How do you deal with grief?--Al

-- Al Schroeder (al.schroeder@nashville.com), August 09, 2000

Answers

One minute at a time. Our two deaths were entirely too public to allow the grief to be private. But making it public was a good thing. We don't learn about death in this country. We don't know how to grieve...I know that it's not my role to teach anybody else how to grieve, but it seems to be a role that has been thrust upon me. Interesting that you ask this topic today because when I checked my e-mail I was in the middle of writing my own journal for tonight and it deals with--guess what?--grief.

-- Bev Sykes (basykes@dcn.davis.ca.us), August 09, 2000.

I deal with my grief pretty privately. My mother died just over 3 years ago, and I still feel sad every day. But even when emotional days come around (her birthday, mother's day, etc...) I don't get emotional. I know it's probably "unhealthy" but I have always been a pretty privately emotional person. I don't cry at movies or tv shows (except for occasionally by myself). I basically tend not to show outpouring of emotion in public, and my grief is no exception. I cried for about 10 seconds at my mother's funeral (just after I, in keeping with Jewish tradition, had to shovel the dirt on the grave), because mostly I was just numb. But at various time, in the privacy of my room, I let it out. That is how I deal - on my own terms, by myself. I have always been this way.

ally

-- Ally (ally3223@aol.com), August 09, 2000.

In some cases, I am strangly unemotional, which is probobly some sort of unhealthy dissassociation. In the past I've tried to drown it out with workaholism, and other obsessive compulsive behaviors, but I hope I've grown a little since then.

-- AJ (joijoijoi@hotmail.com), August 09, 2000.

Grief for myself at first is dealt with, second by second. As time goes by it is dealt with minute by minute, then hour by hour, day by day. The loss is always there, but so are the good things, the good memories. The personal vehicle they drove while with us rests now in the grave yard. But "they" are still with me and help relieve my lonliness. I think it was Bev Sykes who mentioned something Ashleigh Brilliant said anent this very thing - - the meaning of it is, more or less that one isn't dead until they are forgotten. I concur, my loved ones live within my heart, soul and mind.

-- Denver doug (ionoi@webtv.net), August 09, 2000.

my momma just died with cancer what an awful way to die I have some many emotions coming out I just let them and deal with them one at a time

-- kathy (khoschouer@msn.com), February 07, 2002.

I believe our spirits live on after we are dead. I feel that not grieving can haunt you for the rest of your life. As I grew up no one ever told me the importance of it. Although, I never knew my grandma, infant sister, father, and grandfather, they knew me during the first four years of my life. I wasn't born yet when my sister died, but I still miss her. They all died in 1976. I have no recollection of any of them. But, nonetheless, I feel their essence. My soul desires to be at peace with them. I feel I cannot go on unless I have closure to this part of my life. Never before did I take a moment to think of them until now that I am all grown up. I had ignored them all my life. And now I feel my life is incomplete. We never said our good-byes. After 24 years I began to grieve for them, but is it too late? For the past year I have been crying constantly and I feel as if they are trying to tell me something. Sometimes I am afraid. I have come to accept also, that they were never far from me. That is how I justify my guilt. They were beside me all along, but I still wished I had gotten to known them in their living days. I feel they have become my guardian angels. I feel their protection, their advice, and their sorrows.

-- Sara Maya (israelandsara@cs.com), February 22, 2002.

it's hard when family dies but when friends die it's 10 x's worse i think.because you normally tell your friends every little detail about yourself and personally I think they know u better than your family.

-- Kayla (icedoutchicka_911@hotmail.com), May 08, 2002.