Are you a "slow burn" kind of person, or do you get mad easily and get over it just as quickly? I fall into the last category, although I can hold a grudge if necessary. And sometimes I manage to hold my temper in check for a long time with a particular person or situation, and then when it blows, it blows big time.

How about you? Do you get a rush from a good bout of righteous anger, or does it just make you want to stop time for a few minutes until you get ahold of yourself?

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

Answers

I don't get mad often, but when I do, it's usually over someone being insufferably, intentionally rude -- and when I do get the rush of temper, I get the heart-pounding, palms-sweating, blushing thing. If I get REALLY angry, I cry. I hate that.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

I never used to get angry. It would take me days to get upset about something, usually something somebody did; by the time I got around to being upset about it, I had achieved the proper perspective to end up not getting angry about it but accept it and move on, or they had apologized.

Then I started running into more and more irritating things on a more regular basis, and I was getting angry a little more often, and for seemingly trivial reasons. For a while, the only time I got angry was when I was driving, because I drove every day; the things people did on this trip piled on top of the things they did on the trip this morning, so the anger sort of fed on itself and grew a lot faster.

I had been seeing one woman in college for five or six months; somebody cut me off on the freeway and I yelled at him. Sue was quiet for a minute, then she said, "I've never heard you raise your voice before."

Since then, I find that there are more categories of things that make me angry, with fewer lulls between them to give me a chance to decompress and distance myself from the irritation: health problems, kid problems, money problems, car problems, work problems... One of my little goals in life is to get through the day without falling down, breaking anything, or losing my temper. I believe in setting goals I can reach most days, and I usually get this right 4-5 days a week.

When I get angry, I just want to walk away. My parents' method of resolving conflict between my brother and me was to separate us, rather than solving the problem, so I grew up thinking that walking away was how you solved issues. When I started to meet people who got angry about something and actually fixed it, it was like they were from a different planet. I don't understand these people, and at the risk of seeming sarcastic, they kind of piss me off.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

It depends on my mood. Sometimes I do a slow burn and finally get around to complaining about whatever, other times I get mad and then get over it. Even when I'm really angry, I can usually keep myself from actually yelling if it isn't appropriate, especially at work.

I do enjoy a good bout of righteous anger, unless it's part of a whole pms type "I hate everybody and nobody loves me" mood. Then I'm just miserable.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

Sometimes when I get really angry, I cry too, and I also hate it when that happens. It's probably not very healthy, but I try to hold that kind of anger until I can be alone and then just cry it out in private.

But in general, my anger sounds a lot like Beth's (I get mad quickly sometimes but let go of it quickly too).

I try to find fewer things in my daily life that I can control to get really angry about though or to stay angry about without doing anything about it or letting go of it - just because I know it's not worth the energy involved (speaking just for myself of course, since I would in no way try to judge what other people should find "worth it" in terms of how they use whatever energy they have).

I don't like holding grudges - another bad use of my energy. I do on occasion just write people off, which is not the same as holding a grudge, I don't think. I mean, there are a few people in my long and checkered life that I just want nothing further to do with, so in those cases, I just stop all contact if possible.

Intentional rudeness is annoying, I agree - but it can be hard to judge people's intentions accurately (especially online), and what one person thinks is rude someone else thinks is funny or just matter-of-fact honesty or just an opinion about a topic and not any kind of personal attack anyone, etc. Sometimes the best response I can give to something someone says or does that I think is rude is either to ignore it or to ask the person what their intentions were, if I'm interested enough in the situation to want to discuss it with them.

But anyway, I ramble on - just also wanted to say I hope Beth feels better soon and can resolve things that are angering her at work and in other ways. I should try the exercise cure myself, now that my leg is much better - not for anger, but for sheer lethargy lately.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

I have a really, really long fuse and a very forgiving nature but, like the proverbial elephant, I *never* forget. The only thing that really gets me riled is cruelty (either intentional or unintentional- stupidity is no excuse!) to those unable to speak up for themselves: children, animals, the elderly, disabled, disenfranchised... Then watch out!

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

i have a very bad temper when i'm hungry, tired, or having pms. i don't enjoy it, especially when my anger takes me over the edge into crying. therefore, i try to keep myself well-fed and well-rested, and i avoid people as much as possible when i have pms. i can hold a grudge for a long time, too, not that i ever do anything about it. i get over little irritations pretty quickly, though.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

Megabitch temper. Worse in the morning than just about any time. I fly off the handle at the drop of a hat, scream and then cry.

The cats know to be very afraid when I get mad.

Also -- skin regimen? What the hay is that?

I wash my face in the shower. End of story. Every once and a while I remember to haul out the happy Clinique products my mother bought me when I was sixteen. Every once and a while.

So no cringing here Beth:)

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

I have a horrible temper, I inherited this from my mother, who inherited it from her mother, so I came by it naturally. I am Princess April, and my poor husband has heard many a tirade from me. I am afraid my worst comes out with my temper, I scream, cry, and then collapse with the worst headache known to man. I always feel bad about losing my temper afterward, and thankfully it does not happen all too often. My cats have the best calming effect on me... they can't stand it when I get upset, so they both climb on me and "kiss" me and pat my face until I stop. :-^

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

My temper is pretty awful, all things considered. There are times when it serves me well, such as when I use it in a controlled fashion to add forcefulness to my delivery durning discussions or arguments, and I usually don't mind that. Most of the time, however, it just leaves me snapping at people (and occasionally hitting inanimate objects) when I'm under a lot of stress. That sort of anger is quick to rise and quick to fall, and I usually feel bad about it afterward.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

I have a horrible temper. At work when things aren't going well I have to use all my willpower not to start snapping at my co-workers and saying some really horrible things.

It used to be worse; I think I'm mellowing out in my old age.

Re skin care: I used to just wash my face with soap in the shower. Then about a year ago I actually started using real skincare products that were designated as such, and all my acne cleared up. Wish I'd figured that out when I was 16.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

I have an extremely slow fuse, rarely get really angry. Rarely---but when it DOES erupt, watch out. A volcano rarely erupts, but when it does....I suppress and repress, and when it comes out, everybody duck!--Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Anonymous, February 11, 2000

hell yes, I have a bad temper. and lately (I can't decide if it is the dave factor or the pill I just started) but I feel myself letting loose liek you wouldn't believe. But I usually can (without further aggravation or playing out scenarios of things that could go wrong, but haven't gone wrong) calm down enough to be a person that some people even want to be around some of the time... sigh.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2000

To all but quote Cathy's post, I have a very long fuse and a very forgiving nature, but I don't ever forget. If you intentionally do something to hurt me, my family or someone I care about, you pretty much have no chance of ever getting back into my good graces.

On a daily basis, however, I'm a model of stoicism. If I lose my temper at all, it tends to manifest itself in quick bouts of undeserved sarcasm, which isn't a big enough change in my usual personality for anyone to notice.

Hope everyone has a happy weekend.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2000

one of those damn questions again. yes i have a temper which runs the gamut from mild, tongue biting displeasure up the point i get so enraged that afterwards i am physically sick. my temper is not hair trigger but given enough intense provocation - - katy bar the door. i can become intensely irritated at members of the family, but don't seethe inside. they have to put up with me and i with them. road rage, wow, i have to be very careful when warm weather arrives and my window is open, when it is cold and the window is closed i rip off some mighty curses. but the nonsensical things people do in traffic amaze me. they do these things to no avail, the guy who cut me off soon zips into another lane and charges ahead, and here is where my fun comes in - - - sitting at the stoplight, him in the lane right next to me, horribly impatient and drumming the steering wheel. i make a movement some little thing that causes him to look over at me, and i break out laughing up a storm. really pisses 'em off. i sincerely try to keep the peace, but it is hard for me.

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2000

For the sake of my blood pressure I try not to get angry too often, so most of my anger gets vented in the form of shouting and swearing at the slowness and inadequacy of my computer. Although there are times when I wish I could blow up more than I do, if that makes sense. Fear of being forced to have it out with people generally prevents me from doing so. Normally I bottle it up and bear grudges privately, and in the end nobody gets hurt except me. Damn my parents for raising me to be so nice

Tonight We Sleep In Separate Ditcheslanguage warning applies

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2000

To borrow from another post: I get angry very quickly when I am hungry or have PMS. Right now my husband is almost always home from work before me, and if dinner isn't started when I walk in the door, forget it. I once threw my briefcase across the living room because I was so pissed he hadn't started dinner yet (fortunately I didn't hit him or break anything). I know, I should appreciate that he cooks for me at all, but when I am hungry I lose all reason. I usually end up apologizing later.

From what my mother has said, I may get this angry/hungry tendency from my dad. If he comes home and is starving, look out. He has to have food right away.

During PMS I try my best to control myself, but all of the madness going on in my poor hormonal body causes me to pick fights when I really shouldn't. I've read a lot recently about trying different vitamin strategies to control these problems...we'll see if they work.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Of course I don't have a temper. Ask anyone. But I do tend to blow up quickly, and then get over it just as fast... If I hold a grudge, it is either something I wanted to say something about but couldn't, or something pretty big.
I hold in anger for quite a while, and let it build and brew, so when I finally let it out it is over something seemingly totally insignificant. And once it fades, I want to crawl into a corner and die.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000