As if Hallmark was n't bad enough about creating holidays...i found out that according to Blue Mountain Cards, today (April 18th) is Pet Owner's Independence Day .

It would be great if they'd bring home the bacon for one day. (With our luck, though, it'd probably be Beggin' Strips...'I CAN'T READ!!!!')

If sent to work for a day, my cat would take an all-day coffee-&-grooming break.

My friend's dog, however, affectionately known as Attention Deficit Disorder Dog ("ADD Dog" is fun to say, try it), would be in charge of security...Managing By Woofing Around.

ADD Dog has been known to go into conniptions over burnt-out lightbulbs in chandeliers that the humans haven't even noticed. ADD Dog has shepherd-dog genes and likes to herd people, gets panicked if anyone moves too fast. ADD Dog would try to herd everyone into one cubicle.

Here's ADD Dog at the office, maintaining order:

You! You! You with the stapler! Bark! Attention! You have exited the established perimeter. You! Back in bowl! Back in bowl! Woof!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Yo! Person! Person I don't know! Growl! Put down that copy paper. I'm warning you. That copy paper belongs to THIS person. It must not be moved. Woof! Hackle-raise! Bark!

You! Hey! Hey! Woof! Did I SAY you could go to the restroom?! No! No! Woof! If you go, the WHOLE HERD goes! Bark! All in one stall! Go! Go! Now! Bark! I'll watch. Make sure no one escapes down the toilet. Bark!

Hey! Hey! Is that a Twisted Sister button on your lapel?! WOOF!

What would your pet do at the office?

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Answers

our dog would just pee on everything.

he would give "the eye" to strangers, then try to bite off their faces.

i'd probably get fired.

could they do that?

(actually, we did bring cacho (a catahoula) into the office for a few minutes. he just pulled on the leash and attempted to stick his nose in everything.)

(once, some guy brought in this "soccer ball" dog (the type you could kick like a soccer ball, according to my husband) who proceeded to piss on the fake plant in the lobby.)

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

wow, Milla, that's funny -- my dog would not be nearly that interesting. She's a shih-tzu who's completely unaware of her surroundings. If you sat her down in the middle of the Sahara, she would just chew on her foot and never seem fazed.

I've been lobbying for "Take our Dogs to Work" Day for quite some time, though. I think stress levels would go way down if we could have a break every so often to play with our puppies.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

If I brought my pets to work...

Lucy, our first-born cat, would curl up on my desk to take a nap, giving my phone a sleepy, yet still very annoyed look every time it rang. Or she would lay across my keyboard like she does at home. She would not be very productive. But she would be a very cute addition to the office.

Maggie, our youngest cat, would hang out in the break room all day, asking anyone who came in to please drop a couple of snacks onto the floor for her, because despite her round appearance, she is definitely suffering from starvation and is mere moments away from dropping dead. If anyone gave her any work to do, she would just bat it around, pounce on it, and eventually lose it under a credenza. If the boss tried to reprimand her, she would just rub against his leg and purr, and look up to see if he was about to drop any food.

Mackenzie, our Beagle pup, would race at top speed up the hall, then down the hall, then up the hall, then down the hall. She would do a full-office sniff, and end up collapsing against my feet in exhaustion. After a nap, she would go out on a search for things that need to be dragged into another office. Finding no underwear, socks or towels, she would probably end up running off with my purse, which normally resides under my desk. If there's anything embarassing in there, like a tampon, she will drop it at the feet of my boss. If anyone went into the restroom, she would scratch desperately and mercilessly at the door until they come out. She would then offer the, "Whew! Are you OKAY?" look, because she finds bathrooms terrifying. Oh, and if anyone was to come in through the front door, say the UPS guy for instance, she would greet them excitedly and then dribble some pee on the floor because she was just so damn happy to see them.

Damn, I sure wish I could bring them to work with me.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

Sending my cats to work in my place would guarantee an end to that income. Instead, I have to find another way to make money off them. I came up with this plan a while back.

But so far, it hasn't made me a cent.

-- Anonymous, April 18, 2000

I've thought of this a million times. I work alone in an office in the heart of downtown Racine. True ehnic diversity. I work in a staffing agency (I find temps to fill jobs). So when one person comes in that rubs me the wrong way I'll just say "Harley? Could you help this man please?" And this man will see a big ol' Rottweiler saunter up to him. I'm thinking the guy would leave pretty quickly. Harley would be a huge asset to my company. All he wants to do is stick marbles between his toes and he's a happy puppy!

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Carmen would lie around looking all pudgy and try to weasel snacks out of people. Mokey (who is soooo laid back) would be the greeter of the cubicle, as in climb in your lap, lick your face, purr, and say "pet me". JoJo would be freakout boy kitty, running around madly screeching at nothing. He doesn't do well with strangers. Snoball would pull a Carmen, except she'd rub your ankles as well. Midnyte (yeah, we got another cat..long story) would climb in your lap in an attempt to climb on your head. He's like Mokey, but more friendly. Any visitors would leave absolutely smothered in cat hair and look like a big lint ball. Hee hee.

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

If I'd send Debbie (shes a dog) to work one day, she's probably be a stock broker. She's the type.

GO DEBBIE GO! :P (that sounded bad, huh?)

-- Anonymous, April 19, 2000

Here where I work, every Friday is Doggie Friday. I have yet to bring my dog, though, because I'm terribly afraid that the first thing he'd do is stick his nose up my boss's arse. (That's what he does. I can't help it!) She's the CEO and while she LOVES dogs, I think I'd die of embarrassment and be forced to resign in disgrace.

I did have my rabbit in here one Wednesday though and he was a HUUUUGE hit...and I'm bringing my aunt's Maltese in one of these days so I get cute points.

I highly recommend that everyone pushes for Doggie Fridays at their respective offices. It's a really neat thing and one of the reasons I accepted this job!!!!!

-- Anonymous, April 28, 2000