Tell me your good things! I jump high! My tongue sharp! I can drink from a toilet for an hour straight without a break!

I am good!

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Answers

Cal dear, Which one are you? The poseur tabby in the first pic, or the sweater-vest wearing handsome thing in the smaller photo? Do tell. You intrigue me. Charmed, I'm sure, Henry

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Hi Cal!

I like to rip important pieces of paper up in to tiny shreds. You should try it some time. With my sharp teeth and one track mind, I can completely destroy the electric bill or a project daddy needs for work. I'm REALLY good at it!

I am also a master at taking bad dreams away from mommy and daddy. However, I lick their eyelids to get to the bad dreams. Try the eyelids, Cal. Believe me, the people really appreciate it.

Have fun jumping and drinking from the toilet.

Squeaky, master of the universe

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

this is quite possibly the scariest forum I have even seen. the thought of cats communicating via the computer just really really worries me.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I am brown!

I am the pretty one!

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

mew meow cal,

i are dizzy. you lookin' like mew meow me. all prety with striped and gray. we are tabby if you pleaaaase, we are tabby if you don't pleaaaaase.

i no havin' bite and claw toy called taylor. i needin' to talk to my hairless munkeys about gettin' dizzy a butt-bite toy.

i dizzy kan makin' fast zooms around my home! i are good at it too!! sometimes i can go verry fast and run on walls!

dizzy is goodin' at biting hairless munkeys. hairless munkeys fun chew toy maybe as goodin' as butt-bite toy taylor.

sometiimes i are goodin' at catching mew meow flies. hairless munkeys call me mr. myagi with paws. no sure what this is but i are bettin' it's goood.

dizzy mew meow likin' cat nip. maybe cal likin' to commin over to sniff a bowl or twwo with dizzy. my hairless munkeys no mind as longin as cal havin' no fleas and poop in litterbox.

-Dizzy (speak to mew meow me) lookin' for dizzy's page and journal at dizzy icon

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

Cal!

I go mrrr mrrr mrrr and run in very small circles around my water dish until she comes and fills it up. Then I go Splash! Splash! Splash! until all the water is on the floor and I can run around in it and make wet kitty footprints all over the house! Then I go mrrr mrrr mrrr and she has to give me more water! This is good fun!

I did also make her change my name! She was calling me something like 'Mona' (I heard her talking once into noisy ringing thing with long curly tail it is so good to attack and she said "you know, short for Desdemona, the theoretically innocent catalyst towards which all disaster gravitates?"). Mona, bah! I do not hear her silly noises like "Get down!" and "No biting!" if she calls me this crazy thing! So now I am just The Kitty! This is good! In capital letters, that's me, The Kitty! (Feel free to add 'the one and only' if you want to be on my good side.)

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I lay on the floor in the kitchen when the girl is doing the dishes, and I say, very obnoxiously, "MOWR! MOWR! MOWR! I am starving to death, bitch, give me food! MOWRMOWRMOWRMOWR!" I do this for a very long time until the girl's mommy screams from the other room "SHUT THE HELL UP, TUBBY!" Do you see how little respect I get? "Tubby" she calls me. Bitch.

I am 18 pounds, Cal. My ass weighs more than you do. Fear me.

http://www.bitchypoo.com/snoopy.html

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I am the fancy cat. I have very long hairs all over my body, and when I walk across the room, the long hairs swish around in a fancy manner. Once, I had a poo stuck in the long hairs hanging down around my bottom, and so I walked all over the house and sat on the couch and the carpet and the Big Bed, leaving little poop marks to announce my presence. The mommy and the daddy trapped me in the bathroom and CUT MY BLOOMERS OFF. Never have I been so humiliated.

When I am not being Mr. Fancypants, I lay on the Big Bed and shoot evil Looks O' Death at any who come near me. Except at 3:00 in the morning, when I must have love RIGHT NOW and everyone must pet me. This is when I let loose my fancy, trilling meow, which is a wonder for one's ears to behold.

http://www.bitchypoo.com/stimpy.html

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I like to lay with my chin and my paws on the mommy's arm, and at 1:30 in the morning I like to begin vigorously washing myself, all over. Sometimes I cannot tell the difference between myself and the mommy, so I drag my sandpaper tongue over her bare arm a thousand times until the pain wakes her and she puts her hand between my tongue and her arm. So I lick her hand. Sometimes she gets annoyed and throws me off the bed. I do not like this, so I climb back on the bed and attack her feet.

Sometimes she calls me "Miss Poopypants", and I don't like that, either, so I attack her feet when she walks across the floor, and try to claw my way up her bare leg. Other times, I am overwhelmed with love when she walks through the door, and so I launch myself at her, and if she doesn't catch me, I sink my claws through her clothes and into her skin so I won't fall.

http://www.bitchypoo.com/2000/January/011700.html

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I am the Invisible Cat. Oh, yes. This is the best thing to be, because when my pet people let new people in, I can decide for myself whether I want them to pet me and love me and hold me. They do not even know I exist, until - fwhoomp! - there I am and I must be petted nownownow. I do not take no's for answers. And when I am done, I go right back to my Invisible Kitty powers, and disappear. The underpart of the couch is a great Invisible Kitty trick place. From there I can smack the evil Invisible Bad People Things off people's feet as they go by. And they cannot 'thank' me for this, ohnononononono, because I am invisible. Yay me.
Oh, and I am the undisputed mistress of window shutter thingie climbing.

-- Anonymous, January 24, 2000

I'm not a cat, but I have mommy well trained too! First thing in the morning, if I hear her roll over in her sleep, I cry and carry on until she let me out! Then I dig sharp ferret claws into her leg and bite her toe. I bite so good that when she lifts up her foot, I'm still hanging on!

Sometimes I miss my mommy, so when she opens the cage, I leap out onto her shoulder and go hide under her hair. Then I bite her neck.. that's fun! When she puts me down, I go get into all the places she doesn't want me to go, like computer cords and makeup!

If she not around for a while, I like to dump over my whole food dish! Then I can pick just the right morsel. I also don't like crumbs in my dish, so I have to get them out. Too bad I don't know how to put whole food pieces back in dish! ha ha. Then she comes and puts the dish right side up, cleans up the food and sometimes puts in more. Even sometimes I get a cuddle.

Good mommy, good.

Max. aka Maximillian, iMax, Maximum Trouble in Minimum Time.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Fear me, I am a KOG -- Lindsay's roommate found me at the Pet Store and said WHAT A CUTE KITTY but haha, I am a cat-dog, not a kitty at all!

I fetch for my own fun (not for YOU), I greet you at the door, I hide INSIDE REFRIGERATORS, I chase squirrels from inside the kitchen, I eat garbage, I am a DOCTOR.

I scratch at you even though I have no claws! I pad your head and mess up your hair! I eat everything -- and if I can't eat it, I will lick it!

I lick you friendily, like a good kog should... especially when you fear being licked by animals!

I meow like a mob boss (read: raise chin as if to say "EH -- whassit to you?") when you touch me!

I am Dr. Carter, KOG supreme.

(P.S. It is NOT spelled COG!)

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Sam: I suspect I will tilt the scale at 22 lbs. It's all muscle, mind you; here, watch me flex - ow, never mind; I pulled a ham. I think I'll just go and steal my daddy's side of the bed the instant he moves, then refuse to move when he returns. I'm 22 lbs after all; he'll need a forklift to move me. Zzzzz...

Abby: (looking at Sam) Lardbutt. Hmm, I think this bathroom needs a Sahara motif. I'll just daintily sit in the litter and *fling* a sand dune here, and *fling* a sand dune there. Whoops, sorry Daddy; didn't mean to bury you in litter. Sucker... Look at me; I'm cute!

Megan: Let's play! Let's run! Let's wreak havoc! Let's get our havoc wreaked! Ooh, Daddy earlobe. Love-chomp.

Finnegan: Woah, Dude...

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Scrappy! SCRAPPY! HEY SCRAPPY!

You wasting time with arm! No! Arm! Lick!

GO FOR EYE! THE EYE! Right under eye very sensitive spot!

This morning Short Mew took too long to feed! Operation Iams was not on schedule! I had Other Mew sit on Short Mew's head! He whap-whap-whapped her in the face six times and then I ATTACK TOES! I bite the toes and get them moving into kitchen!

The best time for Eye Lick is right at four in morning! Eye very sensitive at that time!

Tall Mew's hair taste very good! Lick all hair and then chew Ear! YUM! Better than wet tail!

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

CAL!

Alas, I could not get to the mommy's face last night. She slept all night on her stomach, and I had to be happy with licking her elbow.

Oh! Oh! Except for when her alarm clock went off this morning, and the sound scared me, so I jumped on her back, and then I saw an ear, so I bit it and then licked it on the inside. The mommy screamed and rolled off the bed. It was tasty.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

iamnotcatiambunny

icannottypeasfastasiamthinkingthings

youcatsknownothingitislickingnoseandeyebrowandsometimesgnawingatha irsthatthepeoplelove

andnottoforgetthenipnipnipatankleswhenthei rfootiswhereyouwantobe

andwhentheytrytotakeyoufromcagetofreedom itisverygoodtowigglewigglesquirmsquirmbecausetheydropyouthenandthenyou arefreefreefree

alsogoodtochewholeincarriertogettofreedomtheylo vetoseeinitiativeinbuns

mustgonowcilantrotobeeatenandcarrotstoo yumyum

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Huh. Lots of kitty-stuff here, but who care? Now SPRITEL here! Out of my way, rest of you. I am BIGGER! Well, not bigger than Snoopy or Sam, but I TRYING! MommyDaddy don't share THEIR food and PUMPKIN (he is brat) eat AS MUCH AS ME!! So, I must EAT MORE!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz EAT MORE!

You! YOU! Out! Spot on bed between MommyDaddy MY SPOT! Just right size for SPRITEL to curl. NO, MAGGIE!! I WANT LAP!!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

See? I SO CUTE, must LOVE ME NOW!!!! Oooooo! Crinkly ribbon! *munch munch munch*

( MEMEMEME!

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

*sniff* Ignore Spritel, the hulking ignorant brute. I'm the best kitty around! Why else does Daddy call me his "Little Princess?" I am tiny and dainty. Spritel's stinky butt is bigger than me. I'm the pretty one. See? See my butt? Sniff it!! Does it not smell like flowers?

Now, scratch me. Scratch me hard on my ears or I will leave you. Yesss! That's it! Scratch! SCRATCH! WHAT'S MY NAME?! SAY MY NAME, BITCH!!

Ohhhhh..... that was good. Now, leave me alone.

More about wonderful me

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Pumpkin! I's Pumpkin! Ev'body loves Pumpkin! Maggie think she pretty, but I's really prettiest!

OOoohh! There my ball?! See, I give you ball, now throw it! Throw ball! WHHEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEEE! See? I bring ball back, you thro-

Spritel eating! I must eat too! He still bigger!

OK, now you throw! Throw it! Throw it! Throw it!

No, you can't sleep now! Must throw! No? Fine. I EAT YOUR FEET!! GARRRRR!! BEDSHARK ATTACK!

Ev'body like Pumpkin Pie

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

You're all nice cats and ferret-things (Yum!) and all... but... where's Taylor?
I could chew on his tail for a few hours.

-- Anonymous, January 25, 2000

Darling:

I love your weak heart.

I knew from the second you rescued me from that dirty old pound, exactly what kind of sucker you were. You took me because I was 5 years old, and noone else would've wanted me.

How could you have known that 1 month after you rescued me I would grow back all of the long flowing hair that had been so neatly shaved off before I was abandoned. (Short Hair!! HA!!)

How could you have known that the real reason I had been abandoned was not because of brand spankin' new human baby allergies, but because my one vice is to habitually pee on every rug in every room of wherever you are living at the time. (I'm worth the $1,500 worth of lost security deposits, that's right sugar plum!)

How could you know that every year in December I will fall so ill, that you will have to lug me(all 20lbs) to the vet, where I will be so filled with the fear of another abandonment that when they finally pull the catheter out and send me home, I will become doubly ill from sheer sadness.

I am eagerly awaiting moving into the NEW HOUSE, I watch you, my new homeowner, and your growing excitement. I see how you and the man spend every waking hour on this home. I see how the MAN is trying to convince you to get rid of me, because he's scared of how I might destroy everything you've worked so hard for.

Again, I love your weak heart. You want me out, I see it in your eyes when you leave the front door open a few seconds longer than usual, in hope that I will finally escape around your legs.

I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD DOLL, but only because of you.

Bailey

-- Anonymous, January 28, 2000

oh, all you emotionaly stable kitties with your cute, but completely normal talents. why don't you freak your shit up? it will realy weird out the people living in your house. i like to attack myself. no mercy, balls out, i can pin myself faster than steve austin can body slam the rock. you must wait for every one to get quiet and comfy, then start with a low growl, they will start to look. then as your growl grows into a scream jump up and grab your tail or any other flailing limb. now run, fast, under the couch and keep screaming like you've been thrown into a swimming pool. or creep next to a people and act all cute and kitten like, then roll onto your back and pounce yourself. hiss, scream, and growl a lot. it is great when you are in a room alone and start to attack yourself, they run in to help you, and you just sit there and look at those people all silly. do it, it will scare those people into believing you are posessed.

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2000