Do you believe in love? Are you in love? Are you waiting for love?

-- Kymm Zuckert (hedgehog@hedgehog.net), August 09, 2000

Answers

I use to believe in love a long time ago.

-- Alice (alice@3harpiesltd.com), August 09, 2000.

I believe in love. If you'd asked me three months ago what I was waiting for, I would have said that I was waiting for my dense best friend to realize that I was the one true love of his life and dump his girlfriend.

I've improved since then.

I'm fairly certain I am in love with him, but the angstiness of that is fading daily. I love him and he loves me, but not That Way. I'm looking to date. I want to see what else is out there. I'm... dare I say it?... moving on.

I believe in love. I've been in love in my life before now (mutually, even!), so I know it exists. I think I'm somehow choosier than I was before. I'm willing (for the most part) to wait and see what happens.

But it's hard. There are times when I so recognize what you're saying Kymm, when I look around and go "Is this it?" When I see my happily married friends and (in some cases) their happy smiling children, it hurts my heart a little, and I wonder if I'll ever be in those shoes.

Sometimes I wonder if I really want to be.

Sometimes I feel like I can be perfectly content with the deep, abiding sort of love I share with a few, very few, close friends and relatives. It's not that I'm lonely all the time, it's just that I'm alone.

Most days, that's good enough. Some days, it isn't. On those days I just sort of snuggle with the cat a little more and call up one of those friends I mentioned.

Lisa "Till Human Voices Wake Us..."

-- Lisa (lisa@selkie.net), August 09, 2000.

I'd like to believe in love, but like Kymm, I have a pretty negative mindset. I have a checklist of negative characteristics, and I can spot a bad sign a mile away. I can recognize a true asshole within half an hour of meeting him.

BUT... I don't have a similar positive checklist. I'm not sure I could recognize the most wonderful guy in the world within half a decade of meeting him. I don't even know what a good relationship would feel like. What does that say about my chances?

-- Freyjah (freyjah@hotmail.com), August 09, 2000.

Oh yes, I believe in love, and I so very much want to be in a relationship. Problem is, I can't get anyone I'm interested in to believe in love along with me. Ever. Not once. I hate that. It's like I give off a man repellent or something.

/Robert

-- Robert (rbdimmick@earthlink.net), August 09, 2000.

My heart aches for you after reading an entry like the one you wrote today. But, I truly believe that sometimes it is better to be alone than to be in a relationship that leaves you miserable.

I have been there. I once had a "relationship" (if you could it that) with a man for three years. His job required a lot of travel and very long hours so I hardly ever saw him. During the few times I did see him, it would only be for sex. I also couldn't tell you how many times we would make plans only to have him cancel on me because his job required him to finish a project and so on and so forth. I put up with this for three years because I felt I didn't deserve any better. I finally got the backbone to end things with him two years ago only to drift into other relationships with men who were just as emotionally and/or physically unavailable as the man I had the long-term "relationship" with. I finally decided to take a break from men around New Years. There's no point in trying to be intimate with someone unless you are truly happy and at peace with yourself. It's taken me too long to learn that.

So do I believe in love? I hear and see examples of it every day from other people, but honestly I'm really not sure that I know what it fully means or what it fully entails for myself, because of my past experiences of being treated so badly. I've also experienced being with someone who loved me but whom I didn't love, so I am totally relationship challenged. But I haven't given up hope that sometime soon, that I will know what real love is like since I believe that we humans need intimacy in order to be whole.

If I had been more choosy about the men I've been with, I would have been able to keep my dignity. Any two people can have sex, but not everyone is willing or capable of having a real relationship. Don't shortchange or compromise yourself, Kymm, just because you feel like you should be doing what everyone else is doing. Some people say that there's nothing to casual sex but to me, sex just for the hell of it leaves one mighty empty.

There's someone for everyone in this world. He or she may take a little longer to show up sometimes but if we're open and willing enough, the right person should have no trouble finding anyone. I believe it for me and I believe it for you, Kymm dear.

Vena

-- Vena (ladyv_39@yahoo.com), August 09, 2000.

Yes, I believe in love. Yes, I'm in love. Love's pretty complicated, though.

Oh, that's not what I meant. Actually love is rather simple, but life is complicated. Something like that.

What I mainly wanted to say, though, Kymm, is that I believe there is going to be love in your life. I know I sound like a cheap fortune-teller, but I just feel it in my bones.

-- deb (deb@io.com), August 09, 2000.

I felt the way you did about love, Kymm---twenty-one years ago. That it wasn't for me. That it wouldn't happen. That it was overhyped and I would never find someone. That the best I could hope for was a passable relationship.

Then Barb found me. Then we found each other.

We've been married twenty years. I've regretted a lot of things in this life. That's one decision I've never, ever, regretted.

I admit it doesn't happen to everyone, maybe not even to most people. Yet it really did happen to me. So I can't tell you not to keep looking.

I really do think that Russell Crowe look-alike is out there for you. Someone who's looking for a girl who's a little brassy, and a little shy, and utterly delightful.

--Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Al Schroeder (al.schroeder@nashville.com), August 10, 2000.

Oh, yeah, I believe in love. And I'm truly grateful that I found it for myself, and so early in life, and that it's still going strong all these years later.

But that sense of longing, of gazing into the future and seeing a grey sameness, day after day, still hits me on occasion. I'm glad that I'm not alone for it, but sometimes I still wonder if there will ever be a bend in the road ahead, something that will keep me from just trudging along, head down, trying to make the best of it. (Of course, I don't *always* think this way, just occasionally)

So I guess what I'm saying is, I believe in love, and while I don't underestimate its worth, it's not The Grand Solution in and of itself.

-- Dawn (amgraffiti@superplin.com), August 10, 2000.

Yeesh, Kymm, you get right to the point. Your entry for today really tugged at me, too. I've spent many long days and nights in a very similar state of mind. Warning: LONG WINDED POST!

For many years (you KNOW it's gonna be long when I start out "For many years...), I didn't think I was meant to be with anybody. No guy ever liked me. I never dated through high school and college. I figured I was either a lesbian, or nun material.

Then I got drunk and lost my virginity (at age 26) and discovered sex and lust and mistook it for love and married the guy. Bad idea. Seven years later, I was on my own again. After lots of starts and stops, and an eventual declaration of celebacy (a couple of years, I got SO tired of people who wanted to get into bed right away), I thought I had it pretty well together and ventured out again.

Last November I met a guy I ended up calling Dream Guy in my journal. But a couple of weeks ago I discovered that he was still emailing and swooning at the woman who'd abruptly ended their six-month thing a year before we met. Lots of "I love you's" and "hey baby's" just like his daily emails to me. More effort into what he sent her for Valentine's Day than what he gave me. The details are too painful to know, much less recount.

And no, I didn't snoop. He was mindbogglingly careless (trying to get caught?).

His explanation? He'd thought she was the one back then, and had a hard time letting go of her, and he was hoping she'd give him an explanation for dumping him...but now he is pretty sure I'm the one. He can't seem to let go of his feelings for her, but he's in love with me.

Um, yeah. He wrote to her that he'd leave me for her if she'd come back to him. This was going on until I found out about it. ("Well I just said that but now I know I could never do that, I love you!").

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I still do when I stop to think about it for the slightest moment. It all seemed so incredibly really truly honestly good. This recent discovery crushed me, made me wonder what the past eight months had been all about. I'm still wondering. Somehow, we are carrying on. The only way I would was if he got some counseling to deal with his rather intrusive baggage, and we got some together to process all this. We are doing that, and I'm keeping my mind open. I'm still terribly in love, he says he is terribly in love with me too (which I have a hard time believing for obvious reasons) and we still have a terribly good thing on so many levels. But the most important thing, the trust, and the foundation I thought we were building on trust and honesty, the most important part has been ripped out from under us.

Fortunately, my past also includes incredible, seemingly miraculous shifts in relationships relating to forgiveness (extended both to me and by me), so I'm going to see if we can be redeemed. It's worth at least that. More good news is that in past relationships, I would have made a much more "ongoing" drama out of all this, feeling privileged to make nasty digs, ruminating over it, demonizing him, letting it take me over and generally being 150% miserable because he broke my heart, dammit!

I have had my moments to be sure, but overall, I have not let this dominate me, or our time together. There is no war. That is new for me, and a vast improvement. Once I made up my mind to stay and work it out, that was it. We have our times to talk when there is a need. Otherwise we carry on and continue much as we did before (we spend weekends only together - we're 4 hours apart). Even if this doesn't work itself out as I'd been hoping it would, I have tangible proof that I have grown up a bit in the way I am in relationships, and in the place relationships have in my life.

So yes, I belive in love. Yes, I'm in love. And yes, I'm waiting...for TRUE love.

And you know, as I read back over this, I realize it's the entry I wish I could post in my journal. But I can't because he reads that. In fact, I posted an entry cryptically alluding to all this when it first happened, and I've not had the stomach to get back to my journal since.

Ugh. I bet I made you really glad you asked this one, Kymm!!

-- Kathy (katherin@mindspring.com), August 10, 2000.

I'm looking for love. I'm not waiting for it. But one's as frustrating as another. In fact, I think looking for it is more tiring than waiting for it. How many first dates can a person go on? How many times can you get your hopes up and have them dashed down again? How many men can you see on the street and think, is it you?

So many people tell me that I should be able to be happy alone. Okay, I'm happy. I have a good life and dear friends. That doesn't mean I don't want someone to share it with. Those people who preach about happy solitude? All in relationships.

Someday I guess I'll wake up and realize that Tommy Albright isn't coming, and that Gilbert Blythe was already here--or I'll meet him. You know, him.

But I'm in a frustrated spell now, and I'm not holding my breath.

-- Melissa (centerbeth@yahoo.com), August 10, 2000.

I agree Melissa, the people who preach about happy solitude are all in relationships. I think there's a reason for that. It's human nature to want what we haven't got and to always think the grass is greener...Plus, so much about this world is so geared towards couples.

I am in a very happy relationship and I adore the life I have with my fiance, but every now and again I wish I was a single woman again. While I wouldn't want to give up the life I have now, part of me sometimes yearns for a kind of freedom that can perhaps only be experienced as a single, confident woman facing the world without a partner.

Which is *not* to say that you can't be free in a relationship, just that there is always another person's feelings to consider if you are.

I read some very wise words once that said every woman in a relationship should have enough money tucked away at all times to go away and rent a flat and start a new life for herself, just in case. Cynical perhaps, but I find the idea liberating.

-- Jennifer (mail@janegrey.com), August 10, 2000.

It's been nearly five years since I had any relationship worth writing home about. Back in late 1998 I had a one-month relationship that fell apart for various reasons, but I found that it really helped me--sort of recharged my romantic batteries, and made me remember that yes, a wonderful person can pop into your life at any moment, and that just because something doesn't last forever doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile. I think very fondly of Bob these days, even though we're no longer in touch.

I try to focus on the positive aspects of being single--though I heartily agree with whoever pointed out the grass-is-always-greener side of life. I mean, I just spent an incredible year in Romania, and I realized several months ago that if I'd stuck with my One True Love, I never would have gotten to this place in my life. I can travel whenever I want (money permitting) and while I often wish I had someone to share that travel with, it's fun to head off by myself.

When I get back to the states, I'm going to start dating again (it's been long enough that I've forgotten the high creep ratio). Wish me luck....

Hang in there, Kymm.

-- Dorothy Rothschild (dorothyr@spies.com), August 10, 2000.

I believe in love, most definitely. But in my experience it sneaks up on you, and bizzare circumstances conspire so you meet somebody just right for you.

With a life as amazing and full as yours, Kymm, it's definitely only a matter of time.

-- Jackie (jackiec@diaryland.com), August 10, 2000.

I believe in love because I see it all around me. I will attend the weddings of four close girlfriends in the next nine months. (Hurrah! Ugly bridesmaid dresses abound!) I believe in love because I've had it before.

What I don't really believe -- at least on this cranky, hot, hungover morning -- is that love can actually last. I spent last night with an old friend who -- unbeknownst to me -- has a marriage that's falling apart. It took many, many vodka tonics before she finally broke down and told me, "I'm not in love with him anymore. At all. Even the friendship died a long time ago." She said she would leave him if it weren't for their precious 18-month-old baby, because she can't bear the thought of spending time away from her son when he's this little, and she knows she would have to if she split with the husband who's turned out to be everything she never thought he would be. Heartbreaking! What is a person supposed to do when he or she makes a vow like that, and the other person involved doesn't live up to his or her side of the promise? It makes me never want to get married.

I ramble, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I believe in love. I do. I just to figure out a way to trust love. I don't believe I'll find it again until I do.

-- dora (dora_525@yahoo.com), August 10, 2000.

I believe in love.

But I don't think it believes in me. :)

-- Jette (jette@rootaction.net), August 10, 2000.

I believe love but for intelligent, reflective people like Kymm (and like lots of us) relationships are really, really, really (imagine more "really's" to the point of extreme tedium) difficult. Good relationships are only easy if you're pretty dumb. I don'tread all of the journals that Kymm cited as examples of people in good relationships but the ones I *do* read are often about not getting along in even those good, stable relationships. Dan Savage of "Savage Love" says, "Relationships are basically a conflict-a-thon made tolerable by the occasional orgasm." That's pretty cynical but not all that far from the truth.

-- scott h. (hoo@idt.net), August 10, 2000.

Ha--Dan Savage is right. Andy and I fight a lot. A lot. But we have the best relationship I can imagine...because the fighting always ends with talking, and once it's over, it's over. We don't bring up the same issues time after time. Love is definitely not easy...it's more work than I can even explain. But lawdy lawdy...it's worth it.

-- Amy Lester (amy@petdance.com), August 10, 2000.

I definitely believe in love, because I've been in love a number of times and have even had love returned in a few cases. The last time I was in love was the best relationship I'd ever had, which happened to end badly (go here if you're at all interested).

Now I'm waiting for another love to come along. I did try looking for it a few years ago, but after six months I was terribly burnt out by the whole dating process (which was a first for me, as I'd always kinda fallen into relationships before). I haven't had a date in over three years. That's pretty depressing. At least I haven't gone three years without sex. I would be unbearable to be around if that were the case. :D

But I'm tired of waiting for love. I'm tired of being single. It's something I've never enjoyed very much. I'm tired of looking at my attached friends and thinking how much I miss the intimacy of a relationship. And I'm tired of still thinking about my ex and wondering how he's doing. He ripped out a huge hunk of my heart when he left and, while the missing piece is growing back, it's doing so at such a slow rate that I fear I'll never get over the ex, despite what my friends say.

And, like you, Kymm, I frequently wonder if this is all there is to my life. I know that it isn't, that there's still a world of wonder and hope and love ahead of me, but that doesn't help me in my most solitary hours.

-- Carol (webgal@ordinarygoddess.com), August 10, 2000.

I believe in love. And I believe it'll happen for me at some point, whether it's next month or when I'm 77. Of course, it's going to be a long-ass half-century if the latter poses true, but there you go.

The problem is that the dating game is more frustrating than the cancellation of "Sports Night" for me right now. It's not something I'm good at, which is unfortunate since dating's a pretty common step in the whole relationship process.

But most of the dorks I've been friends with in college have found people, so if they can do it I certainly can (and on the off chance any of them are reading this, that's meant to be a joke). Besides, next week's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel, so who has time for a relationship anyway?

-- Mike (m_is_for_mike@hotmail.com), August 10, 2000.

I believe in love.

I also believe it will find you. Going after it never works.

-- Suzy (suzy@cyberbabies.com), August 10, 2000.

Sometimes, I feel like I joined this club by mistake, this couples club. I don't mean that I feel bad about being not only in a couple but married, just that it seems to have a large membership of people prepared from birth to join. And then there's me, who seemed predestined to be the family crazy single cat lady.

The Christmas that Jeff was in Australia, 1997, was the first major indication I had that I'd joined this club. Sam, my sister, has always had boyfriends or a fiance, and she was taken seriously by this particular group of our rels. At Christmas and Easter and all the big getting together family holidays, she was treated in one way, a part of the club, and I was the single person. It's difficult to explain, but I talked about it with Sam the day after Christmas 1997, and she agrees, something in the way this group perceived us changed.

That year, she was single, no boyfriend, no fiance, and I had Jeff, we were getting married in just over a week, Jan2 1998. Suddenly, I'd been admitted to this group, and I'd become viewable, I wasn't invisible. Suddenly Sam had disappeared. I was in the club, and she wasn't. It was very Twilight Zone, like a shift in phase, watching these same people going through the same chats and dynamic interactions, except I was over here and Sam was over there. Sam got to spend the night with Mia, our 8 year old cousin visiting from Sweden, and Jeff and I got to sit at the Couple/Adult's table and listen to all the Couples chat.

I know, people like to have a place to put you, how they see you, how they interact with you. But I really didn't quite understand until that year quite how differently they viewed me with a Jeff along for the ride. Wierd. That crowd definitely belonged in the Smug Married Set. I'd like to think I'm not a Smug Married, for a start, being married doesn't mean everything is magically better than when I was single, even though I love Jeff, we're not two personalities joined, and there's sparks while we work out getting along and being together.

On the subject of true love, I do believe in that, and I think Jackie C got it right "But in my experience it sneaks up on you, and bizzare circumstances conspire so you meet somebody just right for you. ". In my experience also, I find it helps to be in a situation when you're not thinking about it, which is easier said than done. Try not to think about the elephant in the room, and that's all you'll want to think about. All the leadup is helpful too, you'll work out what you can and can't live with in a relationship, what in life is most important. It would be truly dreadful to leap into a relationship, be there for years and years and then find out this other person isn't who you want to be with. I've seen that in my family, one of the older couples, I'm don't think they really liked each other even though they were married right up until death, but they stayed together, with this mutual dislike. If I were given the choice of being in that marriage, or perpetually single, I'd pick single.

-- Amanda Page (amanda@amandasprecipice.com), August 10, 2000.

Scott said: "Good relationships are only easy if you're pretty dumb."

And I just wanted to say I completely disagree. Life should be simple. Love should be simple. If a relationship isn't pretty easy and happy virtually all of the time, I think you're in a relationship with the wrong person.

I've had those stress-filled relationships, where you lurch from one drama to another, and the moments of happiness are merely small pockets that keep the two of you bound together, despite your disagreements. And they suck. I married a man who I get on brilliantly with - yes, we fight but 29 days out of 30 we are filled with constant affection for each other. I think I made the right choice, and I think this makes me smart, not dumb. The belief that relationships should be hard or complicated to me is akin with the belief that women can only be happy with a bad guy, and that good guys are somehow dull. No women who has loved and been loved by a true good guy will give that theory any credence.

-- Jackie (jackiec@diaryland.com), August 10, 2000.

I don't know anymore. I guess I believe in love, it just doesn't seem to believe in me. I had it once, and it was perfect, but the timing was all wrong -- there was an expiration date stamped on the relationship right from the start. That was eight years ago, and I still love him, though I know too well I will never be with him. (He's visiting next week -- I haven't seen him in almost five years -- I'm a little panicky). I just spent four years with someone, thinking it was love, when I was really only being used. So I don't know... and, dammit, now I've made myself cry...

-- Mary Ellen (sarcasticah@yahoo.com), August 10, 2000.

To me, the hard thing about love is being less self-involved and remembering there's another person close by who has valid thoughts and feelings, too. I'm not saying that we have knock-down, drag-out fights every day...but there are several instances where one of us will say, "Sweetie, we agreed to never leave dishes in the sink...remember?" and the other will have to say, "Oh, that's right. I'm sorry." To me one of the hardest things to learn was that even though I don't give a hoot about dishes in the sink, to my partner it's important...so that makes it important to me.

-- Amy Lester (amy@petdance.com), August 10, 2000.

"Love is like a butterfly when chased, just out of reach. But if you sit quietly and are very still, it might just land on you."

-- Nathaniel Hawthorne (dbcapra@yahoo.com), August 11, 2000.

I believe in love...when you least expect it, there it is.

-- Anne (annejeff@mediaone.net), August 11, 2000.

I think Jackie C got it right when she said I believe in love, most definitely. But in my experience it sneaks up on you, and bizzare circumstances conspire so you meet somebody just right for you.

I was absolutely not looking to fall in love with Dave when it happened. It hit me like a bus. We'd known each other for 7 years and only been passing friends when a bizarre set of breakups left us single and super hurt at the same time.

We dated for two months, denying it and saying we were just friends the whole time. Nothing physical happened during that time but it got to a point where we both had to admit something more than friends was going on.

That was the most uncomfortable conversation I ever had. It was the 'oh shit, we're in love' conversation. Neither of us was looking for it and neither of us expected it in a million years. If you'd told me five years ago that I'd be in love with Dave and we'd be getting married I would have laughed so hard I snorted soda out my nose.

Our mutual friends took a long time getting used to it too.

Kymm -- Don't give up. If you give up it's never going to happen, but if you still beleive and keep putting yourself out there it can happen.

I'm not going to tell you that you should love your alone time, cause I hated every damn moment of mine. Oh Sure, I had a good life and everything and I had fun with my friends and stuff but when the world got quiet and I was feeling sad I sure wished I had someone to share my life with. I was happy on my own but I am much happier sharing the good times with someone else.

-- Colleen (triggirl@yahoo.com), August 11, 2000.

All this namby-pamby crapola about love finding you if you don't look for it is namby-pamby crapola. Love find me? Not if I just hang around my apartment, it won't, unless my Twoo Wuv is David, the building manager -- or perhaps the UPS guy. There IS something to the idea that you can't go out with a butterfly net and blood in your eye hoping to bring home the love of your life, because letting on that you're lonely and growing desperate is going to drive men away faster than a concertina-wire cocktail dress.

I guess I should start by answering the questions posed: yes, I believe in love; no, I am not in love; but no, I am not "waiting" for love. I have, like Kymm, grown somewhat cynical in that when sizing up prospective boys -- the first thing I do is look for what's wrong with them. Being twenty and single is normal; being thirty-five and single oftentimes has a good reason associated with it. Oftentimes the best you can hope for is that the good reason other chicks think he's no good is something that doesn't matter a damn to you -- like you think being able to kiss the top of a guy's head without standing on your tiptoes is cute, or you get along really well with his mother anyway, or that your sense of smell is radically damaged so that his eighteen ferrets seem merely charming.

But you've got to be *out* there. Here's some stuff I've done that has, at the very least, netted me dates, if not luuuuv:

- Start picking up an A&E-oriented local rag -- in Seattle there's _The Stranger_ and _The Rocket_. Go through it and put everything that looks interesting on your calendar: Zydeco dance lessons, concerts in the park, author readings. Then when you get home from work every night, instead of parking yourself in front of one of the two tempting screens in your apartment [computer, TV], look at your list of stuff. Bring girlfriends if you can, but if you can't, put on your brave face and go out alone. It's hard at first; a few months ago I would have told you that it was impossible for me to enjoy myself at a restaurant by myself, but now I eat out alone several times a week and the feeling of intense self-consciousness has almost completely vanished.

- Every time you leave your computer, don't just put it to sleep: SHUT IT DOWN. You'll spend a lot less time online that way. Sort of incidentally, I have a really slow connection and a keyboard that hurts my wrists, elbows, and shoulders if I use it for extended periods of time. Lucky me! Other tricks I employ to get myself out of the house include only purchasing groceries in very small lots, and only checking out library books one at a time.

- When you do find yourself online, get on match.com. There are lots of great guys on there whose only problem is that they're computer geeks, so they work in an industry where they never meet any women. Or they've recently relocated. (Or, most frequently, they have an intense fear of committment. But we're not looking for a husband here, merely luuuv...) The first two weeks of their service (I think) are free. Both my Yahoo and ICQ profiles say I'm single, something which has netted me about 800 letters from blithering jerkfaces and one boy who seems swell so far, but time will tell. Matchmaker.com also has free trials but seems to attract a lower quality of boy.

- Quit your job and start working in a field that attracts more dudes. No, I'm kidding on this one, but it kind of worked out for me. I used to work for an animal welfare organization (still do, but not exclusively) -- know who else works for animal welfare organizations? Hippie girls and middle-aged mommies and absolutely no one with testicles, that's who. Now I work on board a boat which is undergoing extensive restoration -- know who else works on boats? Strapping young and not-so-young men, that's who. Guys who know how to weld and tie knots.

One last tip: if you had a really traumatic breakup with your second- to-last long-term relationship, and said breakup was discussed extensively on the net, so that many, many references to your name are attached to the fact that you're a Jezebel on antidepressants -- only date boys who don't know how to use Alta Vista. The end.

-- Kim Rollins (kimrollins@yahoo.com), August 11, 2000.

And I just wanted to say I completely disagree. Life should be simple. Love should be simple. If a relationship isn't pretty easy and happy virtually all of the time, I think you're in a relationship with the wrong person.

I agree wholeheartedly. True love isn't a battlefield.

-- Suzy (suzy@cyberbabies.com), August 11, 2000.

But...but...Pat Benetar SAID!

-- Kymm Zuckert (kymmz1@yahoo.com), August 11, 2000.

Mary Ellen's apparently far too classy to plug her own entry on this topic, so I'm doing it for her.

-- Joanne (joanne@pericardial.com), August 11, 2000.

Hey Kymm! When I first met my love, I was way cynical. I even did the in-your-face, this is what I am looking for in a relationship from now on thing. I thought it would scare him off. Turns out it was everything he was looking for and thought I was trying to trick HIM! I was nearly 27, we have been married for 18 years this Nov. Strange stuff this love business. I had given up entirely on ever meeting Mr. Right, but he is snoring away in the other room right now, and yes I totally agree that YOU ARE going to find your love. So, hang in there kiddo! Gabby

-- gabby (gabbydink@webtv.net), August 12, 2000.

Forget everything I said above, as I was clearly breathing too deep. Stay home reading, pet your cat, live alone in your basement forever -- god knows I certainly plan to. At least, these are my current plans as I come to you live on a Saturday morning with a slight red wine headache and a deep-seated sense of frustrated ennui.

An open letter to single boys everywhere: if you don't want what I have to offer, could you please make an effort to turn off the charm? For example, when you tell me the broad outlines of a case you've worked on, and then stop short because the rest is privileged information, and I say, "Oh, so you could tell me, but then you'll have to kill me?" and you reply, "Well, maybe I could just hint at it and rough you up a little bit," while wearing an impish little grin, I think that's terribly cute. Why not just behave badly? Is it so important to install longing on my part?

Gaaaah! Pass the ice cream!

-- Kim Rollins (kimrollins@yahoo.com), August 12, 2000.

Oh, Joanne, you keep making me blush... and that entry was inspired by Kymm's -- it just got me thinking...

-- Mary Ellen (sarcasticah@yahoo.com), August 12, 2000.

I believe in love. I'm not in love. I've been in love.

I meet a lot of men who like me, but I don't like them. I meet some men that I like, but they don't like me. I meet a few men where the lack of interest is mutual. And once about, oh, every five years or so, I meet the right one. So far, none of those has lasted more than six years. But I'm still hopeful for the one that keeps on.

-- Catherine (catcoicrit@earthlink.net), August 16, 2000.

Speaking of true love, before you discovered Russell Crowe, Kymm, didn't you have a thing for Tommy Lee Jones? (Or am I thinking of another journaller?) Did you catch him nominating his ex-roommate, Gore, at the Dem Convention?--Al of NOVA NOTES.

-- Al Schroeder (al.schroeder@nashville.com), August 16, 2000.

Yes, Tommy Lee is my Man Emeritus. Was he at the convention? Damn, I would have loved to see that!

-- Kymm Zuckert (kymmz1@yahoo.com), August 17, 2000.

I believe in love, I am in love.

What I don't believe in, is quantifying love - like, having a boy love me and sleep with me is somehow a better or more desirable kind of love than having the love of my best girl friend on a platonic level.

It is all good, you know?

-- Kristin Thomas (kristin@sperare.com), August 17, 2000.

Love is terrific, and lots of people find a version of it, anything from warm fondness to soulmate ravings. But I do not believe there's someone for everyone, that magically there's a yin for every yang. Many fine, wonderful people do not find mates. I hope Kymm does, but I don't think that a priori she will.

-- Lucy Huntzinger (huntzinger@mindspring.com), August 17, 2000.

I beleive in love, although I'm not feeling it in the last couple days, who said love had to be so complex? I was married for ten years,seperated met up with a childhood friend who I loved for years now are relationship is so bumpy due to his medical condition (mental) and all I want to do is love him completely.

-- Marnie Marley (crookedhalo525@earthlink.net), September 18, 2000.