This is not a rant about kids who won't do chores, rather, my kids would like to help me,but it can be difficult to find things that they are capable of doing without constant supervision. I have a 4 year old boy, and a six year old boy, their sister is still too little to do much. They like to help, but the minute I turn my back,they goof off, or do something different, or screw up the job. For example, they wanted to do the dishes, but when I got them all set up to do it, with the older boy washing and the other one rinsing, they did well for a bit, and when I went to do something else, I came back to find the rinse water all soapy-with about 1/4 of the bottle of soap emptied into it! What kinds of chores are good for little kids around the homestead?

-- Rebekah (daniel1@transport.com), May 14, 2000

Answers

I just posted a note on homesteading/housework, and while I'm not a homesteader, I'm a single parent, the basics are the same. I've found that having them 'help' you with a chore, so you can teach them works well. Don't try this method when you're very busy cause it takes twice as long! Before too long you'll figure out which kid is better at certain things, and then that's 'their' job. If you don't mind them getting really messy, even a 5 yr old can paint a fence, pull weeds, and wash the dog! Hey, a dirty kid, is a happy kid.

-- Kathy (catfish@bestweb.net), May 14, 2000.

Try giving them separate jobs, maybe one at a time working with you. At their age they are pretty small to be left at anything unsupervised -- you will have to keep a close eye on things for a few years yet. I have a similar problem with my handicapped daughter -- she is capable of doing more work than she actually does, but it takes so much of my time to supervise her, and actually pattern her through some things umpteen times before she can do it by herself, that I just don't ask her for as much as she is able to do. Plus she has a downright antipathy to anything that requires any effort on her part!! This is not too uncommon in young people -- so be very thankful that your boys haven't reached that stage yet!! If you go slowly, teach things one step at a time, don't overload them, and don't let them tackle anything too big (heavy), they can do a lot. My two older daughters used to help me with a lot of things -- they learned to milk the goats when they weren't much older than your boys. Just keep in mind that they don't have adult judgement yet, and give them frequent breaks.

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), May 14, 2000.

R- My kids are 9, 6, 4, 3. They gather eggs, pick up books and toys, take dry clothes off the line, pick up the yard before I mow, put away their clean laundry, bus the dirty dishes and wipe the table, put away dry goods while I put away other groceries, clean their own rooms, sort and pair shoes in the mud room, and yes, they wash dishes.

-- Rachel (rldk@hotmail.com), May 14, 2000.

Our oldest boy learned to do the laundry at 7. I showed him how. Let him do a load and then wrote down the instructions in simple English and taped it to the washer for reference. I also told him "If you don't know for sure ASK."

Our four year old can set the table (no knives), pick up toys and feed the dog. He loves to help plant, water and pick things in the garden. He also loves to vaccum though I usually have to touch up after he is done. They have very short attention spans so pick chores that don't take too long to finish. You just have keep an eye on him.

A six year old should be able to make his bed, feed the pets, set the table, clear the table, dust, fold towels (with some instruction), and all the above chores mention for the four year old.

It will take repeated instruction and supervision but pretty soon you will have good little helpers.

-- Vaughn (vdcjm5@juno.com), May 14, 2000.

One thing I forgot to mention is that at that age, the chief attraction for the child in work is that they get to be with an adult, doing what the adult is doing. That is another good reason to stay with them -- or keep them with you -- rather than setting them a job and then going off to do something else, other than for a very short period of time. I suspect that one of the reasons children usually stop liking to help is that we expect the job to be its own reward for them, and that isn't what they are doing it for. The seven-year-old son of my pastor spends a lot of time helping his grandpa in his woodworking shop, and has gotten to be a pretty good little helper, from what I hear. But if grandpa happened to have a different hobby, the little guy would have been just as happy helping grandpa, because what he's really there for is the time with grandpa. When we give our children jobs to do, it's because something needs to get done, and we expect them to see that and have the same motivation to do the work that we would have. We need to remember what is really motivating them to want to help.

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), May 14, 2000.

The only leader or teacher that I ever respected was one who led by example. I never learned from anything someone told me to do, or made me do. I have learned everything from those who showed me or have written good instructions on how. This has been passed on in my parental and work skills. I refuse to work for anyone, I work with them--I never had anyone working for me but I have paid to have them work with me. I use this example in parenting and chores also. Around here chores are as certain as dawn and the questions aren't --can you or will you ? Unless your sick or dead than your working is not in question--your going out with me and WE are going to do this.

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), May 15, 2000.

Now don't anybody faint dead away, but this time I agree with Joel 100%. My kids range from 32-14. We did chores together. When the girls were small, I cringed when they slopped water on the floor, they had the kitchen chairs turned around at the sink and "washed" dishes for me while I did the table. Wish I could see it again. Didn't get enough pictures. But the one still at home goes with me or Dad to do chores. He has learned that if he wants anything he has to pay for it and we do pay him for outside work, not inside. But I have always had a high school kid who helped after school and during the summer so I could stay caught up. Husband runs a company in town. So if Adam does anything outside that keeps the help from having to do it, he gets the same money. This may not sound good to some of you, but he is ADHD and complains a lot so any bribe is good. Also he has to learn that money doesn't just get given to you. His sisters and brother had to do the same thing. He's older now and not many problems. But treasure the days when they are small and making messes as they help. One day you turn around and see your grandchildren doing it instead and wonder if you fussed as much as you seem to remember. Did I make enough cookies? Did I hug enough. Did I listen. When they are making you nervous with helping, have a group hug, laugh and wipe up the water. This past lambing season, lambs were coming one right after the other, dad was in town a bit watching the crew and had it not been for Adam i wouldn't have made it. He cleaned stalls, held ewes down who needed assistance whatever. He did almost drop a hay bale on my head one day, and he decided to do a number on a marking can. he was going to throw the pitchfork in the bale like on a movie,rared back and let loose and totally missed the bale and hit a spray can of marker. Green paint sprayed everywhere. Sorry I couldn't get mad. The look on his face was terror. He said Dad's gonna kill me. He started cleaning it up and of course it got worse. We did get it done before Dad got home so it was just a funny story. But we didn't get our history lesson read. Let them help all they want, it gets better all the time. Then there's the fun of when they call to tell you what their little darlin did today you can just smile away, been there done that.

-- Susie*Ks (goodartfarm@msn.com), May 15, 2000.

My twelve year old is a great worker, and my nine year old is as lazy as the day is long. Just lately, I gave him the job of rabbit care. (For approximately 30 rabbits). He has to fill foods & water dishes, pick greens, and a couple other things. (The rabbits are all in a big pen...not 30 separate cages). He tries to cut corners once in a while, but if I catch him, I'll send him right back out to fix it, I don't care if he's in bed ASLEEP. One thing that seems to get through to him is when he puts the food down and all the bunnies come running...I make a big deal about how glad they are to be fed, and how important it is that he do it reliably, because they are counting on him, etc. etc. I'm trying to instill a sense of responsibility in him. The twelve year old does WAY more outside work, and he generally does it well. If either of them do it wrong, they do it OVER.

-- Shannon (Grateful Acres Animal Sanctuary) (gratacres@aol.com), May 15, 2000.

We are at the end of our school year, and taking a break to get caught up from winter and rearrange things here to get ready for our house (which will take most of the summer). We are aiming to start school again next week, part time, so as not to have to do those 'review skills'. The big ones are capable of doing their own chores, they're 17 and 15. The 9 and 7 yr. old have their chores of feeding and watering the chickens and gathering eggs. We all work in the garden together, and I'm thinking about having them start helping with dishes. Everything has been such a mess here, the young ones try to help, but they do sloppy work. I only figured out that if I did it with them, this place would be in a lot better shape. They love to help and I'm in such a hurry all the time, and the reason being because there's always a bunch of work to get done and re-done. The mistake I made was just telling the little ones to do something instead of spending the time doing it with them the way I did with the older ones. I'm tired of this feeling rushed and hurried all the time, and it's of our own making, and not working "together".

-- Louise Whitley (whitley@terraworld.net), May 15, 2000.

My oldest boy just turned 7, and he does a fantastic job *** IF *** he's with me. If I get him started, and then let him loose and go do something else, he's distracted in 5 minutes. Took me a while to figure out he doesn't want to do the chore necessarily, but that he wants to be WITH me.

So we have two groups of chores - the inside chores he does on his own (ie; making his bed, clearing the table, dumping the kitchen scraps in the compost, etc.) and then chores he does with me (weeding, watering, picking up kindling, etc.).

-- Eric Stone (ems@nac.net), May 15, 2000.

Ah, putting children to work-one of my favorite subjects. The younger they are, the more time and aggravation it costs you. Instead of having them wash dishes, have them each wash their own plate, glass, and silverware. Then you take over and have them read to you or tell you about their day (even if you were there for every second of it, can be very interesting). Instead of having them tear up ALL the salad greens, give them each a little at a time and have them do just their salads. Have them "fold" just their own clothes. They won't get it right, but who will die? If they're still interested, have them also fold things like kitchen towels and pillow cases. Still won't be perfect, BUT LET IT GO. They'll know if you refold their hard work-that means you're ashamed of their effort, and therefore ashamed of them. In time they'll improve, by practice, imitation, or GENTLE suggestion.

DUSTING, kids are perfect for it, even if they don't do a perfect job. Have them dust the chair rungs and table legs, anything near to the floor. Get them each a whisk broom and have them sweep the along the edges and into tight spots for you.

They aren't going to be able to do much at first, but it will get better. You won't get as much done, and much of what is done won't be "right", but the kids will get better. Gerbil

-- Gerbil (ima_gerbil@hotmail.com), May 15, 2000.

Gerbil, that's an excellent answer, but on the housework thread, you asked what housework is.

-- Cindy (atilrthehony_1@yahoo.com), May 15, 2000.

I agree exactly with Joel. Mine are 6 & 8 and they do a lot around here. Not all at once. They understand that our family is a team and EVERYONE has to help or it won't get done! They help with the animals and garden so they can eat (just like you and me). They help with the small household chores so I can do the bigger ones because we all live here (and 9 times out of ten they messed up the sink more than me:)!) It's just always a team effot!

-- Novina West (lamb@stellarnet.com), May 15, 2000.

I have to add a little about paying your kids. Our kids, 4 and 6, get a weekly allowance and have asigned chores. Not much for the 4 year old except for picking up her toys and helping her brother set and clear the table. But if the kids don't do their chores after being reminded 3 times...POOF...there goes their money for the week. This has been very effective for the 6 year old.

Their allowance is divided three ways too to help them learn about savings. 1/2 goes into their college fund (untouchable), 1/4 goes into the "Special" fund (stuff they want to save up for), and 1/4 goes into their "fun" money, which they get to spend as they please. My son gets $2 a week, but gets to spend only 50 cents as he chooses. This works out very well for my family since I am very frugal (stingy) and would agonize over every purchase of gum or garage sale toy. My kids are really learning the value of those quarters. (This system is based on a book I haven't read but I saw mentioned on Oprah. If anyone knows the book title, could you send it to me?)

When the kids do extra work, espcially for our business, they get paid for that. We pay by piece work. I figure out what a skilled adult, working hard would do in one hour. I'd pay that person $10/hour, so if that guy does 200 parts of the job in an hour, I pay the kids 200th of $10 for each part they do (or a nickle, get it?). The money still gets divided up the 1/2, 1/4 and 1/4. The kids are saving us having to pay someone to do the work, so they get paid.

I don't feel so stingy with my kids this way, and they get a few fun toys.

-- Kathy (redfernfarm@lisco.com), May 17, 2000.

I'm nine and i have chores too.Here they are.Milking 1 goat,helping with the rest of the barn chores,cleaning my bedroom and half of the bathroom,and clearing and setting the table. I get paid 2 dollars a week to do this.

I don't like to do these jobs but i have to do them anyway.

Sarah

-- sarah morey (wind_crest@hotmail.com), May 17, 2000.

My children are 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10. We pay them the amount of their age when they turn two. We split their money four ways. The first 25% goes to God (a little more than tithing but I don't figure He minds). The second 25% goes to taxes (this is UNDER what they should expect) which goes into a pot and we use this to go out to eat or do special treats like icecream with. The third quarter goes to long term savings and the last quarter is for spending. They are expected to pay for sports, camp, swim lessons, vacation spending money, etc. If they don't have enough we offer a chance to do extra jobs during free time that we will pay for. A man I respect concerning child training, emphasizes what most of you here said, that children should work along side of you. His other two big points are start as soon as they can mimic what you do at as early as 9-10 months and don't let them get by with sloppy efforts. Expect as much as they are capable of and then reward with praise and freedom.

-- Kathy (DavidWH6@juno.com), May 18, 2000.

I have two plaques that have hung on my wall since I had my first child almost 19 years ago (The other two are 15 and 5). The first one goes like this:

FINGERPRINTS

I know you get discouraged because I am so small, And always leave my fingerprints on furniture and walls.

But everyday I'm growing, I'll be all grown up someday, And all the smudgies that I did will surely fade away.

So here's another bunch of them, just so you can recall, Exactly how my fingers looked when I was very small.

The second goes like this:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow, For babies grow up so we've learned to our sorrow;

So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep; I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

I still get goosebumps and teary eyed every time I read these words. I know how true these words are, having one already out of the nest. I see her today and can still remember putting her hair up in little pony tails with pretty pink ribbons. I remember her "helping" with the household chores...wanting to be "just like Mommy". Treasure these moments for they are all to fleeting.

Housework will ALWAYS be there. THIS time in your children's lives won't.

Greenthumbelina

-- Greenthumbelina (sck8107@aol.com), May 18, 2000.

Thank you greenthumbelina! I have been looking for that verse for 2 years as I cuoln't remember it exactly. I Love it!

A side bar on allowance...we don't. What we do here at home is for the good of the family and our own well neing therefore the "reward" is having good healthy foods on the table and knowing "we did that"; having a good strong ,clean house: and learning skills and work habits to last a life time.

-- Novina West (lamb@stellarnet.com), May 19, 2000.

I also pay no allowance. Noone pays me to do the chores, and we are all living here together. Each, according to his ability...We give money to our Tzedakah box (loosely translated as "charity", but more appropriately, "justice"). When I have extra money, I put it into the kids' savings accounts. When they ask for treats or toys, the answer is either 'yes', or it's 'no'.

-- Rachel (rldk@hotmail.com), May 19, 2000.

i have a two year old son, and he always wants to help. it can get frustrating at times, but remember that your kids are only little once. if they want to help you now, let them. when they are in their teens they might not be interested in helping then. when getting upset ask yourself this - "will it matter in a year?" you might find out that it won't matter in a year if the dishes aren't washed correctly, the garden weeded as often as it should be, the house cleaned as often, etc!

-- michael w. smith (kirklbb@penn.com), May 21, 2000.