Do you dress to conceal or reveal?

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Do you walk around in a tent? Or would you wear Lycra to the grocery store? Or are you somewhere in the middle?

How much does the way you dress have to do with your actual shape, and how much is a result of some warped image in your head?

Are you uncomfortable wearing revealing clothing, even if it's flattering? Have you always been this way, or is it something that's changed as you've gotten older?

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Answers

Oops, left out a question: how does your partner feel about the way you dress? Ever had a boyfriend or husband who didn't like you to show too much skin because other men might be looking at you? Ever had a freak like Jeremy who wished you'd run around half naked?

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000
I'm pretty small, but I have gained weight in the last few years. I'm approaching 25, and I'm 5'2" and 120-something pounds, which I am quite happy with. The upshot of this is that my 34B looks like a 34D, because I'm so little. So I don't mind showing off by wearing tight tops, especially because if I wear baggy ones I look 10 pounds heavier.

However, I am really self-concious about things below the waist. I don't like my tummy. It's not as flat as it used to be, and I have to work on that. Also, according to a friend, I have "birthin' hips". They're not super huge, and they fit my body, but they do make buying pants a little difficult. All my jeans come up above the belly button, which makes my top half seem really short compared to my legs.

I am also beginning to realize that I have to adjust my eating habits. The days when I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain an ounce are soon coming to an end. I realized this on Saturday when I was at a restaurant with friends. I have also been aware for some time that I am not as fit as I used to be. I have never been an active person, but now that's catching up to me. I don't like fitness clubs, because not only do they suck money out of your bank account whether you use the gym or not, but I also hate having jocks watch little ol' me work out. It makes me nervous, like I'm going through the motions but not doing anything.

In order to be a little more active, I've started doing Yoga. I really like it, and I'm hoping that if I keep at it, I'll be able to wear my bathing suit and not feel silly. It also doesn't help that my boyfriend is super-active and works out all the time. Also, he loves it when I wear tight stuff, like this really great long dress that I bought recently. But I always feel like buts of me are sticking out, and I feel like people are looking at me. I know I'm just being silly, but I'm just like that.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I totally dress to conceal - black cotton pants and hugely oversized t-shirts. I know all it does is make me look bigger, but it's what I'm comfortable in.

However, one night last week, as a joke, I put on a too-small t-shirt and wandered out, giggling, to show my husband. He did an exaggerated pop-eyed look and said "Sweetie, you have boobs!"

I intend, when I'm done losing weight, to buy stuff that actually fits.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I guess I dress both to conceal and reveal. I'm in the annoying too big for Gap too small for Lane Bryant size range w/ a DD cup breast to boot, so if I can find something that's halfway flattering on me I grab it. Back in high school and college I lived in jeans and button down shirts, but then I moved to Miami and got a new wardrobe for the tropical climate. It was then that I started buying more revealing clothing, and it has been that way since. I don't dress like a hootchie mama but I try to buy clothing that fits well and shows off my hourglass figure. I always give clothing the "butt and back fat test", if I can see any semblance of a panty line or any clinging to the back fat (I have a little), back on the rack it goes. I guess as I have become older, my clothing has become a litte more revealing, as I am more comfortable w/ my body. That said, my wardrobe pretty much consists of twinsets, t-shirts, khakis and LOTS of black.

My SO is like Jeremy, he wants me to wear clothing that makes me jiggle as much as possible. Take today for example, I'm wearing a tank top underneath my cardigan, he keeps asking me to take the cardigan off. At the office. Um, honey? I don't think so.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

It all depends. I'm quite sure the difference between me at my fattest and me all trim, taut and terrific is minimal, but I won't be wearing a fitted skirt some days.

I don't mind wearing revealing clothing if I feel confident about my appearance, but I've definitely become much more reserved about what I consider suitable as I've got older. For example, until I was about 23 I was a mini skirt fiend and had pretty good legs, but now I don't feel comfortable showing my thighs to the world and would rather wear a slinky little knee-length pencil skirt.

In my opinion a working woman's Godsend garment is a pair of fitting but not tight black trousers, which can be teamed with shirts or fitted tees and cardigans for all those 'my backside is enormous' occasions. And one well-cut suit, for those days when trying to find a flattering outfit is nigh on impossible (like today, for example!).

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I thought it might be interesting having an answer here from someone who is not, chromosomally speaking, female. I dress to conceal. Yes, some of that is drag queen habits (changing the curves of your body, by necessity, involves covering them), but some of it is that I loathe the shape of certain body parts - my torso especially. I have not exposed my chest outdoors (say, in a swimming pool) since I was about fourteen. I wear a T-shirt and tell anyone who asks that I sunburn easily.

The only part of my body I like to show is my legs. I have pretty good legs. (They look better in hosiery, but for obvious reasons that's usually out of the question.) I also prefer to wear as little clothing as possible in the summer for heat and comfort reasons. So I'm in shorts all summer, and the shorter the shorts, the better. But you'll never see my torso. I don't even like my fiancee to see my torso.

She, for her part, does not try to encourage me to wear less clothing in public, because we have a mutual nonaggression pact - she's self-conscious about her weight and her breasts (which are large enough to be a royal pain - something that, unlike a lot of men, I understand). So she tends to obscure her torso in public as well. The only danger is that sometimes we dress too much alike.

I'm more of a slut than she is though. I dream of being able to wear some of my tight revealing clothing in public (as long as I don't show my torso, natch). I don't think she has dreams like that.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I dress in the middle. I have trimmed down a little, so I'm much more self-confident. I will only show one part of my body off at once though, say my legs or my stomach. I love to show off my breast, considering that if I were a big shirt it makes me look huge.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000
Both. I like fitted clothes, and I like them to cover me from neck to ankles with strategically placed slits and low-but-not-rude necklines. I've discovered fitted clothes as I got older. I used to wear much sloppier clothes even when I was thinner.

For whoever mentioned being "too large for Gap and too small for Lane Bryant", that is my sad dilemma as well.

It's all shape. My hulking shoulders are far too wide to ever fit into anything under a 16 no matter how much weight I take off, but I look dumb in tailored clothes in "women's sizes" because they expect me to be a short fat person with big hips and breasts. Try J. Jill. They have interesting and hip clothing in good colors, which goes up to sz. 20 but is cut for a pre-childbearing figure. They have "Tall" sizes too (for jackets that cover your wrists). Nordstrom is also good for this. Eddie Bauer makes XXLs, in some of its styles, and they're often the right cut. It takes a little searching to find anything non-dorky in Eddie Bauer but sometimes you win.

My last boyfriend liked me looking spiffy, in tailored jackets and such. Before that I dated a couple of guys who would wear anything, no matter how ratty, as long as it provided coverage. Needless to say they didn't care what I was wearing.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

It depends on what I'm going for. Most of the time I dress to show off my figure - and this means full, flaring skirts and tight women's T-shirts with a scoop neck. I am small-breasted - a B cup - but the way I dress makes most people think I've larger boobs than that.

There are days - today is one of them - that I wear baggy pants and a large T-shirt that covers much of my body. It's like wearing your PJ's to work, and it's comforting to know I can bend over at will.

I admit to wearing specific clothing to attract attention from certain men on certain occasions. I'm fully aware of what my cleavage looks like when I bend over (or bounce :-), though I feign ignorance while I display myself in that way. I also like wearing short skirts or shorts after I've shaved my legs, and I am aware of which way my legs are crossed and how I look sitting a certain way. I'm a terribly "girly" girl, at times, and I use it to the fullest extent of my figure.

I should note that I'm not a perfect "10" by any means. I'm far from our society's view of perfection, and I've been described as a "little overweight" by some folk. I don't care. Although I've been working out the past few months and occasionally have despairing days about my weight, I'm more satisfied with my figure than I was in college (though I weighed less then). So, I feel good about showing it off - that sort of confidence is liberating, I think.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I grew up as a fat child, and i remember the humiliation of being taunted when I had my shirt off. So even now, I wear t-shirts under everything, and I never wear polo shirts. I was in my mid-thirties before I'd even run to the 7-11 at midnight with just a t-shirt on-- I always had to pull a shirt or a scrub top on over it... Even my young paramour (tall and slender herself) almost never sees me with a shirt off. I feel happiest when my body is concealed: shirt, t-shirt, jacket. In winter I can slouch into a vast trenchcoat or a black M-65 Army parka and feel hidden. I have good eyes, hands, legs. But I despise my torso and hate seeing myself in summer. I'll watch teen girls and co-eds waft by in tiny skirts and shorts and just sigh. I can't risk the humiliation of being looked at as anything physical. Men are being judged on their bodies these days; I can't risk that.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000
Like most people, my answer is "it depends." However, for me, it's not so much a matter of how good I'm feeling about my body as it is a matter of how much I feel like being noticed. So, when I'm feeling social, I like to dress to be noticed, and when I'm not in the mood to deal with the unwelcome advances which inevitably accompany the welcome ones, I dress more conservatively.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000
I dress to conceal, mostly for comfort. I went through a brief period in college (6 hours?) where I wore a few more revealing outfits. I have a really, really bad body image---rationally I know I'm not overweight, but I've gained 14 pounds in a year (on my 5'2" body) and now most of my clothes are tight. I refuse to buy a new size, so I wear things untucked. I feel really self-conscious in tight tops, even though I have nice boobs. Not surprisingly, my SO wants me to dress much more revealingly. He's unendingly positive and attracted to my body (even when I feel like a schlump). One of our few arguments is when I feel like he wants me to dress like a hooker--- which is my definition of short skirts and high heels :-)

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000
I realize it's mostly the ladies that are responding here, but Beth...

"July 10, 2000 Journal entry: in which I show off my boobs."

Well? We're waiting... Perhaps you should have said, 'in which I showcase my boobs' or 'feature' or some other kind of word. Trying to increase your hit count again?

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

When I was in high school and college, I dressed to reveal. But in my 20s and onward, I started dressing to conceal even though I was the same size.

Now I'm a lot larger - bigger than Gap & smaller than Lane Bryant, as someone said - and I dress mostly for comfort. I feel more comfortable in baggy clothes. I don't like to wear tight or revealing stuff because I just think it looks trashy. I wear a sport type bra all the time because I don't want there to be any bouncing. I do wear shorts a lot because it's hot where we live, and sometimes one of those bra type types that are supposed to be outerwear. I wear lycra at the gym because it's more comfortable.

I go to a nudist camp every week, so I don't think I have a lot of hang ups about my body. It's just more comfortable swimming or sitting in a sauna if I don't have to wear a suit. But I don't want to reveal flesh somewhere that I don't feel it's appropriate.

The man in my life doesn't care what I wear. Every once in a while he'll comment that my baggy jeans look bad, but I don't care. He used to be really bothered by these shorts I wore only around the house, that had all these holes in them. He called them the Disreputable Shorts and would say things like "if you go to the market, you can't wear the DSs."

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

It depends on what I can find, really. I have a few curve-hugging shirts in polyester or stretch velvet that I love, but they have high collars. I don't like cleavage revealing tops because frankly, I don't NEED to draw any more attention to my chest. Finding nice dressy shirts that aren't going to pop buttons off when I breath is next to impossible, because if I find something that will cover my chest, I've got to deal with dropped shoulders, cuffs that swallow my hands, and about a yard of extra material at my waist.

Sometimes it seems to me that clothes makers would be happy if they could get every woman above a size 8 to wear dresses made out of tents or something. The only place in town that seems to have some things that will fit *and* flatter me is the Dillards, and it's not cheap.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Oh, come on, Colin, half the job of running a web site is knowing how to sell it!

More on revelations: today I'm wearing a very respectible white button up shirt. I went home for lunch and had pizza, and I changed into a t-shirt in case I spilled. I changed back after lunch and walked back to work, running into many friends, neighbors, and strangers on the way. I probably said hello to a dozen people.

... And then I got back to work, went to the restroom, looked in the mirror, and realized my shirt was unbuttoned down to my belly button.

Howdy, neighbors!

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I basically dress how Heather does- tightish (or just plain tight) tops with some sort of scooped neck. Long skirts or midlength skirts (sometimes slits), or jeans (not tight though).

In other words, vaguely sexy. I'm feeling pretty annoyed at the stares and whistles I'm starting to get during the summer, though. I feel like bait.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I completely dress to conceal. This started because of self-esteem issues back in high school, when I was maybe 10 pounds overweight. I always had really large breasts, so I couldn't wear tight tops without feeling totally self-conscious and getting comments like "you're only 12, and they're that big? When you're 13, they'll hang down to your knees and make potholes when you walk!" (Thank you, Brian Maskan.) Now, I would kill to look like I did then, of course.

Now, I am quite a bit overweight, with even larger breats, (huge, really), and I still dress largely to conceal. I will occasionally wear a shortish skirt (my legs aren't TOO awful), and a little cleavage, (like Anne L., mine doesn't need the extra attention). But never tight, or revealing; it just looks bad. Trashy, even if the clothes are nice. I have good taste, but on me, even nice things look strange.

I bought a pair of shorts last summer - the first I had owned in 5 years.

My previous SO went through my closet once, (we had been together for about 6 months), moving to the back everything he didn't like. I was massively insulted; he was into dressing for concealment, because he was very skinny, and he was convinced that he was the arbiter of fashion. I told him to kiss my ass; they're my clothes, on my body. End of discussion.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I definitely dress to conceal. The less I can draw attention to my slightly-larger-than-necessary belly, the better

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000
Um... both. I don't think about it much, but I notice that the clothes that I feel best in (and the ones I get the most comments on) are the ones that don't actually reveal, but look like they might - loose dresses with slits that move when I walk, a tailored red riding jacket that hugs my waist and hips (showing them off while hiding them! yea baby!). I don't mind short skirts, but I don't much bother either hiding or trying for cleavage, since I don't have much, and my biggest issue with showing my stomach is that that usually involves a fitted waistband somewhere which is uncomfortable! I avoid waistbands as often as possible.

In winter, it's all oversized sweaters and leggings. The closer I can get away with being in public and still feel like I'm still in my jammies, the better!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

"I was a great big ho'. I actually wore Lycra, midriff tops, catsuits, and all kinds of creepy revealing clothing."

huh?

How can clothing make you a "great big ho"???

and ~creepy~ revealing clothing? WTF is up with that? What's wrong with something revealing?

Course, I seem to be in the minority on the forum as I like to wear revealing stuff, and prefer to go nude whenever possible, but hey, you already knew that.

- t

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Well, I don't want to speak for Beth, but I find her statement about dressing a certain way making you a "'ho" isn't so far-fetched. I don't mean to say that wearing revealing clothing means that you will have sex with lots of men, but rather that if you dress that way you are more likely to be appreciative (or at least accepting) of the attention that such clothing necessarily confers upon you. If you wear skimpy clothes, guys will notice your body much more than if you wear a muumuu.

So, I don't think that Beth was really being disparaging in using the term "'ho." I think she was just referring to someone who enjoys and seeks out that kind of attention.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Or, put another way: There are definitely certain kinds of clothing you put on with the full knowledge that you want people to stare at them (you'd better, because they're also the kind of clothes that people WILL stare at whether you like it or not). It doesn't matter how they're cut. It doesn't even matter who's wearing them. There is no way for any human on earth to wear a lycra miniskirt without getting stared at. Sure, if I wear one the stares may be for a different REASON but you see my point :)

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000
I have a friend, let's call her "M".

M is very thin, she is about 5'9", dark hair - very nicely built.

M has a terrible habit of dressing horribly inappropriately... The most obvious example of which is when we were both bridesmaids in a mutual friend's wedding. When M flew into town, I asked what she was wearing to the rehearsal dinner. And she showed me with the comment that she might want to go shopping to see if she could find something else.

I tried in vain to help her find another outfit because this is what she wore to the semi-formal, very snootie event was this:

The killer part was that she thinks this is funny & cute! She kept looking at me and giggling, "hehe... Everyone keeps looking at me. hehehe" and she'd flip her hair and bat her eyes.... Smile and flirt. I was embarrassed FOR her.

I didn't have the heart to tell her people were looking at her because they weren't used to seeing a prostitute in a Catholic Church...

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I dress to reveal. Like that time down in Key West, I didn't . . .

Hey! Why is everyone running away?!

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

I love my legs, they're muscular and toned so I love to show them off, but my top...CONCEAL CONCEAL CONCEAL although it's a pretty futile effort. I basically look pregnant all the time because large breast+big tops+think rest of me basically always just looks preggers. I started dressing that way when I hit age 12 and continued after hearing things like "you would have an amazing body if you were 6 inches taller"

My husband says he likes the way I dress. He isn't "into" big boobs, so there you have it

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

I dress because I have to, not because I want to. While I don't really care what clothes I wear, I never underestimate the importance of looking good when it counts.

I really go for comfort when I do wear something, loose is better than tight in that respect.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

... i like to see ladies dress to please themselves for a large part and hopefull that will be with at lease a little taste and consideration of when and where you are. ... it does make me feel good if my over 50 wife will dress to please me now and then but i understand if it has to be done in our home hotel or at least away among stragers....lol....my tastes are not so wild after 23 years of marraige......some of my favorites now are button up skirts that can go from slutty to stylish in moments with a few quick buttons.....and loose.. sleeveless and or low cut tops...randy

-- Anonymous, April 12, 2001
Like many have said: it depends.

on normal days i am usually somewhere inbetween. today, for instince, i'm wearing jeans (not tight, but not too baggy either) and a v-neck (not too low) T that is tightish without showing every single line of my body.

The S.O. question is a strange one. Current lover thinks "the more skin the better!" Previous one was always super paranoid if i showed any legs or cleavage (at least, in public), and even told me that a pair of jeans i bought (admittedly on the tight side) were unflattering to my bottom, or something like that. I ended up in baggy jeans and sweatshirts mostly, yuck.

Of course, current lover said, after our first kiss, "you're SO hot." i thought he was being playful...sigh, if only i knew. He has no sense of decorum at all! it is nice to be "hot" though, even if mtv wouldn't agree.

-- Anonymous, April 16, 2001

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