Goats with spider gene produce webs By E.W. KIECKHEFER

MILWAUKEE, May 18 (UPI) - Canadian scientists have implanted spider genes in a herd of goats, resulting in the production of silky strands in goat milk that can be used for sutures and other applications.

The technique was perfected by Jeffrey Turner, a geneticist and president of Nexia Biotechnologies of Quebec.

"We have combined the old and the new," Turner told UPI in a recent interview. "The old is represented by the goats and their milk, which is used to make cheese. The new is genetic engineering."

In addition to sutures for eye surgery, the strands - which are harvested from the goat's milk -- can be used to reconstruct tendons or ligaments and to repair bones, Turner said, adding that companies like DuPont and 3M have been trying unsuccessfully to duplicate spider web silk in their laboratories for years.

Turner said he has been contacted by numerous pharmaceutical firms seeking to acquire the technique but he said he won't sell.

"We may take on a partner for the marketing end," he said, "but we will keep the ownership here in Quebec."

One major reason for that decision is the fact that Quebec's Caisse de depot et placement, which is responsible for investing Quebec pension funds, has invested several million dollars in the venture. Turner, a native of Ontario, said he decided to base his venture in Quebec because of the province's favorable economic climate.

Turner estimates the technology has a potential market of $2 billion. He expects the silk to go on the medical market within a year under the brand name BioSteelJ.

Additionally, he said, the substance likely has industrial applications, possibly replacing such things as Kevlar. It also could be used to cover domed stadiums and in the aerospace and communications industries.

Both the U.S. and Canadian military have expressed interest in using it for making anti-ballistic defense systems, he said.

-- Copyright 2000 by United Press International. All rights reserved. --

(Alright..this isn't funny. Messing with goats and spiders is a big mistake..big big! Don't you agree? There is something VERY wrong with this...!!! -kirsten)

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), May 18, 2000

Answers

Kritter, this is for real??

Having unregulated bioengineering technology gives me the willies - but I don't trust the polliticians to regulate it well, either. They'll just get it all under military wraps :-(

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 19, 2000.

Geezerville-on-the-Bayou, May, 2000 by Skippy, Cub Reporter

In an aparently unprecedented bioengineering breakthrough, scientists in this seemingly sleeply little hamlet have announced the combination of alligator genes implanted within goats.

The technique was developed by Dr. Lon Frankenstien, Professor of Biological Tinkering and part-time janitor at the prestigious Bayou Institute of Technology, (BIT). Professor Frankenstien, or Doctor Numnutz, as he is known affectionately throughout the community, has been developing his research for several months with the financial backing of the famous Ignoratium Chalmet's Jiggle Juice conglomerate.

When contacted by this reporter about the success of the project which his company had so magnanimously funded, Mr. Chalmet's spokesperson, Percy Premeaux, esq., was cautious with his enthusiam.

"While we consider the alligoattator a landmark success, we are never-the-less disheartened with our ultimate result. We had hoped to find an easier way to obtain gator milk which is an essential ingredient in our product, but all the dang thing gives is gatoraide milkshakes."

Mr. Premeaux went on to say that the company had recieved many offers for exploitation of the technique, including a joint venture of the Worldwide Wrestling Federation and the La Leche League, but nothing definate had been decided. Mr. Premeaux concluded his statement with little hope of financial gain for the company:

"Yeah, well I reckon we gave ol' Numnutz the best part of fifty bucks over the last year or so, and all's we got to show for it is some smelly green cheeze and a milk maid who is now short of several digits. It appears that the only way to recoup our financial expendature is to sell the critter to somebody in Canada. I hear that they have an enthusiasm for such things, and they probably like smelly green cheeze, to boot."

While Dr. Frankenstien was unavailable for comment, it is rumored that the Department of the Interior has contacted him to work on an alligator-stealth goose mutant. The resulting stealth goosygator would hopefully be useful in controlling the beaver population which has mysteriously exploded over the last few weeks.

COPYWRIGHT, 2000 by Bayou United Literary Limited, (BULL), all rights highly suspect.

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), May 19, 2000.

Now, THAT'S not funny! There is something fundamentally wrong about messing with alligators, wrong, wrong, wrong!

I mean, what's next? A tabbygator? (buy me the good stuff in those little cans, or I eat one of the children)

Or, or, a Canarigator? (HERE, KITTY, KITTY)

Or, or, a goldenretreivergator? (You want the damn stick so bad, you swim out there and get it. And let me know when you're in deep water, OK?)

Or, or, a colliegator? (Lassie, I broke my leg! Go for help girl! ......Yeah, right, I'll go for ketchup maybe.)

Or, or a gatoroach? Oh, wait, I think we got those down on the bayou already.

But you get the idea. It's wrong. Just wrong.

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-- Lon Frank (lgal@exp.net), May 19, 2000.

Canuckiator - genetically altered to be able to live in cold climates. The ultimate revenge of FLians on us for sending all our geriatrics south for the winter....

-- Tricia the Canuck (jayles@telusplanet.net), May 20, 2000.

I never saw a canuckiator,
I never hope to see one,
But I can tell you here and now,
I hope there ain't none in New Jersey!

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), May 20, 2000.

The goats will make us rich, rich I tell you!!!

-- LillyBear (bearslilly@hotmail.com), May 20, 2000.

Do you mean that this was actually picked up by UPI? Or is the copyright bogus also?

Well, it was probably a good idea, anyway.

Gene

-- gene (ekbaker@essex1.com), May 23, 2000.

Gene, the story is real. It's the first step towards Giant Eyeballs crawling down Main Street. Giant Ants making Helen their Ant Queen. Giant Apes climbing up the Empire State Building! 100 foot tall women in Go-Go boots crushing men who did them wrong! (Hmm, I'm starting to see a good side to this..)

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), May 23, 2000.

I wanna be the giant woman in GoGo boots!

-- helen (methe@nt.queen?), May 23, 2000.

Helen..I was wrong..you can only be a 50 ft tall woman! Still pretty effective though, eh?

-- kritter (kritter@adelphia.net), May 23, 2000.

Can I be 50 feet tall AND be the Ant Queen? Please? I've been good for at least five minutes today.

-- helen (t@ll.ant), May 23, 2000.