Come on, people, don't leave me all alone here in my uselessness. What pathetic things have you done lately? Make me feel better about my dumb injuries and my dumb dog and my terrible coffee making skills.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

Answers

Yesterday I licked a self-stick stamp and tried to put it on my tax return. It just curled up. The clerk told me to peel off the back. Doh. As far as coffee goes, I have been using a single cup coffee filter and didn't have much problem (except when I placed the filter on an upside-down cup-couldn't figure out why the coffee was spilling over). My daughter got me a coffee maker for Christmas, and my biggest challenge is remembering to pour the water INTO the coffee maker, not just place the full carafe on burner and walk away. Very complex thing, making coffee. I also got a grinder and have a hard time not spilling coffee grounds all over the counter. Geez.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

I use one of those foam soda-can holders at work to keep my soda cold; I have to remember to wait to open it after I put it into the holder, because otherwise I'll start pouring the soda into the holder as if it were a glass, which is how I drink soda at home.

See, glasses don't have holes in the bottom...

I had my coat hanging on the back of my chair last month. I had just switched from the light coat to the heavy winter coat, which is about a foot longer. Not realizing that the zipper pull had gotten run over and eaten by the right rear wheel, thus locking it, I shoved my chair back and fell flat over backwards, surrounded by a circle of my oh-so-amused co-workers.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

My boyfriend is in Cuba without me. (yep a just little bitter about that)

So he asked me to go to his place last night to change the tape in the VCR for him (he's an America's Cup fanatic). So I did.

And then sat there for 20 (yes you read that right) minutes trying to figure out if I had turned the VCR on or off.

I think I turned off. But I really don't know.

Im not sure what is more pathetic : the fact that I drove an hour an half from work to his house or that it took me 20 minutes to change the tape.

Bah.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

I regularly lock myself out of the house when I go out there with the dogs. Our front door handle will turn and open even when the door is locked, so it's impossible to tell it's locked till you're outside, locked out.

My dog, Ginger (10 mos) is pathetic because she discovered her reflection in the fireplace glass the other night and she barked at it. Not to mention that she'd run into the closed sliding glass door.

Colleen

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

I don't even TRY to figure out how to hook up a VCR, set the stupid blinking clock, or figure out any other settings. AND when switching between local television and satellite, I call Stuart. I don't like electrical things.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

I'm with you on the VCR, Renee. That's Barb's territory. I'm fine on computers, but VCRs are where I draw the line and say, "Help!"

Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

My complete inability to stay on task target lately makes me pathetic. I can't seem to stay focused on _any_thing for more than a few minutes

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

Our garage is all filled with crap (like whose isn't) and every time I go in there to find something, I manage to either scrape my leg on something like the reflector on pat's bike, or run into something and leave a huge bruise, or trip over something.

I've also been having a terrible time remembering anything or concentrating on anything. Who are you people, anyway?

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

I always bang my arm on doorknobs when I enter a room.

And yesterday I was in the bathroom fixing my hair and as I walked out I walked into the door. Let me see if I can explain that better. The door opens in, so the door was next to my body. The side of the door where the lock is? I walked into that. not the flat part, but the skinny all-edges part. smacked my forehead to my knees.

And because I'm pathetic, I did the proper pathetic response: I held my head and cried while I laughed about having seen the whole thing in the bathroom mirror.

I sure do look dumb when i smack myself in the head.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

Oh, and one of my rules for homebrewing: You're not homebrewing until you've sprayed yourself in the face with hot water. I manage to spray myself every single time.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

I just tripped on my way into my office and braced myself against the door, meaning that I shut it with a big slamming sound. That would have been okay, except the supervisor with whom I'd just been meeting thought I was pissed off at her, so I had to announce my clumsiness in order to not get a reputation as a hissyfit thrower.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

I was little. My mom gave me 3 dollars to go to this carnival. I got there and realized there was a hole in my pocket and the 3 dollars had fallen out. So I walked home and tearfully explained and my mom gave me three more dollars.

And I put it in the exact same holey pocket.

Things haven't gotten much better since.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

Tripping like crazy is what I do best. I was at Del Taco the other day. Of, course I spilt something on myself, so I got out of the booth to get a napkin and I slipt. I'm not sure how it happened, but it was beautiful!

I will trip on nothing. Or, I'll see the ledge and trip over it. God, I'm pathetic.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

at hockey practice the other night, i was skating down the ice and didn't notice that one of the bench doors was open. this left a nice little piece of wall that jumped out and bit my hip. normally, the door is closed and the boards are all even. however, door open, wall for aggie to skate into. i have a big bruise and my teammates all laughed at me.

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

grace is my middle name LOL!!! This is inherited from my mother. My best move was at age 10, when I stood at the top of a flight of stairs and jumped. I had done it a million times before. This time, however, I hit my head on the corner of the ceiling. I knocked myself out and gave myself a concussion. When I came to, my little brother was running in circles in front of me screaming that I was dead. The doctor who did the stitches didn't wait long enough for the anesthesia to take effect so I felt every stitch. He refused to believe that I could feel anything. Halfway home, my head finally went numb. He failed to diagnose the concussion, so I spent the night vomiting. Then I had to be hospitalised with an IV because of dehydration. BEAT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

-- Anonymous, February 02, 2000

Ya look up pathetic in the dictionary, you see my picture. I could list off examples from every day of my life, but instead, I'll just mention two off the top of my head.

Ever since my husband got surround sound, we have 3 different remote controls (tv, vcr, receiver). There is a certain button-pushing process which must be followed in order to get everything going properly. I do not know this process, and the way he has it rigged, well, I can't watch television unless he's home to turn the tv on for me. How sad is that? He is going out of town next month and I'm a little worried that I'm going to miss The Real World/Road Rules Challenge that week.

Many years ago, when I worked downtown, I found myself getting into the elevator with the VP of my department - this was right after I had eaten lunch. I figured he didn't even know who I was, so I didn't bother to say anything. As I reached over to push the button for my floor, I glanced over at him and he said, "Hello, Lisa" in the most pleasant manner imagineable. Surprised, I opened my mouth to say, "Hello, Mr. Doerr", but instead, I said "BUUUUUUURP!" I was very red, and couldn't think of anything better to say than excuse me. The worst thing is, I am not a burpy person. I have burped audibly maybe 5 times in my life, and one of those had to be on a small elevator with the boss? Pathetic.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2000

I don't know what happened. When I was a kid, I was much more graceful/agile. The things we lose as we age...

I have bruises on both hips almost constantly because I seem to be unable to walk around the office without bumping into desks, printers, etc. Being somewhat vertically challenged, the corners of these objects tend to meet me at hip height.

If I get a 404 or some other web error, I have to click the link at least one more time to make sure it's an actual error. The computer just might not have been paying attention at the time I clicked the link.

Once, I wrote a long, really unpleasant rant about a co-worker in e-mail to a friend of mine. Because I had the co-worker on my mind, I addressed it to her instead of my friend. Sent it to her, too. I rushed into her office (she wasn't there) and deleted it before she saw it.

As far as coffee goes, I have, more than once, put a filter in the basket of the Mr. Coffee, poured the water in, and walked away without actually putting coffee in.

I could go on, but I want to go home and revel in my patheticness now.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2000

This probably belongs in a "how dumb are you" forum, but I'll tell it here nonetheless. On a job interview at a big corporation all of the interviewers got up from the table and the big shot lady who was to be my boss (had I ever gotten the job) leaned towards me to push in the chair between us so that she could shake my hand, and I swear to God I don't know what I was thinking, but it looked like she was going to kiss me, so I leaned toward her, puckered my lips and went in to kiss her. I don't think I've ever done anything so completely dumb. I chalk it up to extreme nervousness. I guess that would be REALLY extreme nervousness.

-- Anonymous, February 03, 2000

I instinctively act like a point mass. In other words, if my head can fit through an opening, my body assumes that we can GO THERE. And I'm always in a hurry. So I'm always whacking my shoulders on doorframes, bumping into people in crowds, etc. Like a cat with no whiskers.

At least I'm smart enough not to walk into sliding glass doors.

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2000

A Saturday errand to the grocery store. You know the drill "Not going to see anyone I know, I'll be in and out fast, etc." Hair pulled back in a clip, no make up, long coat hiding the holes in the jeans -- general slobbish appearance.

The store is packed. I hurriedly pick up a case of Coke as yet another woman comes rushing down the aisle. The case comes up, the 24 cans scatter all over the aisle and I flashback to being high school age and in full "dork" bloom...

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2000

yesterday was my 32nd birthday and when i woke up this morning, i had a big zit on the side of my nose. 32 years old and a big ol'zit!! when does it end??

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2000

I'm pathetic in that I so desperately want my husband to make a .wav of his version of "Do You See What I See?" so that I can post it on my web page, that I'm posting here and BEGGING you all to email him at bigfred@hiwaay.net with the message "Please make the .wav for Robyn's page!" I'll be eternally grateful if you'd send him email... because that's how pathetic I am :)

http://www.bitchypoo.com

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2000

My wife, Robyn, is so pathetic that she can't even post her own URL to this message board. :)

http://www.bitchypoo.com/bitchypoo.html

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2000

On the subject of high school...the last 3 times that I've been back to my home town to visit my parents, I have run into my high school crush.. and every time I've looked pathetic. The first time, I was on the way home from Emerg having not showered for 3 days. The second, on the way home from walking the dog on the nature path, and I was covered in mud and the third, I'd gone out for smokes for my dad, in my pyjamas.

BAH!

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2000

A few weeks ago I got tired of carrying a black leather bag like everyone else's and thought I'd raise my oddball quotient by carrying everything around in a really cool lunchbox I got at Archie McPhee. After a few days I noticed that my cell phone never rang anymore, in spite of the fact that fresh voicemail kept arriving. My account wasn't overdue, and my house isn't in a known cellular hole.

It took me four days to figure out that what I'd done was put a receiver into a space completely enclosed by a non-conducive metal: a fucking Faraday cage [from which signal can be neither transmitted nor received.] Worse, whenever I explain to people why I'm no longer carrying the lunchbox, all I have to say is "My phone..." and they interrupt, "Oh, cool! A Faraday cage!"

In other phone stupidity: I am, as I said in another thread, partially deaf in my right ear -- and have been since 1988. In spite of this, whenever I've been chatting with someone for long enough that the cartilige on my left ear starts feeling sore, I shift the phone to the opposite side of my head. "What? What?" Sorry, can't hear you, I'm in a Faraday cage.

.....................................................

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2000

You think you are pathetic at making coffee? Have you have destroyed a small appliance while making coffee? Hah! I thought not.

When my ex-boyfriend and lived together we decided to have my parents over for dinner. Since my folks are practically addicted to coffee (my father especially) I decided to make a pot. So I put it on to brew and walked away. Some minutes later I went back into the kitchen, which was completely open to the living room, so I could have, at any time, glanced over to see how the coffee was doing.

I was greeted by the sight of hot coffee all over counter. The carafe was sitting on the counter, next to the coffee pot. Needless to say, all of the liquid that had made its way into the hot plate of the coffee maker shorted it out.

So I had to tell my parents that, not only was there no coffee, but there wouldn't be until I bought a new coffee maker. They were super cool about it and we all had a good laugh (and Mom ended up buying me a coffee maker some weeks later 'cause I just hadn't gotten around to it).

I won't even go into all the examples of how my youthful klutziness has turned into adult clumsiness (yes, there is a difference - if you get hurt, it's clumsiness - if you emerge unscathed, it's klutziness) or the huge cat scratch I have on my hand due to my own stupidity.

-- Anonymous, February 05, 2000

HAH. When I was redoing the archives of my garden journal, I found this entry, which is a very similar story to today's entry. (Scroll down to the bottom of the sidebar -- it's the smashed finger story.)

I am, always and forever, a klutz, but Jeremy still doesn't give me enough credit.

-- Anonymous, February 20, 2000

best one...I'm back in college again so I now work weekends quite often.This past saturday and sunday were filled with work,and to bridge the two days I choose to accept an opportunity to go out on a pseudo-date with a co-worker saturday night. She wasnt scheduled for work on sunday,so we'll see how things are,on tuesday..oops wednesday that is,because I have tuesday classes.

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2000

I don't feel like giving a litany of all the pathetic thing I have done lately, but I am also Gimpy, as I have been wear a cam walker for the last few months without really know how or what happend to get me this way.

Welcome to the club and good luck.

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2000

Looks like coffeemaker incidents and falling down or into/on top of things are the most common in here, so I shall humor you guys by including my most recent little adventures of this persuasion. I did the 'poured too much water into the pot' thing and flooded my Black & Decker compact model over many times but how many of you can say that you've nearly burnt the house down by only loading the grounds into the basket and turning on the machine?? I have done this about five or six times.

Falling down seems to be my forte as of late, as I have not only twisted an ankle just this last summer, but then re-twisted that same ankle again earlier this winter and yet [*gasp*] again after the New Year. I am now known in the households of my friends & family as 'Gimpy' too. Now that this damned ankle has taken such a beating, even though it is healed, it shall always be the first one to buckle. It doesn't help that this year our Minnesota winter is one of the sloppiest yet and that I live in a 'non-emergency' plow route area. They'll plow there when they have time, after all the priority routes are done, which means NEVER.

...but I digress.

On top of all this, I went downtown to do some errands and on my way out of a building I thought I'd grab the escalator downstairs so I could take the bus. Well, the shoes I was wearing were incredibly heel-y and by that I mean that not only were the heels a little higher than what I normally wear traipsing around town but they were almost all rubber and also very chunky. Not five stairs down (I always walk on escalators, 'Type A' Klutz: can't bear to stand around & wait for shit to happen, has to MAKE it happen but not without falling on her ass/head/shin/finger/what-have-you first) and my heels grab the edge of the escalator and I fall knees-first down about three steps (like when you have a plastic sled at the top of the hill and you do a running start & jump in knees first). If you know what the stairs of an escalator look like then you can imagine how bad that was. I have about six or so big vertical cuts (deep, too) on both my legs where it cut me up and here is a pic of the damage. Lovely.

Luckily only a couple people saw me take my dive and neither was laughing, in fact they were genuinely concerned. I made my way home and lived to tell about it.

'booby jo'

-- Anonymous, February 21, 2000