Wow. My wife is not interested in moving to the country and giving up all her money making and spending based activities. She doesn't like to farm on our little 6 acres, except for selling the extras. We have boney land here and I'd like to sell and move to an area of good reasonably priced land. Is there anyway to get her more involved? To like getting into the soil, etc?

-- Paul T. (ptkonstant@aol.com), January 22, 2001

Answers

Maybe we should trade spouses .I think mine would be happier in the city.Haha only kidding .

-- Patty {NY State} (fodfarms@slic.com), January 22, 2001.

Hi Paul, have to say I'm with Patty on this one, seems you can't change these city boys for trying :-) The best I can say is to learn to be happy where youre at, 6 acres is quite a bit to the folks with none. Our 5 1/2 acres isn't good land, but at least it's something and I'm not in town. Its enough for my goats and milk cow, chicken, calves, etc. I would love 80 acres in the boonies but hubby cant give up his townie ways. Wish I could share the magic secret to change their minds, but I haven't figured it out (11+ years of trying). I do everything myself, and maybe it's best that way because I don't have to get his "permission". If he was into it he might try to boss me around, egad! Try to bloom where you are planted, maybe someday when she see's how incredibly happy you are she will want to try, too.

-- Julie (julieamc@excite.com), January 22, 2001.

If anyone finds an easy way to convert one's spouse to the country life, would you please let me know? Mine likes the animals to pet or look at but not enough to do chores, he doesn't mind cutting wood, he's not happy building stalls and such in the barn but he'll do it if I ask, he detests haying, he's OK about gardening and he will help me can and freeze garden produce, but he's just not as happy about living here as I am. I'd like him to enjoy it, no love it, as much as I do but I don't think it will ever happen. I end up doing the majority of the work because I feel guilty that he's not as happy as I am. I really don't mind most of the time but I do get tired sometimes!

Stacy Rohan---in Windsor, NY

-- Stacy Rohan (KincoraFarm@aol.com), January 22, 2001.

You can't. If you have a little ground where you are, start with a high yield garden, expand as you can , enjoy yourself. When your spouse sees you enjoying the lifestyle, she may come around to it.

-- Jay Blair in N. AL (jayblair678@yahoo.com), January 22, 2001.

Oh Stacy, That sounds exactly like my husband and my situation. I also try to do all the work when he's not home so he doesn't feel he has to. Ever try hanging woven fence through woods by yourself?

Paul, maybe you can get her hooked on some cute little baby animals. It's hard to resist baby faces. I agree with Julie. If she doesn't like the 6 acres, she's gonna hate a bigger place.

-- Dee (gdgtur@goes.com), January 22, 2001.

As Jay said..You can't..I have tried for 25 years to get this husband of mine to at least learn a weed from a veggie..the only thing he can weed is the corn!! If they don't like doing it you can't make them like it..They have to show an interest before they will attempt anything..but don't let it stop you from planting a garden and enjoying your interests...the Old Man sure enjoys the veggies and eggs even if he doesn't help with them!! Not to mention the beef in the freezer..

-- Lynn(MO) (mscratch@semo.net), January 22, 2001.

Paul, I would suggest waiting on a move at this time. If you force your wife to leave she will be resentful. I have seen two divorced neighbor's because of this very reason.

Perhaps the best way is to start practicing some homesteading skills that you think she might enjoy. Maybe she is just afaid of the unknown. Happiness can be contagious and in time she may be interested. Try suggesting she work on a project with you. Include her in your activities. You may have to face the fact that she may not ever love this way of life. My husband hated the thought of animals and extra work at first. Now he races me to do the chores. He feels lazy if he isn't working at something and he was a huge couch potatoe. Now there i times where i am jealious of his energy or i cring at the though of cutting more fire wood.

Time will tell how you wife adjusts, but i would say go slow and be very honest about your hopes for the future. Good luck to you!

-- Shau Marie (shau@centurytel.net), January 22, 2001.

Oh i forgot! For some incouragement read "there's something wrong with my husband." in new questions. It does happen sometimes, but you can't make it happen.

-- Shau Marie (shau@centurytel.net), January 22, 2001.

I wish you luck Paul, but agree with others--best to stay where you are for interim. Does you wife have ANY homesteader interests at all that you could encourage? Any hobbies, crafts? I would have to agree with getting "baby" animals (but only if you're willing to raise them if your wife doesn't get attached). But I'm an animal lover anyway. There is NOTHING cuter than a baby goat (but you have to have more than 1 goat as they social/herd creatures). I got my first goat when my last child left home, vowing I would never have the empty nest syndrome--up to 6 pygmy-crosses now and unfortunately no more land. But I could spend ALL my time outside with them!

-- Marsha (CaprisMaa@aol.com), January 23, 2001.

Hi Paul - From the sounds of it, money and lifestyle may be more of an issue than farm-based living. If she likes to make and spend lots of money and you want to make and spend less money in order to live the lifestyle you want, maybe you can work out of two separate bank accounts. She will have to understand that if she wants to do things that are not in your budget and she wants your company, she will be footing the bill, and they will have to be done around your chore schedule. In turn, you will not pressure her to become involved in the activities you want to pursue, but will welcome her if she chooses to join you for any little thing.

My partner of nine years and I have such an agreement, and it works out great. He is slowly becoming accustomed to all the animals and their needs, and helps out occasionally with heavy tasks. He is coming to appreciate the wholesome milk and eggs we enjoy, and he has been enjoying a bit of gardening as well. I am a little limited in what I can accomplish because I still have to work full-time, but I expect that in a few years that will change.

We also made a deal around four or five years ago that we would live in the city until his youngest was independent, then we would move to the country for a while (basically as long as I want, with possible renegotiation after several years). We probably have about three years left of city living.

I have used the intervening time to learn as much as I can on my double city lot. I bet you could do a great deal on 6 acres, and there are many ways to improve land. Get yourself some small-scale farming books. Email me if you want some recommendations. You will see that six acres can go a long, long way.

I am also using the time and higher income to purchase ten acres and a house. Hopefully, it will be mostly paid off by the time we move.

Maybe your impetus for moving is to get out from under large payments so you can get by on less income, leaving yourself more time for things you enjoy. Perhaps setting a timeline for a move to a less expensive place would be helpful. If she chooses not to move, maybe you can get an idea of what an acceptable place would cost and offer to make your share of payments after a period of time based on that mortgage, instead of your current mortgage. She can pick up the difference in order to have the privelege of living so close to town. I think that would be fair, since that's her choice, not yours. And the lower payments would probably allow you to live largely as you wish as well.

-- Laura Jensen (lauraj@seedlaw.com), January 23, 2001.

Oh Jennifer, I can sympathize. Mine is also starting to make noises about the work and the time, and has mentioned moving back. How old is your hubby? I'm wondering if this isn't part of mine's mid-life. Mary

-- Mary (mlogan298@yahoo.com), January 24, 2001.

Paul T., My husband drug me out here kicking and screaming 13 years ago this comeing March. I was a city girl through and through. This place was only 15 miles from town but at the time it was 15MILES! LOL! I now wish it was 150 miles. He was raised here but he does not like to raise animals unless you count the two German Shepherds he has owned since we were married and 1 very old chocolate lab. I am the one who likes the Chickens, rabbits, and much to his dismay, goats. I have the garden and anything else my little heart desires. He is the country boy but he says he had to milk cows when he was a kid and he ain't gonna do it ever again. He had to weed the garden when he was a boy and he ain't gonna do it again. It is just not his thing, so ok. But he will help me with the fences and shelters and carrying heavy stuff because he loves me and wants me to be happy. Can't ask for more than that. But he draws the line at haying. NOWAY, NO HOW, NOWAY, never again! Too hot, too hard,too much trouble for any old goats! His words, not mine. So ok, I buy the hay or get it myself. This old lady friend told us when we got married 22 years ago to " CHOOSE THY LOVE AND LOVE THY CHOICE" We have it hanging on the wall to remind us if needed.I think the secret here is comprimise. You can both be happy. That 6 acres may not be your dream place but seems there must be a lot you can do with it. And don't give up on her she may come around yet. I can't imagine ever living in town again. And the longer I live here the more I hate going to town even when I need to.Sounds like she likes the business aspect of your little farm. Let her take care of that. Maybe it will get her more involved. Let her do what she does best. You will both be happier.

-- Bonnie (josabo1@juno.com), January 24, 2001.

you can bring the horse to water but it may not want to drink You mention she likes selling the extras, set her up with booth by the road because she needs people to meet and talk to Try to find a place with blacktop road and traffic or things might get lonely or you might get lucky and have the best of both

-- nick malek (raymondetdesrosier@sympatico.ca), January 24, 2001.

Well, miracles do happen. Before I married my DH, he acted interested in country living. I had a *little* place already. He had been looking for land, and owned homesteading type books. Seemed a perfect match. Then we married. Suddenly he had NO INTEREST in any homestead activities. They were MY THING. I did the gardening and everything by myself. He said he didn't want to farm, he didn't want to hay, he didn't like being tied down to a place, etc. I asked if he was wanting a city-condo life, and he didn't admit to that. I'm thinking maybe he had been single too long and was really chafing at being married, but I can't swear that was the problem. I hung on and continued to do the things I wanted to do -- and raised fruits, vegetables, critters, etc. Then, suddenly, and for reasons I still cannot explain, he got interested. We bought a bigger place. He started helping me plant things, and developed an interest in farming. I could never begin to say how or why he regained an interest in homesteading and farming, but I am SO HAPPY that he did!

-- Country Gal (nikapseud@hotmail.com), January 26, 2001.