This is a delicate subject, but here goes. . .

Is it wrong for a married couple to participate in sexual relations other than and including intercourse while the wife is pregnant? I understand that this part of the marital relationship is saved for procreation, but what about the 9 months?

-- A Catholic with a Question (justwondering@home.com), January 29, 2001

Answers

Jmj

Hello, "just wondering."
Don't worry. Although we don't speak of sexual matters often here, we are not bashful about them.

The overriding principles of Catholic sexual morality that pertain to your "delicate" situation are the following, reiterated through the centuries and now expressed in our Catechism:

"'The acts in marriage by which the intimate and chaste union of the spouses takes place are noble and honorable; the truly human performance of these acts fosters the self-giving they signify and enriches the spouses in joy and gratitude.' Sexuality is a source of joy and pleasure: The Creator himself established that in the generative function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them. At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.[Pius XII, Discourse, October 29,1951.]'"

[Note that the acts which are called "noble and honorable" (and thus free from sin) are those marriage acts by which the couple bring about a "chaste union." Although the Catechism does not go into detail about this, it can be learned from the constant teaching of the Magisterium that the "acts" being referred to here are heterosexual intercourse to climax -- optionally preceded by those acts that are often called "foreplay." Normal intercourse is morally permissible during pregnancy, for as long as it is judged safe by the mother's physician.]
[However, it would be seriously sinful for a single spouse or a couple deliberately to use an action that is normally considered foreplay as a substitute for vaginal intercourse, whether or not it leads to a climax. The following passage from the Catechism is in keeping with this principle.]

"Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes. By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. 'Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.'" [Note, though, that such stimulation is not sinful when used as a prelude to normal intercourse, because it is not done as an end in itself. JG]

Most married couples find the writings of Pope John Paul II on marriage to be very uplifting. He wrote some reflections on these matters in 1998, and I want to quote from them, hoping that they will help you:
"The truth of this act [marital intercourse] stems from its being an expression of the spouses' reciprocal personal giving, a giving that can only be total since the person is one and indivisible. In the act that expresses their love, spouses are called to make a reciprocal gift of themselves to each other in the totality of their person: nothing that is part of their being can be excluded from this gift. ... 'The person can never be considered as a means to an end; above all never a means of "pleasure." The person is and must be nothing other than the end of every act. Only then does the action correspond to the true dignity of the person.
"The Church is aware of the various difficulties married couples can encounter, especially in the present social context, not only in following but also in the very understanding of the moral norm that concerns them, like a Mother, the Church draws close to couples in difficulty to help them; but she does so by reminding them that the way to finding a solution to their problems must come through full respect for the truth of their love. 'It is an outstanding manifestation of charity towards souls to omit nothing from the saving doctrine of Christ,' Paul VI admonished.
"The Church makes available to spouses the means of grace [the Sacraments] which Christ offers in Redemption, and invites them to have recourse to them with ever renewed confidence. She exhorts them in particular to pray for the gift of the Holy Spirit, which is poured out in their hearts through the efficacy of their distinctive sacrament: this grace is the source of the interior energy they need to fulfil the many duties of their state, starting with that of being consistent with the truth of conjugal love."

A great source of information and advice on how couples can maintain a loving, pure, and sinless relationship during difficult times (such as days of abstinence, whether or not pregnancy is involved) is the Couple to Couple League. These are wonderful Catholic people who would be extremely pleased to help you. Although their main focus is NFP, they are also experts in your specific area of concern. Please visit their site and consider contacting the Kippleys and their co-workers by phone or e-mail.

St. James, pray for us.
Immaculate Mary, pray for us.
God bless you.
John

-- J. F. Gecik (jgecik@desc.dla.mil), January 29, 2001.