Figure I'd better be even to both sides. Try and tell my biological clock it's onto something, because my brain is all, "No way, man. No way."

And my mother is very happy about that fact, I might add. She is not in any mood to be a grandmother in the next five years.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

Answers

I've been a parent for 18 years now. I don't recommend it for everyone, in fact, I don't recommend it for anyone with any doubts or resources.  Its a full-time job; more full-time than anything else you've ever done.  Parenting requires a complete paradigm shift.  Within that realm its very rewarding.  Forget the freedom of being single and/or childless; bring on the PTA and Little League!

Its my prediction that vitually all of you will have children or eventually regret it.  (its genetic, you know)  ...Although biologic parenting could easily be replaced by adoption or a close relationship with nephews or nieces.

-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

i have been a single mom for 4 years now. before my daughter i never wanted kids. i specifically planned to never have sex so that i wouldn't get pregnant. sucks what a lot of free alcohol in vegas will do to you .i got pregnant on my 21st birthday.
anyways.... i used to be able to smell when children had been in the retail store i used to work at before i started teaching. it smelled of eggs and sweat. sick! my pregnancy was a shock. i hated sharing my body with another human, but i swear to you pamie, the second they grabbed her out of me (emergency c section cause i am dramatic like that) it was the most fabulous thing ever. i am not the selfish person i was before. i had to grow up .. a lot.... my kid was born with a cleft lip and palate and a hole in her heart.. that tends to make you have to be a grown up really quick.
at 26 years of age i can safely say that my daughter is my greatest acomplishment. she is a little diva. i am experiencing things that i had never thought imaginable. i was so cynical before... and yah, i am still sarcastic, but in a good humored way and not as bitchy anymore.
she is a sick kid so she keeps me grounded. my petty problems are nothing compared to what she has gone through and that kid is always happy (unless of course mc donalds runs out of happy meal toys and then she turns into that pepsi kid). children put your life into perspective.
i see the stars in a whole new way now. butterflys seem so much more colorful and watching an airplane fly overhead is a major event now :)
sure, its not easy being a parent, but i tell you what, i wouldnt trade it for the world.!
*caitlyn


-- Anonymous, May 02, 2000

I think you should not start a family until you can't not do it - you've got to be gagging for a baby, because it's a lot to take on otherwise.

My houseguest and I thoroughly grossed ourselves out last night, talking about childbirth, and stitches in awkward places, and I think we both set back our childbearing plans by a good couple of years in the process.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I'd love to contribute a comment here, except for the now painfully obvious and undisputable fact that as a father, I don't have a clue what I am doing.

And I mean that in the best possible way...

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

rob: most parents don't know what they're doing at one time or another. and if i remember correctly, you're fairly new to this game, right? relax, big guy. you're doing fine.

as i wrote in my other post (it would have been better suited here, but this topic didn't exist yet), i never thought i would want kids. but since i've had my son and am expecting another in july, i can't imagine where i would be without them. it is the single greatest thing i have ever done in my entire life.

as i also said in my last post, parenting is not for everyone. there are people who just should not have children. and if that is a decision you have made, i will back you up to the fullest extent. there is no worse parent than someone who didn't want the child in the first place.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

Heather and Rod.... you didn't get the Everything you need to know about parenting book (and tapes) before you brought your child home? ;-)

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

caitlyn wrote: i am experiencing things that i had never thought imaginable.

I have to second that one. My kids have taugh me so much about life, about myself, and about love.

But it's been a lot of work, too. I have two 4 year olds, and it currently feels like my own life is on hold. I spend so much time looking after them.

Kids would be so much better if they had an "off" switch.

-- Anonymous, May 03, 2000

I became a father 16 years ago, when I was 20 yrs old. Biology had nothing to do with it, but it was a case of either assuming responsibility or seeing that little girl sent off to an orphanage, and I wasn't about to let that happen. Two years later, a son was born - biology had everything to do with that - and yet another year down the line, I suddenly found myself as a single father, as my wife had run off. Thankfully, my invaluable parents jumped in and helped me raise them both, something I'm eternally grateful for. Together, the three of us have raised them to become two fiesty yet pretty responsible teenagers, and although the past 16 years have been rough at times, they were also totally amazing, and I haven't regretted a single day. My life hasn't quite turned out the way I expected it would, but it was worth it. I love my family to death.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Can I ask just one question? And Pamie, this could develop into a topic of it's own too.

Why isn't there a test of some sort to determine who would or wouldn't make a good parent? Geeze, you have to pass a test to drive a car, need a license to own a gun, you even have to get a permit to have a swimming pool installed. But any fool can become a parent. Regardless of any ability or desire to nurture, support and protect the child. Being a parent has the potential to be as dangerous as any of these things, if used improperly.

Granted, I was one of those who at first was a bit reluctant to become a parent, but figured it would happen sooner or later. As fate would have it, I'm now the proud parent of 2 fine young men who are eating me out of house and home, maiking me run all over state to hockey games & tournaments (not to mention paying for same) and poking fun at me for developing my middle age spread. Wouldn't trade them for anything in the world though. (But a weekend alone with the wife, at some B&B way off in the sticks is tempting)

Unfortunately, there are some folks who apparently think that kids can raise thenselves. That, or they're too wrapped in their own lives (work, play, screwing off, whatever) to care about the little bundles of joy they think they're not responsible for. A lot of the time it's not the "bad" kids that are really at fault, it's the lack of decent parents that let them get that way to begin with. And please, yes, I realize there are exceptions.

Quick, someone burn down my soapbox. But let me get off it first.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

What's a "good parent?" If a child grows up to be a criminal does that mean they must have bad parents? If they grow up to be a contributing member of society does that necessarily mean they have good parents?

There may be a correlation, but one certainly does not necessarily indicate the other. There's just no way to know ahead of time, and thus denying a person's right to have children on this basis would be a violation of their fundamental human rights.

I would much rather be born to bad parents than not be born at all.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Dave, I have to disagree with you. What about the kids who are being punched/kicked/whipped/humilliated everyday of their young lives by their parents? Do you think these children think "Oh, well this is better than not having been born at all."? You have to look at both sides I guess.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000