Well, Monday is Valentine's Day so, since Pamie is out of town, take a moment and write a quick note to The One that Got Away, The One that Dumped Your Ass, or The One that You Have Always Been Too Shy to Talk To. (Writing to The One You Love is too easy and not as funny.)

So, here goes: Dear JGC, if I wasn't so ridiculous in college and had the nerve to talk to you when you sat next to me in Editing, I could be your wife by now! Today, my only option is to stalk you. And you live to far away. Damn. Allison

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2000

Answers

To the cute frat boy that I had sex with last weekend...
Come back. I need to get laid on Valentine's Day. I mean that. Not that I'm desperate, but you were pretty damn good in bed. So just as a thought...Do you have plans for Monday night?
-Meghan

To the guy who sits behind me in my Thursday night math class and pulls on my hair intermittently
Why the hell do you keep pulling my hair? It's not erotic. It's not even funny. It's just irritating. If you want to talk to me, it's probably better if you just start, you know, talking.
Just a suggestion.
-Meghan

-- Anonymous, February 12, 2000

Dear Psycho Ex, I'll bet you're going to have a real shitty Valentine's Day, considering you just found out I am engaged. I think it's great how you are all pissed off and I am terribly happy. Now quit inquiring about me to friends because I have found the one and I hope you choke on your own selfishness.

M

-- Anonymous, February 13, 2000

Dear J, You know, I appreciate that you tried to let me down gently when I had that crush on you in high school. But it really would have been better if you'd just told me you were gay and not let me walk in on you and your boyfriend. Just for future reference. --Stacey

Dear M, I hear you're about to get dumped by the girl you cheated on me with. I would never say "I told you so," but I would like to note that there is some justice in the world after all. --Stacey p.s. I was faking about 90% of the time.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

dear andy,

thanks for no longer being an asshole. even if you don't want me, you're pretty cool to just hang out with, friends-like. but in any case, i hope you get some from sarah tonight, because we all know that's what you really want.

smooches,

aggie

dear mike dilonardo,

fuck you! i turned out just fine and you don't know what you're missing. i hope you rot in hell, you evil golf playing bastard. remember, if you end up winning the PGA tour, i'm going to tell sports illustrated that you were a jerk in high school and lousy in bed to boot.

cheers,

aggie

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Dear Jeff, Yeah, I was a big dork all through junior high and high school. I'm sure you knew I had that big-ass crush on you. I tried to keep it secret, but damn, I had to be totally obvious. I wrote your name all over the inside cover of my textbooks. And my notebooks. Sometimes I wrote my first name and your last name. So anyway, remember all those times you rolled your eyes at me and thought I was immature and didn't ask me to the prom, but decided it would be more fun to date stupid cheerleaders and dumb blondes who treated you like shit? OK, I remember that too. And I just want you to know that I'm having a great Valentine's Day weekend with my special someone out here in beautiful Seattle, Washington, and I hope you're having fun with another dumb blonde back in BFE Ohio. Also you're sort of funny-looking. xoxo
Jan

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Dear The Name That Shall Not Be Spoke, Lest I Accidentally Invoke You:
Just wanted to say thank you. No, really! Thank you. Now that we've been broken up for two years, I can finally say that I learned something from you. I've become a stronger person, more self-confident, more independant, and a funner person to be around in general. It's too bad that it took a year of dating you to force these changes in me, but I guess that all the abuse, rape attempts, stalking, mind games, meaningless (to you) sex, lies, and power trips were worth it in the end. Up until recently, this letter to you would have merely consisted of "I hope the next time you're driving recklessly and run your car off the side of a mountain, it finishes the job." But now my life's back together, and in better shape than it ever was, even before I met you. I can appreciate my current partner and love him even more, knowing that I lived through you, and that he's exactly what I always wished you could have been, but knew deep down you never would be. So, yeah, thanks.
Love, me.

Dear Dan:
Even though we never really had a "thing" going (except for that one time in your car when we kissed for no real reason), I still miss you. Whatever happened to you? I haven't seen you since 1995, the summer before I started college. It's really weird that I still think about you all the time, considering you were just my boyfriend's friend and the guy that dyed his hair with me. I hope you think of me and look me up sometime; you were the most interesting person I've ever met.
Wondering, me.

Dear Girl:
I think I have a crush on you. I think about you a lot. My boyfriend knows, I think, and he gets a kick out of it...I'm too tempted to say something, or do something, when I see you. I think that would really mess things up, though. I don't think I want to go there. I don't want the drama. *sigh*
Yours anyways, me.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

SM: I hope you're doing okay. No, really. I don't mind that you turned your back on me and put me in a depressed state that I'm still in, many moons later. No, I mean it. Nevermind that you probably still don't know what it's like to live.

AI: Ha. Hahahaha. *falls over and convulses in laughter* And you thought you could manipulate me like that? Hahahahahaha. How is life in Louisiana? Oh, that's right. You've had social problems ever since I broke up with you after a week (I could tell you were more trouble than you were worth that quickly), and you don't bother to talk to me or any of my friends unless you want to whine. Hahahahahahaha. I still find it funny that you consider me a "valid ex." I guess a week is enough for you to call it a relationship. Haha.

BL: The true love of my life...finding you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Leaving me was the worst. Cupid's an ass.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

To the Onion:

You probably didn't know I even called you that, but that's ok. I used to have a mad crush on you. On and off. Since tenth grade. You're scary-smart. When you make mistakes in Calculus, even the teacher thinks you're right. You have cool hair. I stupidly told you once that you talked too quietly. I was wrong.

I couldn't make myself talk to you all year until last night. I was planning to compliment you on your Onion shirt and pass an "I like you" kind of note, because I'm a cheesehead like that. Anyway, since I brought myself to attempt conversation with you (an interview for an article in the paper, yes), I've made excuses to myself for why I am glad I stopped crushing over you. They're not really good reasons, except the one about having someone else I love and wouldn't dream of dumping for you.

But you're still cool. And my friends will probably still call you the Onion, but not to your face. And you're still cool, if in a scary way. I wish I weren't such a dork.

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Dear Boy,

I let you get away and I didn't even realize it. Why is it that I always say the wrong things when you're around. I want to smack myself in the forehead (and sometimes I do) so you probably think I have some kind of mental disorder or something. I just wish you'd realize what a great girl I am.

And hey, if you ever want to hook up, you could take lessons from the cute boy who's after the girl across the hall. He waited til she left, got her roommate to let him in, and spread roses all over her bed and left her computer playing "Bed of Roses." Heck, I'd be happy if you came over and left your dirty socks on my bed. At least I'd know you cared.

Love, Piper

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Dear B.,

It seems you're destined to be the one that got away. I would give heaven and earth to bring you to my side tonight and tell you how I feel, how I've always felt, if it would change anything... but I'm your best friend.

The best friend you've ever had, you say. "We've been friends forever," you tell me. We're soulmates. We're... friends. I know you're with her, and I know you're happy. I'm trying to take comfort in that.

I love you. I will always love you. I can't escape it. I can't change it. Everyone I meet from now on will be judged by the standard you set.

That makes me feel hopeless and resigned all at the same time. I feel as if my fate is sealed. Most of the time I can be content with being your adoring best friend, and keeping the rest of what I feel locked away. But sometimes, like tonight, it all comes overflowing out, and there's nothing I can do but hang on and ride out the wave.

Be happy, love. The only thing that would mean more to me is if you were happy with me.

Yours, even if you aren't mine,
Lisa

-- Anonymous, February 14, 2000

Dear Alyson Hannigan -

I wish you'd return my calls or letters. I know I'm not some charming, handsome son of a bitch like Seth Green, but come on. I'm much more devoted. I watched three complete seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for you. I rooted for you while my friends were drooling over your co-star, Sarah Michelle Gellar, or that bitch that plays Cordelia. I even had do sit through all those slow motion shots of the guy that plays Angel, just so I could see the five minute section where you might expose your ankles. That's love.

I watched American Pie like twenty times. I never wanted to be a flute so much in my life. I even cut my hair like that Jim guy so maybe you'd notice me. I got lots of play from Austrian chicks, but I never got a call from you. Jesus, I even watched Dead Man on Campus just because you were in three scenes. Do you realize how /bad/ that movie is? I cried when they set your hair on fire.

If you'd just take a minute from your busy, Hollywood lifestyle, then clearly you'd see that we were meant to be together. We have so much in common. Your name's Irish, so's mine. You played a geek on TV and in the movies, I'm ranting to you in an online forum. Willow's parents were Jewish. If I had fake parents, I'd want them to be Jewish. I've set my hair on fire to feel your pain. I've converted to Wicca. I even have a Buffy trading card with your picture on the Goddess side of my altar.

And to be honest, I'd probably fuck Seth Green too, given the chance.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Colleen I have few regrets in my life but how I treated you is one, If I was to see you today I would tell you how sorry I am and how special you are.

Shannon I have to think that Charles Schults (bless him in heaven) wrote every cartoon about Charlie Brown and the litle Red Headed Girl for me thinking about you.

Alexis I wish I knew then what I know now, how to love! I think about you at some time every day, day in and day out for the last twenty two years, I will search for you in the next life and the next and the next and the next ........

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

To Nora from my sophomore year of college: we began dating when my girlfriend dumped me and when she wanted me back I dumped you and then I made it worse by never speaking to you even though we both had part time jobs in the same supermarket and sometimes were only a couple registers apart. I ignored you because I felt so guilty at dumping you that every time I saw you I got so angry at myself. I was a shit. I was a dumb nineteen year old. There is a reason why sophomoric is a pejorative term. That described me. You were a sweet kid and I'm sorry. Yeah, February 2000 is a bit late to apologize for my behavior in November of 1962.

Jim

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

DearJ, Remember when you asked me out back in college, and I said no because I was seeing someone? Well, he was a jerk. You can ask me out again. Love, Egg.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Dear Vic,

Thanks for the most fucked up Valentine's Day ever. Hey, at least I wasn't alone, the police officer who took my statement was really nice, and funny, too. Funnier than you. Mama always said to beware of men who try to whirlwind you, she was right. I thought you were a little scary when you gave me your dead mother's claddaugh ring after knowing me for two days, but when you tried to get me to pay your rent, I figured you were a loser. I didn't realize you were a con man. Too bad you don't know about the places on the Net where you can find court records. Too bad you're not a smooth liar. Too bad you didn't get my money.

And you never got me into bed. Ha, ha.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Mister K sometimes i wish that i could throw everything thing that i have now, in the garbage, just to have you back. and although we have agreed not to get envolved again, i wish i had told you how i really felt about you. now i am kicking myself in the ass, but the truth is life goes on, and well, i fucked up. i will love you always, even if you are a jack ass.

xerxes

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Dear Amy,

Im sorry I was such a shy little flake back when we were going out. How could I compare with your experience? Your life at that incestuous little high school made my exploits at Disney World and in the kids room at that church seem sheltered. You were so far beyond me. I remember how warm and fragile your body felt as I held you. We both smelled like pepperoni. I remember how smooth, strong, and perfect your legs were. I remember when you taught me how to two-step and we kissed for the first time to that weepy Garth Brooks song. I remember how you came to my soccer game even though I had a pulled muscle and just sat on the bench squirming. I remember staying up until 3:00 AM watching The Outsiders and talking talking talking That was the night I fell foolishly in love you, and have never felt love so pure and unquestionable since. After the first taste we know too much to leave ourselves bare. I wish I could show you the man Ive become. Not the present you who is married with a child, but the you who wanted me years ago. Id find us both and tell you how Ive mellowed, learned, and grown. And Id tell me not to be such a fool.

P.S. I was honest when I said I didnt sleep with Smiley. Not that it matters.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Dear J.,

I had a great time hanging out with you at the party Saturday night and I was pleased that you asked for my number again and said you'd call me soon. I know, it's only Tuesday, so I'm gonna wait until Thursday before I break down and call you instead, but it'd be real nice if you let me have the power in this (potential) relationship for just a little while longer by calling me first...

...especially since that little quiet ditch you gave me last fall. What was up with that? We spent so much time together at Burning Man - remember how we told each other about our heartbreaks and how romantic we get towards our loved ones? Remember how I came back from my wanderings at 4am the night of the burn and how you called my name from the dark of your tent and crawled out into the cold pavillion to bury your face in my lap because of your HR Geiger-like hallucinations due to all those mushrooms you ate? I thought we really bonded there - especially when you spent the night in my tent, all curled up around me and keeping me warm for the first time that trip.

We said we'd hang out occasionally after that - and I tried calling you a few times but I think that belly dancer you had a crush on must've dumped her boyfriend for you, 'cause you just dropped off the face of the earth for awhile. I saw you at Halloween - did you send her out of your room just to check out my belly dancing outfit? Did you guys snicker at me back in your room? Wait - don't tell me if you did, I don't want to know, 'cause if you did and I know about it then I don't care if you call me or not...

No, that was a joke. Ok, not a joke, but I wasn't serious...just, call me, ok? We don't have to get romantic about it or anything, we can just be friends and talk...you're so sensitive and sweet and talented, it'd be great to have a friend like you....so call me, ok?

Oh, and if you happen, for some reason, to find this and read this....I'm not that desperate, really. In fact, this is someone else entirely....

Love,

Heather

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Wasn't this topic done as an Alanis Morrisette song? Eeek.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Dear E, I don't know what to say, so let's just leave it at that. I wish I could say something, but I can't get it out. I miss you.

-Thetis

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

dearest p.h., it's ok you dumped me for a loser that has a big nose. i forgive you. i want you back more than anything! and i know you talk to me and email me because you still like me. for god's sake, who could like that thing you are dating? i hate you now. forget what i just said. the offer to never be friends still stands.

dear philip's hot twin brother, the rumours are false! i like you and i have since i started dating philip a whole year ago! isn't that sad? and wtf with all the flirting at the football game in november? hmm

love, pinke the ultimate nerd who can't find a decent guy.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Dear KWD, Wow, you did it again. You pissed me off beyond words AGAIN. You used me, you cheated on me (online?!) but it's okay. Cuz I was in love w/ DWJ. And I'm really happy w/ him right now and you can go to hell! Maybe not though...because, even though I don't want to admit it...I still like you. A little bit. A LITTLE BIT! That's it. Maybe it's just the longing for what was lost so long ago...I have no clue. I guess it's just that I LOVED YOU AND YOU BLEW ME OFF! You did love me though...I really know that. You loved me just like I loved you. But it all ended in November. Why did I give it another try? I don't have a clue.

Your guilt trips work somewhat. But I just ignore them. I feel so safe in DWJ's arms, hidden from the world and all of the torcher you put me through in the last few months. I still will never forget that you told the whole school my biggest secret. I'll never forget how you made me feel so stupid online. But I'll also never forget our first kiss. I'll never forget the fun we had. I can't just let it all go.

But as DWJ wraps his arms around me...I'm safe. It's my santuary. But I love him now. Maybe it's just..well, I don't know what it is. I still have a small amount of feelings for you, but so much more of it goes to DWJ. Once the feelings for you are gone...

I think I'll truely love him.

-- Anonymous, February 15, 2000

Dear Jake

We didnt date- i didnt even want to date you. but we were friends. even though you are 19 and i am much older than that.

It was hard for me to have you say 19 yr old things to me. it was even harder for me when you asked for time to work things out and i gave it to you but you didnt ever talk to me again even though you said you would call me in 2 weeks.

so now i just miss you and sometimes i hope to see you.

and the other day i did. but you pretended not to see me.

one day i will leave a note on your car to tell you how i feel

this is what it will say:

I miss being your friend.

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2000

Dear Smart Dude, You were really handsome. Really. And nice, and frighteningly smart, and funny. For a moment, I even thought you were my ideal man. When you're sixteen, what can I say, you fall in love at the drop of a hat. Thanks for walking me home, holding me, making my heart skip too many beats. Thanks for coming to my apartment when I thought you were going to see my neighbours; I like surprises. Thanks for lying on my bed while I was getting snacks, and making me live the craziest, brightest moment of my life. I had never hoped I had even the slightest chance of being noticed by you. When you smiled at me and invited me to sit by you, I didn't move, not because I was shy but because the moment was so perfect I wanted to absorb every second of it. When you're sixteen, you're romantic like that. Thanks for the kisses, thanks for that muttered "You drive me crazy". Thanks for the instant I thought I might faint from pure joy. I was ready to give you everything I owned. Thanks for getting scared, and making a million excuses, then running away. I can appreciate the drama now, but when you're sixteen, those things crush your heart. I'm 20 now, and still think about you way too often. You're probably not that great, just a regular geek, probably not even that handsome. I still wish I had some closure on that afternoon of soap operaish drama.

Not at all stalkerishly,

Freyja

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2000

Dear MSM, I wanted you to be the one. I tried my best for 8 years. Sometimes I imagine this deathbed scene where I am dying of a painless slow disease that makes me look tragic and beautiful, and I whisper to my family to go bring you to me. And then you are there, and you hold my hand, and look deep into my eyes, and all the love and forgiveness and understanding flows between us...you are the only one I still think of every day and carry in my soul no matter what. It's been a year since we last spoke, and there is still a hole in my heart where you once lived.

LDC/wub

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2000

Dear A.V.

I'm deleting your entry in my guestbook. Loser.

Jen

-- Anonymous, February 16, 2000

Dear Ayel: You turned out to be a complete prick. I'm so glad that I never got up the courage to tell you how much I liked you, how much I dreamt about you, how much I cried when you went out with Hanna. Good thing she turned out to be just purrrfect for you. I'm just not glad I wasted two years of high school, prime dating time, on you, you dick. Now your older brother, on the other hand, is fabulous. Too bad he has such a shitty family member. Dear Sameer: You also turned out to a controlling freak, or so my friend found out when she dated you. Ellis also turned out to be just perfect for you, and I'm not sorry she jerked you around for two and half years. Are you still a virgin? Good luck with that. Dear John: Well, I can't say much bad about you. It's too bad though, that the whole time I was crushing on you, you couldn't get over Angie (the less said, the better). Now you're with someone wonderful, so good for you. I'm happy to see you happy. Dear Aizick: You missed your chance. I'm sorry our mutual interest took place at widely separated times. You'll still wake up one day and realize that some girl has discovered you're amazing. I hope it's sooner rather than later. Dear Brent: I wish I had acted on my impulses sooner. But I didn't and you truly were the one that got away. Still, what's done is done, we've both moved on. I'm glad we became such good friends. Dear Anders: What can I say? You were my first. And I mean, my very first. For that, you'll always be special. I just regret that we never actually talked about us, or our feelings, or whatever. But I had fun. I hope you did too. Dear Whoever: I'm waiting . . . wherever you are, I'm so ready for you.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Dear He Who Cannot Be Named,

I must admit, I never thought you'd have it in you to really never speak to me again when you said you wouldn't. I am experiencing a mental peace that I could never have had when i would hear the phone ring and worry that it was/wasn't you. Thanks for this one final thing.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Dear MJB:

Even with you in Michigan and me in Massachusetts, we had the same life. Our birthdays are two days apart, our parents share the EXACT same names. We both lived in white houses. Green and gold. Wildcats. I loved you in primary colors, mourned our breakup in black. It took months. I never cried as hard as I did in the car coming home from the airport.

Afterwards, you called me your best friend, said you still loved me, said "you're stonger than this" when I broke down.

And now its all changed! I havent seen you in 3 years. You're still getting drunk every weekend and jockeying pizza and playing guitar and smoking and not paying your phone bill. Why didn't you grow up!? If we'd stayed together, would you still have ended up this immature? When would it have fallen apart? You were perfect, intriguing, ambitious, brilliant, and now you're a loser, a punk. I can't love you the same now!!

I miss who you could have been.

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

To the man of my formative years:

I'm glad you are happy back with her. Your kid is cute. Please stop sending me pictures.

(Oh I had to burn your book of Bukowski. It smelled of you.)

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

Dear Jon,

I often wonder what would have happened that night we slept in bunkbeds at KSC, if we'd slept in the same bunk. I often wonder if we'd have gotten married to each other. We loved each other so much and we were best friends.

I'm glad you're happy. I'm glad I'm happy. I just wonder what if, sometimes.

Love you, Wendy

-- Anonymous, February 17, 2000

To J.O.: It's been too many years to count, and you're just a faded memory who's face is still ten years old. But I never forgot you, or how simple and pure and true my love was for you. Now, 16 years apart I can't imagine ever having anything in common but I still hope to find you someday, just to discover who you became.

To C.A.: We never made it anywhere I wanted to go, but thanks for the memories none the less. You made even church almost appealing.

To M (1): I was a dork. I'm grateful that I didn't do anything TOO horrible, but at 19 I knew less than nothing, and it was a miracle things weren't worse. At any rate, you made my heart beat faster than it ever had one night and I thank you for the memory.

To M.(2) H.: To you I owe a lot of who I am. I still believe you had a potential unequaled to anyone I've ever met. I told you then that you would regret not grabbing on to me and never letting go, and you have a few times, haven't you? That comes as a strange sort of comfort to me, even knowing that the person I was then is no longer, and even if things were same we could never be. I yearn for you still, sometimes though.

To M.(3) T.: You were the third "M" for me in less than a year, and you probably touched and scarred me deepest of them all. I will never cease to be haunted by memories of you, and the mistakes I made, and the wrong turns I took. I'm sorry. I've said that a million times, and I'm sure I'll say them a million more. I only wish you were there to hear me. I only wish I wasn't dead to you. You will never be dead to me. You were right; we could never be, but I wish at least we could have stayed friends.

T.: Thank the Light for you, I will never let you go. I hope you can say the same for me.

-M.T.B.

-- Anonymous, February 18, 2000

Dear Michael B.

-- Anonymous, February 22, 2000

Dear Michael B., Okay, so I like you so much it's giving me a headache. I haven't had a crush like this since high school. I'm about to graduate from college and I feel like a fourteen year old. It's not fun. I only get to see you three times a week and you would not believe how much I look forward to those three or four minutes I get with you. My hands shake, my stomach does this flu-like nausea thing and my entire body tingles. If I told you all of that, would you run? I don't think I'd run if someone told me that was the way the felt about me. I think it would make me happy. I feel pathetic. I wish you would tell me what to do about this, because I don't know what to do and no one else does, either. I've gotten some really bad advice. My best friend says I should just walk right up to you and kiss you. Should I just walk right up to you and kiss you? I know you have trust issues where women are concerned, what with your girlfriend sleeping with your best friend last sememster, but really...I'm nothing like her. Ask anyone. Well, anyone who didn't read this. Because if they read this, they're most likely scared of me. You're most likely scared of me. Don't be scared of me, okay?

-- Anonymous, February 22, 2000

to all the boys that move away when it is over: how lucky am i to have ex-s' that take the extra step in moving on, and move so far away. thank you, you have made living my life as a cold-hearted tramp so easy, and without consequence. your sacrifice is my reward

-- Anonymous, February 23, 2000

Dear Scott,

Who knows why the hell I'm writing this, and why the hell I still think of you after 2 years. All I can think of is that Saturday when you snuck down to see me-- how we went to the beach and we walked along the sand together holding hands.. and in between the waves we could see schools of little fish darting in and out... and I remember thinking that it was the most perfect day of my life, and that if I never lived another day I would die happy. Remember that? You told me you loved me that day, and I swear I believed you. So now you're probably still with her, and even if you're not you never called me back anyway. So what difference does it make? I tell myself that I hope you're happy, but the truth is I want you to have a little black spot on your heart to match mine, and I hope that every once in awhile you are blindsided by a random thought of me. We crashed and burned in the most painful way but you know-- I wouldn't have traded our ride for anything.

-- Anonymous, February 24, 2000

Tommy- you melt me.... I am smitten. And the other night when you said "i just want someone to love me" I wanted to say...its ME tommy! ME that loves you! well its ME that wants to love you. but tommy lets face it.... you date tramps... you pick the wrong women. you date the kind of women that actually think it is okay to rip out your heart and than tell you that you are too good to be with them. and than go home with one of your friends. Tommy...its true... you are too good to be with them. Jesus i must really have a thing for you. Im going to make every effort to stay out of your bar from now on.

-- Anonymous, March 03, 2000

Tommy-

I cant stay out of your bar....I feel like im dating jack daniels. You could save me from my budding relationship with mr daniels- hell you could just save me... cmon tommy... save me Please....

-- Anonymous, March 17, 2000

Dave,

I lied. Your girlie-breast-man-chest did creep me out.

-- Anonymous, March 18, 2000

Dear Sheri,

Leave me alone. I don't even go to church anymore because you attend. I'm a member and you're not. Make up your mind. I'm glad I don't hang out with the friends we used to share, because ALL of them remind me of you. Don't try to act friendly to me, because you were a lousier friend than a girlfriend. I don't care if Julie says you are really pretty and cute. I'd rather not see your face, because all you brought me was pain and intense confusion. Thanks for nothing.

-- Anonymous, March 20, 2000