Hi,

It's me again. I attended my first RCIA meeting yesterday and I felt it to be very enlightening. It wasn't stuffy as I expected.

My problem now is that my fiancee who grew up Catholic absolutely refuses to come with me to the meeting. When we went to see the Priest to plan our marriage, he had put down that there was room for improvement for him as a Catholic. Which is why the Priest gave him the option if he wanted to attend RCIA with me. After this meeting I feel that it would be good for him. However, he's adamant that this isn't his cup of tea. He said his way of becoming a better Christian is within himself. Going to these meetings will only make him upset.

Should I just let things be? I suppose I should as RCIA is for me but it doesn't mean it is for everyone. At the same time what other options are there for someone like my fiance.

Just wondering how others feel about this.

Lisa

-- lisa (lis147@hotmail.com), October 25, 2000

Answers

Dear Lisa,

I am not sure if you saw my post on your previous thread, but I went through the RCIA process last year. I knew my husband was Catholic when I married him, but he had not been "in" the Catholic Church in years. When he divorced, he thought he was excommunicated (although we later learned that since he was married by JP and not a priest that he in fact was free to remarry). When our daughter was born, we discussed baptising her, on and off, but never did. But this is what got us started thinking about religion again.

I am not sure how or why, but on Mother's day of 1999, my husband was out of town, and I got up, got the baby up and went to Mass. I had never been to Mass before. Maybe I was lonely, but I truely believe it was a calling. I had never even imagined going to a new church alone, especially not a church that was so foreign to me. Anyway, there was an ad in the bulletin about RCIA and I really felt like it was put there just for me. I just knew this is why I gone to church that day. I called the office and made an appointment. All this time I was so worried what my husband would think. I was really afraid to tell him, because this was "his" faith, and I knew he felt unworthy to participate. So I went in and asked all the hard questions, and when he came home and I did finally tell him, we was so relieved!

He did not really want to participate in every meeting, but he has been attending church faithfully ever since. It has made such a difference in our marriage. Just by getting involved, I was able to help bring him back to the Church.

You may not have this same experience, but I would say that even though your fiance may not go through the entire RCIA course, he WILL benefit! You will have so much to talk about with him whether he goes or not! It will be a good thing!

Please feel free to e-mail me directly! I pray that you will find all the answers you are searching for! Peace, Tiesha

-- Tiesha Johnson (Tieshann@aol.com), October 25, 2000.

Jmj
What a beautiful recounting of these events, Tiesha! Thanks so much. Your message will encourage both Lisa and future readers at this forum.

Would you agree that it would be good for Lisa not to put any pressure on her husband, but let him progress at his own pace? Should she perhaps occasionally and "accidentally" leave an informative Catholic item around the house, where he might see it -- for example, on the coffee table, in the car, in the bathroom? I'm thinking of the Catechism of the Catholic Church, an RCIA booklet, a good apologetics book, audio-tape, booklet, or magazine (like "This Rock," "Envoy," "Pillar of Fire, Pillar of Truth," "Surprised by Truth [I or II]," the "Coming Home Journal," etc.).

God bless you both.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jgecik@desc.dla.mil), October 26, 2000.

If this is an indciation of the " support " you gained at this point prior to mmaariage - what then does the future truly offer you as his wife????

-- jeanb@cwk.imag.net (jeanb@cwk.imag.net), October 30, 2000.

Dear Jean,
Perhaps you can find another forum wherein gloom, doom, and other manifestations of negativity are welcome. They are not welcome here.
Of course, I hope that there is no such forum, so that you may realize that a pessimistic approach is helpful to no one.
God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jgecik@desc.dla.mil), October 31, 2000.

I did not find Jean's message to be full of "doom and gloom." Sometimes it is better to know where you stand.

-- Ellen K. Hornby (dkh@canada.com), November 05, 2000.

Welcome back, Ellen -- though I was hoping that, if you would ever return, we could be in agreement. Alas, it is still not so.
On the 30th, Jean splashed three threads on this forum -- in quick order -- with unpleasant, negative thoughts. I "held my tongue" on two of them, but just could not be silent about his wounding remark here, because (in my opinion) it is so useless to Lisa.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jgecik@desc.dla.mil), November 05, 2000.

Alright, I wasn't going to respond to Jean's message because this is a forum and it is opened to all opinions. However, I have to just add that the first thought that came to my mind when I read Jean's message was that no wonder there are so many marriage breakups.

Yes, I know Jean is asking me to evaluate things prior to marriage but what if I decided to attend RCIA after we were married? So something like this is enough of a cause for someone to doubt a marriage? Because of one thing, is it a representation of a whole?

-- lisa (lis147@hotmail.com), November 06, 2000.