When do you find yourself at your weakest? When do you need other people to keep you from doing what you know is the wrong thing?

-- Anonymous, December 09, 1999

Answers

I am finding myself at my weakest today. I got the lovely call yesterday from my gyno, the pap smear was abnormal, again. But this time they wanted to see me again immediately. In fact I go in today for my colposcopy. I am very worried and the fact that they got me in so quickly is really bothering me. So I called my friend Dana and she is picking me up at work and driving with me. I know myself and my fear of gynos and health problems too well. I know at the last minute I might just decide the mall would be a lot warmer and less scary than my Dr.'s office. And that would be wrong. Because it's always best to find out as soon as possible, right? Early detection and all that bullshit.

In my case though it might be one set of footprints and evidence of dragging someone screaming and fighting up to the door.

By the way, Pamie, I have been thinking about you and your colposcopy experience all day. So if you notice someone searching your site for pap smears, it's just me, searching for a little piece of humor in this situation.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 1999

Mis - good luck with your dr visit. Doctors are oftentimes overly cautious, and scare the bejeezus out of people with urgency even when they aren't 100% sure that there is an emergency at hand. They're covering their asses, but also making sure if there IS a problem, that they can get to fixing it stat. I know it's scary, but please don't put it off! I hope all goes well for you.

Re: topic - I have no self control at all, and knowing this, I should have probably married a man with too much self control, so we could balance each other out. Instead, we are exactly alike, and because of this, we "carry" each other often, but only so we can head down the wrong path faster if one of us is going too slow!

Our first Christmas that we lived together, we suddenly realized something as we were staring at the presents under the tree, rubbing our hands together in anticipation: We were grown-ups, and there was nobody to tell us that we had to wait until Christmas to open gifts anymore. So, we made the adult decision to go ahead and open one present each, 2 days before Christmas, because we could. Sure enough, lightning didn't strike us dead, so we opened another. And another. And another. Until there were no presents to open on Christmas at all. We tried to shrug it off as no big deal, like we were Christmas Rebels, but it really stunk. On Christmas morning we were wallowing in guilt, and now we don't even open one present on Christmas Eve like we used to as kids. I guess we gained a little self-control as a result of that terrible mistake, but man, we sure felt like dicks. I kept thinking about how disappointed my mom would be if she knew what I had done. It was terrible.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 1999

By nature I'm a pretty self-reliant, strong, 90s kind of woman. (pfft.) But when the shit hits the fan, I'm co-dependent woman. I can usually take a lot but sometimes I just buckle and I need someone to help me. My mom is usually a good source of help. She's always got tons of good advice. I find myself at the weakest during high stress times of the year, i.e. the Holidays. I don't have any family here so it's just lil ol' me and my boyfriend's family. They're really great people, but they're not my family, you know? I don't want to sound like an ingrate, I really don't, but no one replaces my mom at Christmas time. I am thankful that I have someone to share the Holiday with though. I'm finding myself to be pretty weak with all this Christmas shopping. I swear, I like buying gifts for people more than I like to do it for myself ... well. Almost. I just go nuts, "wouldn't (insert name here) love this? this is too cool! wanna get it?" and my boyfriend is the type that just goes along and says, "if you want to." no input no nothing. Thank God I don't have a Visa card. I'd be in some serious trouble. Since everyone is talking about opening presents early ... My boyfriend and I exchange gifts for each other at his parents house on Christmas day (but I always want to give his gift to him early), so my only temptation arises when I recieve a huge box of gifts from UPS via my mom. When I was a kid, I perfected the art of opening my gifts and taping them back up just so, as not to arise any suspicion. I only ruined it for myself though because when I had to open the gifts in front of my mom, I had to ACT surprised. (That was harder than putting the presents and wrapping back together.) Maybe that's why I got into Theater in high school. Who knows.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 1999

i am at my weakest when im lonely. i will be having a dry spell and an ex will call cause he is having a dry spell too. then i get all excited thinking i can rekindle what we once had then when i actually go out its like " oh yah.. i remember now, THATS why we arent still together".

to remedy this, after a breakup i usually delete the email address (online), and delete the address (in my electronic day planner). i am bad with numbers so i dont have them memorized.

and i have tori. she is a good friend who keeps me grounded. oh and there are my journal readers (only like 8 at the most) who write me to tell me that im being stupid and then they remind me of the reasons why love died so to speak.

im weak when it comes to men and i hate it.

-- Anonymous, December 09, 1999

My weakest point is on a Friday afternoon, after a solid week of sticking to a diet and exercise. That's when I need my boyfriend to tell me that I don't really need to buy the chip+gravy/mars bar/magnum icecream to celebrate me making it through another week of work. I really, really wish he would stop saying "sounds good!". I already know it sounds good dammit...

-- Anonymous, December 10, 1999