This is a personal question, but I figure we're all friends here, right?

In what circumstances did you lose your virginity? Did anybody fall in love and decide it was the right time, or did most of you have one drink too many one night and figure all your friends had already done it, so why wait?

Me? I was at a party. I was pissed. The condom broke, and we spent the next day hunting down a morning-after pill prescription. So not too stressful then.

Come on, share with the group.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

Answers

Fell in love. Decided it was the right time.

I'm still quite content, and I'll never ever regret it.

So *I* wasn't pissed. My parents (and a few other adults) are *still* not too happy about it, though. Which is kind of sad, seeing as how I'm 20 and it's not really their place to judge anymore.

But *sigh*

It was pretty much a shiny, happy thing for me. Though we've had the hunt for a morning-after pill, too, Jackie. *g* Ended up having to snag two Ortho-Tris from my best friend. Prob'ly didn't need it, but it made us feel better, anyway.

m_l

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I was VERY young...15. But, I felt ready, and thought I was in love. Now that I know what real love is, I realize that I just really liked and cared for the guy a lot, but when everything is still so new, it's hard to tell the difference. I don't have regrets because he was very kind and patient with me, and he was older too so he had enough experience that he didn't have to be in a big hurry. I was going to wait until we had been together a year, but only waited 6 months. One Sunday after spending the entire weekend together I just pounced on him and didn't stop at the normal stopping point.

It wasn't too painful, it wasn't emotionally draining, it wasn't terrifying. It was nice, he was nice, and everything afterwards was still...nice. I don't think "the morning after pill" even existed way back then, or at least I'd never heard of it. I wasn't overly careful either, so I guess I have been really lucky. My first experience was a very healthy and happy one, even if it was a little early in life. I have friends who waited a LONG time to lose it, and then they slept with tons of guys afterwards, almost as if they were making up for lost time. I, on the other hand, have only been with 4 guys my whole life, so I wouldn't say losing it early had any poor effects on me at all.

Boy, it's almost too easy to pour out personal information on these forums. I'm glad my mom doesn't read this.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I was 17. It was the night of the Girl's Choice Dance at our high school. We had been together for 6 months and we had recently been discussing when we'd "do it." I know we never picked that night specifically, but at one point we were dancing a slow dance together and something in our teenaged bodies clicked. J asked if I wanted to leave the dance. We did. And so I lost my virginity in the back of a 1981 Ford Granada in the Holiday Inn parking lot. Woo woo. We were together for 2.5 years after that. J was a bastard, but at the time, he was the only thing that mattered. I certainly was in love with him, although it sort of pains me to say that now when I think of what an ass he really was. Oh well. We live and learn. I guess after spending those formative years with J made me really appreciate the guy my husband was when I finally met him.

I can say that I guess it wasn't a bad experience. I was happy. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I loved him. Would it have been better if I waited for someone else? I don't think so. I think I was ready for that experience.

Jackie, I must say this is an interesting forum. I'm hoping to read some more sordid tales of youth. Make my Monday more exciting, please!

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I feel pretty bad for not giving you all the full story, so here it is. I was 16. It was at the last school-related party - we'd had our Leavers Ball the weekend before. It was at a woolshed party (I think these may be uniquely NZ - a party in somebody's woolshed, basically). He was somebody who I didn't really like as a person, but he was one of the cool guys, and I was feeling virginity was an anti-social burden (I was desperate to get in with the cool kids, having recently made a transition from complete geek to somebody socially acceptable).

Anyway, I was pissed. It was crap - it didn't hurt, but it certainly didn't involve any fireworks. And, as I said, the condom broke, which made the aftermath slightly more exciting than I'd anticipated. It was outside, in a field, on a blanket.

Actually, I didn't do it then just to get in with the cool kids, it was also because my older sister had just got pregnant, by accident, in her first year of university. I have no idea why my reaction was to lose my virginity.

We had a semi-boyfriend/girlfriend thing for about a month, but it was all a farce and he ended up going out with my best friend at the time, the day after he dumped me.

It's really not in my nature to regret things I've done, but I'd be lying if I said this was something I wouldn't change if I could. Until I met my husband I didn't really care, but now I wish he'd been my first true love from the age of 18.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I was in love at 17, or what "in love" is to a 17-year-old. We decided it was what we wanted, that we were right for each other blah blah blah it was going to be happy ever after. We were together for several more years, then basically broke up because we were bored with each other. Nothing traumatic or even vaguely interesting about it, I guess.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

My first true love. I was 19 he was 24. I knew I would always remember the first guy so he had to be really special. He's been the one and only guy for 11 years. We're both happy with that.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

(cue my very strong envy of Amy!)

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I am so envious of Amy.

I wish I could take my first time back. It was such a let down. I was just startin gmy freshman year of college and was desperately lonely. I met this guy at a movie theater - he got my name from a sorority sister and wrote me. We talked a few times. I thought I was ready.

Big disappointment. He tried three different condoms, but went flat everytime we tried to get it put on. Finally said to hell with it and did it without one. Promptly went out and got myself on the pill. Of course - he had told me that he was sterile - I'll remember that when his first child is born in October.

It was very lackluster - but I didn't know any better. I've only been with three other men since, and am almost a born-again virgin. I've had sex once in the last 5 years and that was almost a year and a half ago.

I can honestly say I don't think I've ever had an orgasm, so I don't feel like I'm missing much. Oops. I think I've said too much now.

I hope that my next chance at losing it turns out to be a better choice and much more memorable

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

Sixteen, cast party for 'The Foreigner' (I was Charlie, she was Bett, for those in the know). I was dating someone else at the time, but she didn't want to come to the party because she didn't like hanging out with all of my "drama friends", so we were sort of having a fight. Not that there is an excuse for cheating, but that was the reasoning at the time. The other woman was someone with whom I had shared my dating woes for a few months, and being that we were doing a show together and on the speech team gave us plenty of time together. We had reached that playful flirtatious stage of pseudo- platonic friendships, where you let more of your true feelings show but feel comfortable in the fact that both of you are attached.

Oh yeah, her boyfriend. He was huge. He was violent. He dealt drugs and was in a gang. I'm not kidding. There was a popular story about how he got into a fight with 6 guys, one of them cut him on the forehead right above the eye, this guy goes nuts, breaks one guy's nose, another's arm, and chases them down the street with blood streaming from his head. I still don't know how I survived this.

Anyway, she was pissed off at her boyfriend and we had both gotten drunk off of warm beer that we had smuggled into the parent- chaperoned party. Little did I know, but she had already talked to my two best friends and informed them that she was going to seduce me that night. We ended up going to sleep in the same room, but before anything could get too far, one of my best friends, Matt, comes running into the room saying we have to stay with him and his girlfriend in his room because she is drunk and demanding it. So we move into his room, and are making out on the floor while Matt and Maynard (his girlfriend, the other best friend) sit on his bed slurring to each other, "Are they kissing?" Evidently this was too much for Maynard to take, as she proceeded to vomit. Matt runs out of the room with her trying to catch it in his hands, leaving the girl and me alone. Doesn't get more romantic than that, does it?

I used to regret it, especially the cheating part. Now I just chalk it up to being young and stupid. I mean, we ended up dating for a while, I blew off friends and became a complete jerk, she cheated on me with the hulking violent ex, I confronted him while he was in the middle of a drug deal, I spent 8 months loathing myself, I went back to my ex, she cheated on me, and I started down a road of messed up and wonderful relationships that brought me where I am now. I've learned a lot, and I wouldn't trade that knowledge for all the innocence I've lost.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

it was my husband -- long before he became my husband. we were each others' firsts, and it was wonderful: he made me a fabulous dinner, we got snowed in by the fireplace, the whole nine yards.

although i'm glad he was my first, i sometimes wish i'd had more experience before i settled down. i know he feels the same way, but it's more what i'd call curious than regret. when it all boils down to it, i'm glad i waited for the right guy.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

The first experience was fairly horrible but exciting and, I couldn't resist him. I could NOT resist him, people. Doesn't everybody have that one person with whom the chemistry was so intense that, the guy could be an ax murderer and you wouldn't care because, the air is buzzing so hard around you whenever he's in your presence that you just give it up?

That's what happend with me and Him. (It hurt the first time, yeah. But it hurt so good, you know?) He was an ass but, we were made for each other this way. Of COURSE he dumped me shortly after the first time. He was continued to be in my life in the weirdest way though - for years after that I would see him about every six months and it would all happen again. He went into the Navy and I haven't seen him for several years now. Lord help me if I ever see him again - it would be interesting to see if his power still holds.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I think Andy summed it up ... I wouldn't trade the knowledge that I've gained for the innocence that I've lost. ever.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I was 20, which was far too old to be losing your virginity I thought. I was the nerdy kid in high school that every girl wanted as a best friend but no girl wanted to date... so I can identify with last weeks cute-single-boy post. Luckily, I am finding out having that sweet, intelligent personality is actually a boon rather than a bane when you get older... but I digress.

I had met some folks in Indianapolis in the summer of 1994 when I was driving on a cross country road trip. This guy Ben wanted me to hang out with him and his band, which mostly meant them practicing while I sat around and talked to Ben's girlfriend. We had a decent amount in common. We were both way too smart to be fulfilled by the punk scene. She had just lost her virginity at 18 and also felt strange about having started so late. We talked a lot and apparently she got really depressed after I left. WE kept in touch for the next two months or so until I decided I had to leave Arizona and move back to New England. This meant I would be passing through Indiana. The weekend this would happen coincided with a big hardcore festival where Ben's band was playing, so I was invited to stay on Ben's couch for the weekend and watch his band.

I drove 36 hours nonstop from Tucson, AZ to Indianapolis. By the time I got there I was barely coherent and they had waited night for me because I thought I would be there by midnight, not 8am. We talked for a few minutes and then I went downstairs to fall asleep. ben left for school but his girlfriend said she was too tired so she went downstairs to sleep too. But she didn't sleep. She got on the couch with me and we immediately started making out. We both knew that we had pretty strong feelings for each other, and after fooling around for a few minutes she said "if you don't have sex with me right now, I think I'm going to die."

Well, I couldn't let her die.

So we did it on the floor of her boyfriend's bedroom. We wanted to fall asleep together but circumstances prohibited that. We had a great weekend together while her boyfriend was off being a rockstar. We tried to have this long-distance relationship thing but she would never either tell her boyfriend about us or choose one of us to be with, and I got uncomfortable with the lying and stuff. In the end she turned out to be pretty manipulative and scary, but I chalk that up to being 19 and depressed. I was pretty fucked up when I was 19 and depressed too.

I don't regret it. I feel bad cuz I think I was a pretty lousy lay that first time around, probably came in a few minutes, which wouldn't be so bad if it was a purely sexual thing but we were supposed to be all in love with each other on some soulmate level or somesuch nonsense and this was the only time we ever got to have sex. Overall I did have real feelings for her and she had them for me, the sex was good (for me), it's a great story to tell, and it doesn't hurt that she was really, really, really cute.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

You know, I had very intense, intimate relationships long before I started having sex.

But my first time was when I was eighteen, about to turn nineteen.

I didn't want to do it in high school. Then I did want to do it in high school, but it was always a disaster whenever I tried (they didn't want to use a condom, or they freaked that I was a virgin, or they just started crying, or i started crying...). So I waited for college.

Then I didn't want to do it in college because I thought it would just be "some guy."

And then my home life was really crazy and I was in college, and I wanted to feel like a part of a real relationship, so I went to my boyfriend at the time (who asked weekly if I was "ready") and said I wanted to do it.

And we did.

Hmm... so that happened.

And right, what those people said, about the knowledge thing. I don't regret it. I learned quite a bit from it. And when it was over, the only person that was really excited about it was my friend at school. She kept trying to tell me how important sex was and how it changes everything. It really didn't. Then she met a new guy and tried to tell me that I don't understand sex like she does because I've only had it with one person, and she had it with two people and that changes EVERYTHING. Whatever. We were young and we assumed that it was a life-changing event.

But I kind of miss that feeling. Sex to me is very private (not talking about it, of course, but the actual act, the actual "who gets summa dis"). I've had discussions about why men seem to separate sex and love better than women. I've told my male friends that the difference is we have to let someone into our bodies. That's incredibly personal. You have to want that person in some capacity to feel comfortable with that type of (for lack of a better word) invasion.

Woah. This is a heavy topic for a Monday.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

Wow. Um... I think I'm really atypical here.

I was nineteen and it was my wedding night. My husband was twenty- two, and it was his first time as well.

We were both extremely nervous and it was all very sweet. It didn't hurt at all, but it wasn't especially earthshattering, except in the emotional sense. Once it was over, it was almost a case of 'okay, that's over with, now we can learn how to really get busy'. So we did.

We split up three years later, but that's another story. :)

Lisa

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

The first time was good for me, and I'm sure for her too; I was 16, she was 15. We had met at church summer camp two years earlier and had kept up a writing/phone/visit relationship (we lived 40 miles apart). She arranged it all and assumed full responsibility for contraception (boy was I lucky, because this horny teenager just didn't think about that). We kept up a boyfriend/girlfriend/sexual relationship over the next four years (she and her family moved closer, but still across the bay). We spent lots of nights together it still amazes me how we pulled that off at the time (it helped that her older sister let us stay at her house). Even today (I've got teenage sons of my own), I don't feel that I was too young.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

um, I lost it when I was 22. I was Catholic and scared to death of sex and those two things combined made me wait way too long.

So at 22 I decided I was having sex, hell or no hell. I was dating this total prick at the time, but I thought he was really special. He sucked, it sucked and two months later he cheated on me with this fucking blond bimbo with a great set of tits and ass, and completely ruined every once of self esteem that I had. I lost like 15 pounds in two weeks. I felt horrible about myself. He eventually came crawling back claiming it to be the biggest mistake he ever made, but of course it was too late. I called him not too long ago. I just wanted to put an end to the insecurities that he had brought to my life. Even though I love and trust my husband there is always that fear of the unfaithful inside of me. The sad thing is that has nothing to do with my husband but everything to do with the steroid pumping cheater. So we talked and basically what I got out of it was that he totally regretted me, but he was still a liar and a cheater. So it wasn't me, which helps, you know?

And the sad thing is that I should have a great memory of my first time. I had serious relationships in high school with boys who truly cared for me. Any one of those relationships would have made for a healthy and memorable first sexual relationship. Oh well such is life.

However, I am very glad that I didn't wait until I was married to have sex. He was the kind of guy who would have married me and cheated still. And anyway I might have ended up with someone who only liked the missionary position, didn't like going downtown, and just stared at the wall the whole time just pumping away. Because he did you know. What a fucking first, right? Thank god. Thank god. Thank god.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

alison- i know what you mean about not being able to resist someone. the guy i couldn't resist wasn't exactly an axe murderer, but he wound up being completely mental. seriously. he is, we think in a mental institution right now. bizarre, no?

anyway, the first guy i had sex with, i was completely in love with and i don't regret it at all. it didn't hurt, he was sweet (still is) and we were together for two years in total. then i went through this thing for all these reasons that i would rather not share, but i kind tried to prove that guys only wanted me for my body. so i slept with, like, seven guys in two years or something. maybe two and a half years. still a lot. but now i am completely in love, so i am not sleeping around any more. but yeah, my first time was good...

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I kind of don't fit in here, since I've never had sex, but I wanted some advice from you all. I'm 20, and in a fantastic 2-year relationship with someone I'm pretty positive I'll end up spending the rest of my days with. We've discussed maybe "giving it up," since we'll end up doing it anyway... what do you think? We kind of like the idea of waiting for marriage - especially since it's not really a common thing anymore. But there are days when it would be sooooo nice to just... go ahead...

comments appreciated. :)

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

Oh this is so hilarious; I've moved into a new apartment and spent the weekend unpacking - and found my diaries from highschool! My entire 'first love' is documented in ultimate teen melodrama prose. Just TERRIBLE stuff!

But I was reading the bit about losing my virginity! It happend when I was... 17 - very close to 18 - and it was about 6 months into it. We'd tried a few times, but it was pretty painful, and he was so sweet. He never pressured me - it was all a very natural progression (for some reason, to this day, my mother thinks I was pushed into it - which is wierd since she never did bother to talk to him or get to know him). Anyway - I actually set up the bathtub full of bubbles and invited him in with me. Then we ended up in my room and that's when it happened.

I remember which sheets (my favorites - tulips) and that it was afternoon and sunny, and my parents and brother were gone for the day, and I could hear someone mowing their lawn outside - helloooo suburbia. It was actually pretty good, not fabulous, no orgasm (didn't have one of those for years) but it got *a lot* better.

Of course 10 minutes later my parents came home and I was wobbling around the house flushed and mussed with not one of my "chores" done and I'd burned a pot of soup. Whoops!

To this day I don't know if they know exactly what had happened. No one said *a word*. All in all a good experience that I don't regret one little bit. He and I stayed together for 2 years after that - we're good friends now.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I was 18, a freshman in college, in a long-distance relationship... we saw each other for the first time in months for Fall Break... he hadn't really ever "pushed" for coitus before, but I was in a "well, geez, why not" kind of mood... we had been dating for about a year beforehand...

It wasn't spectacular or even very interesting... we switched positions a couple of times, but I was frankly too paranoid about the condom breaking to relax and enjoy it... so after about 10 minutes we stopped, neither of us having been satisfied really...

I had to keep reminding myself on the plane flight back "Hey, you're not a virgin anymore!" because I still felt like one... It was just sort of weird... we broke up before we had a chance to do it again... such is life... the only thing the experience did was make me more eager to do it when I got my next boyfriend...

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

okay- i grew up with one thing: sex before marriage will send you straight, and i mean DIRECTLY to hell. THEN, after an innocent run-in with my dad (my boyfriend at the time wasn't wearing shoes, but he's twainese, so DUH, and we were coming out of my bedroom where i was showing him a "calvin and hobbes" cartoon), dad suddenly, in the middle of the food court at baybrook mall (later that same evening, and i'm 17(?), that it's not a bad idea to have sex before marriage, and it's also not a bad idea to get drunk under CONTROLLED CIRCUMSTANCES. i was totally thrown a curveball.

so... i finally go to college, commute a few years, then live in a dorm. i had started talking with some guy and we were getting to know each other- both of us spent A LOT of time in the computer lab- he taught me minor-league hacking, bless his heart. so, one night, we're in the elevator going to my dorm room. i'm wearing a men's v-neck t-shirt, and i catch him getting a peek.

ME: you looking at my tits? HIM: yeah.

so, somehow we end up doing it that night. one night stand. he was all into another girl who was dumb as a post, and i suddenly got wicked jealous. i basically MADE him my boyfriend. we were together for almost two years.

later he turned into the one i refer to as "the stalker."

i think the matter is totally individual- there is no "right" or "wrong" time. it happens when it happens, and you just have to be "smart" (as my dad put it, which means not getting knocked up, but can extent to getting a nasty disease).

hope this helped.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I waited until I was 23. I wasn't necessarily waiting for "The One", but I did want it to be with someone who would treat the occasion with the proper...respect. He was my second boyfriend and we had been dating for about a week. We had made out a few times, very hot and heavy, and he asked me if I wanted to go up to his folks' mobile home in Frazier Park for the weekend. I thought about it for all of five minutes, then agreed, knowing what lay in store. (He was still living with his mom and grandparents and I had moved back in with my folks after a failed living arrangement with my best friend, so we didn't have much privacy.)

He picked me up early that Saturday morning (July 24, 1989) and we drove up to the mobile home, which was one of those huge types that don't even look like a trailer when you're inside. We kissed and made out a little, then he cooked me a nice lunch and we watched videos.

We were watching "Spaceballs", which I had never seen. About twently minutes or so into the video we started making out again, totally getting into it. Clothes were being removed. Skin and tongues and lips were tasting and being tasted. We completely forgot about anything except for each other.

Suddenly a nasal voice intruded itself into our conciousness. "Virgin alert! Virgin alert!" Joan River's voice screamed. We stopped, looked at each other, looked at the TV, then looked at each other again, and bust out laughing so hard tears were rolling down our cheeks.

Strangely enough, it didn't take long before we were at it again.

We were both very prepared, him with a condom and me with a sponge, and though it was quite painful for me (he was very, um, blessed), he took his time and was very solicitous. He treated my viginity like a precious gift, which is exactly what I wanted. Later, when he found out that I was the last kid in my family (the second of five) to lose her viginity, he told me he was very honored that I chose him.

It still took a few more times before the pain went away enough for me to enjoy it. I did fall in love with him soon afterwards and we were together, off and on, for about a year. I haven't been with him in nearly ten years (a nice guy, but way too arrogant and politically conservative for me, plus he's a gun collector), but I'll always hold a fond memory for the erotic lessons he taught me.

I'm sure the other guys I've been with are happy about those lessons, too.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

cheese and rice if only this forum was up two months ago!

well i lost my virginity pretty recently (march 3), and i'm 17.. he's 16. we had been together for oh.. a little over two months.. and i thought i loved him, but i should have known it was just infatuation. i was also really anxious to lose my virginity, and i figured he'd be the perfect candidate since he was REALLY good looking, experienced, honest, sensitive (i kid you not), and responsible.

so we were at his house after school, doing oral stuff, and we heard his mom pull up so we stopped and acted normal.. then she left to go jogging for like, 20 minutes, and since we were both really pumped up already, we ran upstairs to his room, and basically did it.

it sucked.

i still had my shirt on.. just in case his mom got home i wanted to get dressed quicker. and it hurt a LOT. my hands were shaking. i guess i was nervous, because my virginity had been weighing down on me for so long, and i always made myself feel better for being a virgin. i don't know if that was trying to justify myself or if that was the truth.

anyway, we had sex two more times (no orgasms) until i broke up with him two weeks later. i realized i didn't love him, and i couldn't have lived with myself knowing that i was just staying with him for sex. plus he was annoying and immature. but he was (and still is) a real sweetie and i feel bad for being such a bitch to him, but we're still friends.

the funny thing is, that day i lost it, when he asked if i wanted to, after a long silence i said "yes" and immediately afterwards the grandfather clock chimed and his dog howled. then after we did it, and i got up, all the beads from my necklace scattered. somehow it broke as i was losing my virginity.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

Hmmm... 19 -- or was it 20? I don't suppose I was 'waiting' for the right guy. It's just that I'm Italian. And Catholic. And the opportunity just never seemed to fall in my lap (no pun intended).

But now that I've reminisced with a high school buddy or two, I've found out that really I was just oblivious to it. Entirely oblivious.

Me: Oh?? You mean he... but he never said.. but... no, i don't think... yeah right... shutup. Friend: You are so blind. Of course he-- Me: shutup.

Anyways, the short of the long of it is that I ended up embarking on that trip with the man I was to marry. I was completely in love -- I still am completely in love -- and it pretty much... ok, it was crummy. He was soooo careful. And I was soooo unsure. Which is funny since neither one of us decided to avoid it altogether. Things must have changed a little.

All in all, I wish there had've been prior experience. By the same token, I can't say it's not great since what else would I compare it to?

As for the person earlier (i can't remember who, i'm sorry) that was wondering if waiting was better... You'll know. It'll happen. No one can tell you one way or the other.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

December 1, 1987 it was a week after I turned 15. My neighbor and I walked home every day from school because we lived right on the edge of our district and had no one else to walk with. We started out just kissing before we went in our houses and progressed to making out in my house because my Mom worked. He asked me if I was a virgin and of course I was too cool to admit it, so I said no. On that fateful day we were making out on my living room floor. I kept telling myself "I'll only let him go so far..Oppppss to late." I remember mainly that it hurt. He was/is HUGE! Later I found blood on the carpet and since we still had our shirts on there was blood all over the bottom of his OP t-shirt. He ended up telling his Mom he had a bloody nose on the way home from school. We kept it up at least twice a month for 4 years, but just as buddies. I tricked myself into thinking I wanted more but when he finally asked me out I said "No way, too little too late." He moved away for college and we kept in touch with phone calls about once a year. Now he's working on his PhD and is back in the area. He comes over once in a while to have dinner and hang out. He and my husband get along great. BTW he also ridded my best friend of her virginity 4 years after me. I had to beg him to do it because she didn't have a boyfriend and didn't want to graduate high school a virgin. So the night before graduation...

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

Wow now THIS is an interesting TOPIC!!

I was 18 and madly in love with this guy. We'd been dating over a year. It was Christmas break during my freshman year in college and we went to this dinky hotel in the boonies. OKay it was a town with 1200 people. (BOONIES)

He'd brought condoms. I remember it hurting real bad at first (he was a "gifted" man) and I remember slapping him and telling him that I was going to become a nun because I never wanted to do this ever again. . . . . Then I got the groove on and it started to feel real nice. I had an orgasm, sorry about you guys!!

I remember saying "that was fun let's do it again" and noticing that I could hear our neighbor's television. I guess we were disturbing them.

We're not together anymore and I found out later that he'd cheated on me during that year long wait but I don't regret having sex with him for one minute.

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

there really aren't many guys sharing their stories....

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

I was/am 16, and I lost it to another girl. Beat that, you conservative-ass muthas! Mwa ha ha ha!

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

Oh I thought we were talking about losing our virginity hetrosexually- wise. What constitutes losing it homosexually? Penetration? Orgasm? Cuz I've done both..

-- Anonymous, April 10, 2000

i was 17, backpacking alone round europe having recently left home, and *desperate* to lose my virginity to compound my new independence. i'd never had a boyfriend at school and by that time my virginity was like a huge millstone round my neck - i just wanted it gone.

so i 'fell madly in love' with a young activist from oregon in salzburg; we got on very well but i had no experience with this type of situation and so nothing actually happened, and before i knew it he'd left under cloak of darkness for prague. so i decided to follow him there. who cares that i had no idea where he was staying, or even what his last name was - i was *convinced* that we were meant to be and somehow we would gravitate towards one another. so i turned up in prague (on easter sunday night, with nowhere to stay - but that's a story in itself...), and decided that the best way to go about it was to sit on the charles bridge all day, every day until he happened to pass by (for those of you who have never been to prague, this is a bridge that's very central in the tourist part of the city - *every* tourist in the city passes over it at least once).

the second day i was on the bridge i was approached by an american bloke: HIM: haven't we met? ME: um...you've probably seen me here...yesterday... but it turned out that we had met in a hostel in austria, and i ended up telling him what i was doing. he thought it was very sweet (he was 26), and then asked me to the theatre (an american production of angels in america, for those who are interested) at 5 that evening. i was still planning to be on the bridge at that time, but said "maybe", and he left. put him out of my mind until about 4 when i was ordered off the bridge by a czech official (i had no idea why at the time, but i realise now he must have thought i was either dealing drugs or soliciting - lucky i didn't get in worse trouble...), and thought that i may as well go and meet S and go to the theatre. so i did. i was completely not attracted to him, but i suppose i was beguiled by the situation and we ended up kissing passionately by the river under a streetlight and arranging to meet the next day. i was a complete bitch to him the next day when we met, as in the daylight the magic was gone - he kept trying to kiss me as i skipped nimbly out of his reach, and eventually things came to a head when we were having dinner that evening - we were talking about love and lust and all of that stuff and then something just clicked in my head that said "it's time!" and so i ended up going back to the apartment he was renting and having sex. it hurt a hell of a lot (for physiological reasons i won't go into) and there were absolutely no fireworks at all, but i remember thinking that i could imagine myself getting good at this whole sexual thing. the next morning he was leaving for berlin, and tried to persuade me to come with him, but i refused (as i said, i wasn't attracted to him, and he'd spent the whole night talking about his ex girlfriend who he blatantly wasn't over), and left. and i've never regretted it - it's quite a cool story; i was honestly glad to have got rid of my virginity.

and it was exactly four years ago today! spooky...

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

my wonderful boy and i decided (or rather had our crazy ass hormones decide for us) to sleep together two months after we started dating (this summer). we both were catholic high school kids (mine was all girls, too) so basically we were the twins o'sexual innocence. but it was grand. we just kept lauging hysterically and wondering why the movies made it seem so damn serious. then we sat on his porch swing and ate double stuff oreos and watched the sun set. still love him madly. love to sneak him into my dorm when the roomie is away. hope we can always be together for silly sex.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

I was fifteen when it went down. There was three things that happened that day. I cut school, I ate a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and I had sex for the first time. Over anxious and pathetic sex, but sex none the less. I don't regret it. I also don't claim to have it down, but I'm always tying. I'm not a quitter. "Long Live Sting!" "Sting Is My G

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

i kinda think that people put way too much emphasis on the whole thing...i mean, my first time was with an incredible guy... i was 18 he was 19, and i don't regret it at all. for i while i thought, wow, i'm pretty lucky...but then i realized that it was just sex...and i think thats the only downer...it will only ever be just sex until you fall in love (whatever that means)...maybe that's why too many people have such a hard time with the whole regret deal...they refuse to admit that sex and love are very separate things...and that more often than not...it's not love... i said more than i was going too...

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

You're right, there aren't a lot of guys sharing. Um, okay. Here goes.

I was 17, and it was with a girl I was dating who had been to clown college and was also teaching me to juggle. It was, no joke, on top of a van at a drive-in movie in Odessa, Texas.

The movie was Red Dawn. I can't believe I remember that...

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

January 31, 1998. (I can't believe I still remember the date...) It was freshman year of college, and he was my first boyfriend, and I was crazy about him, although he went on to become a complete psychopath. We'd been together about six months, he'd been asking me to sleep with him for about two months, but not in any annoyingly pushy way. My roommate went out of town that weekend, and we both sort of realized without talking about it that this was The Weekend.

We spent the evening with some friends, we were both acting really weird and giggly and checking our watches every five seconds, and we thought we were being subtle but I think we might as well have been wearing "We're Going To Get Some!" signs around our necks.

Went back to my room, lit some candles, had sex. It hurt, but not as much so as I'd been afraid of. I didn't have an orgasm 'til probably the fourth or fifth time we slept together, but it was a good experience because I was so ridiculously in love with this boy. We were together another two years, although we're no longer even on speaking terms. Nonetheless, I don't regret the experience a bit.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

There aren't a lot of Guy stories here...I guess we were never virgins huh? Yeah right.

OK, I hope i don't blow anyones mind here, but it's probably safe to say that most people won't believe me...

I was 19, the girl's name was Star. We had known each other 5 days, and didn't know each other at all. (how can you know someone in 5 days)

It was in the middle of a field in a public park somewhere in Sacramento at around 11pm at night. Didn't even have a blanket. She was wearing handcuffs, and later claimed to have over a dozen orgasms. As this person turned out to be seriously crazy, I doubt anything she told me...

Anyway, not the greatest story, certainly no violins playing or beds of roses (watch the thorns) but it was a very GUY way to lose it. Fortunately I've grown up since then (at least i like to think so) and this particular fact about myself is probably what i am most ashamed of. Would i change it? Hell yes, if I could change things, i would go back and not do it with everyone but my current lover. She's the only one really worth remembering.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Oh and Alison, I know exactly what you mean about irresistable chemistry. I've got one of those stories too...sorry doesn't relate to this forum topic though...

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Men's stories, eh?

I venture to guess that you'll be missing a large portion of the population simply because the profile of the typical internet male.

However, to contribute and play the game, I was 17 and 2 weeks into college. I had hardly kissed a girl in high school, being somewhat social inept. Not that loosing my virginity suddenly cured me of that.

I was at a party at a fraternity (DTD), dancing on the 'wall' outside and this bonde comes up to me, says she's been watching me all night and wants to dance with me. Drunk and flustered, I get down, we dance, kiss, end up on a couch, find out she has no underwear on, she says 'why don't we go to your room.'

I agree, one roomate is gone, the other is there (the other being a complete case, never going out, in bed by 9 on the weekends). We end up in my absent roommate's bed. The present roommate, Max, asks us to keep in down, so in the throws of passion, my companion begins yelling, 'Get the fuck out Max! Oh God, get the fuck out!'

We dated for a short time, me thinking I 'owed' it to her because we had sex. She was way more experienced than I and shopping about for a husband while enjoying as many one night stands as she could to find a steady boyfriend with potential.

It didn't last.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

I was 14 and on a vacation to Disney World with my sister, Grandmother, her friend, and her grandson. Needless to say the drive from Texas to Florida sucked ass and I was restless as a coked up ferret by the time we got to the hotel in Orlando. It was a Days Inn if I remember correctly. Anyway, I went down to the pool just as it started to get dark. There are two girls my age in bikinis swimming around. I start talking to them, and found out they were bad. Smoked. Had been arrested. Real trouble makers. Cool.

After talking for 45 min. in the water we started to get prunny and the brunette asks if she can walk me back to my hotel room. I say sure and off we go. It wasnt long before I realized I didnt even know where my room was. I hadnt been there for two hours and every hallway looked the same. I stopped at a corner and tried to find some way to meet her the next day. As I was stammering and making a fool out of myself she kissed me. It was my first full on lusty kiss and I still remember exactly how it felt. Much to my amazement second and third bases were rounded. We snuck off behind a hill and went for home on the grass still wet from the sprinklers. Im glad she knew what she was doing.

We were just starting a second round when we heard someone yell Hey! Come out from there! The guy was in plain cloths, but I could see the badge hanging from his belt. Shit. He turned out to be pretty cool (or lazy) and just told us to go back to our rooms. I took off one way and she the other and we met on the other side of the building. As it happened that was my room. We talked for awhile and made plans to ditch our guardians and meet the next day. I stayed up all night thinking about her, but my grandmothers friend was on to me. They dragged me to Disney World and I never saw her again. I was furious at the friend for a long time. Much later I found out at the time she was dying of breast cancer and knew it would be the last trip she would ever make with her grandson. I felt like an ass. Even worse than not having sex again for two years.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Rob, you say on TOP of a van? Was this a public performance, or what?

It was on my best friend's bathroom floor, during a New Year's Eve party she gave while her parents were out of town. I was drunk and pissed off because he was drunk and paying (I thought) too much attention to some other girl. He dragged me into the bathroom and about 1 minute and 30 seconds later, we both emerged, very worried because no precautions had been taken or anything. It was pretty sucky, too; I actually didn't feel a damn thing upon penetration. (Until I next had sex, I worried that my vagina was too loose -- already! -- and that no other guy would want me. Soon thereafter, I learned how wrong I was.) But I got lucky and didn't get a baby or an STD, and exactly one week later he was dumped.

I don't believe in regretting things, but that little escapade would have been more enjoyable with someone... else.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Yeah. It wasn't as awful as it sounds, lots of blankets and such, and it was a tall van, but yeah. I was terrified.

But please believe me when I say it was the most tender and beautiful lovemaking experience possible with a clown on top of a van in a public place during a dumb movie. Ahhhhh, I'm nothing if not a romantic...

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

I was 17... drunk... and we were watching that god-awful Doors movie.

It wasn't beautiful, the girl was psycho, and the sex sucked.

All in all, I wasn't a big fan.

Love, Jason

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Well, let's see.... I was 18 (barely, we're talking less than a week after my birthday), he was almost 40. It was okay, even if the relationship turned out to be (emotionally) abusive and weird.

He's now in CA state prison and still tries to contact me through my parents every few months.

Good thing I live in another state now. :)

Love,

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

I was 17. I was infatuated. He kept saying he didn't want to do it because of the jail bait issue (he was 19). I was scared to death so I didn't push the issue. Finally he flipped a coin, told me I'd won, and turned out the lights.

Then afterwards, his girlfriend called and he rushed me out of his dorm room.

It was, in fact, one of the worst nights of my life, but at least it was over with.

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

Jackie,

"It was at a woolshed party (I think these may be uniquely NZ - a party in somebody's woolshed, basically)."

I hope no sheep were harmed that night

-- Anonymous, April 11, 2000

What the hell it is only sex, I always say that every time you don't have sex when it is possible, that is one you can never get back. I am sure on your death bed no-one is going to say "I wish I would have had less sex".

Actually I was seventeen and the girl was seventeen, birthday same as mine in fact. I drove to her house to be with her everyday for over four months before I even kissed her. We went out together for a little overa year and a half (forever in teen time) and we were very sexually active with each other, one day I had a condom I stole from my older brother and we did it...it was like walking towards the bright light, still is for me everytime. We broke up about a year later and continued to have sex for another six months till I moved to another country, well ok just south to the US. Still so in love with her a few years later that when a girlfriend (who's mother was friends with the old girlfriends mother) was drooping me off at home one night said "by the way did you know that ****** is getting married tomorrow?" I suddenly found myself laying on the ground looking at the stars and they no longer shone as brightly as before. It was good for us both and I will remember it the day I die.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

James, no sheep were harmed during any woolshed parties, I'm pleased to report. They must have all gone to the pub for the evening or something.

I'm very glad to hear I'm not the only person who did it with a loser, and wished later I'd waited for somebody else.

By the way, Tristan has, in his chequered career as a young Romeo, dated 5 virgins. He says they are not fun at all, and no girl should feel that she'll be considered some kind of slapper if she's already done it, because virtually every boy under the sun will be deeply relieved not to have to take the responsibility of being the first bonk. As you can imagine, I hassle him no end about the number of young ladies he deflowered.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

My first time was with my SO. I had turned 15 the week before (I know, I know) and he was 18. We were with a group of friends at one of their farms. We weren't drinkers, and the rest of them were. The group decided to go outside and get one of the horses drunk, which didn't sound fun to us, so we started making out on the couch. This is where curiosity killed the Kat. I swear to God, I was just curious about what a guy looked like. I figured, he's seen me, I want to see what he looks like. As someone else said, ooopps! We were both virgins. We dated for another year, but my parents found out we were having sex. I couldn't take the pressure and broke up with him. I ended up marrying someone my parents LOVED. That lasted all of 10 months before I realised I had more respect for myself than to stay with him. I found out my old boyfriend was friends with my neighbor, and mentioned that it would be nice to see him. The message was relayed, but it took him a full month to work up the courage to visit. When he finally did, it was strange, like no time had passed. Bad me, I hopped in bed with him the next night. We have now been together for the last 12 years. I've always been glad that we were each others firsts.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

Well, Rob wins the prize for most original loss of virginity experience.

Even though I try not to regret things, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't wish I had waited until I was with someone else who I truly loved. I've had my fair share of lust-fueled sex, and that was great (understatement), but a part of me does wish I'd shared my first time with someone who I cannot even think about without flinching.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

Er, I meant someone who I *can* think about without flinching. And whose nickname (bestowed upon him by me) isn't kickedinface-dot-gif (long, lame story).

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

The only thing I wonder about Rob's experience is, wouldn't it have ben more comfortable in the van? Was it occupied at the time? Or did you just really want to watch Red Dawn?

Not that it's any of my business.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

I haven't a single regret. I was 19, freshman in college, he was 18, also a freshman, and it was the first time for both of us. We had a love-at-first-sight thing going, the first big love for each of us, and we waited until we had been dating for about six months before doing it. We both wanted the time to be right, and we had been, and still were, best friends -- the friendship was even more important than the googly-eyed love, as far as we were concerned. And we didn't want to rush things, and screw the whole thing up. A friend of his had given him a box of flavored condoms as a gag gift when he heard we were dating, and, one sunny afternoon during a make-out session, he aksed "Cherry or strawberry?" It took me a second to figure out what he was talking about, but when I did we laughed, and it was very sweet and tender, and it did hurt, but not much... it was years ago and I still get all nostalgic over it.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

Just recently having stumbled upon these forums, I am very impressed with the sanity, and acceptance every one displays here, with no flames. Enough digression, back to the meat of the matter.

I was 20, working at a summer camp ( to pass the time while deciding what to do with the rest of my life )and she was one of the cooks, 21, it was on a blanket, in a clearing in the woods, under the stars. Very romantic and special. We had been dating for only about a month at that time, and we were both virgins. For me it was a magical and wonderful experience. For her, maybe not so much. we became engaged soon after, but that didn't take.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

Good heavens.

I was 14, he was 13, I wasn't in love and didn't have delusions of being in love. It's an awful experience to look back on, but wasn't very traumatic at the time (I think I've gotten less harsh around the edges, or something, as I've grown older).

It took place in a hot tub, outside, by a pool. Now, granted, it was at a time when there weren't many people around, but I'm pretty sure that the guy in the equipment room saw us and gave the guy I was with a 'talking to' later on. When it was over, I laughed derisively, kissed him, and said 'Okay, I gotta go have dinner now, see you afterwards.' And I did. We spent the rest of the Summer trying to figure out how to make it better. It was tragically funny. I think we had been dating for a week, or maybe less. I remember thinking of the whole 'losing my virginity' thing as something to get over with so I wouldn't have to deal with it later.

Is there a 'first kiss' topic? That's a much better story...

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

I was supposed to go camping with a bunch of my friends the summer I was nineteen. That was July. Up until May of that year I had never even been kissed, but on the other hand, I had been thinking about sex and everything since I was about fourteen. So I was a virgin mostly through lack of opportunity. Anway, all of the friends ended up getting jobs or whatnot and one by one, the camping trip condensed down to me and my boyfriend (who was the one who I had my first kiss with in May, that, incidentally lasted three hours. This was a good sign). I kind of asked him if he still wanted to go, and he enthusiastically said yes, so we packed the car and drove to the campground the night after he hosted a 2-keg party. I still at this point had no intention of losing it on that trip. The first night, we, uh, refrained, and it was really sweet, because he didn't even bring the subject up. He totally didn't expect sex even though we were alone on a vacation together, and we had done pretty much everything but. And the next day, it was pretty much all I could think about. So that night, I screwed up my courage (heh) and asked if he had a condom. He did, but the poor boy had the, uh, wind knocked out of his sails by the unexpected request. It was nice, it hurt, but not as much as I had expected. And a good time was had by all. We're still friends. I never felt that he was the love of my life or anything, but he was nice and sweet and I was terribly fond of him, and so now, coming up on the first anniversary of my year as a non- virgin, I have no regrets.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

The only thing I wonder about Rob's experience is, wouldn't it have ben more comfortable in the van? Was it occupied at the time? Or did you just really want to watch Red Dawn?

Hey, now. You pay for a movie, you want to see it, right?

Actually, yes, the van was occupied, and no, it wasn't a planned event. It just sort of happened. It really is much less sordid and freaky than it sounds. Really.

And the thing is, I really liked her a lot, I was so smitten. (She was two years older than me, which was enough to qualify as a Mrs. Robinson experience at that stage of my life...) So my memories are very sweet and warm and not at all weird.

Okay, maybe a little weird...

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

I just have to say, I love these forums. They're the last thing I read before I go home at night and some of them make me laugh so hard.

My first sex was at 21. Mike the Jock, he pumped iron, was a med student, drove a Porche. A friend of a friend. The first night we went on a double date to see Nightmare Before Christmas. Afterwards we went back to his place to watch Ghost. (I have yet to see that movie all the way through). It didn't hurt, nor was it exciting. A week later I saw him in the college lunch room kissing some little Asain girls eears. UH, yeah, so that wasn't love.

My first love was this year. I'm 27. He's 30. We've been friends for 8 years and one night while I was there he gave me a back massage (I'm a massage slut) and I looked up at him and he at me and it was and has been wonderful. We aren't really dating, but there are very deep unexplored feelings. It's amazing how wonderful it can be when you actually care for the person you are with.

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2000

I had just turned 14 a month before, he was 16. We were both living in this rather odd environment. His aunt took in "stray" people, and I was one, along with him, my best friend, a cousin, and miscellaneous others. Anyway, I met Mike when I was 13 and he was 15 and i developed a huuuuge crush on him, and living with him just made it much more intense. We ended up dating for a while and then I broke up with him (on his 16th birthday) beacuse my "best friend" had the hots for him and I thought he would be happier with her. *groan* They dated for about 2 weeks and then split up, and I was happy as could be. After that, I would, well..fling myself in his path, basically. If he was around, so was I. I made it pretty clear that I wanted to be back with him, that I was interested, etc. After about 6 months of this, with him not taking the bait, I finally said pretty bluntly that I wanted to sleep with him - thiking of course that that would make him realize how much I loved him and how much HE loved ME. *snort* So, come New Year's Eve, we're both at home "partying", and his aunt is gone, her room is available, and he's drinking a little. I grabbed my best friend and told her that I was sick of him not noticing me, and that I wanted to sleep with him RIGHT NOW. We both sort of took his arms and towed him into the bedroom, where we BOTH started kissing on his neck and such. Then Courtney obliginly dissapeared, and I locked the door. He asked me "Are you sure you want to do this"? And I of course, said yes. Whups. The sex itself was awful, of course. He was rather endowed, I was scared out of my mind, there was pretty much NO foreplay, and it hurt and was not the beautiful experience I had wanted. Add to that equation this huge awful boombox flashing lights and thumping along in time to Metallica's "Whiplash"....oy vey. Every time the damn radio bellowed "WHIP LAAAASH", I'd be getting bounced up and down on and be thinking "you're not kidding". Then his cousins started pounding on the door hollering "MIiiiiiike, what are you doing? Miiiiike, are you guys having SEEEXXXXX?". I think it's safe to say I hated it.

Surprisingly enough though, we did get together another two or three times (I can't remember), and each time we did it was always in some strange situation. The last time, for instance, we were in a *packed* motel room (6 adults, 4 non-adults)and we had to tiptoe over people to get to the bathroom to do it. And we never once used a condom and I wasn't on anything. I was damn lucky and damn stupid.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

My first time was with my current SO. I was 21 and he was 20. We had been going out for a month -- in fact, it was our one month anniversary. In fact, it was almost exactly six years ago!

Anyway, we planned it ahead of time because he was living with his parents and I was living with six roommates. Yes, six. They all knew about our special night and made arrangements to give us a few hours to ourselves. We went out to dinner at (I'm so ashamed of this) The Olive Garden. We joke about it now -- The Olive Garden was the most romantic place we could think of to celebrate our deflowering. Then we went back to my place and sealed the deal, so to speak.

And yeah, we're still together six years later. I don't regret anything about that. I'm glad my first time was with someone I really loved then, and love now. I had opportunities to lose it on a one- night stand, and I'm glad I passed those up, especially after reading some of the other posts here. I do regret that we moved in together as early as we did, but that's a whole different topic altogether.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

I am not one to judge, but it seems that morals were not an issue with quite a few entries. My first time was with my wife, on our wedding night. I am certain that many of you wouldn't have it this way, but I wouldn't change a thing about it. I was 25 and she was 22. I hope to raise my children with morals to live up to, and hope they understand that sex isn't merely a pleasure activity. I certainly hope they are not still a child like many I have read on this forum, 13 or 14 years old is ridiculous to take the risk of bringing a child into this world. Like Bill, who didn't use a method of birth control, kids just don't understand. Sorry if offense was take, none was meant.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

Merrell, it's a bit contradictory to comment on morals but claim to not be judging. Most of us who didn't do it with our life partner the first time have said that, in retrospect, we'd have preferred it that way. I'm happy for you that you made what you feel to be the right choice, but that doesn't mean everybody else chose wrong.

I agree with you - I think 13 or 14 is very young, and I think not using contraception at any time is bad news. However, I don't think casting doubt on the morals of others is a good response. Luckily, we now live in an age where there isn't just one 'right' way to live. You feel sex should not just be a pleasure activity, but others may disagree with you. This doesn't make you morally superior.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

I just spent way too much time trying to figure out which "Bill" Merrell was referencing in his post. Now that I know it was "Not Me", I can peacefully go on about my day. It's the little things that drive me to distraction.

I don't think I'll even go near the big issue of morality, since I'm too much of a morally depraved slut to speak intelligently on the matter.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

No axe murderer here....but he's a lawyer now...so which is the lesser of two evils?

Oh to be young and in love...errr...lust.

I was 19...my sophomore year in college....and I was dating the older, gorgeous frat boy. Talk about chemistry. BAY-BEE! I made the him wait a whole year (we started dating my freshman year)....and he was very sweet. I was so in love with him. I thought we were going to get married.

WRONG.

The fucker cheated on me about 10 months later. He's the 'I only fucked her because I was mad at you. I love you' guy.

I don't regret losing my virginity to him. I'm just so glad that I always insisted on ummm protection.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

it was a month ago, at 16. Did it not out of love or even lust; more because of this perverse punishment thing i have going on...plus i have this neurotic need to assuage deep feelings of inadequacy through sex, and this time i went too far. i regret it. i wish i had saved it for the person i love.

i think i analyze too much.

-alex

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

Hey all... I was just browsing through here and read some of your stories. This reply is mostly to Court, who seemed like she wanted some feedback about whether to go ahead and do it or not. I'm sure what I'm going to say, a lot of you won't agree with and that's fine with me... but all I can say comes from my own experience. I was 19 when it happened, and it was with the man who is now my husband (before we were married). Neither of us have ever been with anyone else, I'm glad to say. But I, like Court seems to be, knew I was going to marry him and eventually became so curious that I figured, why not just go for it? So we ended up doing it. It was good and all, but I just want to say that it was not worth it. The guilt that we both felt afterwards, mostly for religious reasons, almost ruined our relationship even though we both knew we were meant for each other and were going to get married. This was 3 years ago and we still feel guilty about it at times. I had always felt so strongly about waiting for marriage and that one mistake just shattered all of that and made me think so much less of myself.

I just wanted to tell Court that if she has any reasons, like religious values or something else, that could ever make her feel bad about it later, then stick with your plan of waiting for marriage. If not, then that's great too. But for me, it just wasn't worth the pain and guilt afterwards. Once you do it, you can't ever take it back. So if you think even for a second that you could end up feeling like me, then wait. There's nothing wrong with that. Anyway there's my two bits. I just wanted to reply because Court's situation really hit home. Bye!

--anonymous

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

aah, I've read all of your stories and just knew I should respond even though I don't have a story of my own. I haven't done it so to speak. it's not that I'm intentionally waiting, but the opportunity hasn't come up. I hardly even kissed a guy...the closest I got to anything was sitting on someone's lap and that was in a game.

geez...I feel soo inexperienced now. aah. I'll be 19 in a month too.

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

He'd always been there-he was my playmate from the second grade on. He was dark, mysterious, sexy, and one of those existentialist philosopher types, and he hated the way I flirted, knew I was more than some flighty shell. Eventually, he told me so, and by highschool we were holding hands and having secret late-night walks.

I'd always thought he'd be a total animal once I got him alone, but when we finally kissed, I realized his inexperience--to my shock, that I was his first. I felt dirty, knew I could be with him like I'd been with all the other men--all prepackaged and feelingless, and fled. I knew he needed someone to truly love him, not some fling.

Over the months, he pulled me back. The summer after our senior year of highschool, we became inseparable, and started dating. I'd had my fun, but always saved lovemaking for the day I found true love.

We were nineteen, and both still virgins, when we decided, together, to take that step. There was no pain, only love and gentleness. Laugh all you want, but it was a big cosmic joining-of-the-powers kind of experience, and worth holding out for.

He is part of all my childhood memories, and though we stopped dating after a few years, we still keep in touch, and, miraculously, in love. In a way, we exist all mixed within each other.

Forlaetan

Vain Travails

-- Anonymous, April 13, 2000

"Men's stories, eh?

"I venture to guess that you'll be missing a large portion of the population simply because the profile of the typical internet male."


Much as I'd like to refute that, I'm afraid I can't. Not only am I a virgin, I've never even been kissed. (And I'm old enough to have bought LPs new.) Even though I am a geek, I do possess a modicum of social skills. I can hold a conversation with a woman without drooling or staring at her chest.

I am gainfully employed. I'm reasonably intelligent (graduated from a good university). I understand that not everybody shares my obsessions, so I do not steer every conversation to the things that interest me. I try to be funny. I even understand the importance of hygiene. Admittedly I don't dance, but since that's because my left knee has a tendency to dislocate when I do dance, I hope I can be forgiven.

There's never been an opportunity. I have plenty of female friends; most of my close friends are women. But no-one's ever been interested. I've gotten to the point that the very idea that someone might find me attractive is practically inconceivable. (I am aware that ideas like that become self-fulfilling prophecies, but my self-esteem is too far gone to turn it around by just deciding to think positive.)

(Sorry for the self-pity, but it does tend to come up when I'm discussi

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2000

Hey, Merrell - I totally regret doing what I did when I did the way I did. It sucked, it was dumb, and like you pointed out, I was SO lucky not to get pregnant or worse. I wish I would have waited for someone I truly cared about and who cared about me in return. I wish I would have waited until I WASN'T just lucky that I wasn't knocked up, but that it didn't happen because I planned on it not happening. I think, however, that it wasn't so much a lack of morals that really spurred me on, it was instead a deep desire to feel like SOMEONE, ANYONE, cared about me. I didn't have much of a home life - I was 13/14 and living with a woman who I hadn't met until *literally* days before I moved in with her, who also happened to be a drunk and a Biker Bitch. Scary. Also, a total and complete lack of supervision really really enabled that whole situation. So....I'm not proud of the whole experience, and I'm not boasting how great it was...but it was what it was, and I was just sharing my story.

And to Court (?) - If you're thinking about losing it and you think you're in love and you think he's the cat's pajamas....read my story and make SURE that you really really mean it. I'm NOT bashing you or telling you that you don't love your gentleman, so please don't start hollering at me :o). There's a ton of wonderfull, gentle, funny stories up here about the magical moment that some people "lost it", and then there's a ton of stories like mine that you don't really hear about because EVERYONE want's to belive that "losing it" is so magical and special and would never ever be an unhappy experience. Just be really sure you want that. And be safe, eh?

*climbs down off of soapbox, looking rather red in the face*

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2000

It happened New Years Eve 1999, and it wasnt planned. I'd met the guy a few weeks before, and his plans for nye hadnt worked out. I didnt have any plans as we had family from interstate visiting. Somehow i managed to talk my parents into letting me go out (to a friends party i said) Little did they know that there 17yr old daughter was going to meet a guy, spend the nite with him in a hotel, and lose her virginity to him. It wasnt great, and it hurt more than i'd expected, but he was a very...errr...endowed guy. I saw him for another 2 weeks before we decided that it would be best if we stopped seeing each other. After that i wish i'd waited, but it was my choice to lose it then. He did ask me quite a few times if i wanted to go thru with it, and he was someone that i cared about, and cared about me. We still keep in touch, and he's great at giving advice. I think the main thing is that you have to be ready for sex, and it has to be your decision, dont be pressured into it, you dont want to regret it for the rest of your life. Just make sure you care about the other person, and that they care about you. oh...and no matter what they say, use protection, you dont want to be sitting in a doctors surgery a few months after having to have a hiv/std test.

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2000

I waited (through 4 frustrated boyfriends) until I was 19. I was living at home with my parents between semesters at college; he was the last of a large Catholic family still living at home. Neither set of parents would have been too happy about any shenanigans happening in their house.

So, it happened in his older sister's apartment while she was out of town, in her bed (with tacit permission, I suspect). Later we came up with all sorts of creative solutions -- the music library of a radio station where we both worked, the apartment of a friend that I was housesitting for, etc. It was quite a relief at the end of the summer to go back to school and have a skinny dorm bed at my disposal. Aside from the inconvenience factor, it was great fun. I still kind of regret letting him get away, because he was charming, fun, and utterly entertaining, but our lives were going in different directions.

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2000

It's good and all that my "first" and I are still together 11 years later but I'll tell you what....if he and I ever break up I will be the biggest hoochie you've ever seen. I want to try one other guy before we get married next year ( is anyone else bothered by having sex with only one man your whole life?). I thought I could try Jeremy Irons since that would be seizing a moment of opportunity and not cheating, right? I love my guy and it would be ok if I was never with anyone else but sometimes I wonder. Also, sex for me is strickly pleasure. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure...spilling seed all over the place, baby.

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2000

To Amber (starlight@wellyeah.org); a friend of mine waited until she was around 21. Not because of marriage or morals or age but because she just hadn't found someone that made her feel like having sex! She was *very* picky, and it was the right thing for her to do. '

Age really has nothing to do with it so don't get down on yourself about that. It's more like when you're comfortable with it... and of course your morals or religion and upbringing and outside influences - all affect you. Just go with the flow and do what feels right :)

What's funny is I remember to this day my sister telling me how she lost her virginity at ... was it 18 or 19? I think 19. I even remember what she was wearing when she told me - it was the day of. She regretted the who and the where. It was a real 'get it out of the way' type deal. Which, I don't know - doesn't seem like a good way to make it a special memorable experience. It's a good story but not mine to tell... maybe she'll pop up sometime and post it.

-- Anonymous, April 14, 2000

My first time was Friday night, actually, with my exboyfriend.

We love each other and all, he was and still is my best friend, but the relationship itself just didn't work out. I went through a lot of stress and was incredibly horribly mean to him, and it just..didn't work out.

Anyway.

So we go out to this field with some friends, and we're all hanging out, and he says that he still loves me, and that he wants to lose his virginity to me. He says that I am the most important person in his life, that he would do anything for me, he loves me, and he wants to give something that important to the only person he really cares about.

So we uhm...yeah. In the backseat of my car. Not very romantic, eh? If it had been somewhere else, I'm sure it would have been romantic and all that jazz.

We got back together too. I don't regret it now, but I might later on if we break up, because I heard that this can totally ruin a friendship. But we'll see.

-- Anonymous, April 16, 2000

Sex has nothing to do with morality.

Of course in certain religions, a lot of emphasis is placed upon it, but in hindsight, most of those restrictions were placed in order to shape behavior to prevent things that we can prevent other ways now.

I mean, if you wanted to prevent out of wedlock pregnancies, then say sex is bad unless you're married. Promiscuity in the past was somewhat more dangerous, what with no remedies for any STD being available and kings and queens even succuming to the ravages of syphillis. Condoms that they did have were made of animal skins, so they helped prevent pregancy, but not STD's.

And sex is meant to be for pleasure. Even in most religions. The religions (such as Christianity) just mandate that you are married. Then the teaches say to bonk to your heart's content because it shows your love for eachother.

As for age, well.. that goes to maturity level. Not so long ago, Western Civilizations were built upon 'children' marrying and having families at 12 and 13 yars old. (The average life expectancy ranged down in the 30's and 40's, of course...)

And for people who waited for marrage and only have slept with that one person. Well, good for you. Really. It's what you believe in and feel was the best thing for you. For me, well, I liked most of the people I've slept with. I've even loved a few. Sometimes it was simply a mutual pleasure thing between friends.. sometimes it was much more. I was careful most of the time, and the only thing I would regret is that I should have been careful all of the time (thank goodness nothing bad ever happened).

But to say sex out of wedlock is immoral is rediculous. It's a way to share pleasure with someone. And it's up to the individual to determine who they want o share it with.It doesn't impart any requirements or responsibilities upon the people involved other than to share the consequences, be there any, regarding pregnancy and STD's.

And my sleeping with the number of women I've slept with has in no way detracted from my relation with my wife today. IF anything, it's helped.

Sex is good. Sex is fun. Sex should be with everyone.

-rich http://www.inferiority.com rich@inferiority.com

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

I was one of those girls who just *refused* to lose her virginity in high school. I was doing plenty else, mind you, but apparently some wee part of "Just Say NO" had wormed its way into my brain and I always drew the line just short of the mark.

Then I went to college and realized that suddenly my virginity seemed like a liability. I imported my long-suffering high school boyfriend (poor thing...he had a total of two orgasms in our entire three-year relationship, whereas I had many) for a visit and rid myself of the the whole thing as fast as I could. It hurt, and I didn't like it much. The absurdist part of the experience was the tape that was playing at the time; it was a mix tape made by a girlfriend of mine which was mostly very mellow and romantic. However, the exact moment of the deflowering came just as the song "The Trees", which is a ridiculous noisy song by Rush. I still hear and it and cringe.

I broke up with him just a few weeks afterwards. In retrospect he was somewhat used. I feel guilty about it to this day.

"The trouble with the MAPLES/ And they're quite convinced they're right/ they say the oaks are just too GREEDY/ and they grab up all the light...

--Rush, "The Trees"

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

I didn't know if I was gonna post, but everybody's been really brave and open, so, here goes...

I was 13. Yeah, I know. Basically, it was really just curiousity. I had just gone through the very obvious phases of puberty and it was just all very new and a little scary, but mostly just... I don't know, kind of fascinating.

So I had just moved to Germany (Air Force brat) and everybody seemed to be having sex all over the place. I had a friend who had sex in a bathroom while we hung out and made sure nobody went in. It was nuts. Like "Kids" without the drugs.

Anyway, there was a girl who kind of had a reputation even though she was my age. She lived across the street and we became friends. I wasn't really interested in her, but I felt bad that people gave her a hard time. One day, out of the blue, I just decided I wanted to lose my virginity and I thought she'd be the right person to ask. She'd flirted with me before and so one day, when my parents were gone, I invited her to come over after school. She had a boyfriend, but I guess it didn't matter because stuff happened.

It wasn't very spectacular, although my curiousity was definitely satisfied. I didn't do that again for a few more years, but it was kind of nice not to be all neurotic and curious for those years. It helped put things into perspective to know "Okay, that's what that's like," and not have it be this big scary Unknown. Of course, it's definitely not the same as having sex with someone you really love. That was like losing my virginity a whole second time.

-- Anonymous, April 17, 2000

Now that I've stayed up till 1:00AM reading everyone's personal thoughts and feelings on this topic, I have to respond. (if only to add to the number of "guy" responses ) I won't go to in depth on my feelings and thoughts on virginity, because I doubt everyone would want to read such a dissertation. So I'll try to stick to the story. It was with my second girlfriend. (I had dated the first for a year, but we never went that far.) It was my senior year in highschool and I was 18. She was a beautiful 16 year old, very sensual, atractive, seductive. I met her...long story--which involves Russians, believe it or not. Shorter version: I knew her for a few months before we actually started dating. We dated for three months total and it was a very intense relationship both emotionally and physically. It was a while before we made love though. At least a month though I don't remember exactly. As a reversal of roles, she was actually the one who had been pressuring me. She had already had sex before and when we would make out she would tell me how much she wanted me. She said I had the "foreplay" part of sex down REALLY well. I kept resisting though; it was almost a joke I had with her. I did at one point say, mockingly, "Mom... my girlfriend is pressuring me for sex." ...To my girlfriend, not my mom. :-) While I am a Catholic (admittedly not a devout one), there was nothing religious in my apprehension. There wasn't any guilt in that sense. Mostly it was worry over other things. I didn't want to risk getting her pregnant and ending up having to support a child. There were also her previous partners and she may or may not have had an STD; which she actually pointed out herself. There were also the legal "jail bait" issues. I actually went so far as to go to the library and look through the law books to see what the law actually said on the matter. Finding a satisfactory answer there, that was one obstacle out of the way. I found other interesting facts, but that's another story as well. My g/f was in her highschool's (we attended different schools) drama group and was performing a play one night which I went to see. It was the last performance or something like that so everyone in the cast played a lot of practical jokes on one another, was how she explained it to me. Some of these involved condoms filled with various substances. Another specific one was a picture of a naked woman in the bottom of a hamster cage. Anyway, she got a hold of a condom (still wrapped) and after the performance as I was waiting for her out in the hallway she came and said she had something for me, slipped the condom in my hand and walked off to finish what she was doing. Nothing happened that night, though. It was actually later the next week when she came over to my house. I think my family was all out of the house at the time, so we were alone in the house. We started making out in my room as we had before but since we'd been talking about it, we both knew I'd be going all the way this time. It was wonderful, I must say. I don't remember now so much what we did. But I can remember the condom was green. Mostly, it's how I felt. I can honestly say it was making love, and not 'just sex'. I knew it was my first time, but I still wanted it to be special for her too. As I said, it was an emotionally intense relationship too. We'd talked about this quite a bit and each knew how the other felt. I don't have any regrets at all about "waiting so long" or "doing it too soon" depending on your point of view. It was the right time and she was the right girl. I do regret the chain of events that led to our break up, but that has nothing to do with this particular discussion. Before we broke up, we ended up doing it again two more times; only those times I actually went out and bought the condoms myself. They were both equally wonderful.

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2000

Hey... where did all my paragraph breaks go? Sorry. I didn't mean for that to look as nearly as long as it did. I had some more grins and smileys in there too. I didn't sound quite that serious when I was writing it.

-- Anonymous, May 21, 2000

Hmm. Jeepers. I was 17, I think. Maybe 16. I think it was summer. And I'd been with my h.s.b.f. for over a year, knew we were in luuuuuv and were going to get married and all that. But I didn't believe in sex before marriage then, and I was attending a Christian high school that reinforced those beliefs. So I kept the h.s.b.f. placated with "everything but" for a while.

But he started turning up the pressure slowly and subtley. "I just want to show you how much I love you"... "I don't understand, haven't I done enough to prove you can trust me?"... etc. He took me to the beach for "talks" (i.e. pressure). He played me songs with sappy lyrics about sharing body and soul and being as close as two people can be. He did all that stuff that I, a pathetic and insecure and madly-in-love teenager couldn't resist. I decided -- I'm serious! -- that if I said wedding vows in my head when we were Doing It, then it would be okay.

The Big Night itself was laughably bad. He fancied himself to be *quite* the romantic and suave lover, but at the time, I was trying not to squirm with embarressment for him at how corny and insincere he was, parading around in his Mike Brady-esque pajamas and kneeling in front of me to hold his mother's good wineglass full of sparkling cider for me to drink. Dear God, and that was before the Peter Cetera- Amy Grant love songs and the silver dining-table candlesticks lit on his nightstand, too....

The physical act was okay; I was actually disappointed that it WASN'T painful, in fact... we'd been fooling around so much that, well, you get the idea. I'd kinda perversely looked forward to the pain as some sort of Rite of Passage. But the most awkward was the fact that he... didn't... come. It just went on and on and on and ON until he said "I'm getting tired" and that was it. Again, like with the pain, I'd thought the whole guy-unable-to-control-himself bit was part of the deal, part of the Rite of Passage.

I don't regret having sex w/someone else before The Husband-Type Man (I think SOME experience is important, for me, anyway), but I DO regret that I was such a wishy-washy dink that I gave in against my better judgement.

-- Anonymous, May 22, 2000

I have never had sex. I want to wait itll I am married. and the only reason i guess i am asking you about anything is because, recently i just resieved my first about 8 mnths ago and then we started to fool around, he fingered me and i gave hima hand job and he eat me out and then i gave him head, but does that stuff kind of not make you a virgin? because I mean it is not haveing sex but pretty damn close would'nt you say? Please tell me what you think

-- Anonymous, December 29, 2001

I was 16 years old. He was my first real boyfriend. I was with him for two and a half months when i decied to sleep with him. I thought that I was in love with him and that he was in love with me. We were in his room and our friends were in the living room. Two months after he left me. What I should say is that he disappeared on me. I know that people always say that you never forget your first. I did not believe it. Now I do. Its been 4 years and I can't forget him. After awhile I thought about it and I wasn't in love. I was in love with idea of being in love. I do regret my decion every day. I wish I would have waited.

-- Anonymous, February 04, 2002