In the last three months three people in my life have passed away. One as recently as yesterday. My mother's MS is chronic progressive and living up to it's name. My emotional stress levels are close to an all-time high.

My usual coping mechanisms of reading and sleeping aren't even helping.

What do you do to get through the tough times?

-- Jackie (jackie@mail.jackie.nu), May 30, 2000

Answers

Cry. Write. Break pencils. Doodle. Talk. Scream. Eat.

I think the first and last seem to get more of the action, though.

-- marilyn (marilynis@home.com), May 30, 2000.

Talking. Sometimes talking to an actual trusted person helps. When i had a falling out with my boyfriend i talked about it to someone that i, essentially, do not "know" and she and i have only conversed online. Sometimes talking out loud to myself (preferably where no one can overhear!) helps.

Crying. Crying feels awful until you stop and you realize it's almost like turning on a tap and letting some of the bad stuff out.

Lighting a whack of candles brings about a peaceful feeling.

Sometimes just little things like walking around on a nice day - or in the rain if that's your thing.

-- Sherry (sherina@masc.ca), May 30, 2000.

I go with talking and crying as my most favored. But one way that I have dealt with tough family issues in the past is to write about it in a cheap spiral notebook that no one will ever see but me.

-- Michelle (michelle@obscurity.com), May 31, 2000.

I used to smoke, and that definitely used to be how I coped with just about anything stressful. You know what I do now? Pray, pray, pray. I give whatever it is to God and relief washes over me.

-- Seraph (ssmith24_67@yahoo.com), May 31, 2000.

I found a new one.

Scrubbing the hell out of the bath tub.

-- Jackie (jackie@jackie.nu), June 03, 2000.

I turn to a book called "The Book of Illuminated Prayers" - a very unusual book filled with very simple prayers ("Dear God - May the stars that fill the sky, fill me") They are accompanied by exquisite artwork. It's an unusual habit - you see, I've been agnostic for more than 30 years.

I also turn to my "Safe Place", my husband of 17 years, Steve. He is my best friend in time of need, and gives me expert council as he pampers me with cups of hot cocoa, bubble baths, and footrubs.

I also turn to gardening. There is something about potting plants and focusing on the the creative and artistic part of me that is healing. A cup of tea, potting soil, and some new plants from the greenhouse - the perfect stress buster.

And give me a good book to read! A fiction book from Patricia Cornwell, Stuart Woods, James Patterson, Dean Koontz, etc.

-- Planet Earth (imagine@industrial-ideas.com), June 04, 2000.

Jackie, the tub thing is probably *very* therapeutic. If i'm just depressed, then i tend to let things around the house slide, but if i'm angry or even just a little frustrated, i find the house just sparkles because i'll clean like a maniac.

-- Sherry (sherina@masc.ca), June 06, 2000.

I think that talking and crying are vital; suppressing emotion and letting it build up is a killer. Actually, I find writing a coping mechanism too, even to perfect strangers on the Internet. In some ways it's easier to be honest that way. I found a support newsgroup extremely valuable when I was suffering from the worst of my depression.

-- Christine (cdaae@darkgoddess.com), July 12, 2000.