My coworkers and I are sitting here being very frustrated and ANNOYED right now. Our office consists of private offices down the side, and a large cubicle-filled area in the middle. One of our coworkers, whose private office is in the center of the offices, will NOT EVER USE HER HANDSET. Ever. I have worked with her about a year and she has NEVER EVER picked up the freaking phone. The entire office can hear both her side and the caller's side of the conversation. She. Talks. Loudly. Very loudly. And her speakerphone is loud. And she laughs loudly. AAGHH! No one wants to say anything to her because we are afraid to tick her off and she will get her revenge. We are in the cubicle area, and we don't have an office manager or anyone like that to complain to. Sometimes she blares Jimi Hendrix. Thankfully she shuts the door for that, but it doesn't help much.

Does anyone else have a noisy office mate? How do you handle it?

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Answers

Right now, as I type this I am unable to avoid hearing a telephone conference call in a nearby office with the door open... a guy who has conference call meetings that last for twenty - thirty minutes or even longer... broadcast to all of us because he uses a speaker phone... both sides of the conversation (I should say all sides because frequently there might be three or four or more people participating in these meetings via telephone. (He's the comptroller for our site and has been here a long time.) People have walked over and closed his door but the next day or later that same day he's back to having these speaker phone me. [He spends too many hours everyday in meetings to use a handset comfortably, but he could use a headset and microphone... other people around here who spend a lot of time on the phone have them.)

I just try to ignore it or I put on headphones and listen to CDs. (Besides which, I'm not in my cube all the time; probably spend half the month doing training or getting training or traveling, and sometimes I just decide to work from home.)

Jim

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

i sit behind my enormous monitor and make evil faces. then, i call karen, who sits opposite me by about 25ft., and we talk about the person who's annoying us.

however, there was some girl in the office (student? sibling?) that was TWIRLING these mardi gras beads for, like, 20 min. i almost smacked her upside the head and took the beads.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Don't be all passive agressive about it. This is *your* career, and only you can manage it.

Simply pull this person aside, explain the situation, in a non threatening way, and request they do not use the speaker phone, as it is disruptive, or to close the office door while she does so. Simply point out that you cannot work at your best with that kind of interuption, and you wanted to bring it to her attention, because you understand that she isn't being disruptive on purpose (although likely she is!)

If it doesn't stop immediately, send the next person in to have the same talk with her.

As for revenge? Document everything you say, and how you ask, and when you ask, and if anything ever happens, bust her ass out the door.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Wait til you hear the speakerphone and pop by to ask if she was the one complaining about a flaming yeast infection last week?

(Explains why I was exiled from the office to the lab, doesn't it?)

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Two words: fear and intimidation.

I am not a morning person. There is a reason why my shift doesn't start until 11am. And occasionally, a poor misguided coworker makes the mistake of trying to speak to me before I've been properly caffeinated. It's a mistake not often repeated.

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Lordy Lordy... can I relate!!

I work in an office where there are 3 companies that share cubicle space. There is a woman who works for a different company than mine who INSISTS on all her calls via speaker-phone. Not only that, but she is constantly complaining about her ex husband (who she can't seem to get over, and now the whole office knows that his girlfriend isn't using birth control and this is just tearing her up.)

The question is how do I deal? Fight fire with fire. When I hear her hang up the phone I turn the volume up as loud as it will go on my phone and take a call that way. Or I make it a point to go over near her cubicle and strike up a conversation with someone nearby so that she HAS to pick up the phone.

Shrug. I suppose it's all childish, but I think it's the hazards of working in an office full of women.. (I also agree with the headphone suggestion... I don't know what I'd do without mine!!

-- Anonymous, March 13, 2000

Step 1: Assume co-worker is having bad day. Turn cheek.

Step 2: Assume co-worker is a viral carrier of bad days. Have pity for co-worker. Turn other cheek.

Step 3: Use psychology. When co-worker is pleasant, randomly re- inforce pleasantness by surprising co-worker with good things. When co-worker is a c*nt, whap with rolled-up newspaper. Assumption: not rewarding the bad behavior will cause bad behavior to stop. Smiting co-worker with blunt object when evilness occurs = punishing bad behavior in hopes of less repetition, retraining of impulses toward Good.

Step 3 rarely works.

Step 4: Ignore co-worker except when in pleasant mode. Re-apply frequently. If co-worker is particularly thick, will not work.

Step 5: Passive-aggression. Agree cheerfully to Nazi-like demands. Promptly forget them.

Step 6: Curt, abrupt disagreement. Replace former cheery and pleasant demeanor with grouchy, surly, PMS Warrior Chick behavior. Bite head off co-worker. (No one will notice difference.)

Step 7: If problems continue, bitch-slap co-worker. Deny.

Step 8: Respond to co-worker with exact same behavior in a technique known as mirroring. Similar to Step 3, except you are now as inconsistent as co-worker and just as rude. (You may recognize this technique from childhood. It's called "But [s]he did it to me first!")

Step 9: Complain bitterly via e-mail and web boards to disinterested strangers.

Step 10: Short-sheet co-worker's chair. Oh, wait...

Step 10: Through the power of positive thinking, you can prevail. Close your eyes. Good. Imagine you're in a meadow filled with flowers. See the flowers? Good. There's a nice breeze, fragrant with the flowers. You are not allergic to the flowers. You walk in the meadow and it's very nice. No cow poo. You see a tree. You go sit under it. It is nice. Breathe in, breathe out. Now you see a babbling brook. How pretty. You go over to the brook and dip your fingers int he water. Cool. Soothing. Very nice. Can you see the brook? See the little fishies in the brook? Put your hands in there and play with the little fishies. Nice. Look at your hands in the cool, cool, clear water. Look at your hands fastened firmly around your aggravating co- worker's neck. Hold Aggravating Co-worker under the surface of pretty, cool, clear, babbling brook. Let Aggravating Co-worker say "hello" to every single one of the pretty little sparkly fishies. Good! Count the bubbles Aggravating Co-worker makes. Pretty. Feel free to stay there for a while, just savoring. Watch co-worker turn blue. Nice. Good. Breathe in, breathe out. Feel better?

Step 11: Put gum in co-worker's chair.

Step 12: Divert. Be a less interesting target for bullying and hostility than another co-worker is. Introduce your Annoying Co- worker to New Target. Run away.

Step 13: Attempt, through a series of meetings with co-worker, to come to a mutally agreeable working situation wherein you are treated as a peer, a professional, and, oh, what the heck! a fellow human being! It's worth a shot. Remind co-worker, though polite but assertive feedback, of your meetings.

Step 14: While continuing to do your job professionally, start keeping a log of evil co-worker's transgressions. Save evil e-mails. Save evil v-mails.

Take evil-mail and go to HR with it. Complain politely.

Rejoice as evil co-worker is muzzled and leaves you alone.

Rejoice further as an opportunity for advancement opens up on another floor in a galaxy far, far, away.

Step 15: Put sign on back of co-worker reading "kick me" or "Jabba the Butt" or "will work for a crack".

Step 16: Oops. Did I leave my open container of Anthrax in YOUR cube? My bad.

Step 17: In case of a reoccurrence of nasty rash... er... co-worker, call Muggo the Goon and Big Tiny the Thug. They know what to do.

Step 18: Indulge in pharmaceuticals, sulfites, nitrates, alcohol and well-tempered kind-hearted vegetation. Re-apply as needed.

Step 19: Send out that resume! Life's too short for shitful people to cramp your day.

Step 20: Voodoo.

Figure out which of these suggestions are serious and which aren't. Apply any or all at your own risk.

-- Anonymous, March 14, 2000

I agree with Kristin on the passive-aggressive thing. Passive- aggressive coworkers are far more annoying than loud coworkers. Sitting back getting pissed at her when you haven't even mentioned to her that she's disruptive probably doesn't do much to improve the atmosphere at your workplace.

Your initial approach should be the same whether she's over you, under you, or at the same level as you in the company organization, but after that you have to tailor your actions to her relative status. Your first step should be to pleasantly let her know that her phone conversations can be heard throughout the office. I disagree with whoever said that she probably knows that; in my experience, few people actually *want* their conversations shared with the whole world. In all likelihood, she has the idea that you can't really hear her, even with her door open. (Heck, maybe she has a hearing problem.) Let her know, and mention that it's sometimes hard to concentrate. Give her a chance to fix the problem.

If she doesn't do so, you have several options. If you are her supervisor (or at least higher in the organization than she is), then I assume you know your office's policies for dealing with employee discipline. If she is your equal, it's probably time to talk to your supervisor. Not her supervisor; that's being a tattle tale. Telling your supervisor, in a calm and professional manner, is the right way to go, because then you're talking about a problem that's impeding your ability to do your work.

If she is your boss, or if she is above you in the food chain, and if she really is unwilling to change her behavior, get some earplugs. Yes, earplugs are annoying. The world isn't perfect, and blocking out the sound is a much better way to deal with the problem than just being pissed off and unable to do your work all the time.

I have a private office with a door, and I still wear earplugs a lot of the time because of the noise from the network server and the sound of leafblowers in the parking lot below my office. It's not a big deal.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2000

I agree with Beth and Kristin here. But I have to give props to Milla for use of the word "shitful". I'm adding that one to my vocabulary.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

I like shitful too, I'm thinking now of how I can use it.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

I posted this yesterday but for some reason it's not here...Huh....

Oh well, thanks all for the advice and stories. It's good to know I'm not alone. I just wanted to respond to the food chain thing brought up by Beth.

No one in my office is above anybody else in the food chain. I work in a different division of the company from the noisy lady, but our divisions share office space. So we work for the same company, but we aren't really "coworkers". Neither division has a boss that is onsite. No office manager person or anything here to handle personnel issues. My direct supervisor reports to Noisy's direct supervisor. So if I try to ask him for help, he would have to go to his boss, (her supervisor). Get it? It's a weird situation. I guess I'll just get those earplugs!!

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000

Eh. Yeah, that is a weird situation. Still, it's better if your boss goes to his boss and says, "Look, my people can't do their work," than it is if you go to the other person's supervisor. It's just a politics thing; you always go to your own supervisor rather than the offender's supervisor. Even if you share a supervisor, you frame your complaint as a "work place distraction" complaint and not "that noisy bitch needs to be fired!"

Good luck. If you get bored with the earplugs, you can always get a Walkman.

-- Anonymous, March 16, 2000