Okay, since there is really no nice way of saying this, and certainly no politically correct one either...

What exactly qualifies you as a fag hag?

A number of my female friends, and even my girlfriend, proclaim themselves to be as such.

Can we get some in depth commentary from some learned or just opinionated folks on this particular sociological phenomenon? What is the motivation, the appeal... in short, what's the deal?

Nooch...

-- Anonymous, February 24, 2000

Answers

i think, and don't throw rocks just yet, that fags are seen as "harmless" men to be around, and fun to boot. they won't hit you, or be abusive, and you're still hanging out with someone with a penis. plus, they've got a wicked sense of humor, and, afterall, isn't having fun what life's about?

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2000

Gay men are just cuter and smarter and better-dressed than the general population of heterosexual beer-swilling, football-watching, cat-calling men. Wouldn't you rather be friends with someone who shares your interests?

I personally always thought "fag hag" was a pretty derogatory term, and certainly wouldn't think an attached girl would take it up. http://www.angelfire.com/va/ginaforall/loser.html is a fairly heated dissing of those girls.

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2000

I'm one. I embrace it. All my boy friends are queer - and I will go ahead and admit, since there may be some one who knows me reading this, that I have been among their ranks as well - and I love to spend time with them.

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2000

i actually prefer the title "fruit fly". it's generally a term for women who surround themselves with gentlemen who are burstin with fruit flavor. i am one. i am a theatre person so i guess it goes without saying. they are almost always gorgeous, well mannered, hysterically funny and they fulfill the sensitive female qualities. they actually make it possible for me to not really have to associate with females at all. it eliminates the whole competition thing because they get guys i cant have anyway. and they WILL tell me if i am not properly accessorized. i love me some gay men.

-- Anonymous, February 25, 2000

Geez. I went to the link one girl had posted, (http://www.angelfire.com/va/ginaforall/loser.html) I guess I can understand why the author of that piece was so angry, but still...Geez. I don't consider myself a "fag hag," but if you took a population sample of my friends, about 75% of them are gay. It doesn't matter if my friends choose to sleep with their own gender; they're my friends because we share common interests and dreams, not because I selected them based on their sexual orientation. I suppose what I would like to reply to the author of that website is this: If a putative "fag hag" is happy in herself, how are they screwing up your life? Life is too short to waste that kind of vitriol on anyone who hasn't broke into your house and molested your cat and guppies.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2000

I'm offended that there IS such a term as "fag hag" or even "fruit fly." People are people, just get over it. What does it matter if your friends are gay or straight? Big freakin deal. If you get along with them, have fun with them, can share things, then great.

Two of the people closest to me in the world are gay, and I didn't know until they told me. It's just not something that matters to me an awful lot, I guess. Well, that and the fact that I tend to be pretty blind to that kind of thing... I get surprised a lot. Hehe.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2000

Lindsey, I have absolutly no problem with gay people, or staight people, or anyone else for that matter. I just find it funny. Some of the women I know carry that title around like a badge. It is proudly proclaimed in bars, and resturants, and in just about any conversation where the topic comes up. If you ask them, they can tell you exactly whose fag hags they are, "I'm Jason and Mark's fag hag, and Jesse's too, Carrie is Jed and Paul's fag hag.", like staking out territory. Being a straight man, and having failed to get a decent answer from even my girlfriend, I decided to throw it up on the forum that we may all marvel and wonder at the phenomenom. I just think that anyone who spends time around women who love gay men, can't help but chuckle occasionally at their antics.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2000

I think when it comes to terms like fag hag and fruit fly (and countless others), it's a matter of reclaiming a term that was meant to be derogatory. There are people who believe that when the insulted party embraces (and sometimes redefines) such terms, it negates the insults behind the names.

I believe it's a fairly effective tactic. Look at how terms like gay, dyke, and bitch aren't necessarily insults. Heck, I'm proud to be a geek!

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2000

Please inform:

Which city exactly is the "gay mecca of the midwest"? (As the above linked article referred to.)

I'd no idea there even was one, figuring most of us had high-tailed it for the west coast or new york.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2000