Pull up a chair, grab a cafe mocha and introduce yourself.

Here, I'll make it easier for you -- tell me three unusual and/or memorable things about you. Hell, make it up if you have to. We could all use a good laugh.

-- Brad (brad@scriptbrads.tv), February 06, 2001

Answers

In all fairness, I should go first. Make as much fun of me as you will:

1) I own three lizards.

2) When it comes to soft drinks, I only drink Pepsi and Pepsi owned products.

3) I was the voice for an animated cartoon of The Gingerbread Man.

That wasn't so humiliating, I think.

-- Brad (brad@scriptbrads.tv), February 06, 2001.

Yo, Reginald Squirrel --

As a member of the cadre of laptop wielding TV professionals occupying valuable space at a cafe, I can offer you several hints as to get rid of this riff raff:

1) infest your place of business with rats 2) when someone orders a cafe mocha, instead of chocolate powder use Ex-Lax 3) develop a killer case of b.o.

I hope you find this helpful.

-- Brad (brad@scriptbrads.tv), February 06, 2001.

I understand, Wendi. I'm going to marry Kevin Smith (not the director, the Kiwi actor) and he doesn't know it yet.

Hey, this just gave me an idea for a new topic!

-- Brad (brad@scriptbrads.tv), March 15, 2001.

Dear "Brad" (not your real name). I am a 29-year-old manager at a popular java chain. I've recently had a series of run-ins with a gang of laptop-wielding TV toughs who have been taking over the joint and scaring off the law-biding paying customers. As a famous TV personality, I was hoping you might offer advice on ridding my establishment of such unruly rabble. I've considered napalm and C-4 explosives but I'm afraid the chain owners would bill me for auxiliary damage. Any suggestions? Reggi

-- Reginald Squirrel (rsquirrels@prodigy.net), February 06, 2001.

Hey, Brad! Congratulations on the Diarist.Net nomination! I'm Saundra, I run Headspace and I'm not allowed to say what I do for a living because you banned all talk about writing. :) But when I'm not doing that which must not be named, I'm taking care of my seven year old son and keeping house.

As you might have noticed, I have the most exciting life ever.

-- Saundra (headspace@anywherebeyond.com), February 06, 2001.

My three things:

1. One of the reasons I moved from my last apartment was that I couldn't get the bathtub drain unclogged.

2. People tell me that when I comb my hair, I look a lot better.

3. When I was underage (at least by US standards), I drank beer with a billionaire. I think my hair was combed at the time.

-- Jared (jared@jaredg.org), February 06, 2001.

I'll add my three things.

1) I do not procrastinate by playing video games.

2) I have an adorable white cat who likes to be near me at all times.

3) Does anyone know how to win the Midfield Raceway in Gran Turismo 2 for the Playstation?

-- Eric (eric@heisserer.com), February 07, 2001.

Okay, so since you insist on knowing three things about each of us, here are my secrets:

1. I used to be a woman trapped in a man's body, but since my surgery I've become a man trapped in a pair of size six and a half pumps.

2. I can duplicate the Olympic logo by contorting various body appendages and linking them, but have been asked by the International Olympic Committee not to continue doing it every morning on "Live with Regis and Kathy Lee."

3. I kicked Sammo Hung's butt in a game of Strip Old

-- Reginald Squirrel (rsquirrels@prodigy.net), February 07, 2001.

Reggie's response has answered many questions I've had over the years.

Who's next?

-- Brad (javagirl@scriptbrads.tv), February 07, 2001.

Sorry, but my last entry was cut off before the last word (much like every conversation I have with my wife). It was to read:

3. I kicked Sammo Hung's butt in a game of Strip Old Maid.

Hope this clarifies things

-- Reginald Squirrel (rsquirrels@prodigy.net), February 08, 2001.

Saundra, thanks for the congrats on the diarist nom. Seeing as how I haven't joined Open Pages or applied to any rings or burbs, it is...strange to be nominated.

And Jared, I hope that billionaire showed you the same class you had combing your hair by buying you that beer.

-- Brad (javagirl@scriptbrads.tv), February 08, 2001.

1.) I used to cook in a Japanese restaurant owned and operated by a member of the Japanese Imperial Household kitchen staff.

2.) I once was licensed to sell insurance in California.

3.) I used to be able to play all of Robin Trower's live album (in a cover band) as well or better than Robin Trower. In high school. At least that's how I remember it. I may have been stoned at the time.

-- notfamous (notfamous@notfamous.com), February 09, 2001.

I should add that I did all those things before I was legally able to consume alchohol. I should also add that I have done nothing of further interest since.

-- notfamous (notfamous@notfamous.com), February 13, 2001.

1) I was once hit by a van who ran a red-light. 2) I was once hit by a garbage truck who motioned me around and then revved up and surged forward and hit me anyway. 3) I was twice hit by the same fire-truck when they ran a red-light (my car bounced off the front, spun and then they hit me again.)

My husband gets very very nervous when I cross train tracks. Especially if there's a red-light involved.

-- toni (toni@la-lagniappe.com), February 15, 2001.

1) I wore a red dress to my wedding.

2) In college, I had the dubious honor of cleaning the bathroom of the freshman football team. (Yuck.)

3) My mother's a practicing Buddhist and my father has statues of the Virgin Mary all over his apartment. We're Jewish, why do you ask?

and what the hey: 4) I nominated Script Brads for Best New Journal. So blame me.

-- Tamar (tamar@berkeleyplace.com), February 15, 2001.

Tamar,

Now I know who to thank (or kill) at the next live chat.

Seriously, I'm so flattered you felt my journal deserved recognition.

-- Brad (javagirl@scriptbrads.tv), February 15, 2001.

1. I'm left-handed.

2. I ought to be reading about Gothic novels right now.

3. I know what Brad's real name is.

-- David Frazer (DavidFrazer9@netscape.net), February 23, 2001.

Hi Brad! I'm Wendi, a little fan of yours from Georgia. Love this journal, since it's all about The Profession That Shall Not Be Named (that I wanna be a part of so so bad!). Let's see, three unusual things about myself? I'm not very unusual, but here goes:

1) I live with my gay brother and his husband of six years.

2) I am going to marry Reed Diamond. Even though, you know, he doesn't know that yet.

3) I have named all of my gray hairs after the person(s) who caused them.

-- Wendi (Kellerfan@aol.com), March 15, 2001.

1) I have three adult sons, even though I am only 27 years old. (Last year I was 34, but that made me feel ancient.)

2) I once wrote sexy romance novels that embarrassed my three sons who weren't adults at the time, and how would YOU feel if YOUR friends read the juicy parts of YOUR mother's sexy romance novels out loud when YOU were fifteen years old?

3) I am still a virgin.

(One of the above is a lie.)

-- pooks (TexasTrish@aol.com), March 17, 2001.

Shouldn't that be "one of the above is true"? :)

-- David Frazer (DavidFrazer9@netscape.net), March 27, 2001.

Only if you're a stickler for fine details.

-- pooks (TexasTrish@aol.com), March 28, 2001.

Wow, I just found this spot as I slowly and thoughtfully chew through "brad"s archives. Three things, hmmmmm....

1) You can go home again.

2) Everyone has computer troubles when the moon is void-of-course.

3) There are approximately 100 ladies' slippers scattered through our woods. I was always told that these are a rare and protected species. They may be, but here they compete with the weeds.

Salutamus / S.

-- Sally (aiolia@worldnet.att.net), June 23, 2001.