If you don't get along with them, how do you cope?

-- ann monroe (monroe@chorus.net), April 26, 2000

Answers

I don't get along with my mother very well. And if you add my sister into the equation it's one big pain for me. My mother and sister are very much alike and I am totally different. My mother is a very negative person and she's always second guessing my decisions and putting me down. On top of that, I feel like I'm forever in the shadow of my sister in her eyes. She's always more interested in what's going on with my sister first and me second.

I don't have a lot of contact with my father because he's bascially a 54 year old out of work alcoholic who's too busy crying in his soup to notice other people. When I do see him, he's kind and interested in me and supportive of my endeavors. I get more emotional support from my alcoholic father, than my mother.

Pretty sad, I know.

When my mother comes to visit I do exactly what you described, Ann. I take her out places shopping, eating, or watching plays. If we're goings to stay home I suggest renting a movie. Or playing a game, or anything to keep from actually having to talk to her or listen to her drone on.

Good luck!

-- Colleen (triggirl@yahoo.com), April 26, 2000.

I was very fortunate when it came to parents. My parents are old hippies, who are very back to nature sort of people. When I was little we lived in Traverse city, my aunt was living in a teepee and building cabins on the land she bought. A real teepee with the smoke coming out of the top. My Mom and I would stay with her sometimes. My Mom then met my future step dad who was living in a tent on government land. The only government stipulation was that he move every 30 days, which he did. My Mom got married and my stepdad adopted me. They had another friend who lived in a tree house- a hollowed out tree, he had a bed in it and everything. We were poor as could be, we had no car and I rode around in my Mom's bike basket. But my early childhood was like one long terrific adventure. My parents settled down and now they actually have a house and a car. My Dad carves long bows out of yew trees and builds lamps out of stained glass. My Mom plays the dulcimer and chases after my 4 year old brother. My husband rolls his eyes because he gets a tie dyed shirt from them ever year for Christmas. When I was younger I was embaressed by their eccentricity, but I've learned enough about how some other people have been raised to count my blessings. As my parents would say peace and love :) AJ

-- Amy (joijoijoi@hotmail.com), April 26, 2000.

My parents seem to be fairly nice as parents go. They are an odd fusion of classic Southern laid-back (read likably and pleasantly lazy)and yuppie career goals. Im not entirely sure how i get along with them, but I do. The current theory is that I provide some modicum of vitality to their fairly dull lives. By going out into the world and doing interesting things, and then periodically regaling my parents with the better stories, they get some sort of periscope out of the routine of their lives. It seems that I was birthed to serve as some sort of remote unit to go out and participate in the flow of the world at large for my parents. This works fairly well in that i would go out and do bizarre, vaguely dangerous and occasionally slightly illegal things in the long war against boredom regardless, and this way my parents get something out of it as well. apart from all of this, i think the fact that my family (extended as well as nuclear) operates almost purely on a healthy sense of humor. If a family member is not quick witted and thick skinned enough, they cannot really participate in the family. There is far too much rapid fire slinging of good natured insults and responses. Nothing is really sacred, so its rather hard to get into much trouble. As an example of this i cite my parents wedding. There is a very telling picture at the end of my parents wedding album: it depicts my parents running between the gauntlet of rice hurling friends and relations, more importantly it shows my father grinning like an idiot firing a water pistol he had hidden in his jacket for this moment indiscriminately into the crowd. My mother's only objection to this was that he did not bring a water gun for her. as nearly as i can tell, the secret to getting along with ones parents is having relatively reasonable and good-humored parents. Like most relations with other human beings a great deal depends on the other people involved.

-- William Robinson (Diemos3211@aol.com), April 27, 2000.

My family is cool and I had a great childhood. All of my family has met Ann and know who she is in my life. My brother-in-law and sister read her website. My family is outspoken, passionate, supportive and loving with excellent humor. I have less in common with my parents now that they are 69 and retired to Texas. However, I still talk to them about once or twice a week and listen to their stories about their health problems and the latest thing my Dad heard on CSPAN or how those damn republicans and fundamentalists are trying to destroy the nation. I listen patiently because I love them but I also openly tease them about it and they laugh along about their transformation into typical retirees.

-- Lee (leet@megsinet.net), April 27, 2000.