I'm organising a hen night. I think you may call it something strange like a bachelorette party . Anyway - I've booked a singing telegram to come along to the restaurant. Not a stripper - I have specified no stripping, mainly becuase nowadays male strippers seem only interested in humiliating strippees (??) with baby oil and forced hands; all quite seedy. So - the guy (in an afro wig and flares I've been told) will come along, do a slow dance with the 'hen' (bachelorette? that takes much longer to write) and then sing a wonderful song like 'I'm getting married in the morning' (even though she won't be, and the song comes from My Fair Lady). The thing is a couple of my friends still seem pissed off with the idea of this singing guy; I have assured them that he won't strip, that I don't want him to, and that I definitely don't want to humiliate one of my best friends, but they still seem to have reservations. i'm doing it anyway (and they're contributing to the sixty quid fee!) but please - why do they still have a problem?...I don't understand! Lighten up!!!!! (I am aware that one of them has seen another friend degraded in front of lots of people by a stripper, but this won't be like that!)......................................(I hope).

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Answers

I guess I don't understand why you are so adamant on doing this if all of your friends are against it, but maybe I'm misunderstanding what you wrote. If you think it will be fun, but they don't, will it really be enjoyable for the whole group? Do you really want to create tension and dissension at what should be a happy time?

Maybe you should ask them what specifically they object to...is it the price, the activity in and of itself, or what, and then maybe you can come to a compromise.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

No offense, Michelle, but I can't imagine NOT being humiliated by anyone in an afro and flares. Maybe a balloon-a-gram would be better.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Feh. I'm on your side, Michelle. A 'hen night' (tee-hee) is supposed to be wacky. It's supposed to be a fun night to remember. I'd check with the bride-to-be's mom and see what her opinion is - if she thinks that the singing telegram is crossing a line, then maybe you ought to reconsider. Of all of the people going out that evening, how many are really against the idea? I think what you're doing is both zany and considerate, seeing as you could have gotten one of those slimy stripper guys to do his thing. Ew.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Actually I think there may be a cultural aspect to this (very low brow, but nevertheless). In this country 'hen nights' are a BIG DEAL. And what I'm suggesting is actually very tame in comparison to a lot of things that go on. For example in my home city of Glasgow, hen night tradition is to dress the 'hen' up in a bin bag (garbage liner?!) and 'L' (learner driver) plates and go out on the town, with the rest of the women banging wooden spoons and things on pots (I have no idea where this all stems from); and usually a bucket is taken along - the hen has to snog (french kiss??) as many men as possible - the men then put money in the bucket, which is used for everyone to get pissed (drunk) on. I am beginning to wonder what kind of society I live in. Anyway - what I'm suggesting really is mild, and also - importantly - the friend the kiss-o-gram is intended for likes to be the centre of attention and is very capable of handling the situation (NB - I have also checked it out with her fiance, who thought it was a good idea and that she'll find it funny...)

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Aw, Michelle. I think what you're suggesting sounds cute. You should DEFINITELY take the guy aside, however, and insist that he not do anything suggestive to your bachelorette since that is clearly not what she (or any of you) wants.

-- Anonymous, June 20, 2000

Michelle. I have only been to a couple of hen parties and none of those had strippers or singing telegrams - boring i know. If your gut feeling is that she'll love it, ask the bride's mother if she thought it was ok. You've already got the groom's opinion and as he's all for it and you know your friend likes attention, then do it. Have fun

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Making a mental to note to join in the reindeer games when Katherine gets hitched so I can hire a seedy stripper to grind his goods in her face. Complete with oil, shaving cream, and lots and lots of CHEESE! My lovely Kattiepoo, how can one resist a stripper for her "big night out with the girls"? Do you think the men are going to get a sing-a- gram? Hell no! There going to a T&A bar and get loaded. I say you girls act like animals and tell whomever doesn't like it that they don't have to come. Part of the remembering of the bachelorette party is how embarrassed you were and how much fun you had with all of your girlfriends...I say the raunchier the better. They DO have laws implemented for those guys you know...they can't spank her in public or anything although wouldn't that be fun?? heehee

Ok, I'm a) telling on myself b) embarrassing myself..either way, only Kat knows me. =)

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I feel like I should point out - 'hen' IS a term of affection in Scotland; like 'pet' in Northern England. I'm trying to think of an American equivalent...and I can't.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Not only do I *know* Liane, but I dig Liane the mostest. You rock, sweetheart. ;) I miss our talks. When are you going to call me drunk from a bar again, hmmmmm?

We still need to talk about me coming out to Atlanta. Lordy. So much to catch up on.

I'm straying from the topic. Bachelorette parties - the more memorable, the better. I went to one where the bride didn't like bars, didn't like smoke, didn't want a stripper, didn't want to be forced to wear a "suck for a buck" shirt, didn't want any sex toys, etc...I wound up taking everyone to a bowling alley and entering the lip sync contest and serenading her to "Like a Virgin." Had her sitting on the chair while I paraded around her in quite the sexy manner (I think I threw my leg over her shoulder at one point). Good news is I won the contest and got a free bowling shirt (you're jealous!), better news is that while she was embarassed, she thanked me later. ;) Make it count.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I can understand your friends' reservations. I had to promise not to get a stripper for my friend's wedding last year, and I ended up with a compromise that everyone really enjoyed. We played raunchy games, all the food was suggestive (one of her friends can do wonders to make a cake look...um....realistic), and then a male masseuse came, and any guest that wanted to could get a short massage. So we did have a man at the wedding, but noone was embarrassed, humiliated, or otherwise offended, and we still managed to have an absolute blast.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Since my bachelorette party would mostly consist of male attendees, they will basically have one of three choices:

A) we go to a strip club for men and they buy me all sorts of shit and declare me the princess of sex.

B) if they hire me a male stripper for my house, we all have to sit around and play cranium or trivial pursuit.

C) karaoke. with table dances.

all three would be fine as long as we're good and drunk.

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

I'm jealous because you have never thrown your leg over my shoulder. YOU DAMNED TRAITOR! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME Seriously, when you get married, I'm all about the cheesy guy rubbing his doodads on you. heehee Oh, and the $1 bills I will supply you with. You said that the strippers were cheesy, but admit it, a HOT SWEATY BUFF MOFO WITH AN ASS THAT YOU COULD CHIP DIAMONDS ON APPEALS TO YOU....

WHO'S YOUR DADDY WHO'S YOUR DADDY...

PS I will call you drunk when I damn well please...that means i love you man...really! =) {{{kattiepoo}}}}}}

-- Anonymous, June 21, 2000

Does the restaurant know about this? (I'm assuming you're going to be in a fairly jumpin' joint, but it's worthwhile to warn them what's going to happen) Why not phone the agency and see if you can go along to one of the guy's next gigs? That way you can find out if it's going to be hellishly cringy or a good laugh.

At my hen party among the gifts (Audrey Hepburn style cigarette holder, aphrodisiac cookbook and - inexplicably - a fake beard) was a book made by one of my friends with everyone contributing a photo of themselves with me (and oh, some of them were very embarrassing!) and a comment beside it, which I thought was really lovely. It's all about what the bride-to-be will feel comfortable with, and I'm not really a stripper kinda girl. Mind you, you wouldn't catch me down in Partick with a saucepan either...

I'll not go into it here, but my husband's stag party included a Wicker Man ceremony on a beach in Dunoon. Very strange...

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

The restaurant knows about the singing telegram; when I assured the guy that the man coming wouldn't be stripping he said 'Oh, that's a shame'. So I don't think they have a problem! The photo thing is really nice; we have plans to do a similar thing for my friend for the wedding - we're all going to video ourselves (just for a few minutes) talking about my friend and her partner - when we first met her, when we first met him, what we thought when they got together, etc. And possibly add in some scurrilous detail.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

I think the singer sounds cute. We did the strip club thing for my bachelorette party, I had a blast.

-- Anonymous, June 22, 2000

Oh God, Liane just cracked me up so bad.

"Who's your daddy"

Dayum.

-- Anonymous, June 23, 2000