I just broke up with a guy who is 20yrs old. His father beat his mother for 18 years and verbally abused his wife and chldren on a daily basis. J. (my ex) is taking our breakup Very badly. He's leaving the country to go back to his mother's care (which I think is a good idea).

What I'm wondering is how exactly does abuse toward one parent impact on the children later on in their lives. Should I feel bad about telling him I can't deal with his changes of humour, is he going to be ok?

-- Anonymous, March 05, 2001

Answers

My feeling is that it isn't your responsibility, but there are studies showing that children (both boys and girls) who are abused tend to have a greater chance of abusing. Is that what you mean? It will affect them, of course, but it's difficult to say to what degree.

-- Anonymous, March 06, 2001