I was just reading Pamie's article on her Relationship Turmoil, and I was struck by the fact that it happened very close to Pamie and Eric's 3-year anniversary. I have been told that there's something about the 3-year anniversary that makes people reevaluate their relationships. And in fact, my girlfriend and I called it quits after 3 years, and two of my best friends did too. I've heard of the "7-year itch", but the 3-year itch seems more common. Has anybody else experienced this?

Meanwhile, it is February, and my ex is dealing with the fallout of a bitter break-up with her post-me relationship, and I going through similar relationship turmoil. So there's something about February that sucks too (I guess due to Valentine's Day). Are there any other magic numbers or dates to beware of in relationships?

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2000

Answers

I don't really believe in "magic numbers" when it comes to relationships. If you start thinking that way, you'll just psych yourself out and it'll become a self-fulfillign prophecy.

I mean seriously, if you're all scared because you're coming up on the three-year mark, maybe you'll start to be more critical of the relationship, wondering when things will start to go wrong. I don't know.

I tend to take things one day at a time. I'm in such a good relationship right now that I don't even want to think about the future for fear of jinxing it. Silly, I know.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2000

I'm not sure it's a three year thing... I think it's a spring thing.

I always notice myself getting restless as spring approaches. Back in college, my grades for that term always sucked because i was buggering off all the time.

I think anytime is a good (bad?) time for relationship turmoil. Shit happens.

-- Anonymous, February 28, 2000

I've always heard 3 months, then 6, then who knows. I've never heard about the 3 year bit. I don't really like to put much stock in it, either.

the plan

-- Anonymous, February 29, 2000

hmmm... maybe everyone has a different number. two years seems to be about it for me. i've had relationships last longer than two years, but some significant turn always happens right about then. 5 years is the other big one... got divorced after 2 years of marriage, 5 years total with him. (does that mean that 5 is insignificant, and 2 and 3 are the ones to watch out for? )

maybe it's not the time, but the pace. having the patience of a flea, i need to see things happening. as in, the next plateau we get to is ... and if it isn't rearing it's head on the horizon, i'll do something to shake things up.

and february is definitely a bad time for any relationship - we've just gotten thru the holidays, including new year's which is an insane order to party even if you don't feel like it, the winter still sucks, it's dark and cold in the morning, there's nowhere near enough sunlight... and then the evil twin to new year's, valentine's day, is thrown in for good measure. if that doesn't add stress, i don't know what does.

-- Anonymous, March 01, 2000

my current boyfriend would have been with his ex three years ago this past monday, and i would have been with my most recent ex three years ago on the 15th of march. both of us broke up with said exes in the past six months. i think you're right.

but seeings as how we've only been dating for just over a month, we're not too worried about anything.

-- Anonymous, March 02, 2000

Now that February is over, let me point out another thing to watch for: the Ides of March. I've never seen that many things happening in February, but... things always get shaken up in March.

-- Anonymous, March 02, 2000

I had a problem with the 3-year itch. Well, not me actually. My girlfriend, if you must know. We dated for 3 years, and then I head off to college. She's a year younger, still in high school. I find out the week of fall-term finals that SHE has been going out with some DUDE since the week after I left. No one told me! She swore we were still together. YES there is a 3-year itch. And GOD do I hate it.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000