"Inner child" sounds lame, but what do you do to spoil the kid in you? What does he or she like?

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Answers

She likes lots of sweets, sleeping with a teddy bear, and occasionally wasting hard-earned money on sparkly eyeshadow and completely un-necessary notepaper with cute cartoons on it.

She knows all the words to all the teenybopper songs, and isn't ashamed to sing them.

She is really annoyed I'm 25 years old and too tall to play on the adventure stuff at McDonalds.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

My Inner 13-Year-Old-Boy likes KUNG FU, BABY! Really. I'm embarrassed but, it's true. Fighting. What's up with that? Guns and tough guys and OHMYGOD...The Matrix!!

Now, the actual me does not condone such behavior. The mature young woman that is me likes pretty things and pearls and Martha Stewart. I've been known to have my nails done, and I spend a lot of money on lipstick.

Not so the Tupac loving, playa-hatin' little gangsta inside. That kid's older brother drives a '67 Chevelle and smokes pot and sneaks girls into his room to give him blow-jobs. Rock.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

My inner child still plays with Barbies. A lot. She eats Oreos by the fistful. She not only sings to Teen Pop, she does dances, too. She's been known to color in coloring books, play jacks and doodle with sidewalk chalk on ocassion. She didn't have all that much fun when she was a Real Child, so I take care of her now....

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I don't have an inner child. I have an inner adult.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I have a whole host of Chucks. Some of them are naughty-mouthed teenaged boys; they like to give noogies and frogs, drink directly out of the container, leave the door wide open, stand in front of the fridge for long, contemplative moments, climb trees, share farts, and run into a flock of waddling pigeons just to watch them fly away in terror.

Then I have one, teeny, tiny little girl, who still likes playing dress up, wearing ballet shoes and peeping along to romantic music. I actually have dress-up clothes, for when she wants to come out and play, as well as a vast array of costume jewelry and cosmetics.

Sorry to be so genderistic, but if I had a Chuck who liked to play dress up, I swear, I'd tell you.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I think I'm just one big Outer Child. What you see is what you get, even all the goofy stuff I should probably be embarrassed about.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I have an inner child that is obsessed with professional wrestling, and when he gets control of my mind and body I come to with a piercing (thank goodness this has only happened twice) that are constanly shown off when ever he has a reason to do so. But other than that I'm with Pamela, I have more of an inner adult that is constantly there to remind me that this is not the responsible thing to do and that's not how I should be behaving. Oh, well, now he telling me that I should go work out and stop watching the Kids in the Hall. I will but only when Franccesca

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Max, my inner boy, watches WWF wrestling and cheers when The Rock comes out and hoots when Chris Jericho calls Stephanie MacMahon a "dirty, fifty-cent, bottom-feeding trashbag ho". Max drinks Coke Classic for the sugar buzz. He can belch like a champion, and afterwards, he goes "That was a good one. Gimme props." He loves the Budweiser commercials with the ferret.

Emily, my inner girl, has a crush on Justin from *NSYNC. In her head, he is her boyfriend and he's so sweet and nice and he takes her on tour with him. Oh, and she looks like Britney Spears and acts like her too. Emily does not think this is cheesy or embarrassing. Emily likes lotions and creams that smell good, and she spends $21 on a round brush to make her hair straight. Emily buys stuffed toys that are just too cute not to take home. Emily loves Edy's Limited Edition Girl Scouts Thin Mints ice cream (so does Max, and so does their older sister).

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

was I actually a kid once? I don't know... the stuff I do now is almost exactly what I did when I was younger...

I like to go to toy stores though. I mean the cool educational kind with chemistry sets.

Sweet stuff is great. Lollipops. Ice cream. You know, your mom would only let you have a small bowl, when you could always eat oh so much more... and now no one will stop me if I want, bwa ha ha ha!

Running outside during a rainstorm and dancing in the wind. Barefoot.

We used to go to the library every weekend, and I would take out too many books, and read as many as I could in one sitting. I'd get a headache and still bring the book to the dinner table, then ignore the TV later. Nowadays I have more self-control, but now and again I will stop my world just to finish a book.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

This is the perfect question for me!

My little person (I call her ZoE in my head)likes:

Elmo (from Sesame Street), Buttercup (from PowerPuff Girls), Barbie (because her parents wouldn't let her have any Barbies the first childhood around), blowing bubbles, dressing as a clown, singing made-up songs, dancing, bright/happy colors, being proud of who she is, showing her feelings, naps, bubble baths, bubble gum, finger puppets, kites, silly figurines. What she HATES: Being asked "When are you going to grow up!" Her motto is "Never give up, never grow up."

HA, HA!

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

My inner child wants me to go to 7-11 to buy him beer...

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

The kid in me makes me buy her toys all the time, and since seeing the new *NSYNC video, she's been pestering me to find out if there really are *NSYNC dolls out because she just HAS to have them. She also really wants a Christina Aguilera doll so her Sporty Spice doll can kick its ass.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

I have a friend that calls that part of him his "monkey." I always thought that was pretty accurate... he even takes weeks and "pokes sticks at his monkey in a cage" by not drinking, sleeping, eating, or having sex. He just drinks water and exercises. Then at the end of the week he goes out and does as much hellraising as his monkey wants too. He says this is a very liberating experience... I dunno. has anyone else done this?

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Her name is Nina. She is wide-eyed to a world forever astonishing and delighting her. She giggles in a rather atrocious way that some say more closely resembles a hiccup. She will give anything to anyone. She demands attention and respect, but is utterly befuddled when she receives it and so she does something complusive and stupid to remind herself that she's really just an impetulant brat, a Tess d'Urberville, not a real princess at all, but an earth-child imbued with just enough gift to fool the world at large. She dreams of castles in the stars, of romance more tawdry than John Jakes. She is alternately shy and obnoxious. Once, she got to hang out with Fairuza Balk, and they got drunk together and played music poorly on a grand piano, and when they left in separate cars, Nina stuck her head out of the sun-roof and yelled "I love you I love you I love you!!!!!" to the car behind her, in which she mistakenly believed Fairuza to be travelling. She is everthing that is good and fun about life and every reason that such persons will never get far.

...and she loves to smoke pot...

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Omigod, Erin! My inner child really wants the *NSYNC dolls, too.

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Hey Leigh Anne, can your Outer Child come out to play with mine? ;)

-- Anonymous, June 06, 2000

Mine believes in elves and loves to play in the mud.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

My inner geeky child wants to sit off in the woods in a chaise lounge and read books All. Day. Long. Drinking pepsi and eating tortilla chips. Playing in the gutter during rain storms, making dams and boats and watching things get washed away. Sometimes he takes control when I'm driving in the rain and changes lanes to hit the really big puddles... he's the one that laughs at people whose umbrellae have turned inside out, not me. He wants to find a magnifying glass and burn holes in leaves.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

Sure, Pamela, you don't have to twist my arm!

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

my inner teeny bopper...likes boy bands...lives for almost all programming on the wb...paints her nails funky shades of purple and blue (sometimes, even stripes) most every night...sighs heavily whenever she sees a picture of freddy prinze jr. or justin from *n sync...loves movies like "drive me crazy"...likes shoes that are too cute for the outer me to ever wear in public so they sit in the closet...causes the outer me to break out still...is really mad at me for still being too broke to buy the new *n sunc album...lives mainly on mountain dew and doritos...bugs all my friends to let her do their hair...is the sole owner & user of that crimping iron i have hidden under the dressing table...feels the need to buy at least one new beauty product or piece of makeup or hair do dad every morning at cvs...irons on patches from claire's to my jeans when i am not looking...still knows the zodiac signs of the new kids on the block...

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

my inner child is a 12 year old boy who throws barbies out the window.

he's convinced he's really a superhero and tries to fly off picnic tables every chance he gets.

he likes toys made out of metal with springs and stuff, preferably if they make loud SCHPLUCKY or whirrrring noises.

he likes to be messy messy and muddy. and pull peoples ears and run away. he likes to eat with his fingers and say "LOOK, SEA FOOD!" opening his mouth and then laughing hahahahahahaha.

he likes to drink kool aid and get a red mustache.

he likes to stomp around and make growley noises.

he likes to spit his drink in other kids faces and laugh gleefully.

he scowls and kicks his feet.

he thinks girls are weird.

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

Have any of you seen the new Volkswagen ad with the guy in the car who's saying that the idea of having a kid is so scarey to him because he's supposed to be saying "that cookie's been on the floor. don't eat that cookie!" when he's thinking "five second rule! that cookie's still good!" ??


Well, I don't have kids and I'm not a guy, but I swear that guy is me. I'm all about the 5-second rule and running around barefoot and blowing bubbles and chasing ducks and drinking out of the milk carton and painting my nails in obnoxious sparkley polish (plug: Del Sol makes this AWESOME changes-color-in-the-sun nail polish that every inner/outer child should own!!) and being known at work as the chick with the toy cube and acting every bit of 8 years old when I'm actually 20 years over that. I will be a child forever and I am 100% A-OK with that!!!

-- Anonymous, June 07, 2000

My inner child still rides their BMX bike with no hands.

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2000

My Outer Child loves to take Pop Rocks to the office and feed them to people over 50 who have never heard of them before. "And if you take a sip of coke, your stomach will explode!"

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2000

My inner child is called Gnort.

He likes to listen to music every freakin' day. Loud, if possible. He tries to convince me to keep the Daytona with the kick ass sound system.

Gnort tries to get me to do anything under the sun. He says that he misses his limited childhood, so I give in. He gets me to say almost anything... even "Word up, Yo."

He convinces me to play videogames, namely NBA2K on the Dreamcast. He doesn't care if his ass gets beat by his best male friend. He just loves the challenge. Word up, Yo.

He likes to playfully tease and laugh. I think Gnort's a little insane at times, but that's just between you and me. Gnort even likes to scatter a few toys around my room, not to mention a wooden god from India, with a Yankees necktie wrapped under his chin.

Now that Eric's riled up Gnort, I'm being dragged to the basketball court now. My knees say, "thank you."

-- Anonymous, June 08, 2000

my inner child likes to watch sailor moon and sing along to the theme song, read comics, say weird phrases that make no real sense like 'piss my ass!' and collect stickers.

hell, I get away with it since I'm not that old yet people don't know the difference, but one whip of the head and I'm back to my studious self that tries to act important.

aaah but don't worry...inner child comes out june 12 when the new sailor moon episodes start on cartoon network..whee!

-- Anonymous, June 09, 2000

My inner child has a Curious George calendar hanging up in my bedroom and watches a whole lotta muppet movies, and gets really excited when the Smurfs or the Snorks come on the cartoon network. She also has a wicked sweet tooth and has been known to eat four to five Little Debbies in a day, and would've eaten more if I hadn't stopped her. She reeeeeeeeeeally wants the Strawberry Shortcake, Rainbow Brite, and Fraggle Rock shirts they sell at Hot Topic in the mall.

(By the way, I LOVE that Volkswagon commercial. Five second rule!)

-- Anonymous, June 10, 2000

I have no Inner Child. I buy toys and skip and do all the things my Inner Child wants to do. The only exception is that I make deals with her.

"You can't skip into the sales meeting, but you CAN have an ice cream bar from the convenience shop after lunch. You can't sing They Might Be Giants lyrics out loud at work where people can hear you and be bugged, but you CAN stop off after work and pick up a toy or some flowers on the way home. You can't take a mental health day today, but you CAN go ride aroudn this weekend with your convertible's top down and play loud Britpop on the stereo."

Generally we agree that the deals are more than fair.

I have way too many toys...and yeah, you CAN have too many. ;)

For example, milk pens or fluorescent pens or glitter pens and black stationery paper would rock my world, but I've resisted their allure. I rejected a blank black-paper journal that came with a silver pen just the other day, rationalizing that i have a dozen blank journals and I never feel I have anything witty/deep/important enough to say that could go in them...

-- Anonymous, June 12, 2000

The problem with my Inner Child is that it can use my credit cards. It buys things like silver eye shadow and toe rings and clogs with big heels. Last week, it bought the LEN CD, because it likes that "Steal My Sunshine" song. The most outrageous thing it's ever done has been to buy a shiny bright green Bug when a cheaper and more respectable car would have done just as well.

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2000

I meant to say, "I have no Inner Child--because she's an Outer Child masquerading as a Responsible Adult."

No one who knows me well is fooled into thinking I'm a Stodgy Adult Person as I'm totally down with my kid side.

-- Anonymous, June 13, 2000