women and orgasms. It's a big swirly mess, but seriously. I can't believe there are women that have never had one. Did you have a problem having your first? Are you ashamed of your body or your body parts?

Are you a woman who never had an orgasm? Have you tried, or do you feel like you can't/shouldn't give yourself one?

Do you own sex toys? Are you open about your sexuality?

feel free to give tips, pointers, advice and first time stories to help those that might feel like they have to keep quiet on this issue.

were you nervous the first time? were you scared? did you know what was happening? did you wait a long time to try it again?

and please, i beg you, if you've never had an orgasm, spend some time this weekend figuring it out. celebrate the 4th with your own fireworks. for those of you not in america, just to it to celebrate your own independence.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Answers

Hey! Pamie! Thanks for the 1st prize kudos! Im wicked excited...but, ah, one thing- my name is spelled with an "s".

Uh, I'm very proud, as I had my first O last week. Finally figured out all the mechanics, did it while half assedly watching a tv show, and, god, i thiink it was a particularly stupid tv show, and it was this lovely shivery feeling all over. Yay.

Wanted to get a vibrator all this year- it was funny, me and my friend finally venture to this sex shop, and we walk in, and the wall o' dildos and vibrators is so big and intimidating! It was funny as well, I was with my best friend, it was this grrl friendly shop, cute 'lil lesbian couples were patting each other's shoulders and smiling, while I went to a corner and stared at the massage oils, completely lacking the balls to go to the wall.

THat's okay, though. I got my hand. I can get a man. And mail order is a beautiful thing.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I have to say, I just can't get into the vibrator thing. I have one and I have only used it once. I didn't get ANYTHING out of it, except I felt a little numb -- am I doing it wrong or something? The good thing is I have my hand to take care of that.

The first time I had an orgasm I was totally dressed messing around with my guy at the time. I had NO CLUE what was happening, it took me by complete surprise.

I have noticed that when I'm trying to hard to have an orgasm I can't have one at all. My guy says that he can feel me "head in the wrong direction" when I'm trying too hard. So just relax and don't think about it.

If you have trouble touching yourself that way, I suggest that you get a bottle of wine and a CD that puts you in the mood and just take your time.

By the way - Great Question! Pamie, I read your page everyday and this is the first question that I just had to get in on. I guess I just have a one track mind.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I'm a guy (yes, I've had lots, but don't worry - this isn't going to be a big, macho "I can make any woman cum twice just by looking at her" rap, although.... but I digress.

My girlfriend about four years ago had that very problem. She "liked" sex, it felt "nice" and knowing that I had a really good time made her happy as well. She didn't seem bothered by it, at least she never said anything, but since I'd only had two previous partners, I was beginning to feel "inadequate". Yes - I guess it was all about me - guys are like that - but I honestly wanted her to have an orgasm too since they are so much fun.

She was very much against letting me perform oral sex on her. She would never verbalize why, but it was just something she refused to do and had never done before. After what seemed like months of - well, OK - begging, she finally gave in. At first you would think that I was going to punch her in the stomach she was so tense, and it did take a while, but - long story short - ladies and gentelmen, we had a winner. She never really got comfortable asking me to go down on her, but she never again turned down the offer either.

We never did nail one through intercourse. I'm sure - I hope - my techniques have improved since then, but I was incredibly happy to find at least one guaranteed way to get her off.

Moral: Men are dogs. We are willing to try anything, anytime. Please - if what we are doing is not doing it for you, tell us. Don't couch it in hints and innuendos - we're not too smart. Be clear and plain on what you want, or what you want to try. As much as we enjoy our own orgasms, it is a tremendous ego stroke to know we played a part in sharing the fun with someone else we care about.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

(Sorry about the pig latin and the bogus email... I'd prefer this page doesn't come up on a search for me.)

Not to brag (ok, to brag a little), I had my first orgasm when I was about 10 or so. Love that bathtub shower nozzle: "hm, it feels nice when I spray here... wow, it keeps feeling nicer.... mmm" I don't remember the very first one, just that it was sometime that year.

My parents had a muscle massager (in retrospect, I'm just a bit suspicious as to the real purpose of it) which I discovered about two years later after reading about vibrators somewhere (a women's magazine maybe?). After that, I often borrowed the massager without asking.

Thus, it is shocking to me that some women haven't experienced an orgasm. It makes me wonder if there is a physiological difference, or if it's more mental. I can't answer that question because I've always been this way (so I don't know what it's like).

I own several sex toys, and I'm quite open about sex (except to my parents, who could well still think I'm a virgin). I worked for 3 years on Savage Love Live, Dan Savage's (now defunct) Seattle radio show, so I heard about and witnessed pretty much everything.

Advice-wise, I can't give any specifics on the first time since I don't remember mine... but I can say that for me, I can't orgasm unless I'm concentrating. I sort of have to zero in on the feeling and focus on it. So, I guess my advice would be to do it somewhere and sometime when you have no distractions - no people nearby, maybe the phone off the hook. Also, be physically comfortable because discomfort is also distracting.

To conclude this long post, I agree with Pamie: Celebrate the 4th with your own fireworks! Even if you're not American!

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I was 22 before I had my first one. It took alot to find out what "got me there". I knew that there were different things that I liked but what actually got me the big "O" was something else all together. Usually it is acheived on my own or during intercourse (although those aren't as intense). Its just something that the man can't do or doesn't do correctly no matter how much coaching I give him. :o) *laughs*

Vibrator: I'd love one but my boy is intimidated by them. He thinks that if I get one then there won't be any need for him in the house anymore. I tried to tell him that the vibrator couldn't do the lawn but he didn't find that funny. *shrugs*

Elisabeth made a valid point. She got her first one while she was half watching a show (therefore half paying attention to her body) and without all of the pressure of "will I get it this time" she was just enjoying herself and BAM! There is was. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to get there...it will come. Pun intended!

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

One lady I was with for a few years never had one through intercourse--it was always manual or oral. She didn't get left out, though, because she never really relaxed enough to have sex until after the big O, so she always got her turn first.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

Thanks Pamie!! I'm so honored and excited to be on SQUISHY!!! Thank you!!

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I couldn't have an orgasm for the longest time...I started thinking about them at about the age of 16 and knew that they were something that was supposed to happen during sex but of course ( i say of course because my sex ed at the time was a little under par )had no idea how... I knew the clitoris existed and tried a little in that direction but nothing happening.

I felt inadequate about this - not to mention not enjoying sex ( because i did have sex - rather, more often, let myself be had sex with...) until, at the age of about 19, totally by surprise, my boyfriend going down on me - it took quite a while but he seemed to be enjoying it and anyway, i wasn't "trying" for anything consciously so i didn't feel guilty - gave me an orgasm!

Aside: He "gave me" an orgasm, I didn't "feel guilty" - i am still working on issues to do with my sexuality...

So since then, with him i usually had orgasms, but it usually took a long time. I have discovered since then that i basically had a kind of fear of sex - fear does not help one to let go or become orgasmic, let me tell you.

This "fear" thing is a relatively recent discovery and although my feelings about sex and sexuality and sensuality are now much easier, i still have feelings of guilt about allowing myself to enjoy stuff and i think remnants of the fear are still there. Also, i am a fairly highly strung person and this stress is not conducive to easy orgasms.

Massage, and stuff like that help.

About toys: I too have read about toys and the joys that they bring but i must say, i have felt that they are a little alien - I would much prefer my own hand or another body close to mine... Having said that, i have on occasion used simple "homemade" substitutes. I am sure they are efficient... Another point - I would be a little worried about getting addicted to them and not being able to have an orgasm any other way! ( I'm sure that i could regulate that though..)

I do still sometimes feel a little guilty about masturbating, but not as guilty as i used to. I used to think that everyone could tell when i had masturbated and felt really "dirty" but did it anyway. Is that fair? No.

Now i tell myself that everyone does it and i don't feel that everyone else is filthy so... It helped to be able to talk about the issue ( sexuality )with my last boyfriend and also with a woman i talk to regularly who has councelled me so beautifully...

I have opened up a lot by consciously looking at a lot of different things - books, movies, internet, even porn ( though this is generally too harcore for me...)- anything that i was interested in and more. This really helped and i saw a real shift in the way i dealt with all issues sexual thereafter.

I would like to recommend a fantastic book called "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch Ph.D. It is fantastic for opening up the possibilities of sexuality in commited ralationships ( doesn't have to be marriage)and sexuality in general. Really good... Also, "The Function of the Orgasm" by Wilhelm Reich, although not the most smooth read, really helped me to see things from an "energy" perspective.

Sexuality is not a moral issue in the sense that the church would put it... It is a beatiful, natural human function and in fact not having the ability to express it would be closer to the true meaning of "sin" than to do so... Not that one "has to" enjoy. (They say, and it could well be true, that since women's liberation, women are feeling pressured to have orgasms! Once they were not allowed to and now they must!). I mean that one can if one wants to. And that there is nothing wrong with wanting to, and doing so, providing you are not hurting anyone else...

Anyway, this is perhaps sounding a little old fashioned!?

Has anyone else read "Women on top" by Nancy Friday? Did you find the fantasies therein lame like i did? I bought the book because i thought it would be a good substitute for the male dominated porn out there and was disappointed. Nancy's commentaries were ok and a lot of women said that she has helped them tremendously. Perhaps it's just rare that someone else's fantasy does it for you like your own. But they did sound like male dominated fantasies to me -even though the book was called "women on top".

That's all, thanks for letting me talk.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

To all the ladies who have boyfriends who might be intimidated by vibrators, masturbation, etc.:

Heck with 'em.

I had a girlfriend who really couldn't come unless she had clitoral stimulation. Straight intercourse just wouldn't do it for her. So we found a position where she could masturbate during intercourse.

At first I was a bit weird about this and had a bout of Male Ego - "why, I'm a Sex God and I will not tolerate her enjoying anything but my MIGHTY COCK!" But I finally wised up and it became quite enjoyable for both of us - her because she would come more, and me because I could FUCKING RELAX and stop worrying about pounding an orgasm out of her.

*sigh*

Orgasms are superfun. It shocks me that there might be women who have never had one. Ladies, treat yourselves right.

*cue Barry White*

You have a four-day weekend coming up, ladies. Get down with your man, your woman, or yourself and spend all four days indoors, having orgasms. Our Founding Fathers fought and died for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. So this weekend, pursue YOUR happiness and rub, lick, and fuck your way into Orgasm World, where everything is happy and blissful.

Peace out.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I think I was about 13 when I had my first orgasm, but my first one with a guy wasn't till I was sixteen and had been dating my boyfriend for about 6 months or so. I have only had orgasms with four guys, and until the latest guy, could nver have one during oral sex, I was just too damn tense. It usually takes a long time for me to have them when I am with a guy (and I have never had one during sex) but this new guy, whoa. Every time, like clockwork. It's fabulous. ANd seriously, anyone out there who has never had the Big O really ought to try it out, feel no shame. Hands are always good, and those shower nozzles certainly can be fun... And fantasizing is good too...

To whomever it was that asked about "Women On Top" by Nancy Friday, I have never read that one, but I did enjoy her "Secret Garden" book quite a bit. Also, I think that the whole point of Nancy Friday's wasn't to have female centered fantasies, but rather, just expose the fact aht women DO have fantasies. You have to remember that when these books were written, it was widely assumed that women didn't fantasize, etc...

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I figured out how to bring myself to orgasm when I was about 7. I had no idea what had just happened, but it blew me away and I LIKED it. I spent the next 10 years practicing how to do it faster and with greater efficiently, like I was gearing up for the O-lympics or something.

"And representing Canada, the digits o' dexterity and flying fingers of Rachel!"

Not to imply that I was carrying a torch for myself (ha!!), but it wasn't until I was 17 that someone else figured out how to make me cum. I had previously tried everything from gentle suggestion to textbook discussion of the parts and technique involved - and was met with blank looks, hurt sighing, and bruised egos. Dude, if you were so all-fired good at what you were doing, I wouldn't have to TELL you, ok??.

Anyways, I finally achieved (and I don't use that word lightly - we both worked terribly hard) orgasm with another human being, and DAMN. I think I passed out. I know for sure I made all sorts of unladylike sounds, the most genteel of which being "URRGH!".

Hints And Tips: Think about what turns you on most. Relax. If something doesn't feel good, speak up. If he's not doing it right, teach him. If he won't learn, leave him... you have better things to do with your time than to be used as a piece of exercise equipment.

~SG~>

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I was 21 when I had my first orgasm with a partner. Before that I was able to masturbate to orgasm.

A lot of my problem was the people I had sex with, the ones who are only out for themselves or who just aren't very good no matter how you direct them. I had given up on ever having an orgasm with a partner.

Then I met my husband. We dated a long time before we had sex, and when we did. WOW. He knew what to do, amazingly enough he had very little experience before me.

He always makes sure I orgasm, no matter what it takes.

A few suggestions; relax, the more focused on it you are the less likely it will happen.

Toys are fun alone, even better when it's used by your partner.

Your partner is *not* focusing on your cellulite.

Leave the lights on there's nothing better than seeing the look on your partner's face.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I still feel horribly guilty about this, almost dirty, though I know it wasn't. I must have been 10 years old the first time I had an orgasm. I was playing "college" with my best friend, a game that was sort of like house except we were pretending to be college roommates with make believe boyfriends. It happened when I was pretending to make out with my "boyfriend" - or rather, my pillow, when it just happened! It must have been the way I had positioned the pillow just right between my legs... took me completely by surprise. The only thing I knew was that it was amazing and something I practiced quite often from that time on.

A few years later another friend showed me how good it felt to position yourself in the swimming pool just right, so that the jets hit you in that very special spot. I always felt too wierd to do that in front of her and never tried it again... UNTIL! my parents bought a shower massage. Oh the joys of a shower massage! Practicing the "Big O" became a daily experience, one I would take part in sometimes three of four times per shower and continued to do so for all the years I lived in my parent's home.

Is it sad that nothing has ever quite lived up to that? Well, sure, there have been those amazingly emotional sweaty moments that break past anything and everything of comparison. But as far as just regular old, every day sex? Still.. nothing compares.

-- Anonymous, June 29, 2000

I had a fairly religious background so I avoided touching myself until *after* one of my boyfriends pretty much made me do it. I think I was 18... of course once I got over the weirdness of touching myself I was good to go...

He was also the first guy to bring me to orgasm. I have to admit I don't actually remember the very first time he did, but I do remember the first time he went down on me. It was like little explosions going off all over the place in my brain until I came... it's still my preferred method.

I've never really wanted a vibrator, but a dildo is good for those long weeks of no action whatsoever. I like to read a couple of erotic stories (thankful for the internet) before I get down to business so to speak.

Even those of you who are quite experienced at it might not have tried this: how many times can you make yourself come in thirty minutes? A particularly boring Thursday let me to this question, and its subsequent answer. Multiple orgasms rule: wait at least two minutes between tricks.

(Five.)

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

This topic is too good to be true! I can't remember my first orgasm, but I know I was very clean at the age of 10 when my parents bought a shower massager. I never came out of the bathroom! Gotta get me one of those now! I had sex for the first time at 14, but it wasn't my choice. I didn't come. I had my first one with a guy when I was 18. It was a one night stand, and by morning I couldn't walk. Nor could I stop smiling! When I was 20, I had a boyfriend who came to me a virgin, but he was a natural. I wept. Two years ago I had a sex party. This is like a Tupperware party for grownups. A lady came to my appartment with crates of toys, and I had invited about 10 girls. The sales total for the night topped $650. I bought around $200 myself. The best toy I bought that night was a cockring with a tiny vibrator attached to it for clitoral stimulation. My boyfriend at the time loved it! To me, the only downside to open sexuality and the joy of masturbation is the high cost of batteries! (that's why I want another shower massager!)

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Wendy, hate to break this to you, but Tupperware parties are for grownups too.

Sorry, I just couldn't resist. Anyway, I don't think there's any way I could top the shower thingy. To me, sex is all about closeness, taking it slow and having a really good, prolonged cuddle - that to me is way more important than having an orgasm, although, being a guy, of course eventually the pressure starts building. Still, I consider focussing on my partner and trying to make her feel comfortable, happy, whatever, a lot more fun than trying to chase my own climax.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Wow, what a great question. So great, in fact, that I had to create a new e-mail address for myself, so I could remain anonymous! Sorry, gang, but that's how it goes with these sex questions...

I think my first orgasm was around age 14. I wasn't particularly nervous or scared, just thrilled that I figured out how to do it right! I had been reading my mom's copy of "The Hite Report," and got ideas of how to get myself off from other women's descriptions of how they masturbated. I think at that point I was using a pillow or something, but since then I have discovered the joys of sex toys. My mom had this "massager" (yeah, right) that I would use whenever she wasn't home. In college I remember I had this lovely hand-held shower -- not even a massaging one, but it and I became VERY close. ;) I honestly don't remember the first orgasm I had with a partner. I first had sex at 17, but I was probably out of high school (and therefore dating guys who WEREN'T in high school!) before I met someone who cared whether I came or not! But I don't remember even who it was, which is a damn shame, isn't it?

Today, I am not particularly ashamed to admit (albeit not publicly!) that I masturbate almost every day. And while I am not necessarily "addicted" to the vibrations from my various and sundry machines, it is much easier for me to have an orgasm using one of them than using my hand. I am quite lazy in this respect! I almost never try to get myself off without something vibrating, or at least harder than my fingers. (Plus my hands get tired!) I can reach orgasm alone in under two minutes with a vibrator (even less if I'm all hopped up on caffeine!); with my hand it takes much longer. I'd rather come quickly when I'm alone, but don't mind spending hours at it with a lover!

I can orgasm during intercourse, but it's difficult. I pretty much have to be on top. I think I've only had one orgasm in the missionary position, and that was YEARS ago (like, 20? yikes!). I have NEVER had an orgasm during cunnilingus, much to my chagrin (and that of my partners). I do enjoy it -- geez, who wouldn't?! -- but it's not enough pressure or something. Hence, over the years I've definitely come (huh-huh) to prefer a lover who doesn't mind bringing sex toys to bed!

Wendy, I too discovered that lovely cockring with the bullet-shaped vibrator attached. I actually purchased one a while back, but just yesterday got to use it for the first time. It TOTALLY changes things! The sensations are completely different; I thought my head was going to explode! We really had fun with it. Can't wait to try it again!

I've also discovered how much fun lubricants can add to sexplay, either alone or with a partner. There are tons of them on the market; you can even buy some at the grocery store (although I have never tried the K-Y kind, and can't vouch for its lubricity). They are great with vibrators, and come either plain or flavored, and some even do neat tricks like get warm when you blow on them. The one I like best is called ForPlay. It's amazing how different the sensations are when you add something slipperier than your own lubrication...

If you're chicken to go into a sex shop to buy sex toys, lubes, etc., I highly recommend Xandria. They're a little expensive sometimes, but then again, everything of that nature seems to be! They ship everything plainly-wrapped, too, which is nice. They have every kind of addition for your "goody drawer" that you could possibly imagine, from how-to books to videos to really kinky stuff. They even have a whole section just for lubricants. (The best one of theirs that I've found is Probe.) That's also where I got my lovely cockring-with- vibrator attached (among others): The Clitoral Kiss.

Here's another little interesting tidbit, since we're on the subject. In this month's "Glamour" magazine (July, p. 100), there is an article titled something ridiculous like "Your Hidden Orgasm Triggers" (the cover says "His & Her Pleasure Triggers") -- but don't let the title keep you from reading it! It details the recent, groundbreaking research that has been done on the clitoris. (What I want to know is, why in hell did it take them so long to do it??) READ THIS ARTICLE!! In it they describe how the clitoris is actually a LOT more than the little "button" most people think it is; it is actually more like nine inches of erectile tissue, and partially shaped like a wishbone! The "back" end of it is where the alleged "G-spot" is. There are also suggestions for positions to stimulate it, since most of it is (obviously), um, subterranean. (Also hints for where to stimulate men, like they need the help!)

For those of you who haven't had an orgasm yet -- keep trying! I've heard it's more mental than physical, so the glass of wine and hot CD (I personally prefer Al Green) idea sounds ideal. Buy a book on self- stimulation (on-line if you must!) if you can't get there. I haven't looked at "The Hite Report" in years, but I remember how grateful I was to learn that not all women masturbated with their hands, especially since I had had NO luck this way! But, seriously, don't give up -- it will happen!

Whew. I'm all flushed and stuff now. Think I need to go find Robo- Boy... or have a cigarette!

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Stijn, Do you do dishes? If so, would you marry me? I'm just saying...

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I'm one of those women who can't get an orgasm from intercourse. In fact, until my husband and I had been dating for about a year and a half, I could count on one hand the total number of orgasms I'd had, EVER! (That means I was about 25 before I had an orgasm every time I wanted one.) Finally, the hubby-to-be and I figured out the trick, and now he always makes sure I've had at least one orgasm before intercourse. (And I must say, intercourse after a good screaming orgasm is fantastic - it's like a really great massage!)

But you know, I actually felt inadequate because I couldn't give one to myself (I'd get right up to The Edge of it, and my hands would clench up - I can't stop it, they always do - and therefore I couldn't go over! Ack!) or get one from intercourse. It's nice to know I'm not the only with who absolutely requires clitoral stimulation! (As for when the hubby's away... I finally got up the nerve to buy myself a vibrator, and oh lord! It's nowhere near as good as the Real Thing, but when I'm screaming horny, it gets the trick done!)

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Right on, Pamie. Don't wait for the 4th. If you haven't had one, go home right now and find it. Ladies, the more you practice solo the easier it is to find with another person. Every girl should have at least 3 toys of different sizes and textures. If your guy is intimidated give him a BJ while putting the vibrater against your cheek. Call it "Our little friend," even if it is huge and really just yours. I haven't taken a huge sampeling, but most women reach orgasam easier while on top where they can control the rythem, angle, and depth of entry. Have the guy angle his pelvis up. It helps.

Happy O Hunting.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I was 19 the first time I had one of my own volition. It scared the hell out of me at first, because I really didn't know what one was. But man...what could be wrong with something that felt so good, ya know?

I was 22 before I orgasmed with a partner.

Alone is nice, but it's a hell of a lot more fun to share it with someone, isn't it?

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

A tip for the ladies: during intercourse with the guy on top, have him place his legs *outside* of yours, instead of inside. More direct clitoral stimulation that way. It sort of places his weght squarely where it needs to be.

Works like a charm!

-anon journal-grrl (avoiding search engines)

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I'm a chicken -- I had to use the fake email address to prevent mine from showing up in a search engine somewhere. That would be a tad bit embarrassing.

Someone once accused me of being able to have an orgasm if the pressure in the room changed. I suppose that is true. I've never had troble with getting myself off with whatever: pillows, my hand, toys or another person. I don't have trouble using my hand, but I prefer the tennis ball method (surely you've all heard of this?). The pressure and shape seems to be just right for those little "quickies" during the afternoon when you need a little pick-me-up.



-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Ok, I'll bite...Tennis Ball Method????

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

in response to Laurel's question (9) but in the course of an hour. World record for me. Wow! *huge smile*

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Meg, please explain the tennis ball method. seriously. i consider myself pretty worldly, but i was on the chess team. we weren't allowed near the tennis kids.

(and maybe i'll post my stuff anonymously for this forum thread, too. i mean, come on, sometimes my mother reads this stuff. and my dad. you get your own webpage and then you can judge me.)

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

and...uh... in thirty minutes?

ten.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

This was taken from a website specializing in providing readers with information about different masturbation techniques. Before I could catch the URL of the site, the annoying java scripts crashed my browser. Oh, woe is me. Here is the text:

"Lay on your stomach and place the {tennis} ball between your legs pressing against your clitoris. Your legs are together and crossed at the ankles. Then begin to squeeze your inner thighs together and work the ball in a humping motion so that it is pressing against the clitoris. As you climax continue to squeeze with your thighs. This is a very quick way to get off and you can usually get multiple orgasms this way."

I'm so shameless. Have fun!

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Anonymous as well. One thing I've noticed is that too much of one type of stimulation makes an orgasm with another type harder. If I go without sex for a while and masturbate regularly, then the orgasms during sex are harder for a while.

I actually had orgasms and didn't know what they were (supposed to be impossible) they were nice, but pretty small, and I was waiting for something more. Needless to say they got much bigger!

My first with a partner were a few years later (17, 18ish), first during sex a few years later, first regularly during sex a few years after that. At this point (after years of practice!) I can have an orgasm on top or on bottom or orally or manually. The key for me was both a well read, patient partner who was more concerned about my orgasm than his and letting myself be selfish enough to relax and enjoy.

You can have an orgasm, and they are worth it. I totally think everyone should go in search of their own personal fireworks this weekend!

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I don't remember how old I was when I had my first orgasm, but I have been able to give myself orgasms for as long as I can remember. Last summer I visited a friend in Michigan, and since I was always too chicken to go alone, and she and I were always talking about sex and masturbation, etc., I got her to take me to an "adult store". It was there that I purchased my first vibrator. It was small, with pink and white swirls, and I adored it to no end. I even named him! ha! Anyway, my vibrator was never a secret to my online friends, although now I don't remember how we ever got to talking about it in the first place. Everyone I've chatted with in the last year or so knows about Mr. Pinkerton. =-)

Anyway, when my internet boyfriend came out here to California to meet me, and we started having sex (I'd been a virgin until that point), I lost interest in Mr. Pinkerton, and I stopped getting much enjoyment out of masturbation. It takes too long now to bring myself to orgasm, and it's boring and I just can't get turned on like I do when I'm with my S.O. Unfortunately, that problem escalated when it finally sunk in that he wasn't kidding when he told me he didn't have much of a sex drive. I have an incredibly strong sex drive - I want sex all the time.

Long story short, I got a new vibrator. A bigger and stronger and more powerful vibrator. I love it, and I can have orgasms with it in almost no time at all. He's here for me when my boyfriend's not. Poor Mr. Pinkerton will probably never see the light of day again.

I have a question for anyone who's reading this post:

If you have trouble getting to orgasm through intercourse, is there something you can do to help? A different position? _Anything_? I've never had an orgasm during intercourse and I would really like to be able to.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

About the Nancy Friday books:

I own and have read both "Women On Top" and "My Secret Garden", and I'm sorry to say that I was pretty disappointed in both of them.

But I found a great substitute! Get the Penthouse Letters books. I LOVE these books - I own every one of them (I think there are 9, maybe 10) and they are awesome!

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I totally agree with you about Pentouse Letters... there are ten volumes and they are absolutely awesome. Anyway, I just had say that...

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

In an hour, twenty. But usually one really good one is enough for me.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

(More anonymity!) Wow, so I'm not the only girl who accidentally discovered the 'little death' at the tender age of 8! I was at a friend's house (girl) and we were in bathing suits playing in her yard, and she showed me this interesting trick with the garden hose.... I didn't even know what was happening. I quickly learned I could get the same results from the bathtub faucet or the shower massager (or the water jets in a pool). I think I was into my teens and had heard the word 'orgasm' a number of times before I made the connection between what I would feel and what it was called.

I can't remember how old I was the first time I had an orgasm with another person. We were both fairly clueless virgins, so a lot of our sexual activity was just clumsy groping and frantic rubbing over and through clothes. Still, at times, it did the trick.

Though I'm not ashamed of masturbation or sex now (I was terribly ashamed until a few years ago), the changes in my attitude have mostly come about through very caring and supportive partners. I can happily say that I've never been with a man who was a bad lover or only concerned about himself (all 5 of them). Each one has helped me to become more comfortable with my sexuality. Especially my husband, for whom my pleasure is just as important (if not more) than his own. He's the first man I've ever been comfortable enough to masturbate in front of. He's also got infinite patience, and he enjoys watching or helping me use toys.

Now, strictly technically speaking, I need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm. I've used hand, various water methods, oral sex, and a couple of varieties of vibrators. I find my hand the least effective and satisfying. For the complaints about vibrators being numbing- you're using the wrong kind. ;) I have one of the typical hard plastic buzzing things. My preferred one, is rather freaky looking, but numbness has never been a problem. It has a somewhat realistically shaped main shaft. Above the controls on the top side is an additional clitoral stimulator. The interior of the main shaft can rotate while the clit stimulator vibrates. Both parts have individual speed controls, and you can even fully shut down either function. The whole thing is covering in a very soft, flexible rubber skin that's much gentler on body parts. When that thing is brought into play, the game is over in moments.

Finally, thanks for the explanation of the tennis ball trick. I'd never heard of that! I'm going to surmise that the pillow trick is done in similar fashion. (That's also a new one for me.)

Good luck, and Happy O Day!

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Got you all beat. I think I figured it out when I was 5 or 6. I seem to recall fantasies involving Davy Jones (because the Monkees TV show was in reruns around then). I seem to recall pillows and a large inflatable doll (seriously, it was some weird inflatable clown thingy with sand in the very bottom so it would stand up). I seem to recall trying anything that might work, and getting more adventuresome re: penetration as I got older. Once I figured it out, there was no stopping me. Been a horny little creature ever since.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I was unbelievely unaware of my own body until I was 22. I had had some "fantasies" that got me excited but I swear, I didn't know what to do after that (ie, have an orgasm). I was really brought up in a puritanical household, and I also just was sort of...modest or something? I'll figure out that something some day, that "something" robbed me of prime collegiate full on fucking.

Anyway, I got out of college, turned 22 and all hell broke loose. I decided to lose my virginity and did it no problemo by picking up some 30 year old guy who was not long term boyfriend material but....he fucked me and then went down on me and I was too inhibited still to have one but gee why are my hips bucking around like this and WHAT THE HELL??? He went away and I was...still a little confused.

A few months later, I fell in love with a guy who also happened to love performing oral sex. I was still kind of in the dark (unbelievable but true) and I knew I needed to solve this mystery and take matters into my own hands, because all the books said the only way to orgasm with your partner is to know how to please yourself. I figured it out, and then I became an orgasm addict (with the help of oral sex fan boyfriend. He's total history but I thank him for helping me out). Another boyfriend, and then another one who really helped with the orgasm while fucking conondrum. I became quite the student and would do anything. Any position. I figured out how to come while having sex. Being on top helps, sometimes. I find that if I prolong the whole process it is easier to have an orgasm while my partner is inside of me. Then it doesn't matter where I am and I clench some muscles or something I read about in some book, and sometimes, it happens.

As far as masturbation, I can make myself come any time, as quickly as I want, pretty much. I consider it fair after hearing about people who orgasmed at 6. I had to wait 22 years before my hand even went NEAR that area.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Oh, thank you, all you anonymous posters, for validating me (but why is it just us healthy ones, who figured it out early, who are afraid to give our names?). I first gave myself an orgasm at age 11. I must thank my parents for leaving that Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex book on the shelf where I could read it: "Wow, girls can do that too? Hmm, lemme try!" Sure enough, it worked.

One interesting little toy that I discovered quite early is that vibrating aerator thing from an aquarium. You have to plug it into a wall, but it does the trick. I once joked about it to a group of my sister's friends ("not that I've ever done that, no way")& #151and one of them tried it out then and there! I think we were all too young to be truly freaked out by that; we just found it funny.

I've always felt sort of freakish because I always come exactly once, every time I have sex. Every single time. I think I've managed to do it twice on maybe two or three occasions. But otherwise, after one, I'm finished. And I have never, ever faked it. What's the point? The way I see it, if you're feeling bored, you just think about something that'll get you off, have a real one and be done with it. Then you'll be able to sleep.

I had a boyfriend who did really mess with my mind on this subject. He claimed that at least two of his former girlfriends were known to have a hundred orgasms in one session (a hundred! What the hell were they counting?), and that his most recent girlfriend before me had never had one (she was in her mid-30s) until she met him. Of course, he-man that he was, he cured that problem right away. Being neither Super-Multiple-Woman nor Frigid Frieda in need of rescue, I always felt inadequate with him (good riddance to the creep).

I blame the media too, because the only women I've ever read about in magazines also fall into those two extremes. Dozens, or zero. Surely I can't be the only woman like this?

Seriously, I think my early start on self-gratification has only been a positive factor in my life. I know what it takes to satisfy me, and I'm not ashamed of it. Of three sisters, I'm the only one who has never had an unplanned pregnancy. I waited to have sex (I thought I was the last virgin in the world) until I could buy my own birth control and understood how to use it properly. I got married only when I found a smart guy who respected me and made me laugh, not just someone who was good in bed (though he's allthatandabagachips too).

We owe it to future generations to thwart the damage done by those bastards who got Joycelyn Elders fired. I say it's time to send every kid to band camp.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000

Hell, yes - shower massagers are the shit, y'all...no kidding. But, to answer the question, I think I was about 10 or 11 when I had my first one. I was "taking a nap" in my mom's bed and her vibr..er...muscle massager was just laying there. So I played with it because I was bored. And wowie, look what happened when I put it THERE! So after that I experimented with other things, primarily a magic marker - closed of course.:) I used it purely for clitoral stimulation though, the thought of my fingers just never occured to me for some reason. It was probably a year or two before I thought, "You know, my hands probably wouldn't cramp up so much if I used my finger!" duh....Anyway, I've had many years of successful masturbation since then. I can get off, not super-easily, but really well with either masturbation, manual stimulation by someone else, or oral sex. Intercourse alone doesn't do it for me, but if I masturbate during it (which I almost always do) it's 10 times better than masturbation alone. I'm blessed with a supportive, understanding, experimental kinda guy, so we're planning on trying the vibrator idea soon. I resisted it for a long time, because I too am uncomfortable with the idea, but damn my arm gets tired sometimes from forcing it in between our bodies, so I decided to throw all caution to the winds and just buy the damn thing. Hopefully, it'll be a whole new world.:)

Jenna

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000

Hey, Jenna, here's something you (well, of course, and everyone else!) should check out: Magnifique Vibe, Superbe Vibe, or maybe Petite Vibe. They're vibrators designed to fit between your bodies during intercourse. I have one, but it doesn't vibrate hard enough for me. (That Clitoral Kiss thingy I wrote about sure does, though!)

Um, after reading what's been written since I posted, it's inspired me to write even more...but unfortunately I don't have the time at the moment! I guess you guys will just have to wait to read more of my titillating words at a later date...

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000

Um, do I sound like a sales rep for Xandria? I swear I'm not! I just love sex toys and stuff, and love shopping there. I may be a slut, but I am terrified of sex shops!!

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000

Suggestions on orgasms during sex (I actually had this conversation with my college roommate not two weeks ago!):

I recommend what was suggested above, masturbating during intercourse. For me, it was always much easier to have an orgasm when I was on top. If you try sort of sitting up, you can masturbate fairly easily. Of course, you need a secure guy who won't feel threatened by you pleasuring yourself. Also, just practise. It took literally years (about 4) before I could consistently and easily have an orgasm in either position, without additional clitoral stimulation.

And in answer to the single orgasm girl, that's totally me. I've had more than one maybe twice in my life. Typically I'm pretty exhausted and totally sated after one and don't want another. So you aren't alone.

Man, this anonymous thing is pretty freeing, no? And I think we're anonymous because it's freeing.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000

I had these blankets when I was a kid that had these silky edges? I would fold them up into points and just stroke myself. That led to rocking on my stuffed animals while I watched television.

I think my first real "Oh, look what I did" one was when I was rocking on the floor whearing tight jeans and watching MTV. "Give it Away."

The first time I did it to myself was when I was sixteen. Reading a steamy book.

I've never understood why some women won't touch themselves. I never saw it as anything wrong. I also like doing it in front of boyfriends. I like having them watch. I like to watch. It's all in the name of pleasure and fun.

During sex, I use my hand at the same time. I can orgasm without it (and sometimes I'll choose that way) but it's always stronger, harder, and more frequent if I have manual stimulation at the same time. I've never found someone that could keep their hand on me the right way while they were having sex with me, so I just "help out," I guess. It works, and he likes it, because then it's stronger for him, too.

I love oral sex. I thought it was icky until a high school boyfriend told me that it was his favorite thing in the world. We used to have the best "study sessions" after school. He showed me how wonderful it was. I'll always love him for that. I think he made me a bit of a nasty girl.

I must get to the store now before it closes so I can buy a tennis ball.

-- Anonymous, July 01, 2000

Well, I discovered masturbation pretty young, just touching myself as little kids will do, but my mother discouraged me from it - she told me it was dirty and disgusting. Good thing I ignored her on that point, otherwise I'd have lots of issues... but I did feel somewhat dirty about it until I became intimate with my fiancee. That didn't stop me from discovering orgasms, though, and I had my first (and only) multiple orgasm at around age 9/10. It was crazy... I climaxed, and then everytime I'd lightly touch myself there, for about fifteen minutes afterwards, I'd climax again. It was a strange thing for me to experience that young, but I loved it!

I haven't had the courage to go into a sex store and I don't have a credit card so I can't order online, therefore I don't have a vibrator, though I'd like one to play with in the future. When I'm not with my guy, I find that a good mid-sized carrot does the trick. Yes, a carrot. I feel like such a pervert, but come on; I can't be the only one, can I?

I always have to have clitoral stimulation, too... it's what gets me off during oral sex, and it's fun for us both to be having some part to play in the whole thing.

Yay for orgasms!

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2000

Oh yeah, that's another thing. My mother once told me that orgasms are overrated - with her attitude, it's an amazing thing that I turned out to be the sexually well-adjusted, orgasm-loving girl that I am.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2000

OK, I've already posted anonymously, but I'll shamelessly add this:

There's a site about masturbation called Jackin World. It's aimed primarily at men, but there is a small section for women. And, you can submit your own tips. Judging from the bit I read, we should all do some submitting.

The vibrator I was trying to describe in my earlier post (this should tell you which was mine!) looks like this. (Damn, it wasn't that expensive when I got mine!) Similar (and less costly) styles are here. (Thanks to whomever posted the first link to Xandria.)

For those embarrassed to enter a sex shop/adult store - it's natural to be. But don't let that stop you. I've been in them several times, though purchases have been rare. ( The last time I was in one, my husband and I nearly giggled to death. But, we walked out with a video.) I've noticed that most of the other patrons have been close to my own age, in the twentysomething range.

'Sides, nothing could be worse than to be standing in the middle of a sex shop and having a salesperson come up and call you by name because you were an idfand forgot to take off your work badge before going in to browse.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2000

Proud to say, this won't be anonymous. :) I can honestly tell you that I was aware of my own sexuality by the time I was done with kindergarten, right around the time I turned six. Even at that age, I knew to avoid doing "the thing" whilst anyone was around. The deal was, it was almost scary because I didn't know anything about what was going on, and I sure as hell wasn't going to ask. I just played with my peepee a certain way, got a certain feeling, and things went back to normal. I was almost done with gradeschool by the time I found out everything about it, but there was never a time that I didn't enjoy it. I don't know if you can call what a six-year-old boy experiences an "orgasm," but it was definitely a climax. Wait'll I tell you how freaked out I was when stuff actually started coming out. ;)

I don't want to start a separate thread, but I can also say I've never been caught. I'm 25 now, which means I've been battin' a thousand for 21 years. Awww yeah. That's not to say I still masturbate or anything, you know... ;)

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2000

Masturbation has been a breeze since about grade eight. Recently, though, I've invested in a portable pal. The thought processes and the shopping trip are a story and a half.

Read more in Moondial: this.

Look for Moondial.

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2000

First one around 8 or so. I've always been able to reach orgasm pretty easily.

Unfortunately, It is a rare occasion that I come while we're in the missionary position. I used to have this boyfriend who could make me come every time any time any position, but that was before another guy I was dating fucked me big time (not in a good way). Ever since then, I can't seem to have an orgasm while in the missionary position, unless I'm stimulating myself with my hand or a vibrtor.

But I never go without. Jake is too sweet and would rather just quit going at it rather than have me not have an orgasm.

And yeah, I'm lucky enough to have had multiples. The first time, I was drunk and had tool playing right in my ear while this guy went down on me. Five in a row... it was incredible. The most I've been able to hit since then has been three.

Of course, sometimes the ones Jake gives me are so damn powerful I can't handle more than one. They scare me.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

I'm back...

Damn, y'all, this has been one of the most fun forum topics in a long time. I think it's my favorite since the grammar one. I've learned a lot and gotten to share some "wisdom," but it doesn't feel "dirty" or lascivious. (Probably helps that no "gross boys" have gotten on here and made rude cracks or whatever!) Anyway, thanks, pamie!

In response to something "estelle getty" said...I was thinking about my comfort level with masturbating in front of someone. I have always been pretty comfortable with my sexuality, but that is something I've not ever been too groovy with. There has only been one man I really felt comfy doing this with -- I would do just about anything with this guy, stuff I'd never done with anyone before. But when I'd try to do it in front of him, he'd get too excited and have to push my hand out of the way. Men are nothing if not visual!

And, "chickenshit," I don't think I ever tried a carrot, but when I was younger I would try inserting all kinds of things to see how they felt. I remember when I was in high school -- and still a virgin -- I had gotten a single condom from somewhere (this was back in the good ol' days when the worst thing you could catch was pregnancy or something cureable with a shot of penicillin, so even sexually active girls typically didn't run around with a purse full of rubbers!); I remember how hard I thought about what I could fill it up with so I could feel what the shape of a penis inside me felt like. I never did come up with anything though. I also tried things like my flashlight, etc., because my finger was never quite enough. But I never found anything satisfactory, and I don't think I knew about dildos and vibrators back then -- not the phallic kind, anyway (as I'd already discovered my mom's "massager"). The same lover I mentioned above, with whom I would do almost anything, once wanted to watch as he inserted something into me (and the one phallic vibrator I'd bought for this purpose was actually too big to be comfortable! Beware of this if you're shopping for your first one!!!), so before I was to spend an evening with him, he bought some cucumbers! Unfortunately, he wasn't thinking about size when he picked them out, and they were also too big, but he sure tried. Fortunately, we both have great senses of humor, so we laughed a lot during the process (a very frequent occurence with us, and the best aphrodesiac I know.) The most hilarious thing was that he peeled and ate the cucumber after!

I finally found what everyone was talking about in reference to how many times can you come in a half-hour or whatever. Unfortunately, I've never been particularly multi-orgasmic. One is plenty for me, as the first one is usually the best, plus successive ones are difficult to achieve. Plus I'm usually so sensitive after #1 I don't want any more stimulation! But it has happened to me, so I know it's possible. And it doesn't keeping sex from being my favorite sport/pastime!

Ladies, I should warn you about something, though. If you're a horny little slut like me, don't make the mistake I did and marry someone with a low sex drive. I love my husband, but I'm just sayin'. Plus we have this double-edged sword in our marriage in that I can be very aggressive in other areas of my life, and even in bed, but I have a reallllly hard time making the first move, even after x number of years together. And he's a big chickenshit about that too. (IF he ever gets the urge, that is.) There is nothing more miserable than a husband who won't put out when all you want is a good fuck. And even anonymously I don't feel right saying what I've had to do to deal with this problem! So... I'm just sayin'.

Has anyone else ever experienced intensified sensation when the guy reaches orgasm? Once with the above-mentioned lover he came before I did, and I swear the feeling was almost better than my own orgasm. I think that's why I've never really cared about being multi- orgasmic... sex in general can just be so darn mind-blowing and sensual and amazing! I get so much pleasure out of so many different aspects of it that I don't feel like I need more than one. Such a hedonist! Too bad I'm not "polymorphously perverse" -- a term Woody Allen has used in at least two of his films! I'd love to learn how to do that (orgasm from being touched almost anywhere), because my whole body is already practically an erogenous zone. Is that actually possible -- polymorphous perversion? Or is it one of those sexual urban legends? Anyone?

Thanks for letting me ramble on again.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

Oh, I forgot to mention another wonderful toy I found! It's great because it looks so ordinary and innocuous. But Xandria (who else) sells a vibrating HAIRBRUSH. Throw it in your purse and be ready for anything.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

Yay! This is just the topic I need to vent about right now!

I think I had my first orgasm at 11 or 12 years old. After about a year of trying unsuccesfully to masturbate (very frustrating) finally I landed in sex ed (I got 110% on my final test, I got all the extra credit questions correct, thank you very much) where I learned about *the clitoris*. I ran home to apply my new knowledge and sure enough...fireworks.

I never ever had multiple orgasms until two years ago after the purchase of my first vibrator. I had always thought of myself as doomed to a life devoid of multiple O's until I discovered this wonderful creation which allowed me to cum over and over all day until I passed out. I don't think I left my house for two weeks or so. Now, two or three in one session is enough to satisfy me thoroughly. If I keep going after that I just wind up exhausting myself completely.

I'm very open, obviously, about my sexuality. I definitely enjoy masturbation. Just last week I took a road trip where I was driving 12-14 hours a day alone through the barren plains of Montana and Wyoming. Fortunately I remembered to bring along my little vibrating friend and had a wonderful revelation about halfway through my drive the first day and figured a way to situate my vibrator in my pants so I could just turn on the cruise-control and entertain myself unbeknownst to the occasional passing trucker, hee-hee. (of course, i got so distracted I didn't notice that my gas tank was empty and almost ran out of fuel in the middle of nowhere...) Afterwards I remembered a funny story my friend told me about those hidden cameras that they have now that take pictures of people speeding and are sent to the title owner of the car along with a ticket. Well, my car title is in my father's name, and I can just imagine a photo of me cruising on the highway eyes rolling back in my head clutching the seat in the midst of a mind blowing orgasm being sent to my parents. Yikes!!

Still, I have never had multiple orgasms with a partner. Righ now I would settle for just the one, thanks. I've just recently begun to date someone excruciatingly sexy (just this weekend we drove up to Vancouver to see my favorite band play. We ended up staying at their house with some of our friends and what do you know the gorgeous lead singer was all over him. She practically put on a private performance for him, maintaining eye contact with him throughout the entire concert. Now I'm going to think of her macking on my boyfriend every time I listen to that band. Damnit I really wish that wouldn't have happened, now my favorite music is tarnished.) Anyway, we "consummated" our relationship just two nights ago. I was having my time of the month which made him uncomfortable to perform oral sex. I really hate manual stimulation from another person. My reasoning being that basically, I already do that to myself all the time, and believe me I do it way better than any one else ever will so what's the point really? So, I kept trying to masturbate during the act. We were in his basement bedroom at four in the morning with curtains drawn and lights out so it was pitch black, so I'd start masturbating but when he would discover me pleasuring myself he would try to move my hand and do it himself, being the thoughtful person that he is, which was very frustrating actually. So, I didn't get off. Close but no cigar. If you had any idea just how long I have been single for you would understand that this frustration is infinitely magnified. But, my period's ending and we're getting together on the fourth so there *will be fireworks* for the holiday, goddamnit.

I'm shameless,

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

63% slut: polymorphous perversity was a term coined by Sigmund Freud, meaning literally "the potential for sexual gratification anywhere in the body." He used it to describe childhood sexuality: "as the infant develops, and his sexual instinct become more structured, the extent of polymorphous perversity decreases." (Psychoanalytic Psychology, Fancher, p. 153)

Thus speaketh the psych major.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

Ok... here goes.

I'm a verrry sexual person, married to a very not-all-that-interested person. Needless to say, I spend plenty of time (err, um) enjoying myself. I'm weird though: I multiple big time -- like upto 5 or 6 in a row, by myself, but nada with the partner. Think I've come close once or twice to even having one orgasm. We're talking about 4 yrs of sex. Any advice? The masterbate-during deal just doesn't work for me. Just a little too inhibited and it simply produces no effect. I'm even too shy/ embarassed/ freaked/ prudish/ to set foot in any establishment that could prevent me from getting tendonitis in my hand. Not to mention, what would the partner think??!! Not a good scene. It's tragic when you love someone so much and the sex life is so non-existant. I'd never ever cheat, but i sure could use a little "servicing" once in a while. I really wonder sometimes if it's just the lack of chemistry between us -- he's my first and only and we're married so it doesn't leave much room for 'experimenting'.

My first experience with pleasuring myself was when i was around 10 or so. It was just a little itch. And then it was sooo much better. I didn't know what it was or why it was good, but it was. I didn't even know there was a word for what i was doing until grade 7's sex ed class.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

Laural, baby, only 5?

I used to live in a women's boarding house in NYC, and we often would discuss this at dinner. Actually these interenet discussions often remind me of those times, but I digress.

On the matter of how much you can do in a half hour, one girl claimed to come once for every one of the thirty minutes!

Since we're all being so frank, here, I'll tell you, I felt really challenged . . . but after a lot of practice (and this was a lot more fun than piano, I'll tell ya) I have gotten really good at things and I swear my body has got more sensitive (I hear that for women 30-35 are the years of sexual peak). I can now get nearly one a minute, too.

Sweeet, sweet times.

I've often heard it said that sex with a woman is better than sex with a man, and doubted it, since it seemed that mutual masterbation couldn't be that interesting. Plus I've had pretty good sex with men, once I figured out how to have an orgasm in the missionary position. Also, I've always been of the opinion that doing for one's self is a much better orgasm than someone can do for you. Howsomever, having begun the most amazing relationship with a woman (sex 7 out of 8 nights a week, and we don't even live in the same part of the city) I have to say there's nothing quite like it. Especially for the making the partner come part - I know exactly what to do, I can feel her vibrations and know how to make it better for her. It's a great feeling. And she knows exactly what to do for me, blowing my masterbation is better than sex theory right out of the water.

Bi is good! The best of both worlds!

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

oh, and I'll tell ya. I was saved by an anonymous bit of advice I read a the tender age of ten (masterbating since like 7 or so, but feeling waaay guilty) The advice was simply: masturbating is only bad for you if you feel guilty about it.

Oh, so freeing.

After a little work, it was pleasure, guilt free. Though my little sister did often complain about me rocking the bunk bed (I had the top bunk.)

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

I first masturbated at 15 after watching my first porno.

Since then, up until I got with my current mate less than a year ago, I had NEVER had an orgasm without having to touch myself. Even when having sex, I had to touch myself while I was being penetrated.

I didn't feel too horrible, because I've heard many women have a difficult time having an orgasm by intercourse alone. And also, no lover had ever been able to bring me to climax by oral either. So it was my trusty hand (or their trusty hand) and me against the world.

However, quite soon after my current mate and I had become intimate the miraculous happened! I decided to stop masturbating for about a week (I usually masturbate 3-4 times a week, even when in a sexual relationship) because I've heard it can desensitize you, and after that, my lover was able to bring me to orgasm with his tongue.

Hallelujah!

Thankfully my lover LOVES going down on me, so this has worked out well. (my previous boyfriend NEVER went down on me the whole year and a half we were together... I started to think something was wrong with me! I later found out he never went down with his girlfriend after me either... so it's HE who has the problem!)

I do hope I can achieve orgasm someday while having intercourse.. that would be GLORIOUS.

Happy climaxing!

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

Is that true about masturbating makes you less sensitive?

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

i don't want anyone to hate me for this, just learn something from it... i had my first orgasm while working out in a gym, i had never had sex and actually did not know i had an orgasm then, until i did have sex years later. and i still have orgasms while working out and during sex. i just want all those girls to know that orgasm can come thru being comfortable with your body and muscle control and strength.

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

Ok, I know I should know this, but:

When women talk about "multiple orgasms," what does that mean, *exactly*? I mean, I've had more than one orgasm in a "session" many a time, but some of ya'll sound like you mean you have one, then another full-blown one a minute later with *no more help* from anything or anyone. Which doesn't happen for me.

But then, this has also always confused me because when I come, there's the first, best "wham", followed by a series of other smaller "whams"--more or less of 'em depending on how good things were. Sometimes I think *that's* what people mean, and therefore I'm a goddess.

So...huh?

I also have to say that I'm a bit put out that so many of you ARE having the big O during intercourse with no fingers or whatnot. Really? I mean, really, all the time? GahDAMN, I just am not there yet, sisters.

(I bet somebody somewhere is getting a hell of a masturbatory kick out of all this. Hi, Bob.)

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

About masturbation and sensitivity:

For me, yes, masturbation makes my "little happy spot" less sensitive.

It seems the more I masturbate the less I'm able to achieve the big "o" by other means. So I have to give it a rest.

I've talked to a few other women about this as well, and they seem to agree.

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

63% Slut --

Regarding the legendary polymorphous perversion: Yes. It is possible. I've only met one person like this, who is a bundle of sexergy already. She is incredibly comfortable with sexuality (hers and other people's); I suspect that sexuality is as much a direct line of communication to her brain as martial arts was to Bruce Lee -- it's a reaction.

Evidently, it's this relaxation that allows her to orgasm so readily. Not only can she come from any stimulation [that is defined as erotic], but she can actually have an orgasm just by thinking about it. She doesn't even need stimulation to get off. Biofeedback much?

Which, in retrospect, explains a LOT about why she would sometimes just be a little dazy, with a smile on her face. And why she insisted on having me give her backrubs... Why can't I be naive now, and pick up on things then?

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

I invented a Gasoline-powered vibrator once....took a chainsaw, removed the chain, removed the guide bar, used a right-angle torque converter that was yoked to a dildo, and voila!

Only popular with the outdoorsy type...

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

masturbation sometimes makes me OVERSENSITIVE, and sometimes less sensitive (temporarily), but it usually also makes me more generally horny.

Also, I come while fucking, but it's a totally different thing than with clitoral stimulation. I think it's kind of a g-spot thing. When it gets really good, it doesn't really stop, it's like a plateau that can go on, uh indefinitely, or until someone gets chafed (damn latex). but it's a different feeling than when I'm masturbating or someone's going down on me.

I also have "female ejaculated" every now and again.. which was pretty wild, especially the first time. Anyone else out there? as far as I know it's through g-spot stimulation, and i forget what the liquid is that comes out, but he swears it tastes sweet. I think it doesn't taste too bad either. when i read about it (before it happened, and annie sprinkle talks about it lots) they assure you that it isn't urine. but i forget what it is. it's pretty fun though.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

OK. I'm going to embarrass myself here, for sure, but what the fuck!

I've long been fascinated with sex toys. I remember seeing an ad for a device called "The Tongue" in the back of a magazine, and I couldn't resist. It turned out to be pretty retarded.

And here's the embarassing part: About 3 years ago I bought my husband an innocent little toy - a Mr. Potato Head massager. Press his hat, and he vibrates. Do I need to spell it out for you? Let's just say that there's something sickly thrilling about getting a mustache ride from Mr. Potato Head.

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2000

I'm with all you girls on the shower massager. I got my first at about 10 or 11 using that, but didn't know that it was an 'orgasm' until many years later.

I'm a total and complete nympho, but you'd never know it by looking at me. My ex-boyfriends are the only ones who know how I really am. Some of my sorority sisters and I were playing the game 'I Never' one time and they were amazed at how much I had done because some of them thought I must still be a virgin.

I now have one of those 'muscle massagers'. The big wand kind that plugs into the wall. I've always wanted an 'authentic' vibrator, but am too chicken to go into the sex shop. I saw the post above about the online sex web page and was wondering.....when you order from one of those places, do you end up on some sex toy mailing list? That's what has kept me from ordering from one of those places. I could fake an email address to avoid getting spammed, but if they're sending it to my house, I don't want to start getting sex toy catalogs or stuff like that.

-- Anonymous, July 09, 2000

(again, you can decipher the pig latin in my name)

Great thread, here! Just a few more things to add:

For years, I was a clitoral-only kind of gal. It wasn't until my current boyfriend when I got vaginal orgasms for the first time - and now I have them almost every time. They're definitely different from the clitoral kind. They happen when my boyfriend is going at it very fast and hard. It gets to this point where it feels a little uncomfortable, then pushes through to where it feels very good.

I prefer being on the bottom because I cannot orgasm and support my weight at the same time! Of course, we use all sorts of positions, but when it comes time for the big finish, I generally like either missionary or from-behind.

And on the "multiple" issue: I'm definitely a multiple woman, and what I mean by that, for the woman who asked, is that I can have many orgasms in a session. Each takes effort, though - it's not as if they just arrive on their own! When I'm with my boyfriend, I usually prefer to have two - the first big one, then number two. Number two, for me, is very easy. I just need to wait 20-30 seconds at the most, sometimes less, then go right back at it and I come again right away.

When I'm alone, sometimes I keep going. I haven't counted how many I could do in half an hour but I'd guess 10-20 if I was pushing it.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Shy Nympho --

I have been getting the Xandria catalog in the mail -- and have ordered their products online -- for years, and as far as I can tell, they have NEVER put me on any sort of "perverted" mailing list. They have have sold my name to regular spammers and junk-snail-mailers (which I seriously doubt), but I have never gotten unsolicited sex- toy mail, snail or e-, since patronizing them. So go crazy with confidence, girl!! (Of course you might find you prefer your big ol' "muscle massager" to the other kind, after all, like I did!) ;)

And seriously, if you have any questions, or want more advice, post it here, or feel free to write me -- that e-mail address is real. It's just anonymous! (And I'd never reveal someone's true identity here either, even if I knew it.)

Geez, I feel like The Happy Hooker or something. (Although you guys prolly don't even know who she is!)

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I think the first time I had an orgasm was when I was about 11. I was..interested in sex so I started fingering myself. Took a while but it just happened. I'm 19 now,had sex when I was 14. I've been called a slut a lot but I'm not embarrassed to tell! I read a lot of people humped their stuffed animals when they were little,I did that a lot too. I used to fantasize at the same time too.

-- Anonymous, October 28, 2001

I was eleven. I used to cross my legs and flex my thigh and perineal and lower abdomen muscles. I had a hard time getting started having orgasms during sex, but once I found "The Position." Missionary with the guy "riding high" on her pubic bone and one leg or the other on the outside of hers (usually one side or the other of the clitoris is more sensitive). Also try pushing your vaginal muscles out to get closer to achieving orgasm. I rarely have orgasms during oral sex, only with alot of direct sucking nor with his hands. Vibrators and shower massagers are excellent. I agree that too much mastrubation does make it more difficult to have an orgasm through sex. I also agree that sex when you are forty is 150% better than it was when you were 35. And female ejaculation is very real and comes with those very intense vaginal, clitoral and g-spot orgasms. I don't know about the half-hour thing. I can't get past 12 in fifteen minutes, I'd be too exhausted to try 30 minutes. They aren't nearly as satisfying after 5.

-- Anonymous, January 01, 2002