Do you have a hard time explaining what you do for a living?

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Answers

YES!

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

At my present job, big whopping Yes.

I'm a neuropsychological and forensic technician. Know what I do?

I'll tell you anyway--administer the neuropsychological battery for people with tramautic brain injury, stroke, closed head injury, etc. Administer intellectual evaluations, ADD evals, seminarian evals, police and fire department psych evals. Sanity/Competency evaluations (for the people who attempt to plead Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity) in capital cases. Get to hang out at prisons a lot. Get whooped at alot by inmates who haven't seen a female in years.

Very fancy-shmancy title, not so fancy work. Generally people misinterpret and assume I'm a psychologist. And then they act all disappointed and disillusioned when I tell them I'm not.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

all the time. wicked hard.

i started a new job (1st real one after college) about 3 months ago, and everyone asks, "where do you work?"

I give them the name and tell them it is an architectural design firm. They give me a cross-eyed look and say, "I thought you went to school for writing."

I answer that no, I went for art after switching majors 4 years ago, and I am in the graphic department.

I am then met with "oh. So, what do you do then?"

and i have no friggin idea how to explain to them what i do and make it sound like more than 7 and 1/2 minutes of work everyday. which it is. it's more like 10 or so hours everyday, but it comes out like, collect stuff and put together award submissions, and some web stuff, and some other stuff.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Not for my own job (I'm a part-time sales asscoiate for People's Pottery -- don't worry if you don't know what it is), but for my father's. People always ask me what he does, but I have no idea. I don't even know his title! And his job is so connected to the company that he works for I can't even describe what he does without giving a mini-bio of the company. Basically, he works for Boar's Head, a deli meat company, and he's the middleman between the men that give distribute the meat to the grocer's that sell the meat, and the company. Hes always out of town too, so I only see him about once every two weeks or so.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

I definitely have that problem. I mean, my official title is MIS Manager. That doesn't really tell you much. It doesn't tell you that I program in VB/VBA/ASP/SQL, maintain a web server and design all the content, administer a SQL Server, produce adhoc reports for statistical analysis, build computers from parts, troubleshoot copier and fax problems, and generally maintain anything that else on the premises that beeps.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Yes - my god is it hard sometimes. You know, I read you, Pamie because I identify with you on so many levels - one of the many being that you spread your talent around and have like, 10 jobs and 1000 side-enterprises that take up your time.

My "real" job: I'm an Editor/ Writer for Texas Health Resources. I was hired to write consumer health articles like "Lupus - What About It?" Somehow it became my job to redesign the system's website and set up its editorial policy. This is a bitch of a project. My parents are always asking me to "send us what you've written lately!" Well, I haven't written ANYTHING lately, y'all! I am in meetings all day at Nerd Headquarters trying to get this site up.

My other real job: I'm a professional mezzo-soprano and, until recently, held a staff singer position at a church.

The rest of it:

freelance writer

creative writer

musical theater actress

whatever else

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Oh yeah!

I work for a telecommunications company.

Biggest response? - "Oh, I did that one time when I was really hard up for cash - I hated it!"

This is followed by their contribution to "The funniest thing I ever did when a telemarketer called me" stories.

I usually wait until this diatribe is over before I repeat the syllables slower - "Tele-COMM-UN-I-CATIONS". We build and support an international fiber optic network.

It's all downhill from there.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

What do YOU do?

My last job: "I'm a TV producer."

"Well, the show I work on is... a variety show. It's umm, part sketch comedy, part talk. Why yes, sort of like Saturday Night Live mixed with Jerry Springer, But it's for teens... No, you probably haven't seen it, it's on while you're at work. As I said, it's for teens."

"I invent stories and find guests and prep the host and writers and write out cue cards and, um, sometimes I dance, and... umm, stuff."

And now:

"I'm a Production Coordinator"

"I work for a media buying agency... it's like an Ad agency, but we don't design ads for our clients, we just do all the buying and planning..."

"Well, I don't actually know what that means, because I do all our creative, like, in-house... No, as I said, we don't actually do creative for our clients..."

Jen.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

A year ago the answer would have been..I get Declarations of Conformity from Canadian and European manufacturers that claim CSA and CE on their parts. That is the clearest way to put it with out describing the whole OSHA/saftey issue with every electrical part ever made and BORING besides! Now I can say "I find jobs for people". Much easier.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

I have a hard time explaining, primarily because I switch careers at the rate of once a year. Bottom line is I'm a writer. I've used that skill in many industries: journalism, geographic research, consulting, fund raising, playwright, nonprofit management. Now I'm about to be a middle school teacher. I'll be teaching computer applications, and I'm a little relieved to be getting away from professional writing. Maybe I'll have a chance to do some "leisure writing" finally.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

I work for the government. That alone is vague. I am an executive coordinator for the assistant deputy minister of our ministry. This runs the gamut of duties such as project management, issues management, working all day with the deputy minister and minister's offices, I write communications copy with the communications department (reports, briefing materials, speeches, news releases, and responses to public inquiries). I am responsible for all of the human resouces of the MINISTRY (hello - 56 people) and also run competitions for jobs, shortlist applicants and recommend for hiring.

And other stuff. I won't bore you all...

And I keep track of the "stuff" that is the ADM's job - be it whatever goes into her office for her attention, managing her calendar, writing her correspondence, managing crises, issues, blah blah blah.

This is why I work 12 hours a day. go me. :p I just realized that I really do have a hard time explaining what I do for a living - and therefore I can't blame others for not really understanding it either :)

But I'm happy to say ('scuze me while I toot my own horn) that my hard work and free overtime hours have paid off in the last year - I'm being promoted inhouse and we're just waiting for someone to be hired to fill my shoes here.

yay!

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

"So what are you studying in school"

"English"

(With a look in their eyes as if they feel VERY sorry for me) "Oh so what are you gonna do, teach?"

AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH I am an actress. I've only done three plays, you've never heard of any of them unless you're really into theatre and know what you're talking about. But I am getting heavily into it and working hard. Which does not necessarily mean that I am going to drive into NYC tomorrow and audition for RENT. It means I am honing my craft. And I am NOT going to teach. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I'm NOT. So stop it. Thank you.

--Karen

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

public relations. two words. fairly simple. no one gets it (except for a few friends in similar jobs) ... i don't think my husband understands half the time. i don't think i understand half the time!

it's much easier to say i used to be a newspaper reporter before moving into this job, since they're both communications related. people latch on to the working for a newspaper bit! it's tangible and something they can relate to, i guess.

someday, i want to be a professor ... and i think everyone will be able to understand that one. no longer will i have to constantly update my mom and dad as to what it is i "do" all day. gheesh.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

I used to think my job was easy to explain. I am a librarian. Almost everyone has at least a vague sense of what I do. But then came the Census 2000 long form asking me what the primary function of my job was, and they only gave me like 20-50 characters. I was stumped. I do so many things--which one should I put down? I settled for "Answer questions." I beleive I didn't have room to put down "deal with stupid people's paranoia."

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Oh yeah. I write intranet-based training for big software installations. People kinda-sorta think they know what that means, and are too embarrassed to admit that they really don't.

Worse, it's been about eight years since I could coherently explain what my husband does. So now I just say he's a computer guy, and very few people ask questions after that.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Because I work for a symphony, most people automatically assume I'm a musician, which couldn't be farther from the truth. When I explain I work in the marketing department, most people are disappointed, I guess since marketing isn't exactly sexy compared to being a tuba player. I've given up trying to explain exactly what I do and generally leave it at "You see those symphony ads in the paper? That's me...", even though that's about 1/10th of my job. It's just not worth getting into the rest of it.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Yes. Absolutely.

I'm an outdoor educator, which essentially means I'm a teacher without a classroom. I work with students anywhere from elementary school through adults, teaching backpacking, rock climbing, team building, ropes course, canoeing, environmental science, caving, hiking...etc.

Currently I'm on the staff of a college, so I do administration and staff training in addition to running programs myself. But it takes me 10 minutes just to explain what I do, and another 15 (if I'm lucky) to convince people that I'm not just a glorified camp counselor. This IS a Real Job - stop wondering aloud when I'm going to get one!

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

I am editor-in-chief at a publishing company that produces mainly coffee-table books about cities throughout the U.S. and in Canada. Kind of quality-of-life picture books with nice fluffy text that says good things about the city. But most of the time when I tell people that, they immediately burst into giggles and say, "Do you do any coffee-table books that turn into coffee tables?" a la Kramer. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard it...

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

"I do macintosh computer support at a big-ass university. Okay, yeah, actually at a mental institution at said big-ass university..."

Um, it's fairly straightforward, and I always try to stress the snobby elements and fancy pants reputation of the university itself, but in the end, the only words anyone hears is "mental institutuion"...

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Yes. I mean, I'm a lawyer, but that's not exactly what I do anymore, and people think I'm a public defender, but I'm definitely not. And anyway I don't really feel like a lawyer, so when I say that I feel like everyone just got the wrong impression of me.

I usually tell people I'm a drug dealer or a pimp. Makes a better impression.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Now it's easy. I write and babysit. When I was an engineering assistant for a government contractor no one understood. I gave up explaining it. I would just leave it as the ominous "I work for the government". No more questions.

Suzyramble~The Mutterings of A Fool

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

Megan,

I know exactly how you feel. In fact, I think we're living the same life.

I started my professional career as a feature reporter for a newspaper. No problems there, but I followed that job with stints as the media writer/buyer for a mortgage company and my current gig is officially labeled "News Services Coordinator for the Office of University Relations."

When I tell people about my previous job, I just say I was the advertising director. When I talk about my current job, I say I'm the "press release guy.I publicize events and publish a newsletter for the faculty and staff." They still don't get it, but I don't have a better explanantion.

And no, my mom and dad don't know what I do. And I think they still believe this is a "phase" that I'll outgrow.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

I'm a soldier in the U.S. Army. But the Army doesn't make me feel like I am in the Army alot. They make me pretend that I'm this third world communist/drug cartel mercenary/freedom fighter soldier from a make believe country. Sometimes I have to wear normal clothes and pretend I'm a terrorist. Then they say I have to fight U.S. soldiers who come down here to my make believe country. Lots of U.S. soldiers. Lots.

But we don't really fight you see, we wear these sensor harnesses and shoot lasers at each other. Like Qzar.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

I think this may be a symptom of our times, and not a bad one. It is exciting that people are doing a variety of things, usually things they enjoy. The rapid pace of change, coupled with the rapid turnover, seems to have catalyzed an evolutionary adaption in the workforce.

Whenever someone asks me what I do, I usually take into account who is doing the asking and deliver the response I feel they may be interested in most. For instance, if it is a kid I usually say I am an actor. If it is one of my girlfriend's relatives I say that I am a theater owner. I may also throw in web designer, graphic designer, or astronomy teacher.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

I work as a report writer, like William Lee in Naked Lunch.

Report on the Suppression of Art Brew's Work by Unknown Froces.

I have worked as a newspaper columnist, a press officer for a government agency, I have written user manuals for small desktop computers, mil spec technical manuals, military training courses, grant applications, and process documentation at a manufacturing facility that is ISO-certified.

Writing jobs commonly go contract to contract, and you have to move, or live, where the work is.

Big companies will have in-house writers, then job the work out, depending on which way the wind is blowing.

I have been laid off for lack of work, rebalanced, RIFed, downsized, with and without unemployment.

My current job is the first time I have been vested in a 401K.

I remember carbon paper and Thermofax machines. The Correcting Selectric was a great machine to type on, and I liked Courier, as a typeface.

(Actually, the office manual typewriter is, with the bicycle, the canoe, and the sailboat, one of man's great inventions.)

I have kept pace with the move to computers, word processors, text editors, desktop publishing, Website design, and now have a site with virtually unlimited space, a computer and a modem that are fast enough for what I use them for, an inkjet printer that will set camera-ready copy I can take down to my local Kwik Print shop. I can even have color illustrations, on the Web.

I can write a book better, faster, and cheaper than an engineer. This keeps me employed.

My job pays for my self-publishing, and my Website.

It's no insuperable burden to pay the reader to read your work.

Will write for food, will write for free, will pay to write.

That's where the first seeds of fanatacism are sown.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

When I got my offer letter from my current company the offer was for "a full time position in the Design department" -- so I don't even have an official title!

I'm also a professor (part-time) so lately I've been using that. It makes things a lot simpler.

-- Anonymous, May 11, 2000

No, it's easy. "I'm a grad student."

But I have a hard time explaining what I'm studying.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

I don't know what I do any more. I'm supposed to be a Project Co-ordinator, working on joint ventures as a liason between our company and partners, ensuring everything gets done and generally bossing people around.

Instead I'm working in strategy, endlessly forecasting new media revenues. I scored 17% in the last maths test I ever took. I'm not designed to number-crunch and be analytical. It's stressing me out.

However, the specific joint venture I should be based on will either be signed or pulled next week. If it's signed I'll be sweet - I'll get to do what I should be doing. If it's pulled, I'm actually hoping for redundancy, because I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing now, and I'd get a six-month pay-off (a year's worth of mortgage payments), which would give me some time to find something else.

I might run away and join the circus.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

Now: Unemployed leech. I make 3/4 of my base salary on unemployment and live in a city that costs about 1/3 as much as New York, so I'm in no hurry to be anything else. I hope to use programs which allow people on unemployment to get training or start their own business. After months of working long hours with little recognition and overtime, I'm just not inclined to work for The Man again. I just reread some of my journal entries from that time and boy, was I miserable. Who needs it?!

Before: My title was Admin Assistant to the VP of New Media Operations. So, on the phone list and org chart, I was a secretary. On my job description, which finally came a few months into the job, it said Assistant to the VP/Project Coordinator. I used to joke that I was Assistant to the VP only on paydays and Project Coordinator whenever they wanted to get something done.

No one knew what a Project Coordinator did. Not even me. At first, I was supposed to gather assets for web sites -- artwork, audio, video and copy. By the end, I was essentially a web site producer -- getting the assets to the right people (as above), instructing and supervising in-house and outside web designers (this required a surprising amount of follow-through, which was frustrating, as my instructions were always in writing...it was as if they never read them in the first place, let alone double-checked the end result with the instructions before returning pages to us), selecting content for enhanced CDs and DVDs, proofreading sites, servicing assets and product to third party sites, writing and editing copy for artist sites and email lists. I also prepared the production schedule for our weekly production meeting.

Oh yeah, and I ordered and kept track of all of the above assets and office supplies for the entire department (so much for just working for the VP), arranged meetings, coordinated the venue/catering/computers/printing for an offsite workshop we had to explain what our department did, ordered lunch, remembered everyone's birthdays and ordered cakes/presents. When the department moved, it was taken for granted that I would pack/unpack both my desk and all department files/assets/supplies.

What I especially loathed was people telling me all I did was answer the phone...if only!

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

today is day five of THE NEW JOB: graduate coordinator. i think it involves babysitting, at some level, but i'm not entirely sure. i do a lot of stuff with papers that look important. my boss is in france, and all i've done is attempted to learn what i'm supposed to be doing, but even that doesn't make sense, yet.

i think i organize. or something. just don't ask me any questions, or i'll have to whip out THE BLANK STARE.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

Well, if I use the broad term, people always assume they know about me and my wicked profession.

I'm a social worker; and in people's minds, this means I am the lady who comes and takes your children away if you beat them.

There are hundreds if not thousands of different positions in the social work field, yet everyone thinks of Child Protective Services when I say what I do or what my major was.

And no, I'm not a take-your--kids-away social worker, though the pay for that position is really good and if I thought I could handle it, I might do it. I'm a teach-you-better-parenting-skills-so-you-don't- lose-your-kids social worker.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

Being in any kind of support role or administrative role generally sucks - it's lots of work for very little kudos. The Directors PAs at our company (of which I was one) work really long hours, buy flats on behalf of their managers, write reports, answer correspondence in their manager's name, and generally make life possible. And get paid on a salary band system, because our roles aren't important enough to warrant proper negotiation, because we're just secretaries. Which is why I got away from that stuff at the first opportunity.

I now watch with perverse pleasure as my old manager wanders around, still PA-less, not knowing what's going on because he's not got me there to smooth ruffled feathers, take care of problems before he had to hear about them, and get stuff done. I bet he wishes he'd paid me a little more now.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

of course. i'm a telemetry technician and it's brutally painful when even some hospital employees don't know what that is. those who aren't in the health-care field ASSUME that telemetry has something to do with telemarketing. ouch. it actually has a lot to do with cardiology and qrs intervals and vtach and vfib and sinus rhythms. but i won't get technical...... :)

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

I run into the generic problem of people not knowing what a web developer is, but that doesn't happen often.

One of my old jobs was bad. The #1 online service provider I worked for shall remain nameless, but take a guess. My job title at the time I left was "Community Action Team Legal Research Graphics Analyst." In actuality, it translates to "person who has to look at porn all day."

Since you just can't tell your boyfriend's grandmother that you look at porn for a living, the vague and polite way I came up with describing my job was that if a member reported recieving an inappropriate file, our group would review the file to see if it did violate the Terms of Service, and take appropriate action agaist the violator if it did. (And 99% of the time it did.)

I have seen WAY more than I ever wanted to. I've been scarred for life. *sob*

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

Sorta. I have a hard time explaining my major. People ask, and I say 'linguistics,' and they're like 'so, how many languages do you speak?' Linguistics is one of those things that people assume they can identify and explain, but they aren't always right. Hell, I can't always explain exactly what it is I study.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

My job tile is Staff, Systems Integrator. (That's one grade better than a Systems Integrator, Senior) I develop windows-based applications, I write SQL scripts, I play at being a DBA and I replace the water-cooler jug when its empty.

My co-workers know what I do but my boss doesn't. All the years i've worked here, I've never had a boss that had understood what do. Usually its just easiest to say that I'm a "'Puter Programer".

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

I have a hard time telling people what I do but that's because *I* don't even know what I do. I'm pretty sure my bosses don't either. Well, I'm finding more and more that what I do is sit and read Squishy and Bad Hair Days and post in the forums all day, but what I'm * supposed* to do is a whole different kettle of fish.

I was hired with the title "Web publishing coordinator" back in 1996 to bring this disparate parts of the College website together. Back then each office at the college maintained their own website using student labor, there were no graphic or style standards and it was all pretty much crap. A few people were starting to see that the web was actually important and NOT just a toy or a way for people to "express themselves" so they hired me. What the hell was I supposed to be doing?

My job seemed mostly like it was to make policy and be a manager of the website. But they gave me such a low-ranking position and never did anything to give me any policy to work with or any power to enforce anything. So my job became being an HTML monkey figuring at least I would do things the RIGHT way. I was also supposed to do writing and editing work on the website, but there was never any time.

I discovered Frontier and started using it for website management purposes. I've become a database developer using a package virtually no one has heard of. This doesn't help my career any.

I mainly run the "marketing" part of teh college, and I work in the PR office. Other folks run the "academic" sections and still others run the "internal" sections. The college is planning to (you guessed it) hire someone to coordinate all of us. I fear their fate will be the same as mine.

So I have no real job description, my employers don't even know what they want me to be doing, nevermind how I should do it. On top of if I tell people I "build websites" it isn't excatly accurate, and if I tell them I am a "webmaster" that implies I am a sysadmin (and is such a stupid word). My title is "Assistant Director of Communications - New Media" which is a mouthful. I've taken to calling myself a "web developer" since I mainly work on the database end of things.

When I tell people that everyone seems to think I am a graphic designer, probably because so many people think of the web as pretty pictures, not as organized information (which is probably why there are so many slow loading crappy personal sites with too many fucking pictures). IF I tell them I do "programming" they all think I use Java. Or Javascript. They don't know what these things are, or even that there is a difference between them, but they heard about them on NPR or something so they try to me about it. People are always asking me about the latest trendy idea rereported in the local paper from an essay in Wired, and I still get asked about cookies now and then.

Sometimes I just tell people I am a writer. Sure, I don't get paid for it, but it's wha tI am and what I am working towards doing full time. But then they want to know what novels I have written or what paper I write for. When I tell them I self-publish I get that "oh, so you're not good enough for anyone to invest money in" attitude. *sigh*.

Maybe I should just tell them I am a revolutionary. Ya Basta!

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

Forensic accountant (CPA). The most common response I get is "does that have to do with dead people?" (The answer is NO.) We calculate lost profits and property damages for insurance purposes when a business is subjected to some sort of disaster. We also do litigation support and stuff like that. Pretty interesting, for beancounting - I thank my lucky stars every day that I found this field so I didn't have to go back to school to get a different major other than (boring) accounting. However, I certainly hope the day never comes when someone is able to send me shrieking from the room by actually being able to GUESS that I'm a CPA. I try to pride myself on not being one of the "stereotypical ones"!

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

Yes! I'm a consultant. This means I'm a database nerd - the company I work for produces software that runs on huge databases like Oracle and Sybase, and I get sent out to customize/implement/fix the systems.

If I try to tell people I work with databases, they feel they must regale me with their pitiful attempts at Microsoft Access or Excel. Uh. No. That's not exactly what I meant, guys!

If I simply tell people I work with computers, they automatically assume that I know how a PC works, how to fix it, and how to run every piece of software they have installed on their home machine. Hell, I was proud as punch of myself when I figured out how to take the cover off and install a network card. I'm not a hardware geek. I'm a database nerd.

You wouldn't think this would be so difficult to explain. I don't get it!

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

Jackie,

I know what you're saying. What really amuses and irks me is that, though I supposedly did nothing, it's taking two people to replace me. The person in the assistant position actually does nothing but answer the phone, talk on personal calls and websurf. Like what I was allegedly doing? The first thing I hear about the guy is that he will not do any production work. Also, he only works for his boss, not the rest of the department. It's two months after I left and they are still searching for a Project Coordinator. I guess it was too much to get me the help I needed by splitting the position while I was there.

Of course, some good came out of it -- the severance pay was fantastic and enabled me to spend two weeks in NY without having to go to work, travel for a month and meet lots of great people, like Pamie. I just wish I could've skipped some of the stress at the time.

-- Anonymous, May 12, 2000

I to Tech Support for a major computer company in Austin (yep, that one.) I have the hardest time explaining exactly what tech support is. My mother still doesn't grasp the concept of what I do. Most people think that we just take orders. In reality, we are expected to be a psychologist, teacher, mother and babysitter to people. I think I ought to get a degree for working here.

The really great ones are the customers that assume that, just because I am girl, he must be speaking with Sales instead of tech support. It infuriates me that people would think that! Does a penis automatically give you the super human power to fix a broken computer? If that is the case, then some of the men I speak with must be lacking...did I just say that out loud?

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2000

Leigha,

I too am a tech support female braving the "clueless" world of computer users.

I work for a software company in the San Francisco Bay Area (big surprise there) that guys (and some women) at Auto Body Shops use to write estimates. Sad part is, I know just as much about computers as they know about cars, and vice versa.

The calls I love are the ones where they tell you that "the software just isn't working". Not, "I am getting this error message", but "It worked yesterday and today it just won't work".

Have you gotten these calls: "Sir, can you click on the START button."

"Well, I could but I don't know anything about computers. You gonna have to go slow."

"Okay. Can. You. Click. On. The. Start. Button. Please.

"Right click on it?"

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

These guys do some of the most horrible things to their systems. I had a guy tell me once that if he hit it really hard, it always works better. ???????

We use a program called PCAnywhere to dial in when we have to go into their database and sometimes when you are dialed in you see the weirdest shit. Once I was dialed into some shop's system and as I was browsing for a particular folder I came across one called "Sexy Bitches". No joke. I didn't say a word to the guy about it but I told everybody in our department (all 70 of us) and we all had a good laugh.

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2000

I'm a stay at home mother.

Which according to people who don't know me means that I sit around all day eating bon-bons and watching TV.

I wish!

-- Anonymous, May 13, 2000

"Community Action Team Legal Research Graphics Analyst." Hey what were the qualifications for that job?

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2000

Web Developer.

You'd think it would be easy, no? It isn't. One of 4 things happen.

What do you do? I'm a web developer. a)a what? what's that? b)what's a web developer. c)really. You know, I have a web site. You wanna take a look at it and tell me what you think? d)really. You know, I need a web site. (What they leave out is that they want one for a-FREE! & b-that they have NOTHING AT ALL to put on a web site.)

-- Anonymous, May 14, 2000

Like others, explaining what I do tends to be difficult. It is also tedious. Of course, I'm sure I've put others in the same position so I'm not sure I'm in any position to bitch.

I'm a writer at a telecom/IP company. But this usually requires a great deal of explanation - well, the grocery list of "I write this, and that ..." And that doesn't cover the editing end. Sometimes I'm called a technical writer (though all I really know is you click a mouse and shit happens). Sometimes I'm a marketing communications specialist, which looks quite snazzy on the business card.

What I find most intriguing though is while people want to know what I do, and we tend to define ourselves and each other by our occupations (which makes life hell for people who are unemployed), the writing I do outside of work, fiction, poetry, etc., is the only writing I do that I consider worth talking about. It's how I really define myself, as opposed to what I do to pay the bills. And I wonder if this is true of other people, especially people who pay the bills through occupations other than writing. Does your job reflect who you are? Is it how you like people to see you - the lawyer guy, the web design woman, etc. Or do you feel another part of your life is a better reflection of who you are? (By the way, I don't dislike my job. It's pretty good as jobs go.)

Does any of that make any sense? (I know, I know ... I said I was a writer. But I didn't say I was a GOOD writer!)

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2000

yes. people ask me what i do...my job? at the moment, i am an accountant. this makes people either a)make a face like someone just farted b)question how i'm doing that at my age (19) or c) start asking me for advice on their taxes or worse, when i tell them i work for a mortgage firm, start trying to get quotes "inside info" or whatever. i have difficulty explaining i just work there, i don't do anything with mortgages at all, i work in the corporate accounting department that makes the company go. so then i try to describe what i do simply by saying, i write checks. that is what i do. i write checks all day long. and that said, makes my job sound easy (it's really not). then to throw em all for a loop, i insert how i'm entering my second year at 'Presigious Art School' and going for a Bachelors Degree in Fine Arts, with my major in Sculpture. you should see the look on their face then... heh...

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2000

My current job is pretty hard to describe. My official title is something like "editorial production assistant." Essentially, my job function is to take raw text documents submitted to us by our outside authors and turn them into books that conform to our in-house style. This involves a lot of formatting. It also involves a massive amount of proofreading.

However, I read fast. Like, really fast. Like, really really really fast. Like, I read this entire forum up to this point in less than two minutes. So, the proofreading part, while slower than my "pleasure reading" speed, doesn't really take that much time. Unfortunately, it's also the part of my job that I like the best.

This works out to me doing drudge work that I don't really like about 90% of the time, and challenging proofreading work about 10% of the time. Of course, this is my last week on the job; next week I start up at a new place, where my job title is "copy editor." It's going to be a lot more challenging, and I'm very excited.

On a tangential note, don't ever wish you were a natural speed reader. Just don't. I mean, sure, it was helpful in college when I was being assigned 400 pages of reading per week, but in everyday life it sort of sucks. I get the new Harry Potter book and sit down with my iced tea, anticipating a good long read, and -- I'm done in two and a half hours. I have to take massive amounts of books with me on long flights. It's a curse, I tell you. A curse.

-- Anonymous, May 15, 2000

I'm a vertebrate paleontologist. People usually react in one of a few ways:
'a p- what is that?'
'So, what really killed off the Anasazi?'
'Did you hear about the new (insert new fossil discovery)?'
'Really? When I was 5 I knew EVERYTHING about dinosaurs.'
Then they want to know what I thought of Jurassic Park....

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

Erica - we're the unsung heroes of any office!

Still, any experience gained while working in an administrative role is generally very transferable, and it's the best way to get to grips with the workings of a company, in my experience - I can guarantee you I know more about how this company works than any junior manager in one of the other departments.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

I'm a court reporter. You know, the person in a legal proceeding that writes, on a little machine, everything everyone in the room says. More and more people seem to know what a court reporter is when I tell them, but the thing is, they all seem to assume that I work in court, which I do not. I don't blame them, since the title is, in fact, "court reporter," hey. So if they want to hear more, I tell them I work in depositions. Sometimes I have to explain what a deposition is (you know, the pre-trial question-and-answer session that attorneys need to do as part of the discovery process), which is fine. The only thing is that since people tend to assume I actually work IN court, I can't help but feel that they may be disappointed when they hear that I do not. It even takes some friends and family several different conversations before they get the "depositions, not court" thing into their heads.

-- Anonymous, May 16, 2000

I'm a radio DJ. easy to explain, right? well, not really, because I work for a station not many people listen to, so when I tell them where I work, they don't know what to say and their eyes kind of glaze over. sometimes I lie and say I'm a waiter and then make up the name of a restaurant that doesn't exist. same reaction.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

Jackie,

I think we're describing two entirely different things. One of the reasons it wasn't working out is because I wasn't doing the cover the boss's ass type work you're talking about, because I had three whole other jobs -- Project Coordinator, Web Producer, Office Manager. Yes, I arranged meetings and put out fires and the like, but even when my boss was out for a week, you wouldn't know it. My friend who works for one of the top execs can pick up guys online, go home for lunch and naps, leave early, arrive late, etc. when her boss was out (hell, even when her boss was in). It was still 12 hour days for me because there was far more than the admin duties.

It's unfortunate, but despite the number of records Britney Spears, *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys sell, they just don't give people the titles and pay they deserve at that company. With a few exceptions, people are doing at least two jobs, performing beyond their title's level. I wasn't willing to work two years for a Coordinator title, the lowest title there is mind you, when I was already doing the work. That they are hiring two people to replace me is typical and they will probably hire the Project Coordinator (or Web Producer or whatever they decide to call it) from outside and pay them at least $10,000 more.

This sort of thing has happened again and again there. It's the reason a lot of people in that company think that it's a matter of race (more than once I was told that "white people get fired on Monday, black people get fired on Friday." True to my biracial roots, I got fired on Wednesday.) Frankly, I couldn't take the racial tension in the office another day, the job was stressful enough.

I've never worked anywhere where the vast majority of people were so unhappy. I'm very glad I'm gone, but I encourage others to leave whenever we speak. Everytime I talk to someone, another person is leaving. At least six people have left since I did, so that's 7 people in 7 weeks, 52 people a year, in a company of 220. There are some great people there, but management does its best to tell you that you are shit -- refusing to approve overtime, threatening termination if work isnt' done (despite seeing you arrive early and leave late everyday, thus the overtime), playing mind games, screaming, etc. It wasn't a the kind of place where you could sit at work reading Squishy -- I was lucky to be able to take a lunch break.

I'm not sure if it is the entertainment industry or NY, but it was the worst job environment I have ever encountered and I wouldn't wish it on anyone (well, almost anyone). I'm just trying to convey the level of misery. It's as if a cloud is hanging over the building. I won't even go into the building itself, that's another nightmare. Suffice it to say, I wouldn't ride in that elevator again.

-- Anonymous, May 17, 2000

I'm sort of a pamie. Right now, I'm doing:

• freelance writing for a couple of different websites
• developing, designing and maintaining another website
• consulting with a credit union who is building a website (but I'm not the one building it -- I take what the vendor says and put it into plain English for my non-techie client)

I used to be a graduate student but no one understood the name of my program (Information Resources Management -- insert blank stare here), so I just used to tell people it was "computer stuff" and they would nod and say, "Oh, I hear that's a good field right now."

Despite the fact that I have been doing freelance writing for almost a year, my mom somehow just figured out that I'm getting paid for it. My parents are both retired from the education system, and don't quite understand how I can type stuff up at home, in my pajamas, and consider it work. Sometimes I wonder myself, actually.

So now I'm trying to figure out how to take all my various jobs and pretend it's really just one business so that I can deduct stuff on my taxes. I gotta find me an accountant.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Erica - yes, I wandered off on a tangent there for a minute. But I've also had multiple roles like that, and got similarly pissed off when I've known they'd have to hire more than one person to replace me, but dig their heels in when salary review time comes around.

(Your posts on this forum are continually cracking me up, by the way.)

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Jackie,

OK, maybe we are talking about the same thing, though unruffling feathers and such didn't sound like what I was talking about. I think part of the problem is that senior management doesn't know what to do about the Internet and just didn't give the department the resources. It wasn't just the multiple roles, but that each had enough volume to be a separate job. It's not like this is a start-up where everyone has to do a variety of things because there are only 5 people. If I only worked on Britney.com alone, I was plenty busy because it changed daily.

Everytime I talk to someone from my old department they say they need me back, but since the senior management took me for incompetant because I couldn't arrange meetings (ah, the manipulation and histrionics involved in setting up a one hour meeting) to their satisfaction (uh, because I didn't have time to dick around when I had real work to do), because I was in too many meetings myself, I ain't happening. If that keeps up, I don't expect they'll have a New Media department much longer because everyone will realize their value, like I did.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Jackie,

I forgot to mention I didn't get a review. There was no time. We did have a meeting about how I'd have to pull my own weight and how my boss would hate to see me out of a job. That's when the paranoia really took off! But then we never had time for the follow-up meeting. Since he ended up quitting and I left as a "lay-off" and not a termination with a bunch of severance, it ended up much better than I imagined.

If you're amused thus far, did I mention senior management didn't want me to take the job because I made too much money? Yep, I was just rolling in it! This from a guy who plays with more money on one stock than I make in a year. I love it when rich people plead poverty, don't you?

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000

Kim,

There must be a way. I'm hoping to do the same, so if you find out, let me know. I'd at least like to get the hardware and software I need out of it anyway. I'm looking into it, but right now I'm in no rush to get off unemployment, until I can get right into self-employment.

-- Anonymous, May 18, 2000