How do you deal with coworkers that you just can't stand to be around?

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

Answers

Surely there are others out there who have to work day in and day out with people you would rather see in hell. I have one such person in my office--actually, make that one and a half. The half leached onto the other obnoxious chick and now acts just like her, so she only counts for a half a person. These two are uncooperative, inefficient, irresponsible, unimaginative, and just plain mean. They do the least amount of work that they can get away with, and then shift the blame onto others when things don't get done. They are constantly missing work for the silliest reasons, yet viciously lambast any one who is back late from lunch by one or two minutes. They constantly subvert the rules, often lying to do so. They make excuses and blame others for their own mistakes, yet jump on the backs of others simply trying to do a day's work. The worst part is that Thing One and Thing One-and-a-Half don't see anything wrong with their behavior, they just make fun of those in the office who are trying to actually EARN their paychecks. Am I the only lucky one that gets to deal with bitch princesses from hell?

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

I tend to quit. I'm not kidding. Life's too short. (I'm referring to bosses I just can't stand, mostly.)

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

the coworker I can't stand is this girl I work with at the college library. she comes from this huge Ugandan family with like 20 brothers and sisters and cousins that are all here at school right now. Within 5 minutes of her showing up for work (when she shows up), at least 7 or 8 of them are at the desk chattering away with her. They stay her whole shift and she won't do a bit of work. She understands English perfectly well but pretends not to when it gets her out of helping people...like someone will ask a perfectly straightforward question like "where are your newspapers?" and she'll put this confused look on her face and say "oh...I don't know..." and look helplessly at me. She signs up on the schedule to work at 8 and routinely shows up at 9:30, claiming she doesn't know how to read the schedule. Today she called in sick, leaving me alone for the first 5 and a half hours of my 10.5 hour shift. Oh and she wears stinky perfume.
Anyway, the way I get away from her is I go upstairs to the stacks and work on shelving projects for hours and leave her at the desk. :)

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

Ok, my earlier post makes me sound really lame. Annoying coworkers are a different beast than abusive bosses.

How to deal with annoying folks in the office? At the job I'm about to leave (next week!), our department boss is a very over-the-top kind of woman. She uses "downhome" sayings all the time, i.e. "That's not going to feed the bulldog!" (Huh?) Anyway, some of the women I work with created a bingo game, in which each square was filled by one of these sayings. And we play during our weekly staff meetings. So basically, the answer to your question (in my case) is, make fun of them. Don't get hung up on their unbearability, just roll with it. Chances are other people in the office feel the same way about your co-worker's behavior.

Of course another great alternative is happy hour with other sympathizers.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

I have been in the same situation. I came to realize I cannot work for or with other women. I have wonderful women friends but my work life is very different. Men tend not to be catty, talk behind your back, give unwanted advice, wear stinky perfume and a ton of Aqua- Net, it just goes on and on. Try men..they're better.

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

I can't stand to see a stereotype like that, because the one coworker that I can't stand to be around is a guy. He's one of those annoying right-wing fundie types who thinks having sex outside of marriage is morally equivalent to stealing, and the spread of AIDS in Africa is due to "all the homosexuals there."

Fortunately he doesn't proselytize, so as long as you don't get him started during lunch break he's fine to be around...

-- Anonymous, June 02, 2000

I know a little something about this topic...

I say you should try to work out the problem in whatever ways you can: by talking to these ladies or your boss, or by finding ways to remove yourself from the situation and not be affected by it. Once you have really tried to find a way to work it out, if that doesn't work then you need to look at possibly leaving if you feel this problem is interfering with your well-being.

I once had to work in the same small kitchen with a bitter and potentially violent ex-boyfriend. He was the lead line chef and therefore had a certain amount of power over my job situation, which he used to make my work life a living hell. I found ways to stay out of the kitchen as much as possible (I worked in the pantry so I essentially spent most of my night cooking in the dining area in front of customers) and when I did have to be there I would just keep to myself and work quietly in some far corner of the room. Finally it reached the point (he slammed the walk-in refrigerator door on my face as I was carrying a huge stack of food containers) where I felt the need to talk to him and if that didn't work, then to my extremely understanding boss, but he quit before I could do so...so everything worked out anyway.

I had another situation with a woman that I worked with. There was no use talking to her, and no use talking to my boss who was the world's largest asshole, so I eventually quit.

Plus another situation in a later job with a woman who would blame me for problems that weren't my fault and get my manager all pissed off at me. She tried to turn my other co-workers against me by making up stories. I left that job, too - but mostly because the job itself sucked, the pay sucked, and the workplace was extremely unorganized and the managers were sexist pigs.

So, there you have it. In my experience, persistent problems with obnoxious co-workers are usually indicative of larger problems within the structure of the workplace itself. In the first situation the problem would have been easy to resolve, had my ex not left, because I had an extremely compassionate and understanding boss with whom I had constant communication. I don't think he would have been fired, but my boss and I would have most likely put our heads together and come up with a workable solution like we did so many other times with other problems.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

Luna,

Flipping through the channels on a boring afternoon not too long ago, I came across that MTV reality show, Real World. There was a diverse group of young twenty-somethings in a house in Hawaii. They were trying to start up some sort of small business (a coffeehouse or something). There was this one completely self-absorbed, obnoxious girl who was trying to take control against everyone else's wishes. She let the deal fall through rather than compromise even a little. Of course, in her mind, everyone was against her. The show followed these peoples' "lives" for a few days, focusing in on this girl and her truly ugly personality as she had violent arguments with everyone in the house, her boyfriend who was flying in to visit, even some poor schmuck who was just tying a matress to the top of her car. Every interaction with another person was an opportunity for her to overreact, argue, demean and insult the unfortunate who came into contact with her. She was absolutely clueless; she really believed that everyone else was the problem. Of course, she dismissed those (particularly men) who had problems with her attitude as simply sexist and fearful of a strong, independent woman.

The upshot is, if you have what you believe are more than your fair share of problems dealing with coworkers or people in general, maybe it's YOU.

Just a thought.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

That was the Miami season, and the chickie of whom you speak is Flora.

But I agree with you entirely, Dalton!!

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

I work at Kmart, which is bad enough (freaking customers), but I have one supervisor who's just a total asshole. He has an ego the size of Texas (why, I don't know, because he's dead ugly), bad manners, etc. He not only snaps at the employees, he yells at the customers! I just sort of try to avoid him and bite my lip when he treats me like I'm a 10-year-old. Argh.

-- Anonymous, June 03, 2000

If you are me, you are unbearably rude to them.

-- Anonymous, June 04, 2000

Interestingly enough, I *have* given notice, because I just can't stand to work with these two bitches anymore. And it has nothing to do with compromise or it being my problem. I admit that I'm not the easiest person to be around, but at least I make an effort to be pleasant, and I always do more than my fair share of the work, always. It's just very depressing to have to deal with obnoxious people who refuse to do their fair share of the work, then talk their way out of the situation and make it look like others are to blame. I read somewhere where women should always be bitches, because no one likes a martyr. How unfortunate that some people can't find middle ground.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

I did not mean to stereotype, really. I'm saying in my personal experience this is how I see it and it's how I prefer it. I know not all women are bad and all men are good.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

I just show 'em who's boss, because it's usually me. They don't call me Heith "The Man" Carnahan because of my good looks, folks. ;)

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

life is way, way too short to be miserable everyday. Since the alternative is welfare-I went to work with a 'walkman'. When the GM told me using a 'walkman' was against company policy (it's a factory)- I told her- then tell the bitch I have to work with everyday to shut the f... up! I won. Thank you.

-- Anonymous, June 05, 2000

I wouldn't say that I HATE one of my coworkers--let's just say she happens to be the most anal retentive person I've ever met.

How do I deal with it? If she irritates me, I make a little joke and try to laugh about what her poor husband must experience at home. If she pisses me off, I take ten minutes and go have a cigarette (those of you non-smokers can just take a few deep breaths). If she REALLY pisses me off, I try to remind myself it is just a job and I leave at five and won't have to see her again until the next day.

It's just a job, really. They can only get you that riled up if you let them.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I hear you, Katie. I work in a grocery store and for those of you that don't know, you'll meet some of the dumbest, most stubborn people in the world (customers). But I have another problem.

I'm a very friendly person. I've never in my life had trouble getting a job (and keeping it until I was ready to leave). People are constantly telling me that I'm sweet and nice. They love my smile and appreciate my patience (important with customer service). I get praise from managers, coworkers, and customers alike for my hard work and helpfullness. All things considered, I'm pretty sure the following isn't "just me"... I don't see how *I* can be the source of the problem. So please help me understand...

One of the women with whom I work absolutely despises my very existence. I've been told that when she has no customers, she'll glare at the back of my head (she usually works behind me). She'll jump on anything I do that could possibly warrant discipline. In short, she's an exploiter and yes, a tattler. For one thing, it's against company policy for her to nitpick at anyone's actions, which is constant behavior on her part. For another, she'll make up situations to try to get certain ppl in trouble. For example, I got my roommate a job there recently. This woman got along with my roommate fine until she found out we were roommates. Now she has it in for my roommate. On my roommate's second day on the job, this woman got her in trouble for "taking 23 minutes on a fifteen minute break" when she had, in reality, been gone for two and a half minutes. (Breaks are strict and my roommate uses a stopwatch.) Not even long enough to eat lunch. This woman has tried turning other coworkers against me and she even made up a nasty rumor about me, which spread like wildfire.

The only reason I can think of that this woman might hate me with such vengeance is this: She is obsessed with her daughter. She tells almost everyone she meets that her daughter is going to whatever- prestigious-college while working-two-jobs and and and... I'm not exaggerating. This woman brags. A lot. And I showed up her daughter.

I went to school with her daughter from kindergarten through high school. We both took "gifted" classes (the smart classes). We both got straight A's. But we were in no way competetive. We were actually friends way back. But I got bumped up in second grade when the teachers realized the material was too easy for me. Her daughter didn't get bumped up until seventh grade. In tenth grade I held down three jobs, a full school schedule with advanced classes plus an after school class, and two volunteer jobs, and still managed to get good grades. Her daughter never held anything against me for it. But this woman is so obsessive about her daughter that I think, years later, she has a grudge against me and intends to do everything in her power to make my life miserable. I'm just as sweet to her as I am to everyone else, but she's she seems blind to my efforts.

Can you help me?

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Just a thought...have you confronted her about it? Asked her if there was something you'd done to upset her so much? I realize that's a pretty ballsy move, but sometimes directness works best. Otherwise, talk to your supervisor. They're there to help in situations such as these. You shouldn't have to constantly be watching your back (or your roommate's) because of this woman's vendetta.

Of course, my mother would just tell you to kill her with kindness, but that never seemed to work for me.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Good luck to you.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Unless it's in your nature, "killing them with kindness" will really just kill you with the insincerity you'll have to display.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

I don't know that I would recommend approaching a supervisor about this type of problem. Unless you have a great supervisor, they tend to stick with the status quo, meaning that unless you can really prove that whatever is occuring is detrimental to the business at hand, a supervisor is likely to ignore your complaints. Or even worse, bounce it back on YOUR head, meaning that YOU will now get blamed for these and any furture problems in your workplace. These days when workers are a dime a dozen, it's like you're on your own with any relation-type problems in the workplace, because it's easier to let you quit then try to deal with those problems. I'm afraid that I have no recommendations for you, either you hang in there and rememeber that you get to go home after work and leave the terrible ones behind, or you find another job where you will be happier (that's what I'm trying to do). It's not fair, but I'm beginning to see that that's the way the cookie crumbles. Good luck!

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

Aurora:
I think you answered your own question about why that woman has such a thing against you. Some mothers are just like that. Remember the TV movie about the mom in Texas that killed the mom of her daughter's "rival" for the cheerleading squad? Some moms are just *this* side of over the top. Nothing you can do about it.

Or, find another grocery store. They're a dime a dozen around here.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2000

we have a woman in our department that the other three of us just can't stand. she works an average of 20 hours a week and still somehow manages to get a full paycheck. we always get stuck doing her work because she's never around... and when anyone complains to the boss he sticks up for her for some reason. she lies, and has two hour liquid lunches and is having an affair with one of the printer guys (she's married). she'll say she has to take her daughter to the doctor and then and hour later her daughter will call looking for her. she's slimey and horrible. we've actually thought about doing horrible things to her car, computer, etc... just to get her to quit on her own. we're convinced she'd got something on the boss in order to get away with the shit she gets away with.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2000

This is kinda corny, but my great-aunt Blanche used to always say,"Pray for them and they'll either get better or go away." This advice actually works so well with co-workers. You don't have to actually pray for them, but wish them well, whatever. People just don't have power over you if you are thinking about them like that. It's odd how well it works.

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

Well the first and most important thing about annyoying co workers is that you have option not to talk to them. I am the quiet type constantly scheming and plotting but never revealing much but the important information. I work at STarbucks so you can bet that i not only have to deal with crappy customers but bitchy crazy women co workers. I'm a girl but working with them is sincerely the hardest thing to do. Keeping outside issues outside and focusing on your own tasks blocks out others and let's you work within your own world.

-- Anonymous, September 01, 2001