I need to hear bridesmaid horror stories. I crave them. I was just told that I have to buy a dress that is EIGHT SIZES LARGER than what I wear because of my bust, and then have the rest altered. The wedding is still three months away, and already I know that I have to shell out at least $500 for this fiasco (the dress, the bachelorette party, the plane ticket to Chicago, etc). And that's the absolute best case scenario.

I love the bride. I do. She's one of my best friends in the world. But honestly. Please, ladies, share your stories. I need a laugh.

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

Answers

I don't have much of a horror story, but I do consider the fuschia dress with the bow in the back and the lavender shoes (the bride had them dyed.. they didn't quite match the dress, as you can imagine) still sitting in my closet. Some day I will burn them.

As far as the 8 sizes larger thing, I think dresses like that have their own sizing system, because the same thing happened to me. My dress was just under the limit of costing more money though.. I wasn't quite as busty back then :)

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I've only been a bridesmaid once. She decided to just pick the fabric, and we could make or have made our own dresses. I'm sorry, but I have virtually no sewing skills and even less time. And where was I going to find a dressmaker? Luckily she changed her mind and just had us pick our own dresses in solid colors. That's the same thing I did with my wedding, and it seemed to work well. Most people wore something they already had, and I think those who bought something could wear it again.

Good luck to you, though!

-- Anonymous, July 10, 2000

I was once bridesmaid for a friend who didn't tell me I was supposed to pay for my own dress until a couple of days before the wedding ... and I got no say in the style of the dress. Bit of a bloody cheek if you ask me - don't have a team of bloody bridesmaids if you can't afford to clothe them ... it's your major bloody production, not mine.

(This was actually four years ago, but you've touched a nerve.)

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Katherine: If I were you I would vehemently fight the 8 sizes too large option. This has happened to 3 of my friends (one a bride) and they do it to jack up the already ridiculous prices of alterations. My best friend was maid of honor at her sister's wedding 2 years agao. When she tried on her dress her chest was completely hanging out of the dress and the place (bid name chain) flat out told her too bad, it's your dress now. She called me freaking out. Thank go my sister-in-law (who alters on the side) was able to fix it enough to be wearable. If you are forced to do this I would insist on taking the dress to my own tailor (if you don't have one, find one). Good Luck. No matter what happens you'll be ok because you love this friend. Somehow it's just easier to deal with trauma when it's for a loved one.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Man, that's cruel. Sounds like your friend is kind of a Bridezilla. My bridesmaids only had to pay for half their dresses (which THEY picked out!), they got to wear whatever black shoes they wanted and whatever jewelry. If I had to do it all over again, I'd say "hey, wear whatever you want, in black". I think identical dresses are kinda stupid NOW.. but you couldn't tell me that 3 years ago. I also paid for my bridesmaids' lodging on Rehearsal Night, and if any of them would've had to fly, I would've paid for half their plane ticket. If you're in all of each other's weddings, I guess it sorta evens out, but I just didn't think it was fair that they had to pay for so much, so I paid for the things they wouldn't have had to pay for, had they not been bridesmaids.

I think 8 sizes larger is a little steep. My wedding dress was a size 14 - I normally wore an 8, but I'm kinda generously busted (well, 36C doesn't seem THAT big to me, but to some it is, I guess) I figured they knew what they were talking about. WRONG! Bridal shops make you order sizes way too big, so that you have to pay to have it altered. My alterations cost 1/4 the cost of my dress - pretty stupid. I was swimming in the damn thing and had no choice but to get it taken WAY in. I probably would've been happier with a 12 or even a 10. Wedding gowns DO run smaller than regular clothes these days, but I don't know if bridesmaids dresses do.

Good luck, and I still think your friend is a Bridezilla.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

as a bridesmaid, my first experience wasn't a very good one. the bride was a major witch leading up to her wedding day, but chose me, the maid of honor, as the candidate to take it out on. i sucked it up to a point (i understand she was under a lot of stress), but when she yelled at me on her wedding day for forgetting a necklace she never told me to wear in the first place, i shared a few words with her. i understand the raw nerves associated with weddings, but bad behavior is unacceptable, even among good friends.

as a bride, i did the best thing i could for my bridesmaids. i PAID FOR the dresses that i picked out. i knew they probably wouldn't like them, so i didn't want them to waste *their* money on them. i didn't want to hear anyone complain about a dress they had to buy! it's not a dress they will be able to wear again, needless to say. i'm sure they all still complained, but at least they didn't have to pay for it. unfortunately, they did have to pay for shoes and alterations.

as a bridesmaid, i know you're supposed to suck it up and shell out the $$$ for the bride on her big day because you love her (yada yada yada). i think more brides (and maybe i should have done more, too) should consider their attendants' financial well being.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I feel like I heard a story someplace in which a vindictive bride got back at her friends for years of bridezilla abuse by making them wear,for her wedding, the same hideous bridesmaid dresses they'd made her buy for their weddings.

This would, of course, have the added benefit of ensuring no one in the bridal party looked better than the bride.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

OK, I feel I need to offer some support for the bride-to-be. She's not evil. She hasn't been snotty, vindictive, or even slightly rude. I was the bad bridesmaid in the first place because I put off submitting my measurements until the last possible moment (which was still a month late). She's good people. I was more upset with the Wedding Showcase women than I was with her...

OK. I feel like I ought to send her an e-card now or something. I do appreciate all of your support, though. Keep the stories coming! ;)

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Katherine,

Do NOT let them talk you into ordering a dress eight sizes too big. What I found while shopping for my wedding dress, my bridesmaid dresses, and the bridesmaid dresses for the weddings I've been in, is that sizes are pretty true. I am an 8, and low and behold, I was an 8 in everything, except one bridesmaid dress I was a ten in. And I rarely needed alterations except maybe a tuck at the waist or a hem raised.

8 sizes is ridiculous. That dress, even altered, will NEVER look right on you.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

This board is full of good folks. I am heartened to hear how many folks helped the bridesmaids out. I did not realize it was so common.

When my wife and I were married, I allowed her and her mom to plan most of the wedding (but I wanted at least some type of veto power if something was too silly). It was THEIR big day, after all, and my wife's parents paid for most of the wedding. ;-) So, of course, they (read future mom-in-law) did 99% of the planning. (I helped as much as they wanted me too, which was rarley for more than advice.)

My wife's mother is a southern lady living in a small town (100 people) and these types of events turn into a whole town affair. My mother-in-law bought the Emily Post etiquette guide to make sure she did everything right (I don't think she really needed the book, she just used it for support in arguing how she wanted to do things.) Most of what they wanted to do was fine, and they planned a lovely afternoon/evening. They even found a kickin' band for the reception and all had a good time.

However, we had two big disagreements. One, I insisted that we pay for the weeding party's attire and hotel costs since this was our party and we asked them to be here. I especially thought we had to pay for those ugly bridesmaid dresses (well not ugly, but not something they would ever wear again.) The mother-in-law found support in THE BOOK (as Emily Post's guidebook came to be called) that indicated this was not an expense of either the bride or the groom. I can't remember how many times I said "I don't care what that damn book says, I am going to pay for those whether you like it or not." My wife and I picked up the tux rentals too, but they were cheap.

The other argument was over cakes. The groom evidently gets to pick whatever cake he wants and it is suppose to be a different flavor than then the traditional white wedding cake. I picked one that was representative of my alma mater (orange colored and flavored), which happened to be a major rival of their state's land grant school and had most recently kicked their butts in football. Well, my future mother-in-law kept asking "are you sure, wouldn't you rather have chocolate or something?" Nope, I replied, this will be fine with me. Well, she is so sweet she went along grudgingly, and I got my cake. However, sitting right next to it was a THIRD cake that represented their local school- in chocolate. And it looked so much better than the "groom's cake". That one cracks me up! She just did not want to offend anyone ... and I say if they don't want any, don't eat it!

Sorry this was off topic,but I was just so impressed with all of the cconsiderate brides mentioned in this bridezilla thread.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

This is why, if I ever get married, it will be a simple ceremony. I don't need a huge production.

Making your friends buy bridesmaid's dresses... ewww!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Lavendar taffeta. Puffed sleeves. Cut low in the back and the front so no bra would fit under it so I had to tape myself into the dress (as a sneakover from the large bust thread, I haven't gone without a bra since I was 13). A butt bow so big they should have just put a sign on that said Wide Load and one of those sirens that beep when a truck backs up. WHITE SHOES (blech). $200 for the dress plus alterations and etc. and that was 15 years ago!

Next dress was blue with a shirred waist that went from just below the bust to hipline. Not attractive on a large-busted person who is 5'2". We carried sunflowers cut out of a field that morning because I think they forgot to get bridesmaids flowers. There were EIGHT of us. $300 bucks for the dress plus shoes, alterations, hose, and a special bra.

Next wedding I was matron of honor. Nice wine-colored dress that fit well and we all got the help pick it. Wore my own shoes. Lovely wedding. $150 bucks for the dress and I took it to my alterations person so that was only $20.

For my wedding I told my friends to go buy a nice, mid-calf to ankle- length dress in black. My only specification was no shiny fabrics or lots of sparkles (it was an 11am wedding). I figured that everyone needs a nice black cocktail dress. They all wore their own black shoes and whatever jewelry/makeup they wanted to wear. It looked GREAT!

As for sizing, only one dress did not have to be ordered a couple of sizes larger but even the biggest one was only two sizes larger. That eight sizes thing sounds really odd to me. Get the style of the dress and go to another bridal shop and try it on - shops usually have each style in most of the sizes even if they aren't in the right color. Or they will have a similar style by the same maker.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

That does it-- All these dress horror stories are making me want to get married in jeans.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

At my brother's first wedding, I was the guest book attendant. I still had to buy a dress. Maroon, shiny, sweetheart neckline, puffy sleeves, lots of black tulle underneath, v shaped dip right at the ol' pot belly. Attractive! (and still, not as bad as the bridesmade dresses.) For some reason, my dress never got finished, so the tulle rubbed on my hips and belly all night. Comfy! And the bitch, er, bride, insited we used her hair and make up lady. I came out looky oily. Oily and fat. I look so damn good in those pictures, let me tell you.

His second wedding is in a month. This time I'm doing a reading, but still must buy the dress. At least this dress is good. Floor length, navy, sleeveless, simple. I ordered it a while ago when I was skinnier. The lady told me "size 18". Noticing my strangled expression, she said "no, no. That like size 12 in store." Phew. I've got up a size since then. My fitting is tomorrow. I'm worried.

The thing that gets me is all the dough I have to shell out to do a reading in this wedding. $180 for the dress. $45 for bridal shower gift. This weekend is the bachlorette party in Vegas. $155 for the plane ticket. $75 for hotel room. $65 for celebratory dinner. $40 "recommended" for the strip bar. Plus all other meals, drinks and gambling. (ouch) Another $80 for the wedding gift. At least the bride bought our shoes and my parents agreed to pick up the hotel room on the night of the wedding.

My brother's moment of joy is going to break me.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I seriously want to find some friend of a friend to make my dress for me. I've heard too many horror stories about bridal shops. And Heather, I think you might be on to something with the jeans, there. I'm thinking I want my wedding ceremony to be about the love between me and my partner, not about how much money we could spend and how foo-foo my dress can be.

I mean, at my Aunt Sandy's wedding, I remember she was upset the whole day because her bridesmaids' dresses hadn't been finished on time and the floral arrangements in the church weren't what she'd asked for, and I'm just like, why even screw around with crap like that?

I don't know. I guess we'll see when the time comes. Oh, and the other thing is, both of us were raised Catholic but neither of us believes in the Church anymore, and we haven't adopted another religion either, but we do believe in God, so it's like, where to have the damn wedding? Somehow having a judge sign a piece of paper doesn't seem very significant, but if I had my wedding in a Catholic church, I'd be a big hypocrite. It's all so confusing.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I was lucky enough to be the maid of honor at one of my closest friend's wedding. The one problem that came up was that I was male and not female and the bride's mother could not stomach this to save her life and the screaming matches that went on at the bridal shops across the city between her and I were legendary. The bride kept telling her mom when my back was turned that I would be wearing a bridesmaid dress, not a tuxedo, just to torture and already nuerotic woman. The wedding went off without a hitch, and I looked great in the tux, not the dr

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Matt, that is too funny!

Actually, I'm thinking that if I ever get married, my gay friend Martin might be one of my attendants. I don't think that attendants have to be the same sex as the attendee (bride/groom). The reason that tradition was started was that most brides, being women, only had female friends (It wasn't proper to have male friends) and vice versa for the groom. Marty is a good friend, and I don't see why he has to be left out of the ceremony just because he's a guy. And gay. Oh, the stir THAT would have caused with your friend's mom! Actually, most of my friends are male, so it would be a mix.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Gone with the Wind style purple hoop dress, with a parasol and shoes, 500$ and that's all I have to say about that.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Oh Heather, totally! When I get married, my best friend Danny (gay) is TOTALLY going to be my maid of honor. I already asked him and he said okay, "as long as he doesn't have to wear a dress." I told him that an appropriately stylisth tux (or whatever) would be fine.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

I went to a wedding with a "gentleman of honor" rather than maid of honor. It was quite nice.

My best guy friend, Mike will be in my wedding party if/when I get married (he jerked me out of best man slot b/c his fiancee has already asked me to be her maid of honor this Feb.).

We're in the year 2000. Live it up. Put a boy in a tux on the left side of the church (a dress is a bit much for me). Freak out a few blue haireds. It's all good!

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

again a little off topic - but my mother turns into a complete MumZilla when it comes to weddings. My sister's wedding and my first one, she was vile - she and I had screaming matches about my bridesmaid's shoes no less. They were wearing dresses they had picked in fabric they liked - royal blue silk cocktail dresses with Grace Kelly swooshy necklines - and I wanted them to wear their favourite, comfy black dancin' shoes with black sheer tights. Mum wanted covered shoes in the blue fabric and - wait for it - flesh coloured tights - "Like Minnie Mouse" said my chief bridesmaid. The way to go was to nod, then ignore it. They turned up on the day wearing the wearable shoes, and to her credit she never said a thing.

My second wedding, I eloped to a different country and sent her an email. (heh)

cheers

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Jan- You should be able to find someone to perform the wedding ceremony you want. A surprising number of unconventional people may be licenced to marry people. Try Unitarians, they're pretty flexible. Or, just have an actor read whatever words you and your fiance want and do the "official" service at the courthouse. My husband and I aren't religious at all, but my family is. We got around the church part by insisting we wanted an outdoor wedding. Same result, no actual argument about religion. And our officiant was an OB/GYN my grandmother knew who happened to be an ordained Methodist minister.

For our wedding, we each had our parents and sibling and a few close friends at the front of the church. One of his best friends is female, and she stood on his side. Three months later, when she got married, he was her matron of honor (he was married, couldn't be the maid of honor!). We joked for months about lime green taffeta (have to match the punch).

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

Ohhh boy. Floor-length forest green velveteen (in July, mind you) with off-the-shoulder neckline. White satin accents. White satin gloves. (Did I mention the "July" element? Because that's crucial here.) White satin detachable butt bow. I looked like a tree with snow on it. A sweaty tree. Cost me $350 with alterations, not counting shoes, hose, and airfare, none of which the bride offered to pick up, although I was the only one flying cross-country...and did I mention the fugly picture frame I got for my trouble? No? Must be because I chucked in the trash at the airport. Along with the dress.

I love this woman dearly, and her wedding was great fun, but really. What did I ever do to her?

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

For my maid of honour's dress I popped into a store that has locations in most Canadian cities (Le Chateau for the other Canadians reading) and picked out a simple, pale pink, short slip dress. Then I phoned my maid of honour (who lived a couple of hours away) and told her to go check it out at her local mall, and if she liked it and thought she would wear it again to buy it. And she could wear whatever shoes and jewellery she wanted. Total cost -- $35, and it looked much better than some of the expensive horrors I've seen on bridesmaids.

My brother was my other attendant. I told him not to show up in jeans. I think my mum and dad bought him a suit.

The best man wore a dark suit of his own and my husband's little sister (who was his other attendant) wore a dress I bought for her (after getting her approval of the colour and style).

I wore my Mum's wedding dress for the ceremony and changed into a long, white sundress for the reception (it was August and hot even in the hotel).

I was so glad we did it that way. I would hate to think of my friends having to spend money to do me a favour : ) And I bought them all great thank you presents too!

Our wedding wasn't big, and it wasn't super fancy, but it wasn't chintzy either. We just went for simple and classic rather than glitzy and spent money on what was important to us, like location and food.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

My step-sister just got married last month, and I flew out to Winnipeg (from Seattle) for the festivities. The maid of honour and bridesmaid had to have an ankle length navy dress - both came in something slim fitted, although one had spaghetti straps and and a lovely scarfy thing around her neck (that would be the maid of honour) and the other girl had a dress in that Empress Josephine style - little off the shoulder sleeves and a princess waist line - right under the bust. Really classy and really pretty! The other bridesmaid was 16 or so, and had this lighter blue dress with little straps and a large bell style skirt. She was GORGEOUS! And it all went together quite nicely. I think they bought their own dresses and just wore whatever matching shoes they had. It turned out *really* well.

-- Anonymous, July 11, 2000

My older sisters wedding, I was a bridesmaid. A floral patterned dress in some stiff cotton fabric. scoop neckline and.....get ready....butterfly sleaves. (eeeeeewwwwa!). Tea length with ripple pleated v-shaped waistline. nude stockings, and (gag) pink pumps.

the punchline: 4 months after her ceremony I was in Pier One, where I found pillows created from the EXACT SAME Fabric as that god-awful dress.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

About the size miscalculations.... I've heard that they are definitely different than "normal" clothes.

When I got married I wore a 9/10 dress and had to get a size 16 dress. HELLO!????? One of my bridemaid's wore a 2 and had to get an 8.

Something is screwy there.

Personally, if I was a wedding and bridal gown manufacturer, I'd want the dresses to say "smaller" sizes to make the women not feel so badly about themselves!

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

Thank God, no bridezilla stories for me! I was maid of honor and my aunt was a bridesmaid at my mom's third wedding, and she let us pick out our own dresses. Then I was maid of honor at my best friend's wedding, and she picked out some reasonably attractive dresses, not the type I'd ever wear again but at least not hideous. She paid for the dresses, too. My best guy friend got married a couple of years ago, and I was one of two women on his side (groomswomen) along with the four ushers -- his bride had two guys on her side (bridesmen) along with four bridesmaids. It was an evening wedding, and they asked the women in the party to wear black, tea-length dresses with mid-to low heeled shoes. We all looked great.

All of these weddings were elaborate affairs, and the brides all looked like they could bite the heads off of six-penny nails, even my mom. After the second one, I said to myself, I'm getting married at the county courthouse and throw a big backyard barbecue and picnic for my friends. For the amount of money most people spend on dresses, I could hire a band for the picnic, fer chrissakes.

Am I the only woman in America who never cared about a big wedding? I work with a woman who is 23, and already has her wedding dress. No groom, just a dress. Oy.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

Y'all have to forgive me in advance for not knowing the code to make this a link (although I would be utterly grateful if someone could e-mail me with the secret!), but given this topic, I just had to share this site: http://www.thinds.com/jmh/ehell/index.htm . It's called Etiquette Hell, and it's a huge collection of wedding/shower/other invited social even horror stories. Some of them had me shrieking with laughter.

As I've always said, nothing brings out bad taste like a wedding.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

I have never been a bridesmaid, but at my own wedding all the dresses for me, my 3 bridesmaids, suits for the groom and his 3 groomsmen were all hired. No hassles, No horror stories. No clothes your never going to wear again costing a fortune to buy. Nice and simple.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

more on weddings...

I went relatively inexpensive and simple when I got married (and am glad about it now, since I'm divorced!) and I have to tell you, Jessica McClintock is the way to go.

Her sizes are true, and her dresses are beautiful AND comparatively cheap. My dress was about $375, and my girls paid $120. I took the three of them with me and let them decide amongst themselves what they would wear, and they bought them off the rack and we left. Lovely, simple, undecorated wine colored flowy fabric.

If any bridal salon had tried to make me buy a size 16 or something, I might have killed them.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

I was co best man at my best friend's wedding. He wanted me to wear a tux, but his wife nixed that idea. I did get to wear a very nice black dress...that I got to pick out. The bridemaids wore hunter green dresses that they will probably never wear again.

I've been a bridesmaid too many times to mention. The absolute worst was my cousin's wedding. Her colors were lavender and purple. All the dresses were purple. Dark purple.....mermaid style dresses. I looked like an eggplant. They were horrible. Thank goodness I didn't have to pay for any of that.

I'm expected to have a huge wedding. I think I'll elope and let my mom have her production by way of a reception.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

One of my other friends suggested a Unitarian church, also. I like the idea, myself, but I also like the idea of just having somebody preside over an outdoor ceremony, or something like that. I don't know, we'll see when the time comes (incidentally, just had one of those Relationship Chats with the boy, and the time is coming sooner rather than later, but anyway).

Even when I was still Catholic, Catholic weddings freaked me out. You have to go to six weeks of "marriage classes" before the ceremony, you can't get married to someone from another faith unless they agree to raise your children in the Catholic faith, and all this other stuff. It's ridiculous. At least, I thought so. Catholics probably don't think it's ridiculous.

-- Anonymous, July 12, 2000

Sorry to post again but I have to agree with Melissa about Jessica McClintock ! The last wedding that I was a bridesmaid in (friend of the groom) involved an arranged marriage. The mother of the groom planned almost everything and picked out and paid for the dresses. All I had to do was give her my measurements. The dress fit like a glove and only need a slight hem at the bottom. It's a beautiful dress that I love and could definitely wear again.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

Seeing the Etiquette Hell site reminded me of "And the Bride Wore" Check it out but be sure you aren't eating or drinking at the time!

http://www.visi.com/~dheaton/bride/the_bride_wore.html

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

I too am going to be a bridesmaid and am dreading it. Actually I'm the maid of honor for my sister's wedding. Am I just awful? I am throwing her a bridal shower though. But the mere thought of doing a bachelorette party...ugh. Anyone have any advice on this?

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

i have to dispute the stuff about the catholic "marriagie classes." i'm catholic and i went through that process about a year ago. my husband and i weren't really looking forward to it, but, in the end, we both agreed it was a lot of fun. first of all, they're not formal classes, but are more like in-depth conversations. we met with the priest several times to discuss why we wanted to get married, why we wanted to get married in the catholic church, the ceremony, etc., etc. it's my understanding that most faiths require that (prior discussions or meetings with a faith leader if they are being married in a church), not just catholics. plus, a friend of mine who is getting married, and is baptist, said she is going through a process very similar to my own.

my husband and i also were assigned a "sponsor couple" who we met with several times. we took little "quizzes" out of a workbook they had that asked a lot abour our living habits, our thoughts behind finances and family, how we felt about our future mate, etc. there were no wrong answers and no real tests. in fact, it helped open the lines of communication with my spouse and we were able to see a couple, although 20 years our senior, who still dealt with the same issues, frustrations and happinesses after so many years of marriage!

and as for signing the paper to raise your children as catholic, *i* only had to the sign paper, not my husband (who is not catholic). i think that's a personal decision. thousands of people make commitments to raise their children under the same religion as their own and aren't asked to sign a paper, but raise their children the way they want to anyway. some catholics sign the paper and don't adhere to it. it's all about individual choice. i don't think signing a paper makes catholics bad people because they put their commitment in writing.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

Jessica McClinktok, definitely... that's what my sister-in-law had at her wedding, and I LOVE that dress. I would wear it again anytime I can get away with it. Fit perfectly, unbelieveably flattering, really comfy, and only $100 bucks, no alterations. Glorious :)

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

I agree that it's a personal decision, Megan. Like I said, I feel that it's somewhat ridiculous, but I'm quite sure that all the Catholics who go through the process don't find it to be ridiculous; otherwise, they wouldn't do it.

It's just not for me, that's all.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

neither my sister or i had attendents. i thought it'd be a huge pain in the ass, and we only invited family anyway.

my sister, though, had a "celtic" (i.e. medieval) wedding. i thought my younger sister was joking on the phone when she said the wedding dress looked like a halloween costume. it turns out it WAS a halloween pattern made for my sister. (incidentally, sister decided to get a huge-ass "circle of energy" tattoo in the middle of her back, right above where the dress stopped in the back. medieval tattoo wedding? it looked a wee weird.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

On the Catholic marriage lessons thing - we had to do this because I'm Catholic. It's insisted upon because, in the Catholic church, marriage is a sacrament, not just a civil ceremony. I'm glad the make us do it - my husband is agnostic and was very hesitant about it all, but found it very interesting. As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't be getting married in a church if you're uncomfortable with the 'religious' elements involved - it makes a mockery of the religious beliefs of that church if you do. So if you can't hack the classes, get married in a garden.

Anyway, back to dresses - my husband had a best woman and we bought her dress the day before the event - we got married in NZ and only had a week there before the big day, so didn't have time to get things made, etc. She worn a long dark navy dress. My sisters were my bridesmaids and worn black shift-style dresses - we bought them two days before the wedding. A couple of people queried me buying them dark dresses to wear (before the day), but on the day it looked great because my husband was in a plain black dinner suit, and my dress was also very simple, so everything was classic and cool.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

i've been a bridesmaid three times - and two of them were the hidious poufy-sleeved crosscross back with a bow on the butt variety. at the time, i remember complaining (privately) about having to purchase these hidious pieces of clothing myself because i was perpetually broke. now that i'm older, however, and am getting married myself in a few months, i just have to add that the two people i have chosen to stand up for me are my closest and dearest friends in the world, and i asked them because more than anything i just want them to be there for me because i love them like family. so, even if you think it's going to be a horror story - think about why this person chose you, and be flattered.... it's really an honor to be cherished by somebody so much.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

I think you all are jerks and I am so glad that none of my friends names were up here. Being in someone's wedding should be an honor, not a cross to bear. from all your complaining about how much this is costing you, I am sure your negativity rubbed off on the bride and that's why she took things out on you. Attendants are always expected to pay for their own attire. If you didn't want to pay, you should have declined the invitation. No one forces you to be in a friend's wedding. You should do in of your own valition. If you were really the kinds of friends you think you are, you'd be supportive rather than vindicitve and petty, and share in what should be a joyous occasion rather than go behind your friend's back and slam her on the internet. You're all just shallow and I'm so happy I don't know any of you.

-- Anonymous, January 16, 2002

Katherine, I hope it all went well with the wedding you were in.

To the "bride to be" above, let me say - hold on sister!!! First of all, it is custom in the US for attendants to pay for their own dress, transport, etc. Have you ever heard of things being different in other parts of the world? 'Cause the person who said they shouldn't have to pay for the dress is obviously from the UK or Australia, and it is not the custom for the attendants to pay their own way there. So yes, she does get to gripe.

We talked for a week about finding a bridesmaid's dress that all of us girls can look atleast OK in and be comfortable enough to dance in , especially for those of us who are big busted. This was the bride's idea, not mine. We got online with the store she was headed to and went through the styles. I pointed out what would work well for me and what I could deal with. This included dresses with low backs, halter neckline (it wasn't ugly, really) and even a strapless one that she really liked. Maybe 15 of them were in her color. I told her all those styles would be great or OK for me and the other slim-but-chesty girl, we could easily find bras that work well and wouldn't have to tug on the dress or bra all night. Her two other attendants are rails - no curves. My soon-to-be sister-in-law chose the most uncomfortable, unflattering, hideous dress in the whole store. It isn't that the dress is so ugly, it's that I could NEVER wear it. What was she thinking? Do you really want your bridesmaids to look hideous?

Well, that was yesterday. Today I am online to find people to commiserate with and have a good laugh. I will need my sense of humor for this one - big time! For the record, I did try numerous times to bow out of being a bridesmaid gracefully, but as the groom's sister, if the bride insists, there isn't much you can do. I told her over and over that I will do whatever she wants, help her in any way, do a reading, greet & direct guests (outdoor wedding), anything, just don't make me a bridesmaid. Now I have the hideous dress to go with it.

Yes, it's her day. Yes, I'll smile for the pictures. No, my hatred of the dress won't rub off on her. My husband and I are throwing a big bash two days before at a legendary bar at their destination wedding site. People are coming in early just for that. We are planning showers and bachorlette parties. I am building her a webpage. I spent more time getting her invitations out than she did. Am I redeemed for complaining that the dress is awful?

-- Anonymous, February 10, 2002