What goes through your head while you shop?

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Answers

Sometimes, for no reason, I get worried that the store employees think I'm shoplifting! This is totally ridiculous, but sometimes I still think it.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

I absolutely hate to shop. Abhor it. It's the only time in my life when I get really down and feel simultaneously fat and poor. Gack. Plus, if I'm in a mall I just start festering with the whole "kids today..." gripe. They all weigh 12 pounds, show more flesh than ought to be legal, and talk on their cell phones nonstop. Makes me feel damn old. So that's fat, poor AND old. I hate shopping.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

i hate to shop mostly b/c i'm so broke all the time. i start thinking about how many hours i had to work to pay for what i'm trying to buy.

i usually only shop once in awhile, when i really need to get something. that "something" is usually like bedsheets or hinges for the screendoor.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

I thought I was the only woman that ever hated shopping and cried in dressing rooms! Let's all open our own fucking mall, with mood lighting and no clothes under size 10. I have ALWAYS hated it - even before my current desperately-needing-Billy-Blanks phase.

See, I was 5'10 when I was 13. Looking back, I realize how I must have been so totally THE BOMB but, you couldn't convince me at the time that I was anything other than a tall-ass freak with these curves everywhere that I didn't know what to do with. I couldn't wear any of the cutie girl clothes! You will never know the pain of feeling like the only girl in 7th grade who couldn't wear Guess? jeans. They just did not make them long enough or something! I looked like I was 30. Couldn't, and still cannot, buy shoes in most stores.

And, until recently when it seems designers finally caught on that, just because you are six feet tall does not mean you are six feet WIDE, I could really not find anything in the stores that didn't cost a million dollars.

It's much easier for me to find clothes these days - but get me into a dressing room and the tears...every time.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Pamie, except for the eye wrinkles, your entry was a pretty good summary of my typical shopping trips.

My big question (and this could go under the "don't they know we have boobs?" thread) is why are most tops/dresses designed for chicks with no chest?? Often, even when I find something in "my size," I can't wear it because it won't fit over my boobs. And anything with spaghetti straps? Those are just oh-too-sexxxy over my industrial strength bra straps...

*sigh*

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

In University, my girlfriend got a summer job as the security guard who sits on the other side of the dressing room mirrors, and watches for shoplifters.

So, I go visiting on her, and she takes me to work with her. It was a very upscale department store in Detroit, and we were crammed into this little, airless room together, and I thought I would wet my pants from laughing.

So many women would lean waaaayyyy in to the mirrors, and fuss with their face and then, WHAM! Pop a big zit - Splat! - and we would always jump back, forgetting there was glass between us, and try not to scream, so they couldn't hear us.

Now, I always wonder who is on the other side of the glass.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

So, I guess I shouldn't pose like Mick Jagger with my underwear up my butt in the dressing mirror unless I want someone to see. That's what I'm taking from your story.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Shopping is the devil.

And there's a conspiracy out there. Every dressing room I've ever entered makes my cellulite glow. I'm serious. It's horrendous.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Ditto on the "don't they know we have boobs?" thing. I can't tell you how difficult it is to find tops that look OK. Button-down shirts especially. I hate that frontal gap between buttons in the middle of my chest.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Oh no, Kristin, say it isn't so! You've made my paranoia real! Now I will never be able to use a dressing room unless the mirrors are on the dividers between stalls! And that still doesn't remedy the hidden camera threat!

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Kristen also allegedly married her husband on their first date. I think we know where she's coming from...

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Where's that, Las Vegas?

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Kristen, OH MY GOD! That's exactly what i'm talking about!

shit. i'm online shopping from now on. Fuck it if it doesn't fit.

Dammit. I put myself in angles I never let other people see in that room. I've done things with my... oh, forget it. You probably saw me anyway.

man.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

ok here's a way to tell if you're being watched or not..

you put the tip of your finger on the mirror, if it's touching, your being watched, if it isn't, you're perfectly fine. My teacher told me that once. It works

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

All my nightmares about public shopping have come true!

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

That it would be really cool if I could gain twenty pounds so I don't look like some tragic little kid who just walked out of some sort of Nazi-era camp or something. I'm a size one or zero, depending on the day, and it's a goddamn pain in the ass. The only shit that comes in that size is either itty bitty ooooo so sexy stuff - which sorry, BONES don't show off that well - or little girls clothes - which are covered in FLOWERS or *cute* stitching or doesn't fit your hips at all.

Granted I've had some luck in GAP kids with some cute skirts and it's kinda cool buying kids blue-jeans -- less $$ - but tops? Jackets? Sweaters? Impossible. Just *try* finding exercise clothes when you're the size of a 12 year old. Not gonna happen.

And shopping for underwear is the biggest nightmare *inTHEWORLD* - I end up completely depressed and my face droops and I just want to go home and pull the covers over my head or go somewhere and eat until I explode.

OH - and I constantly worry about whether anyone can see into the changerooms - and if a store doesn't have mirrors IN the change room - I generally leave without even trying anything on. I will *NOT* let anyone else -- all nubile young 16 year olds who look more like women then I ever will - see me in something that looks bad. Bah. And yeah - what *happens* to your body and skin colour in store changerooms? I mean seriously? I swear I wasn't this particular shade of green or blue or red and do my elbows really stick out that much and oh man whatUP with my legs??? "Do I really *look* like that?" pops into my head at least once.

Perversely, I love to shop. Maybe I'm a sado-masochist at heart.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

Isn't there a mirror test or something? The one where you put your finger on the mirror and if there's a gap between your finger and the beginning of the finger relection then it's a normal mirror, and if there's no gap it's a fake mirror? Is that true?

Man.... if a shop is going to pull that kind of freaky stuff they could us a score out of ten or something. Just give us one knock for yes and 2 knocks for not-in-this-lifetime. Much appreciated.

-- Anonymous, May 04, 2000

If I'm feeling all slim and cute and tra la la, I'll skip merrily into the changing room with an armful of clothes, revel in my gorgeousness, and buy them all. However, if I've put on a little weight, am looking a bit tired, and can't find much to try on anyway, everything will look like crap, I'll marvel at the size of my bottom, I'll wish I had smaller hips, and I'll rapidly apply some more concealer to that honking great zit. So it's either really good, or really bad.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

How I hate shopping for pants. I just lost pile of weight, so I don't have to shop at fat girl at the mall any more or wear librarian pants with an expanding elastic waist, but I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WEAR CAPRI PANTS. Talk about a horrifying experience. Sure, they look great on the rack, when you're thinking, "My ass will fit into these, no problem." But I have awful ankles. No amount of dieting or exercise will change the fact that even the *sales girl* couldn't maintain a straight face. Ouch.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I like shopping, but clothes shopping can be my worst nightmare.

The scenario lately goes like this: I lost 40 pounds last year, so I'm feeling pretty good. I go to the mall to try on those great spring dresses. Grab a bunch that should look *great* on my new svelte figure. Go into dressing room.

Oh my dear LORD, do I really look like that? Who is that fat old woman looking back at me? Is that a fun-house mirror or what?

Clothes go back on rack. Gotta lose 15 more pounds. Head to shoe department - when you try on shoes, you don't have to hold your stomach in, and the mirrors only show you from the knees down.

Hell is lit by dressing-room lights.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Do you know how many years it took me to get over that episode of Good Times where Florida and Wilona work in the department store as dressing room security, watching women through the mirrors? Finally I figured that was just a late 70s scare tactic that surely is not employed anymore. Well, that just all went to hell, thank you very much.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I'm a 24-year-old size 10 (Omigod! Rikki Lake's a 10. Am I really that big?) who HATES shopping for clothes. The boob thing, the lighing thing, the crying thing... it all rings true.

I always end a shopping trip exhausted, thinking: "I'm big, and I'm fat and I'm ugly"

But then I got teenage step-sisters. They're 16 & 17. They're 5'6" and 5'7" tall. They're size 1 and 2. They're beautiful. They're who I have always wanted to be when I'm shopping.

I've gone shopping with them a couple of times recently, and it's been an enlightening experience. THEY hate shopping too. They have no boobs, so anything with darts is out (think, oh, just about any top). They have no hips, so all their pants (jeans, even) sag WAY down their asses and hang out really strange on the sides (where my saddlebags are). They try on a size small in anything vaguely professional/dressy and they look like they're trying on mommy's work clothes.

We all went shopping for my wedding dress, and their grad-formal dresses together 2 weeks ago. Turns out, I'm a perfect, curvey sample-size 10 (and you want a good dressing room? Go try on a wedding dress. These stores slant the mirrors to make you look taller and skinnier and the lighting: fabulous!). I have never been happier on a shopping trip! I picked out a dress in no time. My poor little sisters couldn't find ANYTHING. I think they both tried on 30 things, and the dresses are all made for people with hips, and boobs... they sag and cling to bones and look AWFUL.

Last year, I would have said "cry me a friggin' river" when a skinny chick lamented about finding clothes in her size. Now I have sympathy.

It makes you wonder, who the hell are clothes made for?

We should all take up sewing.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

I was going to mention the fingertip test (or fingernail test if you don't want to ever touch dressing-room mirrors again after the zit anecdote). It does work. If there's a gap, it's a 'real' mirror, if there's not, it's one-way glass. Leaning over the suspect mirror when you have a big winter coat works, too, because the whole idea is that the room behind the glass is dark and your stall is lit up like the sun (the better to see every dimple, vein and hair with). Block some light on your side, sometimes you can see the folks behind the glass.

I figure that if you don't trust me to the point where you have to hire people to see me nude, then I don't need to shop in your store.

I was shopping last night (won't go into the body paranoia issues-- I'm not fat or anything but I'm losing...'elasticity'...and I'm sad and contemplating running ten miles a day or something) and when I ENTERED the store, the sensors went off. The culprit? A MUSE CD I bought at a concert with a sensitized security tag UNDER THE CASE LINER. I beeped five times. I was not happy. I started going up to clerks and saying please check my bag, it's the bastard CD, I swear, and it would beep and they'd check everything again even when they had my purse, CD player case and shopping and I was waving just the tainted CD through the gate to show 'em that was, indeed, the issue. Finally, someone took pity on me and desensitized the stupid thing.

Did I mention that I HATE being the center of attention?!! God. What hell. I read poetry and stuff in front of audiences and have done so for ten years but I'm terribly shy anyway if I don't know every single person in the sudience. Stupid beeper tag thingie. I contemplated walking all the way around the outside of the mall to avoid going past any more sensors, believe you me, but thought that was far too silly a solution.

As for leaving them in my car--no way. I had $500 worth of CDs and equipment ripped off in December and they broke my driver's side door lock and ripped a hoel in my soft top. I'm not giving anyone any more reason to beat up on my crappy car. (Did I mention the rearview fell off *five* times in the past two weeks? I finally said sod it and I'm not worrying about it until Sunday or Monday. I've been peeling out of work every day to race to the auto parts store to buy diffeent glues that don't hold and brackets that don't fit and I'm fed up with the angst for a while.)

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

So, is it:

no gap=real mirror, or gap=real mirror?

We need to know these things.

All need for dignity aside (I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting somebody watching me peer at my ass) this whole topic makes me sad. Why are we (women, all of us here, unless I'm wrong) so goddamn paranoid and neurotic about our bodies? I'm not blaming any of you or myself, but it makes me want to scream. feh. stop the madness.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Well, it's good to know I wasn't the only one scarred for life by that episode of Good Times. The first thing I thought of when I saw this forum topic was Wilona sitting behind a mirror in a dressing room and then eventually quitting because she thought it was wrong to spy on people. I too thought that was some kind of weird 70's thing and am very distressed to find out it still goes on today. No more department store dressing rooms for me...

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Just the thought of shopping makes me want to scream. I generally only force myself to go when I am looking for something very specific. The nightmare of just trying things on is too much to put myself through for just the thrill of it. My biggest peeve about shopping is the inconsistancy of the sizing. I wear anything from a 16 - 24 depending on the style, manufacturer and type of clothing. Makes it a little difficult to really pinpoint where you stand.

For all you e-shoppers out there - there is a new e-tail company that will be going live in October that is geared towards the "trend-forward" gen-X crowd of 25-35 year-old professionals. Their big thing is customer service. Keep a look out for them - www.foldededge.com

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Oh, I am SO never trying anything on again. Never. God. I almost never do anyway, because I look in the mirror and end up in tears because I look so awful. I know it shouldn't matter to me what size I wear, but sometimes it gets me down, and trying things on usually does it. I almost always buy things, then take them home and try them on. Less intimidating that way.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

RE: Testing for one-way glass in dressing rooms:

http://www.snopes.com/spoons/faxlore/mirror.htm

Summary: if only it were that easy to detect whether anyone's watching you jump up and down to compare the bounce factor when you're trying on bras.

I used to be paranoid about being watched in the dressing room, too, not just by security but by other patrons. My favorite vintage store, Red Light on the Ave, has slits cut at eye-level in the changing-room doors, I guess because the walls are floor-length and therefore it can't be determined whether or not a room is occupied by checking for feet under the partition. I used to only shop there with a friend so that we could post watch for one another. In the past few years, though, I've stopped giving a rat's ass. It's just a body. Everyone has one, and everyone's (with the possible exception of Ashley Judd's) is "flawed". If someone else sees my body, what has he taken away from me? There are other secrets I'm far more protective of than the presence of dimpling on the backs of my thighs.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

That page is kind of misleading. You will never find a "first surface mirror" in a dressing room, it's too easy to scratch/ruin them. The reflective surface is put on the back side to protect it. If you touch a glass mirror and your fingertip touches itself it is almost certainly a one-way mirror.

On the other hand, if your finger tip does not touch itself, that says nothing. It may or may not be a one-way mirror.

This whole one-way-mirror in the change room thing seems extremely unlikely. Privacy laws generally protect your privacy where there is a reasonable expectation of privacy. I'd say changing rooms fit that description, although this might vary from country to country (or state to state), I suppose. It seems to me they'd be opening themselves up to lawsuits.

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

Random Clothes Shopping Thoughts - the Agony and the Ecstacy

1. Should I buy this? 2. Wow, this lighting is bad in here! 3. How do other people afford/fit into this stuff? 4. How can I justify this expense to myself? 5. I will not think about how this item adds to my ever-growing piles of laundry/dry cleaning, things to fold and take care of - that I will someday probably hate and give away. 6. Can I wear this to work? 7. Do I have shoes to match? 8. How young/old does this make me look? Do I have the necessary attitude (never mind body) to pull this off? 9. Which bills can I delay paying for a bit so I can buy this instead? 10. AAAAAGGGGHHHH! (frustration and sweaty palms) 11. I'm so relieved it's on sale - now I can get it. 12. I'm so relieved it doesn't fit - now I can put it back.

Do you all go through this same mental torture? Is anyone able to actually make a budget and stick to it?

-- Anonymous, May 05, 2000

ooh my!! reading this topic made me remember the time I tried on bras a loong while back. I never considered someone would be spying on me!! haha. next time, I'll make sure to check mirrors, if that really works I remember I kept turning the bra around and around and in the wrong way [umm this was a first time trying on in store type of deal...it was like 6 years ago]. anyway, my only worry at the time, was this little kid spying underneath the doors.

ya know, the whiny kind who are curious and squirm their way through all the doors and yelling and stuff. I'd make sure the kid wasn't nearby before I'd even *think* of trying anything on. it was awful. this is more than a one time incident. parents should watch their kids in dressing rooms..most prolly don't give a rat's ass though.

sooo yep. the horror of shopping is right. I mostly buy from catalogs lately. delia*s..mmm.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

Wow! I know what Kim's talking about with Red Light... I hate that whole eye-level slit thing. I also hate the doors that are pretty short so people can see your arms if you raise them, like I do, when you're changing shirts. And I'm not really fond of dressing rooms with curtains instead of doors. Somehow I just don't feel very secure.

And I really thought it was illegal for stores to have one-way mirrors and cameras in dressing rooms. How disturbing.

-- Anonymous, May 06, 2000

I work in a department store and there are no people or cameras looking in on you when you change. It is illegal, at least that is what the head of store security told me. If they are really worried about shop lifting they just lock the doors to the dressing room and make the associates run back there and unlock them every single time which is hundreds of times in any given shift.

I've noticed that it just isn't the lighting in the dressing room that is the problem, it's the whole store. I dyed my hair with drug store stuff that ended up being reactive to flourescents, I turn blonde with a touch of green whenever I go to work.

What I really want to know is why do men have a size and we have a range of sizes?

-- Anonymous, May 07, 2000

Theryn -

Men have a size and women a range, because men's sizes are actually measurements. A man's pair of pants is sized by waist and inseam, both measurements in inches; a man's shirt is sized by neck and sleeve length (also inches). (It's inches in the US; I don't know the conventions for men's sizes in other countries.)

Women's sizes are completely arbitrary; the manufacturers make a "size 10" in whatever measurement range in the hips, waist and bust that they want to. One manufacturer's 12 is another's 10 or 14. (Again, I don't know the conventions for women's sizing in other countries, except that a British size 10 is different than an American one.)

Unfortunately, this means that men can go to store and buy shirts *in the package*, while women have to try every damn thing on.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

Okay, I just want to impart a piece of advice that I read somewhere that has helped me to NOT buy a bunch of clothes that I shouldn't:

When you're deciding whether or not to buy an article of clothing, ask yourself this question: Do I absolutely love it? If you don't, then don't buy it.

This has really helped me out. I mean, sure, I still slip up once in a while. I might still fib to myself a little here and there...but it really has helped, over all.

-- Anonymous, May 08, 2000

UK sizes are two sizes down from USA sizes, numbers-wise. So I'm a UK size 12 and a USA size 8.

This makes trips to Gap really fun, because I often absent-mindedly grab a size 12 pair of pants and then freak out when they're hanging off me - because that's a size 16 equivalent.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Oh Allison, I feel your pain.

I was 5'8" when I was 12 and it wasn't much better for me to find clothes.

I'm 5'10" now and I still have trouble buying pants that are long enough.

I hate it.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

Pamela- honey I hate to tell you this, but the camera thing, it's real. I was a manager at Das Limited, they're Nazis, I tell you, Nazis, and I saw the old set of training tapes that they didn't show employees anymore, the one discussing security was a real eye opener. "The Limited has a right to video tape all employees and customers at all times when they are in the store." The pinhole cameras, I walked out of this job, and they still have to give me a good reference, so there's nothing they can do to me for discussing this, are in these places, in all Limited stores, including Express and Victoria's Secret: above the cash wrap (where you pay), at least two covering the sales area, two in the stock rooms, and one with a wide angle lens over all dressing rooms. These images are then beamed to the main security office in Ohio and the tapes are played on a huge monitor system like in the War Games movie. Scary, isn't it.

That's one reason I hate shopping. The other is that I can't pull off trendy clothes. Try as I might, I will always be a khaki, and never a

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000

I'm not usually paranoid about myself, but I do concede that dressing rooms and sizing discrepancies do have bad psychological effects on normal, attractive girls. So when I try stuff on, I try for size. I act quickly and face away from the mirror. As long as I know something fits, then I can leave the dressing room and base my purchases based on how much I like the items rather than how they look on my green jell-o body in the store. Inevitably, things look much better at home and I can leave with my esteem intact.

My best friend never tries anything on, which I don't get. It would depress me a hell of a lot more if something didn't fit at home, than if I knew I was coming home with a bag of stuff I can be all eager to integrate into my wardrobe.

And British sizing... yeah, I had fun when I lived in London... I'm a 14-16? No honey, says the Queen, here you're an 18-20. Oh thank you, your Highness.

-- Anonymous, May 09, 2000