Do you hate big crowds? Do you avoid those "kisses from Gramma", or other relatives? Does it bother you when someone comes up to you at work and pats you on the back (or elsewhere)? When somebody touches you when you're upset, does it make you mad?

Or are you a toucher? Do you hug friends in public? Do you touch people when you talk to them? Does it make you confused when people jerk away from your touch (or are people largely receptive to it)?

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Answers

Ideally, the only people that would touch me would be my husband and family. I am a waitress, and I hate being touched by customers. They will reach out and grab a pen from my apron rather than asking for one, if I am passing by with a tea pitcher in other server's sections, instead of saying Excuse me or something, other people's tables reach out and grab my sleeve or shake their glass of ice at me. It is very rude to grab someone, no matter if they are serving you or not. On another note, this is to all lonely guys out there- I am sorry you are so lonely, but I will not flirt with you or feed your ego for a better tip. I am not a prostitute. Go to a titty bar. Back to the original subject:) I am uncomfortable when hugging most of my friends. I wonder if they want me to pull away yet, or if I am hugging too closely. When I am upset, nothing will do but my husband holding me, just so nobody thinks I am cold.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

I don't do well in crowds at all. It might have something to do with the claustrophobia I seem to have developed, but as I get older, I avoid going to places that I might find myself packed in shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers. On the subway, I get really uncomfortable if my knee/ass/elbow is forced to rub against someone else's. It's not that I'm grossed out by people as a general rule, I just feel like any touching at all is too intimate. Handshakes I can handle okay, but that's about it. Most of the time during casual human contact, no one can see my inner turmoil, but it's there.

I was raised in a household that never hugged, so I became "hug challenged" as an adult. I'm getting better, but still visibly stiffen when anyone other than my husband hugs me. To this day, I have not ever hugged or been hugged by my mother (unless it was when I was a baby and I just don't remember), and the same was true of my father until they got divorced. Now, he hugs me whenever we say goodbye after a visit, and I try not to stiffen, but it's a knee-jerk reaction. He also has recently started telling me that he loves me, which is normal for most people, but after going almost 30 years without hearing those words from your parents, it's a little strange and awkward.

My friends are all very huggy people, and I'm making a conscious effort to be more easy-going about it. So far I have survived every hug I have received, yet I still break into a tiny sweat when I know a hug is coming. For some reason, my husband is the one person who I never had an uncomfortable reaction to when touched by him. In fact, just the opposite. In high school I practically had to be peeled off of him, or removed surgically. I'm still that way sometimes. He is the very center of my comfort zone, and all other physical contact takes work.

I'm sure I sound like Cruella DeVille (or however her name is spelled) but I'm really not. I'm actually a warm-hearted person who just happens to feel more comfortable cuddling with animals than with people.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

i was born into a family of huggers and touchers. it's a hard habit to break, and can lead to other feeling uncomfortable. there have been several occasions that i've had to stop myself from reaching out or hugging someone. it's a natural reaction that i'm really glad to have.

hugs for all!

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

It all depends.

I don't like being close to people in a large crowd. I am very conscious of my personal space. I am also a germ freak, so if I don't know you please don't touch me.

However, I think there is nothing better than a good hug from someone who you love. My family, for the most part, is very huggy and touchy. I have two female cousins who are like sisters to me and we love to hug, hold hands, etc. When I visit we can often be found cuddled up on a couch, my legs over Lisa, my feet under Jaime, Lisa's head on my stomach. I have no space boundaries when it comes to these particular cousins. I do have certain cousins that I don't welcome hugs from, and usually they don't hug me.

I love hugging my husband. I could hug him all day long.

I think there are certain people that you have a hug connection with. I have two sister-in-laws. I share the best hugs with one, and the other kind of one-arm-pat-on-the-backs me. But the good hugger is a best friend, the patter is a great sister in law and a good friend. There is a difference, no?

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

i'm a toucher, though my family is mostly not. but my friends are touchers. it's very easy to tell that we love each other because we show it openly all the time. most people on campus hug and kiss when returning to and leaving campus. we just never stop between those two times. i kiss people hello and goodbye, i hug everyone, and you should see us dance at parties.

HOWEVER, if you surprise me openly with touch or disturb my personal security (like picking me up without warning), i tend to jump and be nervous. i have a very skewed sense of touch. i guess it surprises people that i do jerk away sometimes because for the most part i'm very open with touch. just not certain kinds, i guess.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

I am an affectionate person, but very selective. I don't like unexpected hugs or pats unless it's coming from one of five people, none of whom are related to me. My friends in high school were very affectionate and I'm used to hugging, etc. with them, but friends I've made since I don't even hug. I'm uncomfortable when relatives (including my parents) try to hug me.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

Only the boyfriend, man. I love being touched my him. :) Other than that, I have a rather large personal bubble. I always thought it was weird when girls would see their friends and squeal and hug them like they'd come back from the grave or something. I'm just not "huggy."

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

I'm a very physical person, but mainly with family and good friends. My family has been very huggy for quite a while, especially the gals.

When I was a kid I did feel uncomfortable if hugs came from anyone besides my family, but I've gotten over that, thanks to some terrific friends I've had over the years. My friends and I always hug hello and goodbye. I even hug people I've only recently met, but only if they initiate the contact and they don't creep me out. Just because I'm a toucher these days doesn't mean I like to make someone else uncomfortable if they're not.

I love physical contact and feel like I don't get enough of it. Maybe because I'm between relationships and my last boyfriend and I were very much into PDAs.

However, I do a have a slight case of claustrophobia and cannot take being in large crowds. If I feel pressed in by the people surrounding me, I start to panic and am able to keep from screaming with only supreme effort. One of the many reasons you'll never see me at Times Square for New Years Eve.

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

I love contact. Especially with my guy friends, I just feel so safe and happy if one of them puts an arm around me. And if a guy doesn't hug me, I get this whole 'ohmigod, he hates me, what'd i do, ohmigod' syndrome going... it's really sort of pathetic. I just like feeling other people's warmth... it almost makes them more solid... ya know? I don't do the hugging thing with girls, except close friends i haven't seen in ages, or if something good happened.

My biggest hug thing, though... if ANYONE is crying, even people I hate, I will just hug them and rock them and just cling to them. I can't stand to watch people be so sad. I really hope they don't mind my motherly instinct going on overload...

-- Anonymous, January 31, 2000

My little sister (aged 15) is the worst hugger on the face of the earth. Her hugs seem so insincere. I used to think it was just me, but my mom has mentioned it, and so has my aunt. She does that one- arm-patting thing mentioned above, and manages to seem so distant and uncomfortable at the same time, and it just comes across as a major slap in the face. I live across the country from her and don't get to see her very often. It really bums me out. :(

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2000

I hate being touched by ANYone except my boyfriend or my parents. Sometimes, even if one of THEM touches me, and I'm off guard, I'll tell them not to touch me.. and they think I'm kidding, but really I'm not. If I don't know you, it's not cool to touch me. I also am big into personal space, and am slightly claustrophobic, and hate crowds. (Due to a physical handicap, I have poor balance, so crowds make me REAL nervous cause I'm always afraid I'm gonna fall).

-- Anonymous, February 01, 2000

as a male i have been used to physical contact all my life. touch alone does not bother me. mom was a touching, kissing, hugging, loving mother. when we parted in a crowded street we would hug and kiss, it always made me feel i was part of her physically. i was a latch key kid and when i was down or lonesome i would go into the closet and embrace her clothing, because her magnetic personality seemed to be in her clothing, and her emeraude perfume. dad was rather distant and not physical and not receptive to hugs - - dammit i needed them from him. our kids are loving, touching people, i could see the boys when they got to high school age, spinning the wheels in their heads - - - just not sure about it, as they matured they began touching again. an insincere hug makes me want to hurl.

doug

-- Anonymous, February 06, 2000

I love hugs.

-- Anonymous, February 09, 2000