I have noticed that my farting habits can be affected by many things including altitude, food preservatives, quantity of food, and type of food ingested. I have run some inquires Online as to how intestinal gas is formed and repeatedly doctors and health advisors come back with inadequate explanations about indigestible sugars / carbohydrates and fermentation. . . peptoses. . .

I have a quibble with this, because I can eat the same foods by different manufacturers and get wildly different results. Or, I can eat the same food one version home-made, the other canned, and get wildly different results. And I sometimes begin farting just after I have eaten something - not time enough to get to the small or large intestines I wouldn't think.

I think that sulfites (sulfates?) really affect me, I don't know. Something certainly affected me on this last trip to Mount Shasta. Four friends and I went out to dinner (it was pretty wretched food) and I ended up farting on average once every three minutes over a thirty-six hour time frame. My friends called me the Lean Mean Farting Machine and labelled my farts, 'fartilicious'. It was miserable for everyone involved (but especially me - it's uncomfortable farting that much!) and I would like to know what happened. I certainly wasn't eating foods that I don't normally eat, but they were prepared differently. Canned green beans, breaded salmon (which was albino, not pink - weird), salad, and a baked potato. Not normally what gives me gas and certainly not on that scale.

What do you think happened? What other factors contribute to gas? What is the science behind our digestion? And how can I prevent this from happening again?

Thanks-

-- shenly glenn (sglenn@sapient.com), February 20, 2001

Answers

It's a little a disturbing to ponder the reasons why someone might consider me an expert on this subject. However, here goes.

As you probably know, the large intestine has a large bacteria population. Although the population of bacteria fluctuates depending on diet, and the use of antibiotics, bacteria can make up to 50% of the weight of fecal material. These bacteria feed on indigestible carbohydrates. These bacteria produce a variety of gases during the digestion of these carbohydrates, including methane, hydrogen, and hydrogen sulfide. Although methane makes up the bulk of the gas, hydrogen sulfide causes the bad smell. On average, each person produces 500 - 1000 mL of flatulence every day. However, eating a food with large amounts of indigestible carbohydrates (green beans and baked potato), plus a food high in sulfites (salmon) could potentially produce more (and more noticable) gas than normal.

Gas output could vary for a wide variety of reasons.

Some gas is caused by swallowing air as you eat. If you eat quickly, you will likely swallow more gas. Also, foods containing sorbitol/xylitol (e.g. sugar free gum) also cause flatulence. Were you chewing gum on this trip?

Canned foods have been softened by heating process during canning, and some of the gas producing starches may have been removed. Different processing methods may explain the differences you observe after eating canned foods vs. fresh foods.

If you're bowels are irritated (illness, stress) they may pass food through faster than normal, leaving less time for the bacteria to digest the food, and therefore, produce gas.

Also you may have been more aware of the gas you produced because you were cooped up with a bunch of wisecracking friends.

It is common after meals to experience a "high-amplitude propogating contraction". This is a very strong contraction that begins at the top of the large intestine and ends just above the rectum, sweeping the contents ahead of it as it goes. You will often feel a strong urge to have a bowel movement as a result of this contraction. Even if you don't, the contraction will cause any pockets of gas within the intestine to emerge as flatulence. This would explain the gas you have immediately after a meal.

What can you do about it? Here's some suggestions:

• Avoid foods high in sulfites/indigestible carbohydrates (beans, cabbage, broccoli, fish) when you will be trapped in enclosed spaces. Other gas-causing foods include dietetic foods/sugarfree candy and gum (often contain sorbitol/xylitol), soft drinks, whole grains and bran.
• For the office you might consider the flatulence filter, a seat cushion impregnated with activated charcoal.
• Eat slowly to reduce the amount of swallowed air.
• If you're lactose-intolerent (you lack the enzyme lactase), you may wish to avoid foods containing dairy products, or eat foods like Lactaid or Dairy Ease.
• Beano appears to work for some people. It contains a plant enzyme that can digest stachyose and raffinose, two of the sugars in beans that cause flatulance. Take a tablet or a few drops before mealtimes.

-- Chris Rasch (crasch@openknowledge.org), July 13, 2001.

Why worry about it, just enjoy it and try not to follow through at any time. My favourites are those we call SBD( silent but deadly) although a lot of pleasure can be obtained from NBH(noisy but harmless)Hope this helps, Jim.

-- James Stinkybuttox (hardtip78@yahoo.com), December 02, 2001.

How can i prevent from not farting again...I don't want to take any tablets i just want to know who can you stop from happaning..Because I don't eat a lot and the next day i have a lot of gases in my self I don't know why.....Can i take any drink or fruit or what ever to stop from not farting, but i wouldn't like to any tablets..Thanks for helping.. bey

-- Vanja (xvanja84x@yahoo.com), January 16, 2002.

I suffer from the same problem -- farting a lot. I tried to stop eating beans, potato, fired food, cold drinks.....but i still fart. I know everyone will fart. But how i cannot control it or make it less or no smell? It makes me so embrassing sometimes. Can anyone help??

-- pop (e714342a@hotmail.com), April 12, 2002.

eat slowly look both ways first bang gotcha

-- brian tranor (coachrider430@hotmail.com), May 09, 2002.

I fart a lot too. I need help

-- Graham (detunedradio@hotmail.com), August 12, 2002.

i think farting is hilarious, i dont know why anone would want to stop and the best ones are when u are around a bunch of people and let a silent one and everyone smells it and they blame it on someone else ok g2g bye bye

-- Seymour Butts (tyguy0011@hotmail.com), August 19, 2002.

I have bad wind. My Girlfriend gets annoyed at me. I try and cut down on all the bad stuff, but my gut just makes up more. Please help, i may just explode one of these days!!!...

-- APoo Nasapeemapetilon (bob_gassess@hotmail.com), August 28, 2002.

I've found Beano to work. It took a dollar's worth of Beano to neutralize a dollar's worth of cole slaw however. It's an expensive solution to the problem. It's just an aspargilus niger (sic) culture and needn't cost that much. Competition is needed here. Note that the conventional wisdom for a healthy diet prescribes flatogenic foods - legumes, grains, and cruciferous vegetables. Few authors of such advice even mention flatulence, and those that do dismiss it lightly.

-- MJ (mjnyc@hotmail.com), September 03, 2002.

I think I fart because of what I eat, and Shenly, you are absolutely right, some sugars wont get digested in the intestine, and i fart all the time and it is really embarrasing when i fart infront of people, they smell it and like hate me! Oh my gosh, i rerally need some medicine to take the gastritus out of my stomach...Uh, it is a pain in the neck! Oh wait eher comes one now! Well buh bye I need to go sit on the toilet!

-- Kelsey ( M.D. Doctor) (swishgrl2412@aol.com), September 14, 2002.

Hi, My name is Ima Farting Penishead and I just cannot control my farts. I really dislike the Silent But Deadly(SBD) ones. I really like the Loud But Calm(LBC) farts because no one can smell them!

-- Ima F. (farting) Penishead (Brattygrl1022@aol.com), September 14, 2002.

I don't know what you problem is.. me and my boyfriend fart all the time. Wether I'm out at the local biggie-mart or pep-guys, I fart, he farts... we all fart.

Sometimes I'll sit on a nice vinyl seat and have to fart. I see that as an opportunity for fun, rather than a negative experience. I'll let the fart bubble out and move around seeing how I can make the fart bubble move around under me with out slipping out the sides. Yes they do stink when they finally pop out.. kinda like a LP records thats been sitting in the sun, but I usually set a new high score everytime.. as I can get it to move form my butt to my knee on one leg, then back to my butt then to my other knee before slipping out. I play this game when I ride greyhound or take a plane.. it makes the time go by.

I do admit farting at work with others around can be embarassing, but here's a little secret. When you fart unexpectedly... just blurt something out.. loud and fast. It will confuse people and take away from the shock that others are feeling because you just farted infront of them. I like to yell out "Franks and Beans". Then when people ask "what the heck?" just tie "Franks and Beans" into your current conversation like you would a relative or friend to Kevin Bacon.

Another piece of advice is avoid foods with MSG. MSG = stinky Sulphur farts. You will know they will stink when you do the test fart. Let a little out.. if it feels 'hotter' than usual farts, and has a slight 'burn' to it, you probably have a oven full of rotten eggs.... a sulphur fart(s) is in the waiting. Unless you like your own brand, stay away from MSG, as you'll end up taking out your friends like Union Carbide did in India back in '84.

My last piece of advice is just remember the 3 F's... "fart for fun" Avoid MSG, and you and your partner will have a life time of natural, intimate and safe fun together.

Mia Butreeks 5'4" 110lbs, blonde hair, green eyes, C Cup. My fav Site: http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com

My Boy Friends site: Please donate and buy a signed pic.. do it for the children. http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/

A fart is not the arrival of impending doom, but the joyous announcement of an abundant life lived to the fullest. - Glen Sommers

Farting is natural, farting is fun.. farting is best when it's one-on- one. - George Bichael.

-- Mia Butreeks (glazed_brain@hotmail.com), September 15, 2002.

I fart sometimes too! Who doesn't... I mean I really don't mind unless it like a fart that isn't a fart and craps come out... LMAO Laughing my ass off! peace

-- jordon wrights (militarykidd_439@hotmail.com), October 09, 2002.

why fart. its good!

-- sglenn@sapient.com (sglenn@sapient.com), December 13, 2002.

I have tried beano and it does not work for me, bananas gives me gas real bad, and beans look out! you better have your gas mask! most everything i eat gives me gas. I don't like to fart when my husband and i are in a crowed store but it seems like thats when its the worse and i can't hold it in it just comes out on its own

-- gloria price (price1149@charter.net), December 14, 2002.

I poop too much

-- Rubberneck (fartguy@hotmail.com), December 18, 2002.

If you separate your foods properly, you won't fart...really, I've tried it. Eat meat only with veggies, but don't eat meat with higher carb foods like rice or bread. You can veggies with the higher carb foods like rice or bread and not have a problem. Proteins like meat require a more acidic environment to break down, while veggies and grains require a more akaline environment. When you mix the two together that's when you get problems.

-- Me (me@here.com), January 15, 2003.

we fart beacause germs eat carbohydrate and produce a gas what stinks

-- candice senior (gfflllfg@hotmail.com), January 19, 2003.

Maybe you needed to do a number 2 and then mass gas was created. But also, maybe your enzymes in your stomach were working overtime and produced mass gas. If you're at high altitudes, from personal experiances i know i haven't farted (i do that a lot) but maybe you have an ilnessm- i don't know. Anyway, try to keep off fibres, veggies and other food/drinks like beans alchohol (evil) and other stuff. Also, try to keep off chewing gum. If your problem still continues, email me and i'll see what i can do. - Yours sincerely, Hareth B

-- The Fart King (MoB@crapmail.com), January 27, 2003.

hey hey guys...i loooooooove to fart it make me feel sOo good sOo good. me and my friends go to Burger king and fart in their burger faces!! I am a vegan and i have to say that vegan farts are the worst farts in the world. so all you vegan farters out there keep it real! aighty! i gotta go use the crapper ..and i know that because i just released a fart and that leads to a major wet fart!

-- Marty Farty (Marty_farty@shithead.com), February 06, 2003.

farting is bad......don't do it......u'll die....trust me.....and....it scares people. O.O If u really need to then erm.... farting is bad...just dont do it and you won't have a problem. ^-^ farting is evil....and if u do it...that makes u evil......Thank you for your time.....Have a nice day...

-- Magical Thingy of Death (Lunalovekiss@hotmail.com), February 08, 2003.

5 words.. " Who Let The Fart Out!"

-- Rachy (knightprincesskp@hotmail.com), February 08, 2003.

Since farting is just a natural thing, it is not wrong & hence we should not worry about it. But anyway, for me, EATING YOGURT/BUTTER MILK with rice or just by itself after our regular intake avoidded farting.

Goodluck, SecretDude

-- SecretDude (cantsay@hotmail.com), February 12, 2003.

I fart continuiously. man do the ever stink. Sometimes they are big but do not smell. Sos's (save our souls) are the worst. One of those will clear out a room in no time at all. Anyhow i have to leave now before i puke from the awful smell that is surrounding me.

-- Rotten Egg (wetone@stinkass.com), February 14, 2003.

BK + me = a world of pain. Co-workers are choking in their cubes, people's eye glasses are fogging, computers start blue screening. Look man, you dont want to mess with the AssMaster. Cause Ill drop something stank and rank on yo punk azz. Straight up. Aint no shame in my game. I represent, the gasious fascist.

-- Yellow in Front, Brown in Back (Shit_Skids@hotmail.com), February 26, 2003.

I love to fart. farting is fun isn't it. i love the stinky smell of my farts. besides what makes you fart a whole lot anyway because i want to fart a whole lot

-- troy howard (sglenn@sapient.com), March 10, 2003.

If it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down-this isn't about farting but it's still good advice take it to heart

-- poop (Yousmellbad@stinkycheese.com), March 14, 2003.

Ok, you idiots ruined an entirely genuine and serious question. The lot of you who posted like idiots are exactly that, IDIOTS. Your seed should be wiped from the earth to end your stupid bloodlines.

-- Seriously Mad (ihateidiots@hotmail.com), March 15, 2003.

Aside from all the silliness here.. I have a *SERIOUS* question:

Are the gasses produced from farting in any way toxic? --------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------

Recently I have been having sulfur (rotten egg) gas pretty bad, and almost always when I am going to bed. I have been leaving a flap open in the blankets so it doesn't fester under them. Sometimes my little one wants to sleep in my bed with me. I am concerned that I might be producing something lethal and can't guarantee that the flap will stay since I toss frequently when I sleep.

This is a TOTALLY serious question.

On the lighter side... Reading the silly posts reminds me of what my friend's grandfather once said... (which was), "It doesn't matter how old you are, a fart is always funny". Very true.

Thanx for your help in advance.

-- Someone shy (Im2Shy2TellU@shy.com), March 18, 2003.

I fart at least every 5 minutes, I have been doing it so long I no longer consider it a problem. My wife does not use the same blanket as me anymore because I fart so much. My farts are a part of me and I don't know what I would do if I did not have my fart smell when I put my head under my blanket at night. To be honest it makes me feel safe.

Sometimes at work or when I am around hot chicks I don't fart, my stomach gets sick and I end up farting loud farts at home. I told my wife about this and now she assumes that every time I have a loud fart that I am cheating on her, she thinks I have been with a female all day holding in my farts.

I sometimes wish I didn't fart but then I wonder what would happen if I didn't fart? Maybe my wife would accept me. I held in my farts for 7 monthes until we finally got married. Is there any females out there who appreciate farts or at least understand them as well as me? I wish my wife could realize it is not my fault.

-- Jacson Lamer (jacson@hotmail.com), April 09, 2003.

I also have problem with gas. everytime i eat my stomack gets big i had no idea why, but i have never seen someone like me. I always blamed it on gas. Some times even if I dont eat anything my stomck gets big and the gas just wont come out. it feels like if i have crambs and i get very tired. Also for somereason it happens to me when i stress out . anyways. Usually any food gives me a problem with gas. However, after giving birth I gained weight and i needed to go on a diet ( do not try this diet after birth if you are nursing). i tried the atkins diet, where you cannt eat more than 20-30 grams of carbs. i noticed that my stomack never got big at that period of time, i didnt have exccesive gas at all ( i was normal :D). Now after i stopped the diet i try not to eat too much carbs, but when i do my stomack gets big. it is really annoying, i am pretty active i work out almost 3 times a week, including my abs, but still my stomack gets big when i eat carbs. but i am happy that i figured out the reason.

-- helen bag (ksdf@hotmail.com), April 19, 2003.

I fart over 7000 times a day, is this unusual???

-- Fart Van Hinkle-Stink (farter@aol.com), April 28, 2003.

Hey Helen, your prob might not be the carbs (or it could). You might have irritable bowl sydrome (which can be aggrivated by diet and stress). The other thing is that you might be somewhat lactose intollerant. In the later case, it could be ALL dairy or just sensitivity to just some types, like just milk or whatever. Or, a minor food alergy... which you could have inadvertantly cut out while on Atkins (ether the dairy item(s) or offending food).

Look them up on the net. Good luck.

-- Responder to Helen (fake_email_address@dud.com), April 30, 2003.

I'm suprised that nobody here mentioned farting in a sexual way. I love when my girlfriend gets gas. They sound and smell so good. It gets me so horny thinking about how precious and sweet smelling my girls farts smell. And the sounds? I also believe females and only females possess the power of the "bubble fart" sound. Only the ladies can let out those "gulrpklpquaarpt" sounding farts. Female farts is the most amazing expultion of inner feminine beauty, that is so precious. When I drop my girl off on a sunday, I'm vexed thinking about how many farts I'm going to miss out on, due to her usual gassy weekends. I'm addicted to her farts, and the way they smell...so beautiful, like heaven's perfume.

-- Female fart fetishism (aeodema@aol.com), May 02, 2003.

Actually i do have a very mild lactose intollerance. However i still go through what i explained before sometimes even if i didnt have any dairies. I would like to get more information about bowl sydrome you mentioned. i never heared of it. i will look it up on the web, but i will still like to know more about it from you.

This is a respond to (fake_email_address@dud.com), April 30, 2003.

-- Helen (ksdf@hotmail.com), May 02, 2003.

Hi Helen, The best thing you can do is to look up "irritable bowel (not bowl) syndrome" on the net. There is a lot information out there on it. I wish I had a more specific, "here's what you do..." kind of answer, but I haven't found one myself. All that I have learned about it, is that it is a condition that there is basically no real treatment for. It's one of those things that you personally have to manage by narrowing down what might trigger it or make it worse. But doing some reading on it, might help you find some answers.

You might start here: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/irritablebowelsyndrome.html

I'll tell you my personal experience. I have been plagued by the big belly thing for years. I am slender (110 lbs), I work out, including abs, regularly. Eat well, etc. However, almost every day... I would find my belly bloating. I could wake up in the morning with a flat belly, and by the end of the day... I look 3 to 4 months pregnant. I could feel my tight abs right under my skin... but my gut just pushing it out. Some days worse than others. It drove me nuts. I am slightly lactose intolerant, but not like those that just explode at the word dairy. Basically, if I have milk straight up... I pay for it later. Carbs bug me somewhat too, but more gas than anything. But I've never found a hard line on what causes it, just what aggravates it more. I talked to my doctor about it, and he diagnosed irritable bowel syndrome. All he could offer me was that there is nothing structurally abnormal with this condition that can be seen nor is there a test you can take. It's based purely on if you have the symptoms... then you have the "syndrome". My doctor did say that diet and stress can aggravate it. I have suffered with this for years. I can tell you, that strangely, I have had a "remission" so to speak. :D I left a very very stressful job, that I thought I was handling the stress ok. It wasn't until I left, did I realize how much was lifted off me. My daily big belly thing just stopped. Now only the "aggravators" (milk, carbs, etc) get my belly up. I don't know if this sounds like you or not, but reading your first post made me think from the sound of things, you could use a heads-up on the IBS thing.

So, do some reading. I hope you find answers. Good luck, Helen!

-- Responder to Helen (fake_email_address@dud.com), May 03, 2003.

I have no I idea what to believe, I read an article that a high carb diet makes you fart. the reason for this is that there are many bacteria in our stomach , bowl intestine etc and some of them love food which are high in carb and so prduce heaps of gas.

Now I have no problem with what I read, just that it seam a bit strange when I my self am on a almost zero carb diet. I only eat heaps of fresh green vegies, steamed and raw vergies n meat, eggs, cerals etc etc and bloody hell I fart like a sick dog. My farts make me run not to mention me wife and kid lol

so what ever the cause is I was told to try some tea, so i guess ya could try tea as an antioxydent.

-- Mike Smith (maik007blechschmidt@hotmail.com), June 06, 2003.

I LIKE FARTING!!!

-- Mr Fart (MrFart@aol.com), June 09, 2003.

Females normally do not like to be branded as farters. Though they are the ones who release SBDs than NBHs. I have seen females fart and do not want to make an issue of it especially when males are around.

-- Prakash (prakashnk@rediffmail.com), June 15, 2003.

I really like the idea of that fart filter cushion. Someone should extend that idea into underwear which is also a fart filter. It would revolutionize the industry! Although I suspect it would be hard to fit such a filter into g-string. *grin*

-- Joe Blow (joe023423957@hotmail.com), June 18, 2003.

Stay away from painkillers! Not the Aleve, Advil, no I'm talking about those pills with narcotics in them that make you feel awesome. The constipation is bad enough, and the SBD farts turn into LAD farts. (Linger All Day) Imagine a deadly invisible pall of smoke, marking territory that should you (someone other than the farter) should dare cross. .....and you got 5 seconds to don that gas mask, or you'll feel like you're in the L.A. riots!

Since I stopped taking those pills for good I've had only "false alarm" farts. Basically they feel and sound like the murderous drug farts, but without the deadly electricity. No vile smell. Even if there is a bad one, it's only one-quarter as bad as before.

We all fart & laugh. I did in school, just like the majority of guys. Some girls found it funny, also. But trust me, one taking painkillers for ANY reason (recreation or medical need) has to be careful when in public. Marking territory in the grocery aisle is easy, or if you want to clear your way in the crowd at the ball game. Nobody dares be around you in that case, because your farts smell so putrid they all feel you should be locked up. The police refuse to get involved because they don't want to smell it all the way to jail.

-- Windbag in Retirement (e.adkins@worldnet.att.net), July 14, 2003.

I usually fart atleast 100 times a day. At work I hold in my fart's, but when I am having my affair with ultra farter women, we fart in eachothers faces, it smell so good all that inner beauty, the idea of such irrigation and prostification in recognition of fartation. Swelly farts happen to me often, it is when i flush out my crap instead of a fart and my girlfriend loves it, she says it shows my ultra flushing strength.

-- Lasar Davis (ldavis@qnet.org), August 11, 2003.

M$ launches a new slogan...

Farting: Where do you want to stink today?

-- Indeed (paaaarrrrrrrrp@hisss.com), August 17, 2003.

I get really annoyed with those who jump on here and question why anybody would want to stop farting. At one point I thought it was okay and funny but when it is going on for years it starts getting old and isn't normal. You start smelling like farts, you get bad headaches, you feel bloated and disgusting, etc. My point is after a while it isn't fun any more. Farting makes me feel nauseas. I also get the bloated stomach problem. I think a lot of it is due to what we eat and how we mix foods. It is also how fast and how much we eat. I believe I may have lots of food allergies and maybe an eating disorder. I can't eat any legumes and I can't eat certain nuts and seeds w/o getting farty and bloated. In addition, carbs and grains kill me and I believe I have a gluten allergy (which causes gas and diarrhea). I also binge a lot which is another reason for having bad gas and getting the bloated stomach. Mixing certain foods does it for me too. Some advice from me (I have been doing lots of research on my problems and maybe some of these are your problems) is to have proper exercise at least 3-4 times a week, eat lots of greens and veggies, eat lots of fiber (remember to take in fiber slowly since it will cause bloat and gas, et cetera if taken in to fast). Eat lean meats (wild game being the best choice), fish, and veggies and eat less carbs. Eat a good bit of fruits, nuts, seeds, and grains (how would we eat in the natural world?). Look into what foods shouldn’t be eaten together and what do well together. Some of you might want to look into food allergies such as soy, gluten, dairy, and eggs. Also cutting out unnecessary processed foods would help. Also if you are a fast eater and forget to chew like me that could help lots too. Eat and stop eating when you are satisfied don't continue eating until you feel like you are going to explode-which also contributes to bad gas. Eating 5-6 small meals a day is better than 3 meals a day. This helps with digestion (bad digestion causes bloat, constipation, and gas) and helps keep your metabolism in check. And a very important key point is to remember to drink 8-10+ glasses of water a day. These are all of the suggestions I can think of at this moment. Good Luck! -Rusty

-- Rusty (broadtailedbeaver@yahoo.com), September 28, 2003.

What about probiotic supplements that include things like the stuff you find in yogurt (acidophilous)? Once it was recommended to me in our health food co-op when I was asking about how to treat stomach problems, but they are so expensive. 1-2 pills a day is the dose, suppose to aid digestion. Anybody have any experience on how they handle farts?

-- anonymous (sorry@no.spam), October 01, 2003.

Dear Friend,

You can eat every thing, but in the middle of your food you can take carbocyllin, each dose consists of 2 tablets one red and other blue, this means that one can be effective in the stomach and the other is effective in the intestine... three times a day for 1 month, and later when it is needed.

this is my experiment in this medicine , i fount that it is the only effective one, but try to decreese your meal as quantity and type of food.

If you found any other good medicine please email me on the above written email.

-- saleh (graduate@mail.iugaza.edu), October 05, 2003.

A fart is a cry from an imprisoned turd!

-- LJT (cargounlimited@yahoo.com), November 04, 2003.

Hi, My boyfriend farts once in every 10 minutes... it's crazy. But he eats really fast. I think that's what causes it. So... advice to u guys who wanna cut down - slow down and stop gobbling. It'll give the girls a better impression too! And if u still feel like doing it, get away from us! And for godsakes don't consiously sniff it after u've done it!!!

-- ling (bubblee82@hotmail.com), November 06, 2003.

I have just clocked a continuous fart on a stopwatch... 9.32 seconds without interruption. SBD? Nah. SBFD!

-- Leon (murzun@yahoo.com), November 12, 2003.

hi everyone, Just wanted to let everyone know that Im farting something terible lately.. I fart all day long even in bed sleeping... It just started about 3 weks ago, and it's not going away. I fart about once every minute. I do enjoy letting it pass.. I get some comfort in those massive long durational farts because I think, "This is the final one to end it all" but then a few minutes later, a semi shock passes........

I've passed 3 in writing this, and I feel one on the way as I type. Thats what I don't like, is the build up pressure.. I wish there was a way to constantly let out the gas instead of having to keep in building up inside me. there she blows... oh a double one that time... well I feel better now at the moment, but can already feel another building inside....

-- Letting it loose (theluck23@comcast.net), November 15, 2003.

I think that you have an intestinal problem. Serious farting episodes are caused by lack of sexual encounters. By having these encounters you greatly reduce pressure in your intestines, causing a decreased amout of gasses that will eventually escape your rectum. So my solution= masturbate 3 times a day

-- patrick wyatt (awyatt@hotmail.com), November 17, 2003.

Well, I can not say I fart alot but I do have the stomack bloating i dont think its normal for a 22 year old male, I went to the doc and did test for alot of stuff because my stomach hurt, I did an Otopsy with the long plastic tube down in my throut and he said it was Gastritis, and gave me the same med again Previsid which isnt helping much for i still have the bloating on and off speically after i eat and the pain goes and come usually do to stress when i have a test or some... im still in school. if any one can help me with this I will be greeat full for i have been in pain for about a year now, and i get it once about every year mostly during summer time and it goes away by the way i dont fart to much but i do burp. please mail me if possible and tell me wht i can do

-- Peter Tosi (pedram/81081@yahoo.com), November 19, 2003.

I Fart because I like too!! Farting is an Art. I learned from my Fart sensie The real McCoy in an Bensalem PA office! He was smooth, quiet when he needed to be, and stank like hell, but no one knew it was him, except for me his Student. Most of his farts were blamed on Jack.

He taught me to play songs in fart, or just a quick run out to the stairwell when control was an issue. My master's sayings were so good "he who fart in church..sit in pew" or "Do Farts have Lumps?" I truly miss my master, since my move to salt lake city. I guess I should be his "Apostle of Air" and pass his word!! I think the whole world should salute him with a Big Gasious Secreation on Super Bowl Sunday at half time. I also love his Eagles Team, and will be rooting for them just because of my love and respect for "The Gas Master

-- Jason Lieber (jlieber@speakeasy.net), January 16, 2004.

i know the real answer stop eating the bad shit.... and start eating the healthy bullmuthafuckashit....you know'msayin......shit brutha i luve the smell of my own muthafuckin fart........so if i was you i wouldn't eat befoe you fuck yo hoe......man that shit would stink like a muthafucka...... yours truly muthafucka anonymous

-- graham brotherton (grahamafunk@yahoo.com), January 24, 2004.

we all fart all the time.. sometimes we put our ass in the air and light our farts together as a family..... iwould tell my wife yoko and my son sean we need to spend family time and share our farts.. oh yea baby!!!!!!!! we eat beans after bean everysingle night... man oh man i love my wife's fart.... very oriental smell. do you guy rember my song iwanna smell your fart.. well i wrote that song for my wife... and she loves the smell of the english fart....thank you for your time john&yoko peace&fart

-- yes john lennon himself (mb@marcbrotherton.com), January 24, 2004.

I like to light my farts on fire. the longest flame was 12 inches! how cool is that.

-- Me (joeshmit@yahoo.com), January 29, 2004.

Funny mpg of a guy lighting his fart: http://media.ebaumsworld.com/lightfart.mpg

-- (myob@fake.com), February 07, 2004.

just let it out better out then in for some anyway ,friends should except you for you,and except your smell whatever the smell maybe the silent and deadly types they may have a excuse to leave. anyway try drinking water before eating and during eating and after this helps out alot and kidneys benefit alot also regards kelvin gillies perth australia

-- kelvin gillies (kelvingillies@iprimus.com.au), February 07, 2004.

cus its natural. I just wanted to say that either someone has gone to a lot of trouble on this funny funny site to post a whole lot of things under different e-mail addresses, or there are a lot of fucked up people out there! However, i am a very immature 18 year old and still find it funny!

-- Joe (another_fake_email@fakey.com), February 12, 2004.

I agree with the guy who said that it's sexy when a girl farts. I know that's weird, but so what?

-- Ralphael (Ralph@meanpeoplesuck.com), February 29, 2004.

You guys fart, and stink up the used cars they sell out there, thats why they sell febreeze. Why do you think nobodhy buys a classic car 30 or 40 yrs old. It has about 30 to 40 yrs worth of sulfur gas on that cloth! DEPRECATION!!!

-- Dan (danny44@aol.com), March 13, 2004.

I should say that I'm very serious about what I'm gonna write here... I honestly don't remember, but not more than 1 year ago I started having gases... I never did before, not in my 20 and some years of life that I remember... I mean I did used to fart regularly, but not nearly as much (and as loud) as I do now... Beside farting I can hear my bowels working (not sure are they making the sounds or is it just air transfering itself inside me) a lot more now, and that's not just when I'm hungry... On the contrary, I could of just finished a meal some half an hour ago... I didn't really pay too much attention to this, but now when I started having some chest pains I do... I did see a doctor of general medicine about the chest he did an ECG (EKG), found nothing, listened my lungs also heard nothing, did a blood test, it revealed something raised, so he now suspects I could have an adenovirus infection... I'm scheduled for an ultrasound inspection of the upper abdomen and some more blood work... I didn't mention the farting bit to my M.D. since it didn't seem relevant, but now I got online searched a bit around about adeno and found some diseases I must say I'm getting a bit hypochondriatic... Could adeno (if I, in fact, have it, since I haven't done the tests yet I'm scheduled for this friday) be the cause of my increased farting??? BTW, I'm slender, 6 feet tall about 75kg (that's about 150 pounds I think)... I have always been slender and had no trouble with weight... I should also mention (I also didn't mention this to my M.D. since I thought it wasn't relevant) that I was working out on a regular basis up to some 6 months ago, ever since then I slowed down working out, since I have been occupied by some other things (college exams)... I did ab workouts, pushups, freeweights (the stuff that worksout the chest, abs and arms) and although I didn't have a real Scwarzeneger sixpack my abs were lot firmer than they are now.. I don't remember so I can't tell you did I started having gases immediately after I stoped working out (stopped preety much completely, sometimes I do manage to do a couple of pushups and some ab excercises), or was it a problem even as I was doing'em, but could that be some factor too??? Although I mentioned I stoped doing workouts couse of exams and the problems appeared I don't think my problems are stress related since I was under stress before (previous two college years) but had no described problems? Thanks... I saw that some of the answers here were educated ones, so I though I could get a doctors opinion on this, since I didn't mention this to my doctor (I will if someone tells me too)...

-- TX (ftnns@hotmail.com), March 17, 2004.

I think that farting is great. I love to smell my own farts. Me and my cousin used to have fart contests as kids.

-- Kevin Kwan (slimshady@hotmail.com), April 06, 2004.

I love vaginal farts - when those lips start flapping and blowing out a lusty, gusty volume of wind, I just hope I'm there for the taking.

-- Me (ms_mitchell_m@yahoo.com), May 03, 2004.

A vaginal fart is a queefer...I think while the do sound cool,they won't light as far as I know and therefore not as good as an ol' chili bomb !!!!!

-- Uncle Jimmy ! (queefer@fartpuff.net), May 24, 2004.

What was the question again?

-- Emergent Fart Machine (emergent@mchsi.com), August 11, 2004.

I don't know about you guys, but I think people that make farting jokes are stupid. Farts are a deeply personal and extremely erotic part of lovemaking. How else can one's lover and soulmate comunicate arousal, without the appreciative "ffpfpfpft" exuded wetly from the anal region? Instead of laughing, dear women, I present to you a revalutionary idea: a fart is an ANAL orgasm. Think about it. Both involve contractions and involuntary tightening of muscles, both involve certain "noughty" areas becoming rather wet, and if executed properly, an anal orgasm can cause flushing. (Both from you and everyone else in the room) So men, the next time your girlfriend farts, just smile, and realize that YOU turn her on.

~~Once again, Tvardary comes back from the dead to impart his knowledge~~

-Kindred

-- One-winged Angel of deadly cheese (sexualfartsofjoy@hotmail.com), October 01, 2004.

hie, i have had terrible farting experiences people laughing at me and so on.which in turn has made me so self-consious, when im around people i fart or build up gas but when im with myself i dont.wicked ha.although i do occasionally enjoy fariting by myself i have consulted an MD and they have recommended clear digestion(chinese medicine) which has made the situation good or bad depending on my mood.i think that this a stress related problem beacuse when im stressed i release alot.im glad to see that some people find it hilarious, i feel better knowing that im not wierd its normal.thanks guys for the humour and laughter

-- charline (skcza@yahoo.co.uk), October 03, 2004.

i fart LOADS.....and i mean loads..ive im at a party i have to go to the bathroom to do so and if i dont fart then i get a really sore stomach or it randomly pops out later. ITs so inconvenient, it stinks and i cant stop it. I eat loadsa veg and thats about it as well as crisps and chocolate..and chicken. Its just nerve-rackin and embarrasing and ppl know me for it. !

-- JJ (nottellingyousorrysir@hotmail.com), October 06, 2004.

I dont fart.

-- stupid man (me@me.com), October 16, 2004.

BILLY GROSS: I do this!- push myself,- MUM: oo, that's gross. BILLY GROSS: i do this!- pull my face,-MUM: (LAUGHS) BILLY GROSS: I do this!- (BUBBLE FART),- MUM: oh, Poo! Billy! it's smells of pea in underwater! BILLY GROSS: (CHUCKLES & LAUGH) i was going to the toilet and done my pea poo-poo after my bath. MUM: OK Billy, how old are you Billy? BILLY GROSS: i'm 11. gosh, my bum smells of pea poo or horse poo, (POUFFING) PRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUU!

BILLY HAWES GROSS D.O.B: 18 June 1993 Age: 11 Sex: Male from 'The Best-Ever You've Been Framed! (2001)

-- Billy Hawes Gross (bgross@hotmail.com), October 22, 2004.

JAMES COWSWELL:

Dad? How can you smell Pooey Pants? How can you smell Pooey Pants?

DAD:

I don't know.

JAMES COWSWELL:

I was fall myself and i see my arse with gray trousers.

(FROM JAMES COWSWELL'S BUM/WHITE PANTS) (MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) COWEY FART!

(SNIFFS) PPRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUU! POO! IT'S GROSS! COW!

Can i go to the toilet and done a poo?

DAD:

Go on, do a poo.

JAMES HORRICK COWSWELL D.O.B: 20 April 1992 Age: 12 from 'You've Been Framed! (10th September 2003)

-- James Cowswell (jcowswell@hotmail.com), October 28, 2004.

NICOLAS PRINCE:

I wiggled my toes in front of Otis The Aardvark.

(BUBBLE FART)

PRUUUUUUUUUUUU, POO! PEA! Can i go to your toilet and done a smell of Horse Poo! Please?

POO! HOWEY!

NICOLAS PRINCE D.O.B: 02 March 1989 Age: 15 (young middle boy)

-- Nicolas Prince (nprince@hotmail.com), October 28, 2004.

LENA:

dear? How can you smell Pooey Pants?

(COWEY FART FROM HIS WHITE PANTS AND BLACK BOTTOMS): (MOOOOOOOO)!

PRRRUUUUU, COW! HOWEY! POO!

Can i go to the toilet and done my smell of cow poo please?

LENA WYCOMBE D.O.B: 12 February 1992 Age: 12 Boy

-- Lena Davis Wycombe (lwycombe@hotmail.com), October 28, 2004.

Yesterday, I went to the toilet in KFC in South Reading and just done a wee and not poo-poo, and come back from the toilet and i wash my hands and i saw that young boy doing a wee in the restaurant toilet and he did a little fart from his trousers while i'm washed my hands, i can't smell his fart? (SNIFFS) ppprrrrruuuuuu, Poo! it's gross! Howey! boy's pants smells of Blink Pea Fart like in the bath and his feet smells Howey Blink Old Smelly & Cheesy Feet with white socks, POO! GROSS! Not like You've Been Framed.

-- Leigh Kent (leigh@hotmail.com), October 30, 2004.

That young boy's little fart in the KFC Restaurant toilet, is not related to Young Huckle Cat from 'Fil'ler Up Scotty' in Season 2 somewhere in Busytown, not like You've Been Framed!

-- Leigh Kent (leigh@hotmail.com), October 30, 2004.

My girlfriend just queefed. And I got horny so I made love to her. It was such wild love that I had to go to the bathroom. But when I did, all that happened was my girlfriend started to cry. Silly donkey. In closing, I would like to say, porn is a guy's way of getting back at all the women for denying him sex. Silly erectile dysfunction and paralyzing fuglyness!

- Kindred

(once again Tvardary imparts some more stuff you probably didn't need to know)

-- Kindred (gooeydingleberry@queef.com), November 01, 2004.

I just want to say I am a female that farts a lot I can't help it, I tried modifying my diet but nothing works. I have learned to live with it. I am hoping I can find a boyfriend that farts as much as me and we can have fart races. If everyone in the world farted as much as me we could all be equal. Who cares about racial equality, how about fartial equality? Stop judging me because of my body functions.

-- Samantha Mandolini (sammy219@yahoo.com), November 12, 2004.

Blink Bogey Fart: FART! (from her arse) Horse Fart: FART! (from her white and pink knickers bum) Cow Fart: MMMMMMOOOOOOOO (from her knickers) PU! HOWEY! IN THE BATH: I wiggle my toes! (CHUCKLED)(BUBBLE FART FROM HER ANUS): oops, pardon me! (chuckled) p, pea pooey. I go to the toilet and my big drops of poo, i did a wee and fart and some big black drops of poo, and it smells of Horse Poo. and i poke my bum with my middle-size finger and i smell it, (SNIFFS) POO!

pprrrruuuuu! girl! female! poo!

KIM HAWES POOPS D.O.B: 16 February 1992 Age: 12 Middle Sex: Female

Thanks, Kim xxxxxx

-- Kim Hawes-Poops (elaine@hotmail.co.uk), December 16, 2004.

(FART FROM HIS BUM): PUUUFFF, I just farted. POO!

ELIZABETH GREGORY:

# Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way! #

You've Been Framed- Presented by Benny Hill.

Luke's bum smells of Blink Pea Poo. Elizabeth's bum smells of Blink Old P Poo. IT'S GROSS

LUKE ALBANS D.O.B: 17 November 1994 Age: 10

ELIZABETH GREGORY D.O.B: 08 August 1991 Age: 13

-- Luke Albans (jingle@hotmail.com), December 18, 2004.

I'm a young character from 'The Busy World Of Richard Scarry' TV- Series. i used to done a fart when i was young about 5 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16, and it's my 17th Birthday soon in the new year 2005, 3rd January. My bum and white pants smells gross and my paws feet smells gross as well.

D.O.B: 3 January 1988 Age: 16 (in-a-half)

-- Huckle Cat (busytown@hotmail.com), December 18, 2004.

My fart smells of rotten eggs or Hydrogen Sulphide, and sewage. The Whitley Whiff is dued to my stink bombs you know, i just according to Mencap Club's whiff. POO! (FART) ooh, pardon me! I just done a whitley whiff fart from my arse. THE WHITLEY WHIFF IS DUED TO ADAM NICOLSON'S FARTS!

D.O.B: 07 July 1972 Age: 32

-- Jeff (Mencap) (jeff@hotmail.com), December 18, 2004.

I used to done a fart when i was 12 - 13, my bum smells of poo. prrrrrruuuu! Gross! I done a blink fart from my bum, and i done a second one called Cow Fart, and i went in the bath tub with my mate Otis The Aardvark and i wiggled my toes and i done a bubble poop, my bubble bum smells of blink pea fart. POO! GROSS! I went to his toilet and i done a fart and poo, my poo smells of horse poo. My white knickers smells of cow poo. and went to Otis's bed, and i snoring go ZzZzZzZzZzZzZ prrrruuuuu!

VICKY NATHAN D.O.B: 09 September 1988 Age: 16

-- Vicky Nathan (blonde@hotmail.com), December 19, 2004.

Hi, when i fart i like to smell it i wave it up into my face, it's so nice, you should try it sometime and while your at it, grab your ball sack when it's really sweaty and give a big ole wipe, notice how good it smells? of course you do, you should smell my fart sometime i know you won't like it, but i'll make a dutch oven especially for you! and i'll trap you inside and then ask if it was delicious.

-- teamgod.net owns you! (GODLAKE@teamgod.net), January 07, 2005.

hi when i saw females farting its turn me onnn and i have to masterbate and when my wife fart is also turn me onn but she dont fart in front of me i heard her fart just two time

-- (m.a.sagar@sify.com), January 13, 2005.

Hi, my name is Heather Karges, and i'm 17 years old, and i'm a girl. (FART FROM HER ANUS): oops, Pardon Me! Poo! smells! of poo. PPPRRRUUUU! My bum smells of pea poo.

HEATHER KARGES D.O.B: 01 August 1987 Age: 17

-- Heather Karges (karges@hotmail.com), January 15, 2005.

I'm saying I know why we fart. I'm not saying that it is wrong to fart, I think that farting sometimes is normally but for some of us it's cause we are really sick. I have a problem digesting breads, or pastas, when I eat these I fart non stop, I can't even move without farting. I also have alot of pain. This can be an embarassing thing especially if the odour is unbarable in my case it is quite often (if I consume breads etc.) I was told I was lactose intolerant but I was still farting. Then I cut out breads..... Watch what you eat!

-- D. Landy (bite_ur_lip@hotmail.com), January 17, 2005.

I'm NOT saying I know why we fart. I'm not saying that it is wrong to fart, I think that farting sometimes is normally but for some of us it's cause we are really sick. I have a problem digesting breads, or pastas, when I eat these I fart non stop, I can't even move without farting. I also have alot of pain. This can be an embarassing thing especially if the odour is unbarable in my case it is quite often (if I consume breads etc.) I was told I was lactose intolerant but I was still farting. Then I cut out breads..... Watch what you eat!

-- D. Landy (bite_ur_lip@hotmail.com), January 17, 2005.

The drummer in my daughters' band makes this great chili. he includes a quartered potato to "take the farts out". it works. anyone know why?

-- sovay (sovaydesitges@hotmail.com), January 17, 2005.

Hi, my name is Neville Horswell, and i'm 12 years old, and i used to fart sometimes when i was in bed with my nightie on or whatever. (HORSE FART) (HORNS) Poo! it's smells of Horse Poo from my bum. I can smell my orangy and yellowy gross feet. (SNIFFS) Prrrruuuu! Poo, Cheesy Feet! I went to the toilet, Poops? Gosh, my poo smells of Horse Poo, and i wiped my bum with my tissue paper from Otis's toilet, and i flushed the chain, and i wash my hands with some soap.

NEVILLE HORSWELL D.O.B: 15 August 1992 Age: 12 Played by: Charlie G. Hawkins (used to play Daz Miller from 'Eastenders')

-- Neville Horswell (horswell@hotmail.com), January 19, 2005.

I going to fart from my bum, (COW FART) PRRRRUUUUU! POO! COW! (CHUCKLES)

CHUCK HEDGES D.O.B: 04 April 1992 Age: 12 (GLASSES)

-- Chuck Hedges (hedges@hotmail.com), January 29, 2005.

(FART) oops, i just farted. Prrruuuuu! Poo! (POUF). (?FART?) oops, i farted again. it smells of Cheese and pea. I just taking my black bottoms off and my white pants off, and i smell my white pooey pants, (SNIFFS) Poo! and smell my smelly feet, (SNIFFS) (WHISPERS) Poo! and i pick my bum and i smell it from my finger. (SNIFFS) Poo! it smells of Mouse Poo. and i went to my toilet and i done a Big drops of poo/poops, and my poo smells of Pea. AND I wipe my bum with my tissue, and i flushed the chain. and i wash my hands. I went to bed at 9.00pm evening, and began to my snoring sound and i fart. (YOUNG BOY TONE) ZzZzZzZzZzZz. (WIND FROM HIS BUM) (MOUSY FART) Poo!

Thanks Jack Silvas.

P.S.:

Jack Silvas' bum smells of Blink Pea/Cheese/Poo. Jack Silvas' white pants smells of Poo. Jack Silvas' feet smells Blink Smelly (Orangy, Yellow)

JACK SILVAS (Young thin boy) (brown pox on his face) D.O.B: 15 October 1992 Age: 12

-- Jack Silvas (silvas@hotmail.com), February 05, 2005.

Well well, here's my chance to finally say all the things i've ever been wanting to about my dear flatulence.... Allison sometimes calls me "Flatulence" McFadden and runs out of the room with her suckle over her face when i fart.... sometimes she yells at me and comes back with a lighter or matches and burns them around the area to eat up the fart smell....

i would like to display my unashamed and total love for every fart i've ever made, am making now as i write this, and will ever make in the future.... i love the smell of my farts so much, i take big big whiffs through my nose whenever i let one rip; my favorites are the really warm bubbly ones, where they're so warm they almost feel wet - BUT THEY'RE NOT - they're just warm and wonderful and leave an olfactory field around me for minutes and minutes.... i then just sit in my bubble of smelly air and heave breath after breath in through my nostrils.... IT really invigorates me to smell my own gasses.... like a potent aphrodesiac or something....

i hotbox the covers when i fart in the bed; i shake the blankets towards my head to get big waves of pungent goodness in motion; Allison moans and crawls out of the bed to get away....

when i'm around other people who don't want to enjoy my farts with me, i try to keep them in for pity's sake.... and sometimes i do succeed in holding themm in.... BUT IT'S SO PAINFUL AND DIFFICULT TO TWIST MY INNARDS INTO COMPLIANCE WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S WISHES, and IT's so dreadfully easy and even smacks of ecstacy to let them come pouring and flowing out.... besides, when i manage to hold them in, all IT means is that the gas is still there, trapped in my small intestine and rectum.... and IT just sits there until the next round comes barrelling down the pipe.... and then the fart in motion combines forces with the enforcedly-stagnated fart and pushes down the canal as a MEGA-MONDO FART!!! and to hold THAT in.... well, whoo boy, that sure is tough, i can tell you.... and what do i get for IT? all that happens is now there's even MORE gas trapped up my poor rectum and i'm sure you can see where this is going.... eventually, everyone will have been having a great time, unwittingly gay and sprightly, never knowing how their cavorting has been assisted by my discipline and willpower.... UNTIL!.... yes, the time will finally come, when everyone least expects IT now, of course, the time will come when the gas has been backing up, and building, and backing up, and building, and finally.... FINALLY.... i cannot hold IT in any longer, and IT all comes out in a warm simmering cloud that envelops the entire area like a biohazard quarrantine.... whereupon every Man Jack begins to grimace and moan, pull their shirt collars over their noses, and point accusing fingers at the one who had allowed their fun to continue uninterrupted for so long.... in the immortal words of Rodney Dangerfield, "i don't get no respect!"....

i have begun to ask myself the question about farts being anal orgasms, because i have noticed that probably my two greatest sensational pleasures in life are orgasms and farts.... no kidding!.... a really big bubbling fart, especially when IT comes from uncomfortable gas moving around in the belly, is just one of the greatest feelings in the world.... IT splats out into existence, and i cry out, "Ohhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH uhhhhhh uhhhhhh ahhhhhhh....", just like i would if i had an orgasm! IT's really quite an amazing similarity in both feelings produced and behavioral effects manifested....

So in summation, i would like to finally tell the world of my basic opinions: my farts are the most delectable ambrosia to my own smell sensors, if not to those of others'.... and i ABSOLUTELY INSIST that everyone in the world loves the smell of their own flatulence, and anyone who says different is either lying or has convinced themselves that they SHOULDN'T like their own farts, for social reasons and considerations.... which is a LOT DIFFERENT that actually not liking the smell of your own farts.... hey, people will convince themselves of almost anything for social reasons, as we all well know, so LET'S NOT KID OURSELVES ANYMORE PEOPLE!!! Farts are loud, proud, wonderfully captivating and noxious, and they are HERE to STAY!!! let's all take some time to grab a whiff or two of our own heavenly perfume.... and let's get off our high horses about intimating to others that they shouldn't fart just because other people are around - hasn't anyone heard of BREATHING THROUGH YOUR MOUTH AND CLOSING YOUR NOSE OFF?!? come on, people.... i've been doing that since i was a little kid, whenever i encountered a smell i couldn't deal with (garbage piles, dead things nearby, unshowered homeless dudes), so IT's just NOT THAT HARD TO DO!!! instead of making someone else feel bad about their own wonderful scents, just close your nose for a while.... you won't be put out none and the farter will get to snuff up more of their own heavenly vapors.... what could be more perfect?

let's all get over ourselves people; admit what is right and natural and let the ecstatic inhaling begin....

-- Nolan (itrocksmyworld@yahoo.com), February 07, 2005.

Your all freaks that fart too much. How can you fart that much, you must be really fked up inside. I can understand 1 or 2 farts a day thats normal but you guys! YOUR ALL FREAKS ARGHHHH

-- fsdfsdfsd (fdsfdsf@SDfsd.com), February 18, 2005.

I fart 15+ time per day and sound like thundering, hehehehhehehhehehhe……….Many people dislike farts?, but there is no special place for fart, in anywhere in the world? So ……

-- saxil (shadehome@gmail.com), February 20, 2005.

Girls do far, intheir sleep even, at least tahts what my boyfriend say's, he says it cute, cause i'll wake myself up and idont know what happend, heheh it's kinda funny actually we dont' care :)

-- fartsleeper (fartersanny@hotmail.com), February 25, 2005.

Hallo! Fart is from my butt with a smell of Whiff. The 'Whitley Whiff' was dued to my farts or Adam or Paul, It's not stench anymore it's H2S of bad eggs. (FART) oops, i justed farted, the sewage smell was from my bum of Whitley Whiff from Reading. Poo! rotten eggs! from my bum! (FART) uh-uh-huh! (FART) uh-uh-huh! (FART) la-la-la! (FART) poo-poo-poo! (FART) whitley whiff! (FART) yeah-yeah-yeah! (FART) whiff-whiff-whiff! (FART) mencap friday club! (FART) Paul! (FART) Me! (FART) Not Adam! (FART) pong! (FART?BURP?), that's better!

-- Jeff (Mencap) (jeff@hotmail.com), February 26, 2005.

One time me and my wife were taking a bath together. I was leaning against the back of the tub stretched out and she had her legs over my crotch area leaning against the side of the tube. Well... i felt a fart coming on. It was silent, but did of course cause some bubbles... a few seconds later, she asked me, did you fart? I just started laughing, then she puked on me... twice.

True story.

-- Fart o matic (fartman@fart.com), March 10, 2005.

Hi, my name is Carly Barnett, and i'm a girl from Middle School, and i'm 17 years old on my birthday last friday. (COWEY FART) oops, i just farted. prrrrruuuuu, cow! My bum smells of Cow Poo and my white knickers smells pooey and cowey and my feet smells of strong Cheese.

Carly Barnett's bum smells of Old Cow Poo and her white knickers smells of Old Cow Poo and her feet smells very smelly and strong cheese.

CARLY BARNETT D.O.B: 11 March 1988 Age: 17 Sex: Female

-- Carly Barnett (barnett@hotmail.com), March 15, 2005.