John is a 56 year old man of means by no means. He is an ex-con, he is an alcoholic, he has no home, he has no mate and he has no steady employment. Everything he owns fits in a small book bag and the best he has had in 20 years is a week in a dump motel. John is my friend !

I could go into what sent John down this road but let's just say there was a woman involved. What's more important is to recognize that John is amoung us. John is intelligent, in fact, he has more education than me. John has a strong work ethic yet John has no job. My wife does not understand John, she likes John but she has no comprehension of John's mindset.

I'm sure a lot of you know John. Everywhere you go there are several John's around town. Most people turn their head, grap their children, or cross the street to avoid them. You see, John doesn't fit our mold--no one can except John. No employer will hire him, no woman could be expected to live that lifestyle and no landlord in his right mind would rent to him. So, what do I do with John ?

I can talk to John, he has no expectations from me. He would die before he would betray me. He works around here sometimes for the opportunity to visit awhile. John just left here, dissappointed. He wanted to go to Texas and I said no. I said no because John wanted to go for the wrong reasons. I cannot put a man in harms way because he is my friend, it goes much deeper than that.

So the only thing I know to do is make people aware that John is alive. John is a human being also. I'm not asking for you to give him anything, in fact I suggest you don't. However, if you should see John, you might acknowledge him. Say hi, how are you, how you been.

I wrote this down because a man said the strangest thing to me as we watched John walk down the road and I haven't been able to shake the thought. He said " Angels come in different forms don't they Joel" ? So does God, I replied !

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), October 22, 2000

Answers

Bravo, one of the most heartfelt posts i have read in along time.I think we can all read this and reflect on how we treat others for the way they look, live like and what they believe in, since i find it difficult to believe in "GOD" and prefer not to at this time, the meaning of Joels post really struck me. I view everyone as a meaningful being whose purpose may not be seen right away but does exsist and will influence me in my own life. It maybe hard at times to see this but if we all would look at our fellow man as a teacher we sure would learn alot and be able to see more then our eyes will ever know. Thank you JOEL.

-- renee oneill (oneillsr@home.com), October 22, 2000.

Interesting. Since we moved here, not all that far from you, I seem to find intelligent people in the strangest disguises. Most of them look horrible, usually smell bad, but just try talking to them. I can get more knowledge and wisdom from these people than most well-dressed, well-bathed, educated people I know. They usually won't talk to you, but if you can get them started!

-- Teresa (otgonz@bellsouth.net), October 22, 2000.

Joel, God does send angels unaware. Maybe they have things to learn. But for sure God watches how we react to these angels. Angels aren't all the warm fuzzy way people make them out to be today, but you can read about them in the Bible.

Not all homeless people are alcoholics or mentally ill. Off course being without a home is rather depressing. My husband was a homeless alcoholic. sorta. He and other men like him, went for drug testing at Lily's, you know the big drug company. They would get paid, go about their business, and go back for more drug testing. Some men do this their whole lives. It keeps them off the street.

I was homeless but not carless. I was one question away from sleeping in my car. The question: Can I sleep on you floor, basement, couch, whatever? Fear and lack of shower kept me from sleeping in my car. There's alot more to it, but....

So my experience isn't the same as John's or other's, but while carless but not homeless I did lots of research into why people ended up in such positions. I also wrote to prisoners during other "down" times. I wrote through a prison ministry, but I wasn't interested in the Christian part of it at the time.

I put myself in a few dangerous situations, too. Did I learn alot? You bet I did. I had nerve enough to talk to a one-legged pan handler and a street singer. We made a pact to be friends forever, (wonder if he remembers me?)

I need to go, gotta have the phone. MOre later.

-- Cindy (atilrthehony_1@yahoo.com), October 22, 2000.

Small world, Cindy. You, Your husband, and I have a lot in common. Let's start with Prison Fellowship, Eli Lily Pharmacuticals Inc. and paths turned away from.

I did several of those drug tests in Indianapolis at Wishor (sp) Hospital. Good Income ! I do a lot of work for Prison Fellowship and have not always been a "success" and that is an understatement. Cheif of Sinners is a more appropiate title !

I ain't no stranger to sleeping where I fell. I look forward to your further comments. Some say " Except for the grace of God, there go I". I say, By the grace of God, there I went and lived to tell the story !

-- Joel Rosen (Joel681@webtv.net), October 22, 2000.

I used to visit Gary at Wishard almost everyday by bus and then later, by car. He said the food there was really good. Lily provided well. Wishard is the "General" Hospital of Indianapolis.

I considered everywhere I lived, my home. That's where I was, so that's where I lived. All 75 times. I won't go into detail of the why's. We'll just say it was another life, another time. But my pride insists, I say that it wasn't an illegal time or a broken romance, or a "wild time".

One of the things I learned about people down and out, is that they still have their pride. It may not be much and it may be pride in the wrong thing, but it's theirs'. Some of these people are quite content to be where they are. They've been hurt so badly, they'd rather stay where they are than risk being hurt again. It's like being fat or any other bad habit/condition, it won't leave them as long as they want it, it's there. Not a lot of people understand this, because they've never been that desperate. You said Becky didn't understand John. Well, that's o.k. You can't understand most things unless you experience them. There's no need for her to do that. You can understand in your head, but you don't "own" the understanding of the situation in your heart. You don't have the memories/experience to draw on. The problem is, so many people that have had the experience put it away or ignore it. They don't deal with it and become bitter. What is the cause of bitterness? Pride? This applies to all situations not just homelessness.

It goes well beyond self-pity. Self-hatred's a terrible thing. The difference? Self-pity is mud on you dress clothes. Self-hatred is suicide, disregard for self, giving up on life.

Actually I've been in states of homelessness more than once. And through it all, I was determined to find the truth. I learned to do without stuff, although I had a few things stored here or there. I knew things would change again. Stuff didn't matter.

More later

-- Cindy (atilrthehony_1@yahoo.com), October 22, 2000.

I too,have been homeless in many states and under many circumstances (with/without a car,bicycles,husband, children,etc.) I can understand John, becuase I've been there. But there's really no other way to fully understand what it feels like to be homeless without being there, and it's even harder for him to fit back into "normal" life after what he's been through. He's seen how little it takes to get where he is- an abusive mate, a lost job, the trauma of Vietnam, addictions, divorce, it doesn't take much. Once you're homeless, you find yourself doing things you'd never dreamed of, sleeping under bridges or along busy interstate highways, hitchhiking rides with people you're not sure you can trust, eating in soup kitchens food that is covered in grease, and taking gratefully, the free white doughy bread- the kind you'd think twice about feeding to livestock! It might well be the only food you eat for several days. Sleeping in homeless shelters, ashamed of yourself, but cold and hungry, explaining again and again how you got in this fix to people who seem critical and disbelieving.Selling your blood to buy a meal or two, or gas money to get to another city that has better job opportunites, or better homeless shelters and soup kitchens.Eating food out of dumpsters,scavenging for copper in dumpsters, wondering how people could be so wasteful, how they could have so much and yet be so uncarng and unsharing. Showing up at churches and preacher's doorsteps asking for something to eat,swallowing your pride as best as you can, seeing them wrinkle their noses,seeing how you look in their eyes. Knowing that you're filthy, and smell bad, but the weather is too cold to take a bath in the natural water outdoors.Waiting hours,or even days for the freight train that will take you to another town;trying to get a newer car if you can,because the old ones screech and make awful, deafening noise the entire time you're riding them. If you can't find an open,empty boxcar, you have to cram yourself into the tiny cubbyhole in the graincars.Hearing people ask you, time and again, why you can't get a job and a place to live. Don't they understand that you need to look halfway presentable to get a job, and to rent a place you need first,last, and deposit? After a while you develop utter scorn and contempt for these people. The ones that can race along in their cars, splashing freezing slush all over you, not even slowing down to consider giving you a ride. The self righteous ones who proclaim how well they love Jesus, but are loath to come anywhere near you. You think about how Jesus was homeless, too, and how they sneered at him then, and would now too. They throw money away like so much paper, but won't give you even a dollar unless you beg and grovel for it. They don't even realize just how quickly they could be in your shoes, and you hope it happens soon! Once in awhile, someone will amaze you with their kindness, bring you to tears. They'll give you all the money in their wallet so you can get to the place where the golden opportunity awaits you. They'll take you to a restaurant and fill your hungry stomach,your hands practically shaking as you eat because you are SO hungry! They give you a ride, taking you in an hour, the distance it would have taken two or three days to walk,or at least a day or two to ride on a bicycle.Sometimes they aren't much better off than you, but they want to hear your story,nodding understandingly,wishing you the best as they leave. So when you see a homeless person, remember that most of them are pretty harmless. Remember that they've already had more of their fill of others judging them for their circumstances. They are people just like you, and they have their feelings and pride just like you. Think about how YOU would like to be treated if you were in their shoes.

-- Rebekah (daniel1@itss.net), October 23, 2000.

Well said Rebekah. I had for gotten about selling plasma. Gary did that. You can tell by the scar when people have done that for a long time. I'm also reminded of a guy that was raising money for the homeless shelter in North Vernon at the Jay-C store. He did have another job, BTW, Some really rude man walked by and gave him a dirty look and said "GET A JOB". I had tears in my eyes, not for the man raising money so much, but for the man that was so nasty to say such a ting. What a load of crap he must be carrying.

Gary and I pray for the homeless especially in cold weather. Being hungry makes you colder.

One time, Gary and I did have a roof over our head, barter, but we lived on mostly potatoes. You can do a lot with them. We really liked putting cheap peanut butter on them. But homeless people don't have potaotes and peanut butter.

-- Cindy (atilrthehony_1@yahoo.com), October 23, 2000.

There are those that won't help a homeless person because the person won't use the gift the way the giver wants. That's not a gift, that's a payment. But when you give to someone in need, you're giving unto God, Jesus said, "Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have dont it unto one of the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me." Mt 25:40

-- Cindy (atilrthehony_1@yahoo.com), October 23, 2000.

My husband is one of those people who firmly believes that no good deed goes unpunished. I, on the other hand, would give the proverbial shirt off of my back. We keep each other balanced.

I have never been hungry or homeless, and can't imagine ever being so, especially with the amount of family I have. My heart goes out to all of you who have had to depend upon the kindness of strangers, who have been hungry and cold and desperate. I don't know what brought you to that point...and I don't need to know. I give what I can, when I can and I don't care why.

I have been often told "God will bless you - for caring - by patients and families, by mothers that I've handed a few dollars to at the grocery store, by the homeless man with the sign looking for work that Jes passed money out the window to, by folks in laundromats that I've handed my detergent and dropped coins in the washer for, when I dropped warm sweaters off at shelters, and on many other occasions. To each I replied - "He already has." What has it cost me? Who knows? Who cares? What has it gained me? I can't begin to tell you.

What's my point? I guess it's just this - if you want to have; then give.

-- Polly (tigger@moultrie.com), October 23, 2000.

Been homeless (thankfully for a short period). My husband was homeless when I "found" him (I have a rep for taking in strays). My mom complained to me that he was just using me for food and sex. I said "Yeah, and....?" Eventually she and the rest of my family have become his family and have realized that there was not another man on the map who would have treated me so well as Thom does. True love comes from odd sources, but we both knew it from the get go. 12 years of marriage plus the 5-ish before, and we still couldn't imagine life apart, although there are those times when we wished we could!

My hubby is sweet, intelligent, kind, loves animals and deep thought, and always looks like a biker-redneck thug no matter how well he tries to "clean up". Folks come in all shapes and sizes and circumstances. Those book covers can hide a world of good from careless eyes.

-- Soni (thomkilroy@hotmail.com), October 23, 2000.