I've noticed several references to leaving things to your children. What do you think should be left to your kids and for what reasons. Todays kids seem to think everything should be given to them without them doing anything to earn it.

I have seen when people get something for nothing and I did not like the results.

-- Nick (wildheart@ekyol.com), January 07, 2001

Answers

I think children should be left values, a love for God, and their fellow man, also a respect for Gods creation...money and material things are not much help to the building of a compassionate, loving, hard working human being.

-- Judy (allsmile@ctnet.net), January 07, 2001.

Nick: I kind of lean the other way. What a lovely gift to be able to pass down to your children the things you won't need anymore. If its a lot of money then possibly a trust that gives income. However I'm not so sure dumping a lot of money on someone who is not responsible is too wise. As for earning it, I think a gift can be just as appreciated but of course it depends on the child. I've given gifts to other people who haven't earned it so why not the children you love? Also I've thought it might be harder for the coming generations to retire so inheritence may be more useful than ever. Stuff to think about for sure!....Kirk

-- Kirk Davis (kirkay@yahoo.com), January 07, 2001.

Old Joke: This guy comes to visit his parents and finds his father dusting off a brand new Caddy in the driveway. Son said, "Boy, that must have set you back a pretty penny." Father said, "Actually, it didn't cost us a thing." Son asked, "How was that?" Father said, "Your mother and I paid for it out of your inheritance."

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), January 08, 2001.

Nick, we help our children & Grand children as we can all through life--& also teach them to be independent/ the love of God / & I am also makeing scrap books for my children & grand children/ of family pictures & in my own words describeing what the occasion was-etc.,etc.

---I'm leaveing them family photos & memories! I'm also leaveing them family history & family stories I have from my Dad/ Grand father / & great grandfather & great-great-/ And family keep sakes.

I'm also putting together a book for each one of my grand children - that passses down family recipes(stories about each person that made the recipe & how it was important to us or when we ate it, etc.) & quilt patterns & gardening secrets, etc.---all in one reference book.

I will be leaveing my cook book collection---with stains from use & silly keepsakes(like pressed herbs/etc.) I have used as markers in them.

I will be leaveing Quilts that great-great Grand Mother's have made. Also the first out fit that each of my children wore.

Lots of reference books that we have used & made personal notes in!! All of our personal Bibles.

Hopefully they will always remember my laughter & hugs & kisses & me telling them how much I love them /that I share all the time for them to keep forever!!!

Now, I'm there for them when ever they need me & so they will have memories of times we share & will hopefully do the same with their grand children. Sonda in Ks.

-- Sonda (sgbruce@birch.net), January 08, 2001.

I will be giving my children their faith in God, an unchanging set of values, as much knowledge I can possibly provide for them, a pattern for healthy relationships and I will be leaving to them all the things that I won't be taking with me when I cross the rainbow bridge of God's promise.

As that hearse goes down the road it ain't gonna be pullin' no U-Haul!

-- Laura (gsend@hotmail.com), January 08, 2001.

A clean planet. Old growth forests. Spotted Owls. Wolves. Whales. Clean air. Clean soil. Coral reefs. Rainforests. Tigers. Elephants. Manatees. Lear's Macaws. Buffalo and pronghorns on open ranges. Clean water. Dolphins playing in it. Monarch Butterflies. Frogs. Wetlands. Redwoods. Wilderness areas. Prairie dogs. Snowy owls. Fairy Reindeer. Penguins. Arctic Tundra. National parks.

-- Julie Froelich (firefly1@nnex.net), January 08, 2001.

I keep everything they give or make for me. I put it into a trunk for them to have when I am gone. Also pictures, Baby books,some of their baby clothes, a few of their favorite childhood toys.Also home made heirlooms, quilts and cross stitch.Two rings I own, one my wedding ring, one my moms ( I have two kids ) Hopefully this land we're on. A happy childhood, strong moral character, love for God and others. Not necessarily in the order in which I wrote.

-- Bonnie (josabo1@juno.com), January 08, 2001.

I agree with a lot of the ideas brought up above. It is getting harder and harder to make a living it seems so I will be providing for my children material possessions too. I have 16 acres but hope to be able to acquire some ajoining property. I hope to live long enough to help each of my children build a house on this farm. I'll also be leaving them a monthly income in the form of a large estate that I can't touch but that is freed upon my death. I plan to put the principal in a trust and they will receive part of the interest in monthly payments with a small portion being put into an emergency account. I also hope to live long enough to help provide all the household items they need for housekeeping. I plan to start making quilts and buying good quality household items to put up for them. This won't insure them a 'high' lifestyle but hopefully it will insure that my daughter and future daughter-in-law will be able to stay home and raise their children. I'm thinking of putting that in my will also as a condition of inheritance. I'm trying to take care of my descendents to the best of my ability.

-- Amanda in Mo (aseley@townsqr.com), January 08, 2001.

I like a lot of the answers that all of you have contributed. Some of them give me pause.

A friend of mine did everything for his kids including setting his son-in-law up in a business. He even handled minor emergencies for them. Gave them money anytime they thought they needed it. When he dies they will get everything he has.

They have not learned to do for themselves. The son-in-law ran the business almost out of business. They take terrible advantage of him. If he can't do something for them that they want him to, they are upset with him. They show little respect for him.They don't even try to see what he may need. But most of all, when he dies they will be on their own and they don't know how to be.

I know a woman that gave everything she could to her 6 kids and when she lost her legs in her old age 3 of the six wanted to put her in a nursing home and let her die. One child decieded to take care of her in her own home until she could die at home. Because of all the trouble 2 decieded to stay completely out of it. The one that is caring for her has been beat up, and picked on, and pushed to let her be put in a home. She helped her kids with money, down payment on homes, furnishings for their homes, clothes for them and their kids and support in time of need. Only one in six are there in her time of need. The rest don't want her spending what they believe is to be theirs.

You never help anyone by providing everything for them. At least that is what I believe.

-- Nick (wildheart@ekyol.com), January 08, 2001.

If it can be arranged, it may be wiser to invest now in their retirement, since so many people seem so ill prepared for it. Say you have a 25-year old child barely making ends meet. You invest $2,000 a year in an IRA or trust fund for them in a growth mutual funds, which beats inflation by double or more each year, for ten years. If untouched, by the time they are 65, it would potentially be worth fifteen or more times the $20,000 put into it. Yes, that's a retirement nest egg of $300,000 or more to supplement any other retirment funds they may have been able to accumulate on their own.

I know of no reason why a retirement trust cannot be started for even an infant.

While I feel absolutely no need to help out any nieces or nephews via my will, I did include my surviving siblings.

I think I mentioned on another past thread my will endowed a specific sum for each of my siblings, tied to inflation. Rather than having them wait until I die for it, I gave my three surviving sisters an option to get it now, but with no challenge of the will in the future. All three took it. One used it as a down payment on a flower shop, one put it into a college fund for their grandchildren and the other will use it to enhance her life since she has a fairly severe heart problem. Not included in the deal was my brother. He has pretty well been 'white trash' all of his life and his wife of about 40-years should be nominated for sainthood for putting up with him. After he dies, Sally will receive it to help her out in retirement.

The rest of my assets will go into a perputual foundation to try to keep the farm from ever being developed or the woodlands harvested again. It will never be 'old growth' again, but 200 years from now, perhaps someone will have a place to study 200 years of no harvesting.

-- Ken S. in WC TN (scharabo@aol.com), January 08, 2001.

The Presidency? Is the answer: The Presidency? Ding-ding-ding!!! Do I win a prize? (okay, I'll behave again....)

-- sheepish (WA) (rborgo@gte.net), January 08, 2001.

I haven't thought about what I would leave my children, as I have only recently entered parenthood. But, your question started me to thinking about what I would want my parents to leave me. There is only one thing that a boy really ever wants from his father. That is to know that the man is proud of him. I would give my right arm to hear my father say those words before he is gone.

As far as money and material things, I would expect us children to recieve an even share of everything. My mother has always been so insistent about being fair to all of her kids. If they help one of us out, they seem to want to do something for the rest of us.

I wouldn't care if I didn't get anything. They helped me buy this farm, by taking a second mortgage, which will be paid off by me deeding over the back ten acres to them. I never asked for money, I asked if they would buy the back ten acres, and let me hold title and pay the taxes on it. They in turn get the cash rent for the ground as interest. Even now when I go to pay them their interest, they ask if I am certain that I don't need that money. I have to insist that even if I do, it is money that I owe them, and they have to take it.

Parents, gotta love em.

-- Wayne (plefor@hotpop.com), January 08, 2001.

Guess what the prize is Sheepish? You get to be Forum Webmaster, from now till eternity. Perhaps you want to withdraw your answer? Claim someone posted in your name? Run screaming?

Now I'm being bad.Look what you started.Baaaad sheep.Baaad,baaad sheep.

-- sharon wt (wildflower@ekyol.com), January 08, 2001.

Eaasy, girls, eaasy, settle down, now!!

I don't know if we will have any physical posessions to leave our children. But if they love the Lord their God with all their hearts, soul, and strength, and love their neighbors as themselves, I will feel I have succeeded in what I set out to do. As far as *things* go, I think some of the above posts have expressed a lot of wisdom. I've seen the results of parents doing everything for their children long past the time they should have stopped, it isn't pretty, and is something I've been careful not to repeat in my own children. Even my husband, whose parents are that type, and who has had a lot of problems as a result, has gotten a little wiser and is trying not to repeat the mistake with our daughters. But still, I would like to be able to leave a few family heirlooms to the girls to be passed on (if the Lord tarries). It's nice to have something that you can look at and remember the loved ones who gave it to you. And I'd like to be able to pass our farm on to children or grandchildren who will keep farming it, rather than sell it to be developed. If Jesus doesn't return for a while yet, I'd like our farm to be in the family for hundreds of years, like farms in Europe often are, to be roots for a nation of wanderers!

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), January 08, 2001.

MY Brother-in-law had 3 children, 0ne which stayed at home,didn't marry and looked after her parents in their old age until the bitter end. Most of the inheritance was given to the daughter that cared for them. Realizing a big fight, he also had in the will if any one tryed to break the will they would be disinherited and received nothing in return. Sure eliminated a lot of hard feelings.

-- jay vance (jay.l.vance@worldnet.att.net), January 08, 2001.

All the skills you can possibly teach them, as much education as you can afford to provide for them, so that they have as many choices and opportunities as possible to do what they love doing, and skills to have as a back up if what they love doing doesn't work out. Enough good times for memories of a safe and happy childhood, with enough bad times to appreciate the good times, faith in God, and encouragement to go out into the world and be the best that they can be!!

-- (trigger@mcn.net), January 08, 2001.

My parents have worked hard all of their lives to get what they have now. They have never been extravagant, in fact, we have encouraged them to spend more money on their own needs, you know, live a little. If they manage their assets so there is not a dime left when they move on, I will be pleased that they managed to finally enjoy some of the fruits of their own labors.

-- Laura Jensen (lrjensen@nwlink.com), January 08, 2001.

I once read a quote that said,"I am leaving my children the same thing that my father left me, the whole wide world in which to make a living." I expect nothing from my parents when they are gone, my husbands parents will leave us nothing as well. My children are all young and I hope we have some time to make some solid decisions about our assets. I feel people do better when they earn something on their own. We started with nothing and in 14 years have managed to establish ourselves quite nicely. (through a lot of work and sacrifices) I don't feel that every generation needs to have it easier and easier. I once read a book called "DIE BROKE" which I would recommend to everyone to read.

-- Melissa (cmnorris@1st.net), January 08, 2001.

memories are the best thing to pass on and the training to think for themselves and have the values that you feel are important it is hard for parents to do all of this we are often too busy earning a living ,that is why grandparents are so important my two oldest daughters had the privlage of knowing years of time with thier grandparentsi was the youngest child myself and only had one grandparent ,i wish we could all be as good and kind as she was. my mother remarked about 9 years ago that my nephew wanted money for collage her opinion was he didnt need it because he would inheret when she died ,i told her she was being silly because he would not be in a position to go to collage then he was now and the money would change his life . I dont think he apriciated it enough i am now buying out my sisters share of the farm and it seems well for both of us so glad that we could work things out. oh and now that both my parents are gone i understand them more and look at my relatioship with my daughters differently ,i try to make time count even when i am busy being a good parent is a never ending career

-- george darby (windwillow@fuse.net), January 08, 2001.

Nick, if you have a lot of money or assets to give, you should give them to someone, if not your children, then to the church, etc. If you have A LOT of money, you should start giving it while you are alive, which is called gifting. This way uncle sam wont get more than a third of it. There are many situations to consider. One, If you are farming and your child is helping you and wants to farm, shouldn't you try to give him the farm for the years he helped you? Two, perhaps your children were deadbeats and didn't give a rats ?&*( about you. But, you have grandchildren. YOu can skip the children and go straight to the grandchildren. But i agree with some of the above listings, give your children values, faith in God and in love.

-- JoAnn (jonehls@excite.com), January 08, 2001.

I've been thinking about this one, and reading the newer posts, and re: the family farm, if you have a child or grandchild (or other relative) who wants to continue the family farm, would it be better as far as taxes are concerned to "sell" it to them gradually before you die, perhaps in exchange for their work or something? And if you get along well enough, with a proviso that you have a lifetime home there. Comments? (though I know this has been discussed before somewhere).

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), January 08, 2001.

How about a good family reputation. When I die I hope my children will hear from my friends that I was an honest, God serving women who loved them very much. (an hopefully hear the same thing from my enemies)

-- diane (gardiacaprines@yahoo.com), January 08, 2001.

That's a good one, Diane. Several times over the years I've heard people make comments about my Dad's father that were favorable, and it was so nice to hear good things about him!! I'd like to leave that for my grandchildren, too.

-- Kathleen Sanderson (stonycft@worldpath.net), January 08, 2001.

Boy hows this? If you flat want to punish your kids just don't have a will!!! Lawyers get the bucks and the sibs end up fighting and hateing each other! How often does that happen?...Kirk..

-- Kirk Davis (Kirkay@yahoo.com), January 08, 2001.

I turned this question around and looked at what my grandma left me when she passed on, about 1,000 dollars in stock,handmade ornaments and a love of home made things, a book she started [ but only got a little way into]about her life.The stock is nice as a emergency fund, Wish she had filled out the book as there is so much I dont know about her,every christmasss when I put the ornaments on the tree I feel her near. And a strong belief in god.Hope someday to leave my kids the same only with the books pages filled in .

-- kathy h (ckhart55@earthlink.net), January 09, 2001.

A healthy planet. Without that, not much else matters.

-- Sam in W.Va. (turnip55a@yahoo.com), January 10, 2001.

To kathy and Kathleen, right on! I want my children to all love the LOrd, I want them to spend eternity in heaven with me! As far as leaving them something I don't have real strong feelings about that. I have a few things like a journal that my mom started and never finished and of all the things she left me..money and a few family heirlooms it is the journal I wish she had been more diligent about keeping up. I have determined to write a journal..I don't write in it everyday but I try to keep it up pretty current. I want to buy one of those books that has questions to answer so you can write your "life story" and leave that for my children. I try to talk about my parents and grandparents and tell stories about when I was a kid to my children and grandchildren. The Bible says that the the man who leaves an inheritance to his childrens children is blessed. I wonder if that is necessarily a monetary inheritance? Larry Burkett, a Christian financial counselor that has a radio program says that the Bible tells us we need to help our children[sons] to obtain a home debt-free. That doesn't mean for us to go into debt to buy them a house but if we have the money we should give it to them. And I don't mean a mansion, I mean a comfortable , in good repair home. We have been able to do this for one of our sons, one is not interested in what we can afford and the other two are single and not ready to settle down. My daughter is well provided for by her husband and by his family. I am not a spendthrift but I am not sure there will be much money to leave my children and that doesn't bother me at all.

-- Artie Ann Karns (rokarns@arkansas.net), January 10, 2001.

love, memories and lots and lots of pictures.

-- Mary R. (cntryfolk@ime.net), January 12, 2001.

As the beneficiary of a trust set up many years ago... I want use my share to leave my children a large enough piece of land that everybody has a safe, healthy, happy place to live, keeping it in the family for future generations. I do not want to hand over a lump of cash, have seen what can happen...and would also make provisions for their education.

-- Lynne David (lynnedavid@msn.com), January 30, 2001.

My Dad stated an intention to turn it all into liquid assets and drink the lot!

-- john hill (john@cnd.co.nz), January 31, 2001.