I'm going to a wedding in a few weeks, and I was wondering if it's considered impolite to wear a black dress. I really don't have the money to go buy another, non-black dress, and the one I have is really cute. It's not a funeral dress or anything. What's the story on black at weddings?

PS: My friend Christine says that a lot of people wore black to her wedding, so I guess it's not totally frowned upon.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Answers

I think it depends on the dress. Since it is summer, and the dress is cute, you should be fine. I mean, I wouldn't wear a long old lady black dress to a wedding, but the cute black dress is always in. Now, if you're like the mother of the bride or groom, that's a different story. ;)

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I think it depends on where you live and what time of the day the wedding is being held. Evening wedding in California? Lots of women will be in black cocktail dresses. Afternoon wedding in the south? I have a hunch the attire might be a little different.

I've always felt weird about wearing black to a wedding, but a lot of people do it if it's an evening wedding.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Depends on the dress, depends on the wedding -- I persoanlly would not have been offended by anyone wearing black to my wedding (hell, I should have... but that's a story unto itself). I have heard that you shouldn't wear black to a morning wedding, but any other time it's okay. But I doubt anyone pays attention to those rules anyway -- and the bride and groom will be so happy, they won't notice, I'm sure.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

I have known 3 brides who have chosen black dresses for their bridesmaids to wear, so I'm guessing that you're okay with wearing black, as long as it doesn't look heavy and funeral-like. You'll probably be fine!

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

If it's an evening thing, totally! But if it's a sunrise ceremony on a hilltop or a swanky 11:00am brunch, I'd say no....

As far as I know, 'most anything goes for weddings as long as it's appropriately dressy. I've seen people wearing white, as well as black.

-- Anonymous, June 30, 2000

Since I don't own (well, wear) any clothing that's NOT black (with the occasional grey thrown in for good measure), I say go for it. I have not worn anything but black to a wedding in over 10 years. I think that rule has gone the way of the dinosaur. Besides, my own mother-in-law wore a WHITE suit to my wedding (and I had always heard that you were never supposed to wear white to a wedding, so as not to "upstage" the bride or whatever)!

I do agree with Dwanollah, however, in that if it's a morning wedding you should be more careful -- make sure it's a "breezier" or summery- er dress. (I have an eyelet-lace black dress for just such weddings!)

Good luck, and have fun!

-- Anonymous, July 02, 2000

The Fashion Police generally say it's OK for a late-afternoon or evening affair, but not for a morning wedding. Check with somebody out of the wedding party if you're unsure.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

Black at an invited social event held in a church means someone died. Black is for mourning. Period.

Yes, you do see black at weddings. I also saw a woman picking her nose on the golf course last weekend, but that doesn't mean it is suddenly an acceptable thing to do.

People don't frown upon it perhaps, because the very act of 'frowning upon' would be dreadfully impolite. So would wearing black.

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

I wore black suede to a wedding once, but it was my own, so I guess that doesn't count...

-- Anonymous, July 03, 2000

I think I'm going to disagree with Kristin here (sorry), and wear the black dress. I really don't think it's strictly for mourning anymore. I think it's an afternoon wedding, and because it is a summer dress with a flower design on the bodice, and not a long black mourning dress, I think I'll be able to get away with it.

Besides, I'm poor, and I can't afford to get another dress that I might only wear once this season.

Thanks for all the advice!

-- Anonymous, July 04, 2000

You go, girl. Time to retire the purple dress, and get on with your fashion life.

-- Anonymous, July 04, 2000

Hi all,

I really have to say that I think Kristin's right, to a certain extent. If it's a formal, evening wedding, then you should be ok wearing the black dress, presuming that the fabric is seasonally apropriate.

Other than that, no way. I get kinda sad when I see wedding customs (i.e. not wearing black unless it's formal evening, not wearing white unless you're the lady of the hour, following the lead of the MOTB when standing for the bride's entrance) start to fade. I think little things like that add class and elegance to a wedding, unlike the free-for-alls that most invited social affairs have become.

--C

-- Anonymous, July 04, 2000

You know, I've noticed that black is beginning to be tsk-tsked a bit for funerals -- like you're putting on a bit too ostentatious a show of your mourning. And this is in the Midwest! I do love black though, and would say that if you like the dress and feel good in it, go ahead and wear it to the wedding. Remember that great line from Thoreau:

"Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes."

-- Anonymous, July 04, 2000

I think the summer/flower dress thing ought to make it all right. When I realized that I was never going to be anyone's bridesmaid except for my closest friend from college, who had a very relaxed wedding where we wore ordinary summer dresses, I went out and got a big fancy low-cut dress from Laura Ashley to wear to weddings. It has red and pink roses on a black background, and I've never heard a word about it except "What a nice dress." And it was never the blackest dress in the room, either. Hope you enjoy the wedding,

-- Anonymous, July 04, 2000

My sister wants me to wear a long black lace dress to her wedding - I wanted to find something red, but she loves the black one...

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

Hey, the little black dress is a staple of every woman's wardrobe. It's not a mourning dress, it's cute and fun! I say, go for it. As long as you don't look like Morticia Adams, I doubt anyone will even notice.

-- Anonymous, July 05, 2000

A word about black dresses. I know that funerals are not exactly the topic, but bear with me. Seeing as my whole family is dead, I am a quasi-expert on mourning, and therefore I feel I have the right to generalize. Black at the funeral/wake is really only appropriate for the immediate family, spouse, fiance etc... Most non-related men will wear navy or gray, and most non-related women will wear somber suits of grey or cream. None of my parents brothers or sisters wore black. That was reserved for me. It distinguishes the host. That way, when one of my father's co-workers that I'd never met came to pay his respects, he knew who to greet first.

Which brings us back to the subject of weddings : Black is ok. Unless you are the mother of the bride. Then it's usually a much lighter color. Black is no longer a funeral color. Nor do women walk around in crepe and ankle length viels when a loved one dies. Times change, and we just have to learn to adapt. Heather, wear black. Just don't look better than the bride. It pisses people off.

-- Anonymous, July 06, 2000

Black is fine for a wedding. Regardless of the time. It is appropriate to dress nicely for a wedding. And everyone is looking at the bridal party. No one will really remember what you wear unless it's totally inappropriate - like jeans and a t-shirt or black leather. (Although I did go to a rockabilly wedding this spring where that was the appropriate form of dress!)

If your nice dress is black, then it's fine. (This advice comes from the Southern Belle handbook so believe me if it's OK to wear black here, it's OK anywhere!) About a third of my girlfriends wore black dresses to my wedding and that was at 11am in summer so don't worry about needing a flowery summer dress. Personally, I look stupid in flowered anything!

-- Anonymous, July 08, 2000