When do you find someone feeling shameful for the person that you are? Are you a loud-talker? Do you say things that you don't mean? Big forehead? Strange feet that you love to show off?

What do you have that makes other people uncomfortable?

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

Answers

I tend to be fairly straight-talking, and I have a bit of a nasty sense of humour at times. I know some people find me too much because of these two elements. And I definitely know people dislike the fact that I don't care for the opinions of people who find me too much.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

I have a love of Reality that people shy away from. Let me be clear about this -- I'm not saying that most people live in dream worlds, and I'm also not saying that Reality is my favorite vacation spot. But like Jackie, I tend to be as straightforward as I can be without just throwing tact to the wind completely. I don't mind telling people how I feel about them, and you wouldn't believe how many people are aghast at such things. Pretty bad when honesty shocks.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

Hmm. I'm not sure this is an easily-categorizable trend in my life, but I'll give you an example of what about me makes other people embarrassed/uncomfortable:

Last night, I was trying to find a restaurant where I was going to meet friends, and I got lost. So, first I stopped at a gas station, but the proprietor spoke only Korean, and attempted to give me directions in Korean, which didn't really work out so well.

I walked out of there and decided to stop at the very next business establishment I saw to ask directions, and if they couldn't give me directions, I'd stop at the next, and so forth. The next place was a Jack in the Box (fast food chain).

I go in intending to ask the counter jockey for directions, but he was tied up with somebody's humongous special order, and it looked like it would take a few minutes, and I was in a hurry. So I walked into the main dining area of the restaurant and yelled, "Hi! I'm completely lost! And I need directions! Can anyone help me??"

A lot of people looked vaguely embarrassed and sort of looked away, like you would for an obviously crazy person, BUT, two very nice people helped me out with the directions and set me on my way. I was at my destination within five minutes.

I guess maybe I'd have to call it "not being afraid to make a scene."

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

My bosses can be very uptight about some things but no prob what so ever with other. For the longest time, they were SO uncomfortable with me being gay. I used that to aggravate them in public, especially restaurants. If I got something caught in my throat and was coughing, when they'd ask if I was alright, i'd say, "Yeah, but Van you need to start trimming those pubes, beacuse I hate having them stuck in my throat." Usually this was in front of a waiter.

I was actually thinking about this topic today because I watched one of the Muppett movies last night (it was on, I was bored, besides there is so much adult humor in them) and there was a scene where they're all arguing and Janis from the Electric Mayhem Band keeps talking after everyone else is quiet and she says," It like I told him, 'I don't care if it's art, I'm not taking my top off for your pictures.'" You could feel Kerm

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

I think people are sometimes put off by my restaurant behavior.

I ask for things.

Now in itself, that may not seem so strange. But I can't tell you how many times I've been out to eat with people who refuse to ask for something they really really want. (and paid for)

Like the coke they were craving but didn't get b/c the waiter brought them water instead.

Food served hot instead of cold in the middle b/c it was taken off the grill too early.

Extra lemons with their seafood, a napkin or even silverware to eat with - people are somehow embarrassed to ask for these things in fear they might upset the waitstaff. Ok - I waited tables for 6 years. That's just stupid. People forget things, it's ok to ask. (of course it's not ok to be a bitch about it)

But people get embarrassed for me when I do this. I don't get it.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

I am a spaz. I accept this. I spill things, I knock things over, I bump into things, and I trip. Alot. I'm used to it, and I accept is as part of me.

Now, through lots of practice, I've also managed to develop pretty quick reflexes. When I reach for the pepper and bump into my wine glass instead, I can usually grab it before it spills. Usually. If I do, I generally don't acknowledge what almost happened. Others are always quick to point out how disaster was narrowly averted, but it just doesn't occur to me. I *caught* it... why bother commenting??

When I don't catch the wine before it spills, well, then I'll say "shit, sorry." (or something similar) and start the clean up process. I'm rather adept at cleaning up; I've had to do it so many times before. But, I see no reason to stop the conversation just because I've made a little mess. It happens all the time, right? Well, at least it happens to *me* all the time!

Everyone else acts like I've started throwing my own poo. It annoys me.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

My fiance` is constantly embaressed by my ability to get pissed off at the slightest of inconveniences or rude behavior. This only happens when we're shopping.. I can't help it, I've worked in retail since I was 15, strive harder than just about anyone I know to go the extra mile for the customer, etc, etc and therefore have no qualms whatsoever about asking to see a manager if an employee pisses me off. This ultimately embaresses my fiance` to such a degree that he's practically dragging me out of the store by my hair as I'm trying to explain to the manager why it was rude of the sales woman to tell me she could not help me and I should go find the woman who actually works in that department... hello, people?! grrrrr...

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

Ditto what Jackie said. She took the words right out of my mouth.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

Sometimes when my husband calls me from work (or I call him), I say things I wouldn't want other people to hear...in a really loud voice. He's convinced the whole office can hear, but I've chosen to pretend he's wrong. Otherwise, I couldn't look any of his co-workers in the face ever again.

And when I am assertive in retail situations or restaurants, he pretty much walks away. Accepting terrible service and products with a smile is what the English are good at, so he doesn't like it when I make a fuss.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

Ha! It's not just the English, it's us Canadians too! My mother is American but I was born and raised in Canada. I had a really hard time getting used to the fact that she just *asked* for things that she wanted, or just *started* conversations with people that looked interesting or friendly. I was alwasy embarrased when she did things like this. But whenever we go to the states she's just right at home. People expect this kind of behaviour and respond really positively. Back in Canada they would just give her strange embarassed looks, and walk away readjusting the coke bottles up they're asses.

-- Anonymous, July 13, 2000

well, I tend to freak out in public which others tend to not be able to stand. I can't control it though. I end up yelling and saying "why don't they just get out of the way!!! I can't take the picture with them there!! ::begin ripping at my hair and moaning::" I only do it because every little thing that doesn't go right makes me panic. it's some messed up chemicals in my brain.

plus, I tend to be a bitch when I'm having a panic attack or my sinuses are acting up. besides that I'm pretty quiet and no one notices me enough to be embarassed by me...hehe.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

I don't remember spelling my name without the r. what the hell?

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

I tend to be the quiet one, but when the mood strikes me I always start making silly remarks. This is mostly inspired by watching way too much Monty Python. For example:

Me (putting on a weary voice): "Life is a cup of tea." Someone else: "What do you mean by that?" Me (pretending to blow my top): "How the hell should I know?! I ain't no philosopher!"

Sometimes it serves to break the ice, but there are times and places for things - and sometimes I just have a knack for picking the wrong time and place.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

I love embarrassing my twin sister:) One time, I went to a local coffee shop with a bunch of friends and she came with. We were just about to leave the place when the radio started playing "Cherish" by Madonna. I, this being somewhat normal behavior for me, layed down on the floor and started rolling around and posing like Madonna in the video. All my friends loved it, but my sister was embarrassed:) That was fun. I also dance. Whenever my friends and I go, I dance. Like, at the movie theatre when they play music before the movie starts and that music just so happens to be "Sweet Home Alabama", you HAVE to stand up and play air guitar.

P.S. I know it wasn't this forum, but I agree with whoever said that Holly on Road Rules looks like Pamie.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

I am sarcastic and cynical every waking moment. People think this is an uncontrolled feature of my personality but I can assure you that it isn't. I also laugh at the worst times possible. I'm talking about laughing during a funeral because someone almost tripped on the stairs. I. Am. That. Bad. People feel sorry for me because I am almost always laughing like a loon.

-- Anonymous, July 14, 2000

i get *so* embarrassed for other people, including strangers. i don't know what it is. like once i was in this coffee house at an open mic, and this middle-aged guy got up and cracked some lame jokes, and then proceeded to play his harmonica pretty poorly. my friends were laughing, but i was turning beet red like i was the one getting laughed at! heh. i've gotten better, though, laughing at the people makin' fools of themselves.

-- Anonymous, July 15, 2000

Stijn de Jong, I wish I knew you. I love off-the-wall humor, especially Monty Python influenced humor.

As for embarrassing people, the absolute worst (according to my friends) is the way I respond to catcalls and sexual gestures or comments from random strange groups of guys in public places. No, I don't get offended or make a big angry scene, I simply look at the guys, lick my lips suggestively, and wink as I walk on by. All my friends say it makes me look like a slut. I say bullshit. It's hilarious because it totally throws the guys for a loop, since they're never actually expecting a lewd gesture in return. A typical female response to catcalling is either offended disdain, or an embarrassed aversion of the eyes. I have fun with it. Of course, any friend that's with me when this happens pretends not to know me.

***Please note that I would never do something like this in a dangerous situation, like if I were alone at night or something. I may be daring at times, but I'm not stupid.***

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2000

>As for embarrassing people, the absolute worst (according to my friends) is the way I respond to catcalls and sexual gestures or comments from random strange groups of guys in public places. <

TEE HEE. I've done that once - I was adjusting my skirt on a street corner, and some guys started whistling at me, as I was showing a bit of leg. I yelled back "You like that, huh?" and hiked up my skirt a little more. They were a bit taken aback, as I grinned and my friends stood there half amused, half shocked. (I'm normally pretty quiet). It was a riot. And you're right, guys never expect lewd responses. You just gotta give it right back to'em.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2000

Hm. I have a slightly different response to those guys, especially in bar situations. I have an example (which my friends that were present to witness still talk about):

About six of my friends and I were at this crowded, smoke-filled bar that was full of frat boys playing pool and the like. We'd gone because one of my friends said they could pour a great Guinness there (they could). After awhile, my friends Liz and Heather went over to play darts and I went over with them to watch. That's when this obnoxious drunk guy that had been hassling us off and on throughout the evening wandered up:

Obviously Drunk Guy (to me): Hey, you come here often?
Me: No.
ODG: Well, you should, because you are a FINE LOOKING WOMAN and I can think of nothing better I'd like to do than to buy you a drink or two.
Me: (thinking, Christ, am I on some weird combination of Candid Camera and the Dating Game?): No, thanks. Excuse me, but I'm trying to watch my friends play darts here.
ODG: Well, that's OK, I just wanted to tell you how FINE you were looking, you know, guys can't really resist FINE LOOKING WOMEN, so I thought maybe you'd be interested in--
Me: Look, jerkoff, I don't know what the FUCK your problem is, but I think I made it perfectly clear about FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO that I was no longer interested in being anywhere within a 50-yard radius of your drunken, stinking ass, or any other part of your anatomy for that matter. So in case you didn't grasp my subtle approach before, I'm telling you to FUCK STRAIGHT OFF and leave me the fuck alone, all right?

He didn't bother me again that evening. My friend Danny said he wanted to stand up and cheer. Moral of the story: When you're being harassed by drunk guys, the direct approach tends to work best.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2000

I am often embarrassing my friends, as I am a major drama queen (I'm an only child AND an actor- quite a combination) and am often making a spectacle of myself in public. The most recent example of this is that my friend and I were waiting to be picked up from the train station and there was a lady across the street in a car, obviously waiting to pick up her kids. She looked bored, I was bored, so I gave her an impromptu 15-minute ballet performance in the middle of the street. At first she pretended not to see me but after a little while I'd won her over and she sat there beaming and applauding. My friend looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her up but I figured, hey, if I can brighten up this lady's day and alleviate her boredom for a bit, why the hell not? I've also been known to run down the street in my underwear, talk in foreign accents while shopping and give flowers to strangers. People need a little entertainment in this mundane world. I've received some strange looks but most people are tickled by it.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2000

I only do the lip-licking and such if it's just guys passing by on the street or something. Catcalls and whistling don't offend me at all as long as it's strictly complimentary and not obscene comments (to which I would probably reply with sarcasm and some reference to the guy's inability to get laid). After all, I've been out with girl friends who whistle and yell out "Hey baby!" to every hot guy they see, so I don't think it's a problem. Guys putting the moves on you in bars is a completely different situation.

If someone's drunk and pestering you or touching you when you don't want them to, however, don't make suggestive gestures. I think it should be pretty obvious to most women that that is NOT a smart move, so I really don't need to be saying any of this.

-- Anonymous, July 17, 2000

Okay, this might just take this forum topic into another, very bad, area, but I can't help myself.

I hate it when guys whistle at me. It makes me feel like a piece of fucking meat and I hate that. I hate it when it makes me feel scared, like when I'm walking alone.

Lara, you said that you've been with female friends who have yelled "hey baby", which you see the same as catcalling.. this isn't meant to piss you off or begin a fight, but do those women, to your knowledge, ever make the men that they're yelling at feel frightened for their safety? Then it's not the same as cat-calling or some guy telling me what he'd like to do to me when I'm by myself.

It's just a huge pet peeve of mine.

I don't get embarassed that easily, but I do get embarassed for other people - when I see someone trip obviously on a non-existant curb or something, I feel bad for them 'cos I would feel slightly stupid if I did the same thing.

-- Anonymous, July 18, 2000