Answering reader mail...greenspun.com : LUSENET : Xeney : One Thread |
So far, I haven't had a problem keeping up with reader mail. It sometimes takes me a couple of days, but I usually get to it, because it's important to me. Then again, I don't get that much reader mail. I'm curious about other people's opinions on this topic.The issue was raised on one forum that 1) Kind words from a reader should be worth more than a quarter. Another topic veered off into 2) Readers get no respect. And some journalers have said in the past 3) We don't owe the readers anything.
Do journalers who have donations or banners have more of an obligation to answer mail? Have you given up trying to answer all the mail you get? Have you written to a journaler and been hurt when they didn't answer?
Discuss.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I tend to write little notes to anyone whose journal I've read and enjoyed, just saying something simple like "Nice work, keep it up!" and not really expecting anything back. I have gotten a few replies and always felt warm and squishy when I did, but I didn't really care when I didn't, eitherLike Monique, I don't get very much reader mail either, but I tend to respond to most of it. But I'm in the habit of immediately responding to mail I get from friends so I tend to do the same with "fans". I started a journal in the first place because I enjoy writing, so writing back to readers is still fun for me.
I think journalers who get compensated for their efforts should try to interact with their fans in some way, though I think the guestbook/forum is a better way than email if you are very popular. (Because it's the writing the fans like, so a private email to one person is a bit counter-productive.)
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I admit that I am not as good about answering reader mail as I used to be. But then again, I'm not as good about answering e-mail period as I used to be. I don't get much reader mail -- maybe five e- mails a week? And I do eventually answer all of it, but sometimes it takes me a while.
When I've seen this discussion before, I find that the people who have a hard time answering reader mail not only get a high volume of mail, but also have a hard time writing back and just saying, "Thanks" and feel obligated to say more. If someone just writes to me and says, "I like your journal", I do just write back and say, "Thanks." What else am I supposed to say?
Anyway, I have never been hurt by a lack of reply from a journaller. I don't take it personally. I just assume the person is busy.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
When I read something that interests me, and I feel like commenting on it, I write the person who wrote it a letter. Sometimes they reply, sometimes they don't. If they are a busy writer, they may be swamped. Still, I feel like my comment was astute, and the fact that they ignore it baffles me.I'm not interested in flattery. "You're cool for liking my book/web site/record." I think I'm looking for more of a, "Interesting observation," or, "You're nuts. Go away."
If you answer some people that way they will hound you to death. They cannot be encouraged. Don't waver. Be strong.
I answer most of the people who write to me. But then, I don't get much mail.
When I have written some of the people I read every day, several times, and gotten no answer, I get paranoid. I feel excluded. Personally. Weighed in the balance and found wanting.
This is probably an inaccurate estimation of my worth, one way or another. Busy people really are busy.
Screed and Forty were both published by people I wrote, out of the blue, and I have gotten speaking gigs from sending someone a copy of a book, unsolicited. So you have to keep writing people, even when you feel rebuffed. You never know what will get through.
I hear from people who have read things I have no recollection of writing. Cause and effect isn't linear, but circuitous. Crab-like. Serpentine, as Alan Arkin said to Peter Falk, in The In-Laws.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I've written to people to tell them I like their journal, usually something specific about something they wrote about. It didn't occur to me for a long time to do it, until I saw journalers complaining about how they didn't get any response on something important they wrote. I didn't get onto notify lists for a long time either, it was enough to just read the journal.I've read so many journals where the journaler gets defensive about being approached or gets into the whole "you think you know me but you don't" thing. I guess I can understand it (there's no shortage of annoying people ready to send email) but it kind of bugs me. If you don't want public reaction, don't have a public journal. Or at least don't complain about the reaction you do get unless it's someone stalking you.
I don't expect them to write back, but it's fun if they do. I don't feel they have any obligation to do so, whether they ask for donations or have ads, or not.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
Perhaps I'm tempting fate here, but I've never gotten mail that's overly intrusive. I can't really imagine what an overly intrusive e- mail would be.It's ridiculous for me to say, "Readers, you don't know me!" when one of the objectives of my journal is to let people get to know me. I guess there are other journals that have a less intimate feel to them, but it's all to do with the comfort level and boundaries of the particular writer.
I've also never gotten hate mail, although I've expected to at times. (Not that I want any. Please don't feel obligated.)
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I can vouch for Mo, she always answers her mail. ;) I always answer my mail too, but it tends to take me a while to respond. My friends also know that if they send me e-mail, chances are, they will hear from me in three days, I just can't seem to get the time-management thing down.When I first started journalling, I wrote mail to four or five already established journallers. I didn't know who was "famous" yet, I only knew who I liked. I only got two responses back, and I felt terribly stupid for having written them at all. Now I tend not to write most journallers, even the ones I like, just because I figure I won't get a response back.
Nobody's obligated to do anything, but it is a bummer to write somebody something simple, and hear nothing back.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I ALWAYS answer email, almost always the same day. It's fun. No, I don't think banners or donations should make a difference. And I understand some people are swamped, crabby, or just dislikes answering email. Their privelege.--Al of NOVA NOTES.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
From conversations I've had with a rather high-profile journaller, I know that a lot of people whose journals are highly trafficked seem to believe that some people only send them notes of appreciation in a quest for a link. While I'm sure there are people who go out of their way to suck up to certain journallers in the hopes of being linked and reaping the reward of hits -- one in particular that I've seen in action was nothing short of hilarious, if pathetic -- I think that in most cases, the appreciation is genuine. I also find it sad and a bit laughable that some journallers think people are only sending them kind emails because they want a link; it's like they have confidence in their traffic, but not in their writing. In some cases, this is with good reason, so...
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I'm the one who wrote that readers should get more respect over in the other topic.My point was not really about whether or not journalers write back to readers...it's more about them mentioning numerous times here and elsewhere what an annoyance or burden all that email gets to be. And it's especially irritating to read in light of the fact that journalers are now talking about asking the readers for money to pay for the space they take up with all their reading, admiration and support.
I really think some journalers ought to think a little more about what they are writing in these discussions and how it sounds, and about who exactly is making them such popular commodities out there after all.
I have written to maybe five journalers on one or more occassions over the past year and a half. Perhaps I wrote to agree with something they wrote or to offer some short note of empathy. Three never wrote back, and that was fine, so I did not write them again. Two did write friendly responses, and that's great, too.
Respond if you want to, or don't if you are not inclined...there's no expectation on my part one way or another. But if you don't want people to write to you at all, then don't write publicly about your personal issues, and if you do, and you are a success, don't talk out loud about how all the fan e-mail is "annoying." That's.... well...annoying!
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I personally think it is rude when someone doesn't answer an email by at least giving a short thank you or some type of aknowledgement. That is, unless someone has an extremely high volume of readers and emails that run in hundreds. If that is the case, I think a blanket statement thanking their readers should be made.I've read journalers who have blasted their readers for trying to give advise. Those are the ones I lose great respect for and usually end up not reading anymore. They just seem too touchy for my taste.
That's my 2 cents worth.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I answer email from my readers almost before I open it... that may be the reason that they get such odd responses from me. I really do enjoy feedback of all kinds I even enjoy the occasional dig.However, the mail that is most appreciated is my little legion of editors (I really do like to hear from them as soon as I post the better, though some of those mistakes are really intentional) nothing like looking like a moron all of the time, now some of the time I can deal with.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I guess I'm just lucky. I think I've gotten replies from almost all of the journallers I've written to (half a dozen? ten?), at least a note, often real messages. I typically don't expect a response when I send a message, and mostly they're the "I liked blank because of blank" type. Maybe it helps that I don't have a journal, so there's no way I'm trolling for a link...Journallers certainly don't owe readers e-mail, the only thing that would irritate me is if someone I'd written to and who hadn't responded then complained about not getting much e-mail. But that hasn't happened so far.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I love recieving mail from readers and I respond long letters just to let them know how appreciative I am about it. I mean, I do write to have readers, right?I think it's only curteous to respond to someone who has time out of their day to give you feedback . . . right?
Am I wrong?
Am I too nice?
No!
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
I answer questions, comments and thoughtful responses.I summarily delete flames and anything else rude.
I still don't feel I _owe_ anyone an answer. But I _like_ to answer and I think it's courteous to do so.
-- Anonymous, July 27, 2000
In theory, I think that if someone writes you a nice little complimentary email about your site, you should write them back, and thank them, upon reciept of their email.In theory. In actual fact, if I answered all the mail I get, from family, friends, and from my site, it would amount to a part time job. Also, there are some akward problems that arise when one answers all of one's email.
I used to answer it all....and I used to try to be somewhat amusing when I answered it...but then I learned that for some people, the fact that you write back to them indicates to them the invitation of friendship. So, I would answer their email, and then five minutes after I hit send, I would have a long return email from them. Now, sometimes you just have these little 4 or 5 email exchanges - brief conversations that eventually die out naturally over a day or two, but I was finding that this was not the case, and these people were expecting that we would continue this constant emailing back and forth indefinately.
My theory on mail is, when you send some to someone, it is like a gift. You write something amusing, or comforting, or complimentary, and you send it off, and like a gift, there is no implication of reciprocity, no strings attached, and no obligation on the reciever's part to act upon it. It is a gift, freely given out of the kindness of one's heart, and to expect anything in return is not right.
I am always thrilled when people take the time to write me, but the fact is, I can either keep working on the website, which is probably what prompted them to write, or I can answer all of my mail, but I don't have enough free time to do both.
I am most likely to answer 'issue' email - people that point out tech problems on my site get a fast response ( and a huge 'thank you'), as do people who write asking for help with setting up Blogger. I try to answer email from kids, and from people who keep personal sites in a somewhat timely manner. I just can't answer everyone.
As for people being hurt, I just have to point out that, if you don't hear back from them, you can't always be sure they recieved your email. My hosting company has lost a tonne of email sent to the people they host domains for - hundreds and hundreds. I can think of at least 3 other journalers who host with the same company - if you emailed any of us and didn't get a response, maybe we just never got your email.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I get a really nice steady stream of appreciative emails - usually three or four every day. It's great to wake up each morning after posting my entry the night before and find reader feedback, and it makes me always want to update.I've never had a bad reader email, which is a relief. I don't like mean people!
I respond to every email, although sometimes it may take a few days. If somebody's written me a long chatty email with lots of interesting comments in it, I will want to respond in kind, and this can sometimes take time. But I will always respond eventually, and the longer the delay the more time I will spend on the reply, because I'll feel guilty.
I think it's the height of bad manners to not respond to an email (unless it's negative, in which case I'd bin it). Even if the reader has only said 'I really like your journal', it's not difficult to say 'Thanks very much, it's great to get such positive feedback' in reply.
I've emailed a lot of writers because I like to make personal connections with people if I enjoy their work. Virtually all have replied, and I'll deleted the bookmarks of those who have not.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I'm not one for making my existence known to people unbidden, e.g. if I read a book of theirs and like it I don't usually then write them a letter telling how impressed I was, etc. So it's hard to be disappointed when your heroes don't write back when you don't write them in the first place :) As for answering email that someone else has sent me, that's not a problem for me since I receive almost none (received exactly one regarding my journal while I was doing that). Personally I think it's polite to take the time to write back if someone else has taken the time to write, but since I'm not snowed in with messages it's perhaps easy for me to say. If I was getting even 10 or 20 messages a day from various sources, I'd dread the task rather more
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I've never had nasty mail, but I've had some weird stuff - like one guy who wrote to me seeking the Meaning of Life. I wrote an entry with a (stunningly original) title "A house is not a home" and in came the crazies. Strange.Most of the people who write to me are very nice, aren't they, Jackie C?
cheers
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I started my journal recently, and the first live (to the world) entry mentioned some of the journals that inspired me to do so. I e-mailed the journalers I wrote about, mostly to be polite about the fact that I'd put in a link to them, even though I didn't expect there to be much traffic. I guess I was actually expecting them all to answer, although now I'm afraid they think I was trolling for a link or a mention.Pamie very sweetly wrote back and complimented the journal's design, along with a few words about her forum (which I was having trouble with). Beth hasn't replied, but now that she has explained how much mail she gets I'm not concerned - I have trouble responding to the half-dozen e-mails I get from friends each week, mostly because they think that e-mail is to be responded to immediately. I hadn't really realized the amount of traffic/mail Beth gets until I saw that forest fire of a forum topic on the button. The third journaler, whose site is less travelled, did send a significant reply, and I will e-mail him again, although try not to hound him.
I have written other journalers and if I write anything that moves beyond "nice entry", or "yeah I did that once too" then I expect a response. Sometimes what they write will really trigger a response, and my fear is that the e-mail will seem too "stalkerish", and the recipient will think I'm becoming obsessed with them. So if I don't receive a reply I never know how to follow up, especially if that person continues to solicit e-mail in their journal.
I certainly hope to receive and reply to reader mail in the future, but I know if I start hitting Pamie/Beth levels I may be months behind in replying.
--chris
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I don't get much reader mail about my journal, but because of other sites I maintain plus the couple of mailing lists I'm on, I can easily get 100+ emails a day. Just weeding through it to get to what I want/need to respond to can be such a chore. I can't begin to imagine how much mail Pamie and Beth and some of the other journallers get.Often, after reading someone's journal entry, my first reaction is to email to respond. I usually don't, because I don't want to seem like a crazystalkerchick/linktroll or because I figure said writer gets so much email anyway. When I do write, what *I've* written determines whether I'd expect a response or not. If I'm relating my own commentary about an entry or asking a question, I'd want a response. If I just wrote a 'love your journal!' I don't particularly expect a response. Also, those times when journallers mention personal crises or problems, I will often send along a sympathy note, and I don't expect replies to those, because I *know* they're getting hundreds of emails from others saying the exact same thing, and if I was in their places, the last thing I'D want to deal with is replying to 200 strangers. (Not that I wouldn't appreciate the gesture.)
And, I don't ever think it's my place to advise journallers on how to live their lives. Puh-lease, I can't keep my own straight most of the time.
Back to emails (about my journal) *I* get.... At this point, I get so few there's no excuse not to answer them all. Unfortunately, the weirdo emails outnumber real responses, and those I do not answer. (I get lots of obscene email in different languages. I do NOT know why.)
Still, I do get a little thrill when I do hear back from someone I've written. And, I have felt disappointed when a few emails have gone unanswered. But, overall, I don't feel that journallers owe me *any* response. They do so much just by putting their writing out there. And if they have banners/donate buttons? So? I do NOT think that adds any additional obligation for them to directly interact with their audience. Neither action puts any fiscal responsibility upon the reader. It doesn't make a journal a pay site. It's a way to enable them to keep up the burden of running a site, without having to charge readers outright. (I'm going to stop on this chain of thought, since it's been hashed to death in another thread.)
I think I've rambled a bit, so to summarize: I don't believe that journallers have *any* obligation to answer email. Nor, do they have any obligation to update daily or to even continue running their sites. I haven't given up on answering the mails I get 'cause I just don't get that many. And, despite what I've just said, I have felt slighted on occasions when emails I've sent haven't gotten responses. That's a contradictory emotion to my own first stated opinion, but belief and practice aren't always the same thing. ;)
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I wasn't going to respond to this topic, but then I read what Kristin said:"...but then I learned that for some people, the fact that you write back to them indicates to them the invitation of friendship."
Word, Kristen. And I feel bad even saying such a thing, because I should be glad people write to me in the first place, right? But yeah, I'll sit down and tell myself "You are going to answer all your emails." By the time I get to Number 26, I've gotten five responses to the emails I just sent.
Sometimes people write me and say stuff like, "You are just like me! I think we were separated at birth! If I had a website, it would probably be just like yours. My friends keep saying I should have my own site. You would like my site if I made one," and on and on. What should my reply be? "Thank you for thinking I am just like you"?
I get a lot of emails that say "I really like your site. I have my own site. You might want to check it out." And if the person writing that has any semblance of courtesy in her email, I will save it, fully intending to check out her site. I have about 3 billion of those. Sometimes I find really cool sites that way. But it takes me time to look at all those sites.
I have lots of e-friends with whom I'm constantly exchanging long messages. Although it seems like I'm online all the time, I could only spend that time answering my reader mail if I totally ignored my friends.
Sometimes I save emails for so long that I'm embarrassed to respond so late and I just throw them away.
All this is post-faced by this anecdote. When I first started my site, I emailed Evany to tell her how much I admired her. And I put in a link to my site and asked her to look at it. And I was hurt and annoyed when she didn't respond. But now I understand how it goes.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I always try to reply to emails I get -- not that I get many at this point. I find it flattering that people take the time to write, and so it would be rude to ignore them. I've only gotten one hate mail, and it was just nonsensical.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
May I just say that Beth makes a supreme effort in answering email - she's answered every one Ive ever written to her and she must get loads!! On topic : I must admit I am sensitive about replying to mail as a feature of common courtesy. If I mail a journaller and I don't get mail back, especially when its obvious I am looking for a reply or Ive sent a gift (which I do on occasion), I do get a bit hurt! Mostly I do get lovely replies from the journallers I write to, however there is one lady, who I have mailed a few times in the past year or so, who makes me feel like the dust beneath her feet. She will curtly reply to your first mail but will never continue correspondence with you after that, one gets the feeling she's feels she is just too talented and chic to have anything to do with you!!!!
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I have found that moving to UBB from Greenspun has given me much more time to answer e-mail. It used to be so many hundreds of letters in my mailbox, the thought of reading and answering every single one was exhausting.I have a hard time replying to "thanks. i like your site." because writing back "thank you" seems so cold and fast. writing "thanks. i like getting mail" sounds stupid. and "thanks. i don't know anything about you, so all i can say is thanks." is ridiculous.
if someone asks a question or shares a story, i'll generally write back. if someone sends me a link, i'll check out the site.
but, yes, sometimes you get mail and once you respond it just opens the floodgates for so much mail from them in one day. this isn't the rule, it's the exception, but it's exhausting. you've opened up a two-way communication, and you're a bitch if you don't write back.
i remember once someone had written an entry about how i didn't have time to write him back when he sent me a sympathy e-mail about lillith dying. i just thought, "i got so many hundreds of e-mails about lillith. every time i typed her name i'd cry. i used the entries to thank everyone for their love." i couldn't believe that. really. when you're greiving, you'd think people wouldn't put their own self- worth first.
when i am sent gifts or cards, i always send something back. i was thinking about that, when discussing the donate button. if you'd rather get a card when you send one imagine this: you send a quarter, she sends you a thank-you letter. that's an eight cent loss. and that's only if you live in the us. sending xmas cards around the world is very expensive. i don't mind it, but i was just thinking about that when i saw people would like thank you letters for the 25 cent donate button.
i try and write everyone back. but i often send out mail that says, "that cracked me up." i never expect a reply. if their return e-mail is just as short, i know we're done. we met in the hall and shared a brief exchange.
people are busy. i try to just say hi and move on.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
It's interesting to hear this from a really busy journal writer (Pamie's) perspective.When I think about it, I'd rather people who are so good as to warrant hundreds of emails spent their time writing more funny entries to keep me entertained, rather than typing 'thanks for saying such a nice thing' over and over again. So I'd like to revise my earlier view that's it's the height of bad manners to not answer emails.
(Damn ... I wish there was an edit function in this forum so I wouldn't have to post than once if I want to add something!)
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I answer almost every reader mail I get. It often takes me a while to get to it, but I figure that if people took the time to read what I wrote and send me a note, it's only polite to write back. And I appreciate hearing from people. And I have approval issues and don't want people to think I'm rude.But I don't get to all of them. I do have a couple of "regular" correspondents who send me a note on almost every column I post, and I confess that I don't respond to everything that handful of people sends me, but they don't seem to take it personally...and they shouldn't. I spend the bulk of my day online, putting out fires at Mighty Big TV and redirecting the dozens of e-mails asking me how to write to the guys on "Making The Band," and it's not that I don't appreciate the thought, but I have to prioritize.
It's really a time issue, and I assume it's thus for all journallers and people publishing regularly...I myself feel as though I "owe" my readers responses, but it isn't always possible.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I don't feel journallers are obligated to reply to email, but it's always nice... I get nervous about sending fan-type mail, because I'm afraid they'll think I'm just trolling for a link, or, alternately, that my comment will just be too dumb. I always reply to emails, but I still don't get that many, so it hasn't become a real time commitment yet. I'm not hurt when I don't get replies, except for once when I was replying to a reply, and the journaller had asked me a really hard and personal question, and I gave my answer a lot of thought.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I am notorious about not answering e-mail. It's not just readers, though; it's friends, family, business, boyfriend, long-lost sisters (hi, Paty; yes, I'm two behind now). I'm hoping what Pamie says about UBB is true, because I lose things in the avalanche. Including all sources (this forum, the very few mailing lists to which I'm still subscribed, spam, friends, readers, family, business), I get about 450 e-mails a day. I filter the mail to some extent, but all the general mail -- friends, readers, and spam -- seems to join the big pile in my inbox.I have what I call my imaginary mailbox, which is where the e-mails go that I've answered in my head, so shouldn't that count? That's most of them that come in during the work day, honestly. They come in, I think of a response, I can't reply now so I'll get to it later, and ... that's it. It's gone. I never go back to them, because by the time I get home there are 50 new messages that need to be read.
Your best bet for getting a reply is to send me something short at a time when I'm online at home. Seriously. That's about it. That applies whether you're my mom or a total stranger sending me hate mail. If I'm not online, if I'm busy at the time I read the mail, it's just gone. I'll mean to get back to it, really I will, but I never will.
I'm not blasé about this like some journalers are -- I continue to feel bad about not getting back to the mail. I sometimes set aside time on Saturdays to read back through the week's mail and try to reply, and next thing I know it's three hours later and Jeremy is saying, "Are you going to be on the computer all day?" And I've only answered a fraction of the mail.
I just can't do it. You can hate me, you can stop reading me, you can decide I'm a snob, but it doesn't change the fact that there are not. enough. hours. in the day. And if there were more hours, honestly, I'd probably spend them writing back to my sister, or updating more frequently, or posting on the forum. I really do appreciate reader mail (even the hate mail; it gives me somewhere to direct my crabbiness), but I can't possibly answer it all. Not even "thanks."
This is why I have a forum, by the way. I think it's a much better way to foster discussion and feedback. I love my forum.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I've written to Rob, and Gus, and gotten responses from both. But then, I don't just write "hi, I like your site" e-mail. I'll write if something someone says really touches me, or if I have a comment on something the journaller seems to be looking for input/words of support on.I think it's very analogous to responding to my e-mail from online personals. If someone just writes to say "hi, I think you're pretty, talk to me", I usually ignore them. Why? Because I gave them a thoughtful, several-hundred-word description of me, and all they gave back was "I think you're pretty". Nothing about themselves, no incentive for me to communicate with them further. The ones I do communicate with further are the ones who write about themselves in some detail, who ask me questions, etc. Then I feel like I'm talking to a real person.
If you want thoughtful responses from people who are answering dozens of e-mails each day, you have to offer them something in return, I think. Content. Something that lets them see you as an individual.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I've always been paranoid about writing a journaller and telling them, basically, that I like them and they're awfully swell. It makes me look like a dope, it sounds like a fan letter, putting me in a subservient sort of position ("you big star, me little weenie") which is uncomfortable, and it's...well, weird.But I'll write when something in someone's entry is particularly striking, or I want to comment on something they've said. And I never expect a response - what are they going to say, "Gosh, thanks for telling me that, Person I Don't Know?" Again, weird.
It's nice, though, when they write back. And here's where the trouble starts - when do you end the conversation? If they write something that's clearly just an answer, party over. Nice that they responded. But if they write something back that begs an answer, do you write back? Does it look like you're trying to be their friend? Will they think you're wasting their time? It's like a tiny little power struggle - who stops first? Who's less invested in this?
I swear I don't think about these things. It just occurred to me now. Really.
On my end, I've been getting a lot of mail lately, and a lot of lovely things have been said. But now I have readers to whom I've responded, who feel that they need to comment on every entry I put up, and the familiarity of some of their emails is uncomfortable. I tend not to answer them. I put them off, not knowing what to say, until they expire out of my inbox.
I don't know from obligation or respect. I appreciate all the emails I've gotten. The best bit is that I've met some people that I have struck up great email conversations with.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I know I have specifically told Beth NOT to reply to emails of mine that are merely praising the writing in her latest entry. I don't think I've ever told Pamie the same, but I should. I tend to procrastinate A LOT at work and reading Squishy, Bad Hair Days, Plaintive Wail, The Wondering Jew, and a few others is a good way to pass time. Sometimes if I am especially bored or an entry especially impressed me, I will drop a note to the author. Unless it is something I really need an answer to or me sharing someting I consider to be really important (which it never has been) I generally don't expect to hear back. I am actually usually pleasantly surprised when Pamie replies, because I assume she is getting seven hundred other emails saying "that cracked me up."I have a problem with replying to every reply I get, especially when I am at work (I rarely do this at home), which reading from the journalers perspective I now realize can seem annoying or creepy. I guess I just do it out of habit. As much as I love reading their stuff, I don't consider any journaler a friend unless I knew them before I started reading their journal (although some were only pen pals before I started reading their journal, it's still much closer to friendship than, say, a brief exchange with Pamie about forum software).
I rarely get email for either my journal (not surprising, it's pretty new) or Retrogression (somewhat surprising, it's been around for close to a decade and the online version has almost a thousand subscribers). I tend to get the most email for La Retro when I have stopped working on it for a while and started back up again (a lot of "woo, I missed reading Retro for the past month") or the few times I have very seriously thought about giving it up and actually quit for a while. Every time I announced that I was shutting down Retrogression I would get a dozen or so letters of people telling me how much the zine means to them. It's a little creepy because I have had people tell me that I have made a huge difference in their life, or even that I have saved their lives. I don't mind hearing that, it's just scary for me, being completely insecure, to think that I could have that much of an impact on someone's life.
I try to reply to every email I get that isn't a press release (geeze, I often wade through forty or fity pieces of spam a day), but I do occasionally get the "cool site, dude" or "I love your zine" emails. There isn't much to say to that. I try not to have a "formula" response because that seems phony, but usually I think about how to reply for a while and finally say something like "Thanks, I really appreciate it. Knowing how much Retrogression means to you makes it that much easier to eschew going out for another night while I stay inside and work on this zine."
Back when it was a print zine, I tended to get a lot of orders for it that would say, "I read your review in MRR, please send me a zine. My favorite bands are The Descendents, All, Gorilla Biscuits, Unbroken, Chokehold, Frail, Chain of Strength, Youth of Today, Carry Nation, and The Shaved Pigs. Write back."
I never knew what to do with those. I would send them a zine, but it made me so ... well .... sad that so many people think that by telling you what their favorite bands are, they are telling you about themselves. It's so wierd that in this culture we often are completely identified only by our favorite form of passive entertainment. It also seemed wierd that I would work for months to write a 120 page zine, but the kid would want a personal letter on top of that, based only on knowing their favorite bands.
Blah, speaking of procrastinating....
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I've written to Rob, and Gus, and gotten responses from both.Whew. I've been just sitting here, waiting with dread for the person whose email I never got around to asnwering, coming on to say what an ass I was. I lucked out, I guess.
I've been trying to get caught up lately, but as Beth and Pamie have both said, it is really hard. The thing in my life that makes me feel the most guilt is the backlog of email that I just can't seem to conquer.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I wanted to clarify one thing -- some people are suggesting that those who write 'hi, I like your site; here's mine' e-mails are considered link trolls. I don't think that's true; at least, it's not true for me. I'm conceited enough that I'll give everyone the benefit of the doubt and assume that they wouldn't write and tell me they like my site unless they really did. (That doesn't mean I give a link to everyone who asks for one, of course, and I guess I do put the "link to me!" requests at the bottom of the reply priority pile.)I'm far more likely to think someone is a link troll if they sit back taking pot shots at me from their own journal, linking to me so they show up in my referrer logs, but never writing to me directly or posting on the forum. Certainly some of those folks are raising valid points or legitimately expressing disagreement or disapproval. Some, however, are pretty obviously trying to pick a high-profile flame war. Clever but generally ineffective.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I love getting mail from readers and I try to respond to all of it. It can take a day or two or three depending on how busy I am but I figure people can deal with that. Since I'm a journal reader as well as a writer, I know what it is like when I've just read someone's archives and I'm all infatuated and can't wait to hear back from them.Like Kristin, I've had a polite response taken as an invitation to become best buds, but so far I've not encountered anyone unable to take a hint that I'm not interested. And sometimes I am... I've got a handful of readers whose mail I look forward to and whom I count as friends.
I think I've been lucky, really. No bad mail, very little pushy personal advice (which I dislike greatly) and lots of good and sometimes helpful feedback.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
I've been going through my emails on and off all day instead of posting an entry or sewing, like I'd planned. It gives me a little pain in the chest to imagine someone being hurt that I didn't write them back.I, too, am afraid to read my own name in this topic and find out that someone hates me because of my procrastination.
-- Anonymous, July 28, 2000
Gee, this topic generated a lot of angst!I think most readers probably really do understand that it is impossible for journalers to answer all of their mail, especially if they get humongous amounts of it. Readers are not totally clueless about the realities of life. Responses are appreciated of course, but I certainly would not expect to get a response to something like ..."Loved your entry today!"... Those are just quickie notes of affirmation, 'sfar as I am concerned.
And readers are busy, too, I'm sure. I know I am often neglectful about answering my own email.
Email is a funny thing...unlike ordinary mail. With ordinary mail if you wait a week or so before you answer, no one really cares, but email...it does demand immediate attention and seems to nag you mercilessly if you ignore it. Sometimes I get busy with my life or I get overwhelmed with too much mail from friends and relatives and I have to just let it ride for a while.
If it makes you feel better Gwen, even though I like your journal, I have not written you any email...I did see this great book the other day though..."Confessions of a Recovering Jehovah's Witness"....no kidding!!!...and I did think about you. I should have saved it and sent it to you...oh well...
-- Anonymous, July 29, 2000
Dear Mz. Manners,If you link to someone, should you write them and tell them? Is that the polite thing to do? Or does it look like you're looking for reciprocration?
Yours Sincerely,
Naive in New York
-- Anonymous, July 29, 2000
beth's 'i am notorious' post is me. exactly. beth, can i make a copy of that? i'm thinking i could turn it into stationery in eudora and set up a filter that sends that as a reply to *everything* that comes in ...the sad part is, i like getting email a lot. i read everything that isn't spam, i just suck at replying. most of my mail either requires hours of thoughtful composition in order to do it justice or else there's just nothing much to say in reply at all. as other people have opined, i feel stupid just writing 'thanks.' i think this is partly because i learned that it's impolite if you don't show as much interest in the other person as they've shown in you ... but that's often not feasible.
-- Anonymous, July 29, 2000
Jo, that's so sweet! Just the thought, I mean. It makes me happy to imagine people thinking nice stuff about me, whether they ever tell me about it or not.Jen, that's a real touchy one, isn't it? I always feel like I should tell the person I'm linking to them, but I usually mention in the email that I don't expect reciprocation.
-- Anonymous, July 29, 2000
Okay, that linking thing: this is a relatively new one for me. In the last year or so people have started writing to me to let me know they're giving me a link, or even asking permission to do so, and honestly, I'm a little mystified. It's the web! If you're going to post it, someone might link it. I wouldn't post behind something password protected, of course, and if someone appears to be trying to keep a low profile, I will sometimes ask. But you may consider this blanket permission to link to me. You don't have to ask. You also really, truly do not have to thank me when I link to you.
-- Anonymous, July 29, 2000
Well, the solution to too much mail (a problem I never really had) is to sporadically post your email address.Sometimes when watching TV shows, I would wonder why some shows would only rarely post ticket information. Though I may be wrong, now I assume when ticket requests get down to a dull roar, the show re-post the "Write for tickets..." info.
So, if you get too much mail, delete your e-mail address for awhile until it slows down - or you get caught up.
-- Anonymous, July 29, 2000
Just briefly -- the point I've given up trying to make to people is that while feedback is appreciated and desired, writing to me out of the blue with no courtesy info, like who they are, how they found my site, what or roughly how much they've read (not to mention what it is they're referring to in their comments) is going to result in me getting tetchy. I mean, if you ring up somewhere, you say who you are and what you want, don't you? Needs to be done in email also. As for the actual question, I do respond, usually a week late. Blame work commitments.
-- Anonymous, July 29, 2000