small town (30 miles north.. but aren't all the small towns either 30 miles north or south of Boston)... Essex.. right by Gloucester (only Mass people seem to know how to pronounce that one... Glaw Stah)....

I grew up in a fishing town, so I'm sure you can imagine the accent was thick...

We don't call it soda or pop, it's TONIC folks! And like Ky said, the r's are dropped on all words that SHOULD have them.. and then added to those that don't... and.. everything is "wicked" so...wicked awesome means " very cool".

here's a lexicon for all those who need to know how to spoke Massachusettese

Pahty: A gathering of friends for some beeah and munchies Beeah: A carbonated alcoholic beverage, such as Sam Adams Pahk: When not being driven your cah is Pahked or where the swings are. Cah: An Automobile Havahd: The University Yahd: have your pahty or where you pahk your cah. Bahston: The Big City where Paul Reveah did his ride Paul Reveah: you know, "the British are coming" guy idear: When the lightbulb goes on over your head cah keys: What starts your cah hahbah: Where the boats come into Bahston Tonic: A carbonated sweet beverage, like Coca-Cola Packie: Where you go to buy Beeah Cohnah: Where all the townies hang out, where two streets intersect Oh my Gawhd: Exclamation made by teenagers from Danvehs (Danvers) or Reveah (Revere) Wahtah: Natures drink, makes up streams or rivehs (rivers) Stoah or Mahket: Place where one purchases items, like groceries Bahston Whalah: A motor boat used to go "down riveh" or to the beach

Right now I can't think of anything else... there's plenty of interesting pronunciations of towns though:

Billerica becomes Birrika Chelmsford becomes Chemsfid Gloucester becomes Glaw Stah Danvers becomes Dan Viz Peabody becomes Pee ba Dee (emphasis on the Pee and Dee) Manchester becomes Manchestah Marblehead becomes Mahblehead Worcester becomes Woo Stah or Wistah depending on if your from Essex or Lowell

and the list goes on and on and on....

Bahston is wicked awesome guys.. you should check it out!

-- Anonymous, September 20, 1999

I grew up in Savannah, Georgia.

Forget the movie. It sucked. Read the book: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.

Now you understand why I am the way I am. I don't think normal like y'all do. Normal for me is my mother wearing live crabs on her head to play in a polka band for money. Normal for me is enduring world war three because I refused to become a debutante. Normal for me is being a super hostess and thinkign nothing is odd about asking what someone wants to drink before finding out where they are from or what their name is. Normal for me is using British slang because Savannah forgets it is not still owned by England. Normal for me is enduring 120o F weather with aplomb but freezing my ass off when it dips below 70oF. This is clearly NOT what the rest of the world thinks of as normal.

Save a little prayer for me.

Now I live in Atlanta (yes, I HAVE escaped Georgia on multiple occasions, thank you) and that woudl require a LONG LONG entry. I'll spare you. Suffice it to say that all our streets are one way and called "Peachtree".

M

-- Anonymous, March 09, 2000

im from canberra im single male

-- Anonymous, April 16, 2001

Can someone tell me why Brett Favre's name is pronounced F-A-R-V-E as in H A R V E when the V is clearly ahead of R? DUH!!!Shouldn't it be pronounced FAVRAY? DUH again...

-- Anonymous, January 19, 2002