Have you ever met in "real life" someone you only knew online? Did you find that the person was just like you thought he or she would be? Do you think it's best to keep your online friends strictly online? Do you feel like your online friends know you better than some of your close friends? Share your horror stories and positive experiences.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Answers

my sister dated some guy she "chatted" with for 3 yrs. they dated for a bit (he was sorta cute), but it didn't work out. he was canadian. maybe that was the problem.

KIDDING.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

I can't believe I'm the first to post on this tres juicy topic! Yes, I have met a couple folks in meatspace, with very mixed results...

Last summer I met fellow Toronto journaller Rick McGinnis for a drink, and that was good fun indeed; he was pretty much just what I expected from his excellent journal. We had a great time. Haven't seen him since, but we do trade the occasional email ("where is that butcher you rave about?" "WHAT best dessert place in the city??")

Two years ago I met someone in LA and that turned out not so good at all. This was looooong before Artist At Large, and we only knew each other through email. He had a neat-o page, I wrote to him, emails started to fly. There was a major flirt vibe going down, baby. It was fun.

So I went to La-La Land visit dear friends, not really to see him, but we were both looking forward to meeting... and it was a disaster. He turned out to be quite a rude asshole in person, and I got the distinct feeling that I wasn't what he had expected (whatever that was, he'd seen pics).

And it sure seemed like he'd liked me just fine as an arm's-length cyber fantasy babe, but wasn't too keen on the meatspace reality of the actual less-than-perfect girl. It sucked so hard.

Some things that start online can't survive the transition from virtual to real. Other times, I am sure that it would be just fine. Maybe it's all about the expectations.

Sure, there are quite a few people I read that I'd love to hoist beers with in the real world. Others I don't think I'd care to meet. Like reading them, don't think we'd have enough in common to be having any great convos. And meeting readers? That's such an uneven playing field, isn't it? They'd know tons about me, I'd know nothing about them! So far, haven't had any experience with that particular offer.

Do I feel like my online friends know me better than my close friends? No, not at all. They know all the great stories, maybe, but my homeys know all the stuff I *don't* write about, too, which is rather a lot.

Have a great time at sxsw, Pamie- can't wait to hear about it!

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

I met a boy from online who was already "in love with" me by the time he met me. He was in town for his half-brother's wedding, and so we met and ended up making out on the couch in my living room about an hour after we met.

I was such a naive little girl, but I got a year and four months of long-distance angst, romance, and good nookie from the buttmunch before it all ended in a big ball of fire.

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

A couple of years ago I started reading an on-line journal that got me hooked on this whole genre. The writer and I seemed to have alot in common, and as it turns out - we did. I had sent her a couple of emails when she wrote something that particularly resonated with me, and through her replies we began a correspondence. What an eye opener. I had always thought that people who had on-line friends were socially inept geeks who couldn't make friends in the real world, and suddenly I had become one of them.

After trading emails for a couple of months, she came to New York for a visit and we made plans to meet. Through her journal, and our emails, I had a pretty good idea of what she would be like, but I still felt kind of nervous. I guess I felt weird about the whole "on-line friend" thing. I mean, I knew that I was a perfectly normal person, with lot's of flesh and blood friends and an active social life but...

It is a very different experience when you meet someone on-line, because if you've never heard their voice or observed their body language, there's a huge frame of reference missing. No matter how much you think you'll know exactly what they're going to be like, the physical presense of someone is always going to be surprising in some way. She was almost exactly like I thought she would be, and yet I still felt like I was meeting her for the first time, not like I already knew her. After about a half hour, once we had adjusted to the shock of being face to face, we lightened up and were able to interact just like any friends who have known each other for awhile - and we're still friends today.

It was all kind of a fluke though, and she is the only friend I've ever met in this way. There is a fine line between on-line friend and stalker, especially in the realm of journaling.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Yeah I met a few people I knew from an online discussion group. One guy was so funny online, in writing, but in person he was as dull as flat beer.

Another woman I met was lively, talkative, but after an hour or so she just settled in to glaring at me and not speaking. Weird!

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

[blushing] I didn't know my "full name" would appear in the post; thought it was some field from whatever software you purchased. Let me not log on here first time and present myself as some Goth priestess :-)

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

I am marrying someone I met online.

He was just as much of a smartass in person as he was online. I used to have to ban him from chatrooms for being crude.

He's quieter in person initially, until you get to know him and then he's the same smartypants.

But also the same teddy bear I got to know online, is the same teddy bear I am marrying.

The horror story: Some guy I never met nor ever felt comfortable around managed to become an channel moderator on the channel I was on...he ended up getting busted for child molestation and porn. He gave me the heebie-jeebies from start to finish. In hindsight, I now know why.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Yes, I have and they've been just like online but we could eat and drink and talk and laugh without having to type.

I had gotten to know a couple in England (via the old Sage's Coffee Shakes site and the mailing list that followed after Sage shut her site down) and one summer when I was in London on business we arranged to meet. I took the train down to the small rural village where they lived, met their kids, joined in a very nice cookout party with them and their friends, consumed quantities of delicious home made beer; sat up until the wee hours of the morning talking... had a very lovely visit.

And a couple months ago (again off on business trip) got together for dinner with someone I had only known via the Internet.

So... I've only had good experiences (although I can understand the potential problems and dangers... it probably helps being a middle-aged male rather than a twenty-something female) and I would not hesitate to meet someone in real life that I only knew via the web.

These results may not be typical; your mileage may vary.

Jim

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Yeah, I met somebody in real life that I only knew online. Then I met him again. Then I met him again.

Then I moved in with him.

I've met a bunch of other people that I met online originally, too, but I didn't move in with them (yet).

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Yes, I have met online friends face to face. Back in '92, my (then) boyfriend was attending a different college. He discovered muds, and we began using them as an easy way to chat. He met some other guys at his school. I thought they were a lot of jerks. They sure played up the asshole angle online. A few months later, I met those guys in person, and they turned out to be really nice shy quiet guys. Go figure. In '98 I married one of those "virtual assholes." (Not the boyfriend of '92. We broke up in '93.)

I don't think it's best to keep online friends strictly online, though when I meet someone face to face the first time, I'm really nervous. I wonder if they're really going to be as they seem. Some people have been as I expected them to be. Others turned out to be as creepy/crazy/you-need-to-learn-what-personal-hygiene-is.

My online friends definately do NOT know me better than my close friends.

I have good stories. Such as ending up married to a man that I first met online. (But after knowing him in person for 6 years.)

I also have bad stories. I was stalked and harassed online for two years by the psycho S.O. of an ex-bf. (It took her losing internet access to stop that!)

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

I've had good and bad experiences. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I tend to be a little cynical about online romances, but I know they work for some people. I think they probably work just fine as long as you live nearby and can meet in person before fantasies get too out of whack. I don't think long distance relationships work at all, whether they started online or in person, and it was distance that killed my one and only online thing. (He was just the same in person as he was online.)

I really think it depends on the person. I'm more reserved in person than I am online, except with people I know well. I'm also nicer in person. (Really. Otherwise I would have no friends.) Ironically, I think that makes people feel a little misled when they meet me in person, because they expect me to be a loudmouthed, sarcastic bitch. And I'm only a loudmouthed, sarcastic bitch once in a while.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

Yes, I met her online in a chat room when I lived in D.C. and NYC and she lived in S.F. and two years later we married after I moved to the West coast. We've been married almost four years. She turned out to be who I thought she'd be, an more. I'm all for meeting people that I've met online whenever possible. I don't think my online friends know me as well as my personal friends, because we just haven't shared some common experiences together. Althought the "stranger you'll never see again" factor has its place, too; there are some things that I can talk about online that I can't talk about in person. It's the same thing that makes us tell intimate secrets to strangers in the next airline seat, since we'll never see them again. It's a confessional. I only have one online horror story so far: she said she was a woman, and maybe she is now (technically) but she wasn't born that way! Yikes!

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

My husband and I met four years ago today, in a chatroom on IRC. (Of course, he wasn't my husband THEN, because that would be, well, not possible. Would it?) I chatted with him every night on IRC for almost two weeks before I'd let him have my phone number. Two and a half months later - chatting two hours a night online, and then an additional hour or two on the phone - we met in person.

It's so incredibly awkward and weird to meet someone you've fallen in love with for the first time. You see the facial expressions and the hand movements, attached to the voice that has become so familiar.

Oh yeah - I lived in Rhode Island, he lived in Alabama. We met in person four separate times, for a total of about fifteen days, and apparently it went fairly well, because in August I moved from Rhode Island to Alabama to be with him.

Halloween of 1998, we got married.

However, he's the only person I've ever met online and then subsequently met in person.

http://www.bitchypoo.com/bitchypoo.html

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

I've met a number of people in real life who I began relationships with online. I've maintained the majority of those relationships, too, which is a bonus. I haven't had any severe horror stories, either. 9 times out of 10, the people I've met are just like they've portrayed themselves online, with one noted exception. A friend of mine talked his head off on the net, but I practically had to beat him over the head to speak when we were in person. I don't quite get the dual personality thing.

Happy story: a friend of mine met her husband on an internet matchmaking site. Granted, I teased her about it often (which I really had no right to do - why would matchmaking sites be any different than any other chat sites, really?), but they're hopelessly in love with one another, so I'm not complaining. And, ironically, he's from Canada! A good one to offset the bad...

Take care, folks.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

I've met Meghan O'Hara, Lucy Huntzinger, and Tesserae of LANTERN WASTE. Each of the meetings was a positive experience and increased my admiration of them---not diminished it.---Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Anonymous, March 10, 2000

yes, i have actually met a number of people in real life that i had initially met online. the very first was a gal who became my very best friend for like 3 years (recent falling out about lame stuff meow hiss).almost all of the online freunds i have made have become in real life friends. i guess i am just lucky like that. i have also done the online dating thing too with pretty decent results. in almost every single case the person was just as they were online. only like 2 people misrepresented themselves. but hey, that happens in places other than cyberland all the time.

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

Think I've met two people in the flesh who I knew online. I work with one at a community radio station and the other married a friend of mine. Here's that story

Well, for a start, let's go back to August/September 1998. I'm new to the Net, having only got online at the end of July '98. I'm hunting down some information on H.P. Lovecraft, so I plough through search engines, take a random punt, and come to the site owned by the young lady in question. She runs this Lovecraft club at Yahoo which I join. Then around Xmas 98 I send her an email, wishing compliments of the season, and from there a bit of a correspondence eventually develops. Then around March I get an email from the aforementioned friend saying "I have been flirting with J___" (no names, of course, don't want to embarrass the poor dears). Perplexed, I then found a message from her in my inbox saying she'd made contact with this fellow A___ who claimed to be a friend of mine. Turned out that he'd followed the link to her site which I'd put up at my site, had a look around, and emailed her.

So things developed slowly from there on that front as well things were strictly platonic between me and her (we were still in contact all through this), until one day she gave him her phone number and things went on by phone as well as email. Then in July he had to go over to the US on a business trip, and since he would have time off at the end he went to visit her, and stayed about a week. Comes back around the middle of that month with the news that the two of them were getting married. This may sound a bit quick to you, so imagine how we his friends felt. For one thing I didn't think he'd stoop to such a traditional thing as marriage, I wouldn't have suspected he'd ever do that. But, well, he did and so in August she came out here to do the deed. And that was how, at long last, how I came to meet her. We actually met the day after she arrived in Oz, at a Placebo concert her being a fan, I got tickets for the three of us. Also got her the new Nine Inch Nails album when that came out too. (Well, I'd known her for longer than him. Couldn't let him monopolise her and me lose out on doing things for her, eh?)

Two weeks later they were officially spliced. I was there with my camera to record it happening (and partly also to make sure that it DID happen). A strange and surreal event it was, in its way. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, objectively speaking, an outside observer wouldn't notice anything odd, but it was strange to me. Last event I ever expected to attend. And then on November 1 off they both went back to the States. Currently resident in Indianapolis and supplementing their income by breeding Siamese cats. All told, it was one of my more interesting experiences. Made my 1999 worthwhile.

Tonight We Sleep In Separate Ditchesan online horror story in its own right

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

Yes. Flew to another state to meet guy #1. He immediately gave me the creeps - was just too gushy. Took my face in his hands and said things like "oh you're sooo precious". My skin was crawling. I finally called another person I'd talked to online for years, someone I considered my friend and who lived in that area. Asked him to come "rescue me" and take me to the airport. It's 3 a.m. He rescued me and then said "it's too late to go to the airport. I'll take you there in the morning". Took me back to his place. He's into BDSM - hit me repeatedly in the face and did other things. I wasn't raped, but it was a very unpleasant experience. I called *another* friend - this one very good friend and trustworthy, met long ago after talking online - arrange for an emergency ticket out of there and away from the "rescuer". Very much a situation of "out of the frying pan and into the fire" - taken a good while to get over that whole mistake. I only meet people under regular traditional ways now!

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

Well, yes, I actually have met someone I only knew online. It was a very odd experience.

Her name was Christie, and she was a friend of a friend. We met as a fluke at the New England Folk Festival last year. I was sitting in the corner with a bunch of my friends.

At the time I had an online journal, and had posted pictures of myself and of my friends up, just as a gallery sort of thing. I had talked with Christie a lot over IM, and we hadn't planned the meeting at all.

Anyways, all of a sudden this girl looks at me near the player piano, walks up and says, "Jocelyn?" And I looked at her, surprised, and said, "Yes, that's me." "I'm Christie," she said, and we shook hands.

It was rather uncomfortable. I didn't really know what to talk about, so I introduced her to everyone, introduced them to her, and kind of talked about how strange a coincidece it was that we met, and was she enjoying herself, etc. It was kind of neat, too.

I think it would be neat to meet someone who I only knew online again, but preferably when I'm expecting it. Surprises leave me flustered. :)

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

When I went to university, someone living in the same town (ok, it was Cambridge, UK, if I have to show off) who'd read my journal saw me in the supermarket on two occasions. He was too shy to speak out though, and just has he summoned the courage, I left uni.

I've only met one person I got to know online and although it was nerve-wracking at first, we ended up spending the night together. Only in the technical sense of the word, mind, because we couldn't stop talking.

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

well, all i really wanted to do was say how much i like your page and then i saw this and thought that i might contribute something to it. i have met the love of my life through the internet and we have been together for almost 2 years. struggles with immigration though since it is a same sex relationship. but she is the best thing that could have happened to me and we have a wonderful relationship together. and i love your journal entries..they crack me up :).

terry http://www.rolereversal.com/diversify/

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

I used to spend a bit of time in chat rooms, and when I went to the States in 1997/8 from Australia I was planning a bit of a trek around - San Franciso, New York, Seattle, Toronto, etc. I hooked up with quite a few online friends. I even stayed with one girl who I talk to on the phone a lot. I also met the man I'm getting married to next January :-) It wasn't an "online romance" though, more friends meeting up and the unexpected happening. (well, it was unexpected to *me*. He tells me it was inevitable. We'll keep fighting about that one).

Now I'm not living alone I don't have the time to just hang out and chat - I hang out with my boy or read journals, which isn't as interactive (present company excepted, of course). But I get reader mail through my own journal, and there are two women in particular who read and who write to me and whom I'd love to have coffee with. I've also met a couple of other journallers, which has all in all been a very positive experience (howdy, Georgina!)

cheers Anna

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

Yes - and now he's my boyfriend.

A while back, I started posting to the newsgroup alt.tv.simpsons. Sometime around May '99, it was noted that quite a few people posting were from somewhere in Minnesota, one of them being my boyfriend, T, who had just moved back home and was transferring to the U of MN after being at UKans for a year. A bunch of people from ATS also post at sister newsgroup alt.nerd.obsessive, most noteably T and my friends L and D (who are also dating, but they met through a friend of ours). Around Thanksgiving, we discovered that T lived maybe five miles from D, and we decided to get together when D came home from Berklee on break. By this point, T and I had spent hours and hours chatting on IRC and ICQ, and everyone except me noticed what a great couple we'd be and how much chemistry we had. I finally noticed that in December, which is when we decided we should go on a double date with L and D. On 27 Dec, we spent the whole afternoon together, all four of us. It was kind of awkward for T, since he was just meeting *everyoone* for the first time, and the three of us already knew each other and had for a while. That, and he's terribly shy. We went back to my house later that evening and ended up watching "Heathers" and "Clerks," and they didn't leave until around 4 AM. They would have left about an hour earlier, but he couldn't get up the nerve to kiss me... aawww. We knew we were in love after the first week, and we still get all googly and cute around each other. We're not living together yet, but we're trying to figure out a way for him to somehow get a key to the front door of my apartment (hehehe). He spends most nights over here, or at least did before I got an 8am - 5pm job.

I've never been this happy with someone, honest to God. I love him very much. Our parents didn't even disapprove of the whole thing, probably because we're the same age, and we live a few towns apart as opposed to him being 40 and living in Kentucky. Everyone's happy for us, and we're in heaven as well.

-- Anonymous, March 11, 2000

yes, and several times. I'm not gonna tell the whole story because i still feel bad about some parts, and it would be long and boring to you anyway.
But here is the fun part: i used to use the web and emial and never anything more and wanted to find out about IRC for a long time. In March 99 my boyfriend since 5 five years [long-distance relationship] dumped me and I decided chatting away would help.
I ended up on my first try on a small friends' channel I now met three guys off InRealLife, and one of them is my boyfriend since around May 99.
The two others have worked or work for my company [they were looking for jobs and good, so...], one is sharing my flat right now, and I am very much in love with the boyfriend [though long-distance is hard, and i thought i would avoid it in the future... But you don't choose!].
We just have come back from 2 weeks holiday in Sri Lanka, it was more than great...

It felt weird about the whole online thing at first, but I'm ok with it, since I haven't been that happy in a relationship before!
Plus he hosts my website and does the admin job ;-)
I guess you're just gonna think I'm a geek and I just hooked up with another, huh?

Whatever, I'm happy.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Okay, I've told this story over and over again so there is only the short version left.

Surfing internet, bored, feeling sarcastic so I went into an adult porn chat room to make fun of the guys who thing typing "I've got an eleven inch schlong!!!" makes them more attractive, or means anything during cybersex. Girl walks in room, I send her a message telling her to keep her head down or all the hormonally challanged menfolk in the room will be humping her leg like a wire haired terrier. She laughed, we started talking. Haven't stopped. E-mailed, ran up a phone bill, flew out to New York to meet her, had marvelous sex, flew back, e- mailed, ran up phone bill, wanna move to Wisconsin, o-kay, four months later, I got a live-in girlfriend who never once set foot in my home state until the day she moved in with me. Now is that a leap of faith or what? Coming up on two years, been some thick moments but we are still going strong and I am more in love with her today than I ever have been. But, for the record, I realize what I got was very much a best-case scenario. I'd never do something quite this crazy again, but I'm happy I did it none-the-less. Though we still joke on road trips that even though she's been living here for almost two years, I'm really a psychotic axe-murderer whose driving her out to the country to a shallow grave, per her families prediction.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

I've met many, but most recently and notably is my boyfriend sleeping in the basement right now. *grin*

He came to visit me, and also ostensibly to check out the University of Washington because he's unhappy in Tucson. I'm going to UW next year. Barring any nasty hitches with that, I think he is, too.

And actually, he was almost exactly like I thought he would be. Well, no, better, because it's real. I can't stop grinning. It's weird because it's not weird at all. We got all the getting-to-know-you stuff out of the way over several months and now we're meeting each other. It's just the coolest damn thing.

I think I get to know people better online--I wouldn't have gotten to know a few of my close friends without all the time we spent talking online, whether I met them online or in real life. Nothing really scary has happened to me with meeting people online; I've been doing it for, eh, four years or so, and maybe I've just been lucky. I don't know. I think I am good at weeding out the complete creeps and people with whom I'm incompatible. Depending on what kind of a relationship I have with the online friend, no, it's usually not better to keep things strictly online. At least it's not essential. It's cool to be able to have those friends to visit or whatever. :)

In conclusion: online = emmy's friend. /me pets the cable modem.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Hell, most of the people I know now in "real life" (whatever that is) are those I originally met online. But that's due in no small part to the fact that there's a very strong internet community in the Seattle area. C'mon... We've got to do *something* when it's raining!

I even met my current boyfriend online... Well, technically. We'd spoken about six words to one another before meeting in person through a mutual friend (whom we both knew from online). And, more than a year later, we're still together and even bought a house together. But then again, we're not your average internet users. We've both been on the net for more than five years, we both have high tech jobs, and we both have a passion for geek toys. Sometimes it seems like we bought the house for them and not us -- at last count we had eleven computers and more than 200 feet of network cables strewn across the house. There's a reason why our house is called Nerdvana.

I've also had two roommates and a number of other friends, boyfriends, and somewhere-in-betweens that I've met online first, too. Some I'm still friends with, others I wouldn't mind too much if they were forcibly removed from the gene pool. But I'd have to say that, for the most part, my experiences have been positive in meeting my "imaginary friends" (as a friend's mother used to call them).

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

I've met one person irl that I only knew online first, and talked to two on the phone. The one person I met turned out badly, but I don't attribute that to my meeting him online. He was who I thought him to be when we met, but I should've gotten to know him better online first, I think. The more I got to knew him the worse things got. We dated for about two months, the relationship going almost straight downhill after about one. And I got into a sh*tload of trouble with my parents over, but that's another novel. The whole deal was a case of letting my emotions cloud my judgment. I wouldn't want a "relationship" with someone I only know online, but I have good friends that way, and I'd love to meet some of them irl. I wouldn't say my online friends necessarily know -more- about me than my closest rl friends, but I have two online friends that I tell a whole lot to. And, like someone said, there also is that "stranger I'll never see again" type venting/confessional type deal that I've done before, too (but I much prefer to go the friend route). My attention span wasn't long enough to read everyone's response on this, I'm new to this page ;)

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

In 1992 after a bad breakup (actually, the boyfriend was bad; the breakup was rather enjoyable) I whimsically posted a personal ad to the now-infamous alt.personals. This was shortly before we started seeing the first rudimentary versions of MOSAIC around at NCSA, so there were no photos on homepages or all of this new-fangled journal stuff you kids are into nowadays :-)

The male-female ratio on the internet was colossally skewed in those days. I got something like 250 responses to a single ad, and I doubt it was entirely my wit and charm that drew them--it was more like "hey, everybody! there's a real live girl in here!"

I weeded out all of the subliterate responses. In e-mail, what else do you have to go by? Oh, yeah, and anyone who said they were "looking for a special lady". Gag. I ended up going on about 30 blind dates within a 200 mile radius of Champaign-Urbana, all in the spirit of adventure and meeting my fellow netizens, of course.

One of the guys I met was an Elvis impersonator from Peoria. He was great fun on e-mail and on the phone. He stood me up for a meeting in a hotel parking lot in Bloomington. Shortly after that, I took a field trip to Peoria. I suspect that if he'd really looked like Elvis I'd have been more interested, but he turned out to be kind of funny looking and from his reactions I suspect he thought the same of me.

Then there were the married guys. I managed to screen most of them out, but I did end up going to see Soul Asylum with a guy who revealed to me, during the concert, that his wife was at home with the kids. See, they'd gotten married when they were 18 or something, and now they didn't get along so well, but there were the kids, and he was just trying to make some "new friends". I focused on Dave Pirner and planned my escape. And there was the other married guy, who, 15 minutes before our blind date, caved in and revealed that he had a wife and a few kids at home. I was a hungry graduate student, so I let him buy me lunch anyway just to see what he had to say. Same story -- educated guy, married young, wife stayed at home with the kids, and he was just looking for a woman who he could really "talk to". Read: my wife and I haven't had sex since our third kid was born, and I'm looking to get a little on the side with no strings attached. And this guy, man, woof! How he managed to hook up with a wife I can't imagine, let alone contemplating having a perky young thing like myself on the side.

There was a guy from Saskatchewan. We obsessed about each other over the phone for months and I actually thought about going to meet him. Then he moved to Vancouver and started dating someone there. What could I really say? Bummer. Humorously enough, he turned up a few years later; one of my friends from Urbana was doing a postdoc in Germany, and guess who else was in his lab & asking about me?

There was a fabulously attractive guy from Champaign who also turned out to be an absolute loon. The first words out of his mouth after I met him were "I'm codependent"; he proceeded to hang around and see me on and off for several months, always seeming to be just short of attracted enough to really get involved, yet never quite willing to just give up.

There were the guys who were already "in love" with me after one anonymous e-mail, and wanted my real address so that they could "send me flowers"...and wanted to know what I looked like. Can you say stalker? I told them I was a 5'2" blonde with green eyes.

I met two guys, both cute and interesting, both graduate students in the same department at the same university and good friends with each other. Neither of them knew the other one had written me, until later. Ended up dating one of them for almost 4 years, and hanging out with both of them, which was a little weird at first.

There was the guy who flew out to visit me from Utah, right after I'd just met the one I eventually ended up dating. That was sad. He was a writer and he'd written me a ton of great e-mail. We got along really well. And I was miserable the whole time because I knew I liked him but I'd never pick someone from Utah over someone equally nice who was "just down the road" so to speak.

The whole thing was probably one of the weirdest and least safe things I've ever done, and I wouldn't do it now that everyone and their dog has access to the internet. At the time, though, it was a great adventure.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2000

Yes I have met online peeps IRL. Appearances are decieving, and so are email descriptions. Whether the medium be online correspondence or just a simple blind date, we walk with angels, Watts says, "He cannot isolate himself from other beings, for in every creature he sees one of his other selves."

When I meet an online friend for the first time, I have never found the person to be exactly as I imagined. In most cases they turn out to be better. I think it's very important, if a friendship is to be cultivated, for online friends to eventually meet offline. I have had relationships with people that due to geography required they be left online, and after time the initial bond deteriorates. Being able to keep a wholly online relationship vibrant and "real" without face to face contact does increase in difficulty as time wears on. It is not impossible, but it does get harder and harder to accomplish.

I no longer try to ascertain who knows me better than whom. Whether someone is online or offline is irrelevant. It's more individual chemistry than what medium the relationship is built through.

I once met a lass online who I knew only by her screen name of "Zen." I think I was still going by the name "Starveling" at the time. After a few weeks of chatting and flirting and debating about religion and philosophy, we decided to meet. She was more beautiful and intelligent face to face than she seemed online, or than I ever could have imagined. Dark skin, long chocolate hair, a petite figure and a dazzling smile.

There were two issues though. Despite her amazing beauty from head to toe, she had this mole on her left cheek with an obnoxiously long hair sticking out of it that for religious reasons she refused to pluck. I wanted to just reach across the table, grab and give it a quick tug. It was that annoying.

It was a strange dinner experience. Beautiful woman. Ugly mole. Weird.

I was able to look past it though when her actions and reactions regarding the mole made me surmise that she leaves it like that to purposefully get a rise out of people. She liked people to appreciate her for what she had to say and not what she looked like. She did seem to enjoy how the mole made people act around her though, almost too much. If the mole was in fact a test, I seemed to have passed it with full colors.

However, the other issue was her zen instructor, who I think was a little jealous of me. He eventually forbade her from seeing me because after we met face to face, he claimed I was somehow affecting her meditation. She couldn't concentrate. I've no idea why. =) Her interest in me was keeping her from achieving Harmony, I guess.

I never met her instructor. I bet he was an ugly guy with a beautiful mole. But what's beauty and what's ugly?

-- Anonymous, March 17, 2000

I've only met a certain group of people in person that I'd known online, and they were all from a rugby message board (I'm a New Zealander, and talking about rugby is in my blood).

Anyway, I caught up with these guys - 7 men, two old enough to be my father, four at least ten years older than me, and one a few years older than me (but he's a New Zealander as well, so we had a lot in common), and it was fab. We all went out to dinner just before the Rugby World Cup last year, I was slightly out of place as a 24 year old girl in a pink cardie, but I know as much about rugby as they do, so we all got on very well. They were all exactly as I would have expected from their message board contributions. I went to lots of the Rugby World Cup games with them, have been out drinking with them several times since, and stay in contact with them via email. From the same message board I met another guy, a South African married to a New Zealander, and as my husband is South African we all had a lot in common. We went out for dinner a couple of times, and then stayed at their place one night, and ended up sitting around drinking port until 5 am, solving the problems of the world (don't worry, we've got everything worked out now).

So my experiences have been overwhelmingly positive, but I think things were easier because we all had a specific interest - in this case rugby - so that bridged any weird 'getting to know you' gaps.

Anna of Lucidity - I don't know if I'm in your list of people you'd like to have coffee with, but when I make it to Sydney one day I'll be emailing you!

-- Anonymous, March 17, 2000

I've met several people (three guys, six girls) since the summer of 1996.

I had a couple of disappointments, but overall, a pretty positive experience. For the most part, people that I agree to meet are honest about themselves and didn't take long to get used to. Three of them are considered close friends, even more so after meeting.

I have quite a few online friends and I'd say I'd love to meet 75% of them if it were possible.

A couple of the women that I met last year know me more than anyone else, my family included. I'm not that closed off in person, mind you. I've managed to find a few very special people that I really enjoy being in the company of.

-- Anonymous, March 17, 2000

I've met a lot of people who I only knew online, actually. So many, that I can't remember how many.

Okay, here is my online horror story. I decided to visit someone in San Antonio who I'd never met and only knew online. Two other people (one of whom I'd met, one I hadn't) went too. We all had to crash on one mattress in the guest room since there wasn't much room for all of us.

I woke up at 3 am to the sounds of the other two (who had never met each other before) having sex right next to me. They were completely oblivious to my presence. Eek!

I slept on the couch in the living room after that.

-- Anonymous, March 21, 2000

Yes I have. Last summer my friend Teresa from my school was bored at her computer when all of a sudden this random guy IMed her. They begin to talk a lot and she starts talking to his friends. Then, her friends (that's me) start talking to his friend. So all summer long we would have this Arlington and Austin chat rooms with about 5 people from each city in them and we would just talk and shoot the breeze. We didn't have any doubts about these people though because I mean, if there are like 20 of them, I don't really think it would be a child molestor ring. They are really nice people to. So one of them mentioned that she was coming to our town on Labor Day and if we could meet up with her. We knew that whole safety in numbers crap so about 4 of us went. She showed up with her parents and 4 brothers and sisters. It was actually quite fun. Then, sometime later, I can't actually remember what month it was, maybe it was December, she came in town again and we hung out and stuff. It was really a lot of fun. I guess I have just had good luck with people online. ;)

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

there was a girl at work who decided to met this guy from l.a. all of us were concerned as she had no way of knowing any thing he had told her was the truth and stuff...but she came back home unscathed soo...but i'd never recommend going over 200 miles just to have sex with a stranger...sounds too bizaro for me

-- Anonymous, December 01, 2001