Hi y'all. Everyone have a good evening?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Answers

Interesting at best. I got sexually harrassed by a telephone solicitor, then Alicia got booted on Survivor. Oh, and it was the first time I liked Abbie on Law & Order.

You?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

It had to be Alicia. Or Nick. Ogakor are mo-rons, but even they know what to do to win a million dollars.

Harassed? How?? Want me to write an expose and kick their ass?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I know! But it makes me sad, because first of all, it's all stupid Kimmi's fault, and secondly, I looooved Alicia. She was a badass.

Gabe, the telephone guy, was rude from the start, and then when I asked him if I could speak to his manager, he wouldn't let me. And then when I asked him if he was allowed to be that rude at work, he said, "Are you allowed to be that rude at home? Don't you have a husband to keep you in line?" And when I was speechless and didn't know how to reply, he said, "What, your husband doesn't make you mind your Ps and Qs?" Oh man, I was livid. He had a slimy little voice, too. I think I'm going to call the company today and say something.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I dug Abbie last night, too. I still don't know how I feel about Dianne Weist, though. They never show her legs, and that's really odd. At least she's moved away from the Mao fashion, though.

I didn't watch Survivor, but I did beat Chris at Scrabble, whish is unusual. I always win at Trivial Pursuit, but when I play Scrabble, I go for vocabulaty, rather than points. This time, I was able to combine the two.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh my god! AB, what company was that? We should slander their ass.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I like Diane Weist on principle, just because she's so good, but it is weird about her legs, isn't it? She's always sitting down.

The company is International Magazine Services. They've called me EVERY DAY for the past two weeks, and I tell them every day they've already called, and I've already said no. I HATE them.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

We should, indeed.

I didn't think anyone said "Don't you have a husband to keep you in line?" any more.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I didn't think anyone ever said it ever.

I'm in, ladies and gent.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Clearly, they do. Or at least GABE does. Ooh, I hate Gabe. Gabe is going down, my friends.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

See, I'm a little concerned about Dianne Weist. I wonder if she's turning in to a Marlon Brando-type: loads of talent, but weird leg things. I don't know. It's a mystery. Even when they have her standing, they still don't show her legs.

I'm ready for some happy-fun slander.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Yes, down with Gabe.

Y'all, the cool kids are tearing it up in Austin. I think Hannah called be 10 times yesterday.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Ooh, T, that would be weird. Poor Dianne. What can we do to help her?

I wish I had Gabe's home number and e-mail address. I'd post it, stee-style, everywhere I could think of.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I'm on the phone with them right now. They're saying they don't know a Gabe that works there. Fuck all.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I decided on a name for the Cabrio: Fancy.

Not because I want it to grow up to be a whooer, but because the name fits, somehow.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

T, that makes me laugh so hard.

Now don't let me down Fancy, T's gonna move you uptown!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

That's a very Southern name for a car. I don't think you'd get a lot of "Fancys" up North.

So T, is Chris planning on developing a headache, cough or random ailment at around 3:00 today when Maryland-George Mason starts, so he can skip out on work?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

By the way, T. I thought of you last night when I couldn't sleep and decided to just get up and go to the grocery store at like, midnight.

In the tiny little store in my neighborhood, they were playing Miss Jackson.

I am for reeeeealllll!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh, T, Fancy is soooo good.

I'm fixing to make soup. Yum!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Ooh, I don't know - He's writing four briefs right now, and I know he brought his fancy radio to the office, and they have a tv. Should be interesting.

I need to get a copy of that Fancy song. It's such a great song. Actually, I've only met one Fancy. He was a seven-foot-tall pimp- looking thug guy in a black pinstripe double-breasted suit with a red silk shirt and tie. He also wore a bowler hat. For some reason, he was at a party for Chris' firm. His name was Fancy. I suspect it was his street name.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

When I sit down and write my new sitcom for FOX, "That Wacky Jessifer", this will be inserted into the dialogue:

"dear boy, when i tell you something about ME, i don't want you to turn around and make a comment about HER! i don't give a fuck about what color HER hair is or how good it looks on HER! we're talking about me! i sound like a conceided little selfish bitch and I DON'T CARE! i also don't appreciate it when every other word out of your mouth is her name. 'starting over' my fucking ass!"

Not that she doesn't have a point and all, but I just about died laughing.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

WTF? Will this fix the bolding nonsense...?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Teri, I swear to God, if I didn't know you... sometimes I would think you're making shit up. Best part of that sentence: "for some reason, he was at a party for Chris's firm...

But see, I believe it because I do know you and understand that people like Fancy and Buttermilk... they are always going to come in and out of your life. Just like they do mine.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

...And one day, we will write a book. Or at least an article for the Oxford American.

For the record, neither of us could figure out why Fancy was there. He was standing by the sideboard, eating smoked salmon, for most of the night. I think he might have been a client. Maybe he was with the pro wrestlers that the firm is representing.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

And for the Jessifer record, who dyes their hair burgundy? Yes, it is a lovely color - for a sofa.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

M, "That Wacky Jessifer" would definitely have to go on UPN.

She is IN.SANE. No, she doesn't have a point at ALL, I don't think. If you're talking to some guy and he keeps talking about some other girl... you just STOP talking to him.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Or how about "Jessifer and Starlight"?

That's a winner.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Y'all... it totally slipped past me somehow before now, but all of you, Beware the Ides of March.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I thought it, but didn't write it.

The date I'm waiting for it June 3rd.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

June 3?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I bet Allison knows the significance of the third of June.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Come on ... someone educate me!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Mike, what you have to understand is that nothing ever comes to no good up on Choctaw Ridge.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Nope. Nothing evah does.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Mike might now know Ode to Billy Joe.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

But he should.

I may have to sing that song for the next karaoke smackdown. I sing it real good. That, and Midnight Train to Georgia.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

And on that note, who knows the significance of September 3?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I believe we all did Midnight Train in Vegas, AB singing lead. I think that was on Friday night though, so it's hazy.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

That's not the song where they jump off the bridge, is it?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Lord, LORD... I just got a hit from randomhouse.com.

SHIIIIIIIIIIIT. I want to post something like "Uh... Dear Random House Reader, I promise I am a good writer. I write good. See? And I have million stories about my crazy-ass family that I've just been too busy or shy to write, but I'll write them for YOU!"

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Billy Joe jumps off the Tallahatchie bridge, yes. Up on Choctaw Ridge. On the third of June.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Another sleepy, dusty Delta day.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Five minutes to 12. Get those NCAA pools in!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh, crap! I have to do that!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Damn, Mike! I missed it! Totally forgot.

T, I'll fight you to be Gladys. My middle name is Best Fake Gladys Ever.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Except, I'm lazy. I guess I won't do one this year. I need to hit the CVS and then take the Cabrio to VW - they're taking care of a few tings for me. I love VW. They're good people.

It's drizzly. Merr. Fancy will wear his bowler hat today.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Wait - who is Gladys?

And what happened on Sept. 3?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Y'all, if I could smell this soup, it would smell soooo good. If a soup smells good and no one's around to smell it, does it still smell good?

Discuss.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Gladys, as in Knight, as in The Pips. Singing Midnight Train. I'll let you be lead Pip, though. I let Al in Vegas.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Gladys Knight, T. Re: the Midnight Train discussion.

Also, the Temptations sang: It was the third of September, a day I'll always remember (yes, I will, because that was the day that my daddy died. (etc, etc) Papa was a rolling stone, my son, wherever he laid his hat was his home, and when he died, all he left us was alone.

Yes, the soup still smells good.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I'm slow, y'all.

When I sing it, I hybridize the Pips and Gladys' lyrics. Is that allowed?

I like soup.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Do y'all like Dana, of Bobofett? I did, but she sort of gets on my nerves. And in her latest entry, she says she hates almost all Southerners, and that it's about attitude. So now I might have to hate her. Because I like my Southern attitude.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I do the same thing, T. It's hard to just sing Gladys's part. Plus, I love to do the "Woo-woo!", and the echoes.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I like Dana sometimes, but I think she abuses the "Well, it's OK for me to be an asshole because it's just my opinion" thing.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Dana's okay, but the monkey thing is a little odd. Like, Marlon Brando odd.

But she hates all Southerners? Now, I want to slander her ass. Or set her up with a subscription to Southern Living. Bless her heart, why can't she see the light? Hell, she's not even cute.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh, I don't like her at all. Because of what Mike said. But M, you have to type that like this: "In my OPINION...."

And she dislikes Southerners? Oh hell no.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

SHE'S talking about attitude?

Heifer.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

T, you're stuck on Marlon Brando today. I like it.

I know, she and her southern-hating-monkey self must go down. She probably hates all of us, because of our "Southern attitudes." Beeyatch bettah recognize.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

And you have to dismiss people who disagree.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

What's the "attitude" we're supposed to have, anyway?

We were talking journallers over dinner one night last weekend - I think Dana won like a million of those recent diarist awards - and pamie and stee both sort of shuddered and stee was like "yeah, I don't read her at all. I just can't."

Silent p agreed.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I knew we could count on silent p. She was, like, the cutest ever this weekend. I liked her a whole lot better than in Vegas, probably because she was a whole lot more comfortable with her own peeps.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

That's why I don't take them seriously.

Well, that and the fact that I wasn't nominated.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

M, I'm going to nominate you for every category next time. Except for the Legacy thing, which I sort of think is bullshit.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

You know... some monkey-loving, foul-mouthed Yankee Trash is not going to spoil my good Thursday vibes.

I think she best be Bewaring the Ides of March though, because I am about to represent at least with a DSAS.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

It's so stupid to have a legacy thing every quarter. Don't even get me started.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Well, the awards are weird. I don't even know who won the category I was in. I hope it was Mo's guest entry. I don't read that journal, but I liked that entry better than mine.

I guess I'll go look.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I think it was, Al. I like Mo's journal, but I mostly read the sidebar part, because it's always funny, and sometimes the entries aren't all that good.

I think we should have an all-MATH finalists panel this time. We could do it, too, you know.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Y'all. So much beer. So many cigarrettes. I love Austin. I do. I love Lucinda Williams. She was hot in her cool pants and this new song she sang? LORD y'all. It was like she wanted to sleep with me. I swear.

Allison. You leave now!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Look... I'll be leaving soon but NOT ANOTHER WORD about seeing Lucinda before I did. I mean, are you trying to hurt me?

I just picked up a message from pamie. Apparently, she left me a music badge at the Bad Dog. Why didn't she just give it to Chris? Did y'all not see her at all.

Are you guys going to the New West party today? Sigh. Hating y'all.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

We didn't see her after the music awards. They all went to the bad dog, the whole stee thing, i dunno. But I thought the music badge she had was for yesterday only. But you know what this means?? You don't even NEED the sparkly wristband and you can get in anywhere.

I've never seen Chris' heart break like it did over those Trucker guys.

We're supposed to go to that party. Waitin' for the e to the p and the moc to call.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Y'all scrnwrt? I may have to fly to Utah and kick her in the knee. Marylanders are tacky???

I know what I'm writing about tonight.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh, he wanted to see them SO BAD. We have been talking about them for weeks. Poor MOC.

They're an Athens band. I told him if he gets into Emory, I will go with him and we will just move in with the Drive-by Truckers. Maybe his spreadshirt will cheer him up.

If the pass was just for yesterday, that's fine. I mean, having one would mean I could get in anywhere, but why would I want to if you guys couldn't? Except to see Lucinda - I'd dump y'all for her. But just her.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Speaking of shirts, Al, did pamie give y'all Squishy shirts yet? If not, will you bring me back one? I'll pay you back at the next Chao House Party.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

She SAID THAT? Stupid Ute. She'll go down.

Hannah - you need to understand something - the New West label is the home to many, MANY of the favorite bands of E and the MOC. They will be losing their minds.

I just consulted the spreadsheet, and tonight is a big night. Guy Forsythe, Slaid Cleaves, Jurassic 5 and the North Miss. All Stars! Rock!

However... tomorow night is going to be La BOMB. Junior Brown, Lucinda, Tim Easton, Murder City Devils, Blue Mountain, ... Trail of their Dead, Slobberbone (all-time favorite of the E and the MOC), and Robert Earl Keen.

Oh... does it get any sweeter?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Man! For Lucinda and Slobberbone and REK, I just might have to drive back. Why did I go last weekend, God? Why?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I know! Lucinda. So hot.

I told MOC I know he's going to Emory. I know it.

Just talked to Eric, he's looking for the MOC. But Chuy doesn't have a phone, and well, neither does MOC, so I don't know how we're gonna find him. What should I wear? You and I are going hat shopping when you get here, yes?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Thing is, the Bone and REK play at the same time. A choice will have to be made! It will be difficult.

AB! We call you from everywhere! Wake up Mad and everything! Pamie didn't give me any extra shirts and I was too stupid to think to get you one. She's leaving today. Mayn! I did make you a T-spreadshirt though! I know it ain't the same... by the way, when IS the next Chao House Music Date Party?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Chuy DOES have a phone. We figured all that out last week. Pam just had the wrong number. She was dialing the first three numbers as 363 when it's really 636 (or the other way around, maybe). If y'all can't get him on the phone, just go pick him up. My Miss Cleo Powers tell me he just got out of the shower.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

It's all good! T-spreadshirt maybe BETTER! I wish I had thought to ask pamie for one, though. Damn.

Next Chao House Music Allison Song Recording Party is whenever you get back and are available. Vince is ready to go.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Also, the worst thing in the world just happened. Napoleon will not, after all, be out of the office this afternoon. Soonest I can book out of here is 4. I have everything in my car, ready to go, though. (Tell Chris that - he will FAINT.)

I promise, I will fly like the WIND!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Yeah, but we have to shower first. Well you know what I mean. Each shower separately at our respective sleeping places.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

God, I really want to drive back to Austin. Omar wants to meet Meredith, too! What better weekend to do it? Mayn! Should I go, y'all? You herp An Bei decide!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Okay, I didn't say, "Make AB be L_L." I say, "You herp!"

I just talked to Meredith and she wants me to come, and she also wants to meet Omar. He'll be around this weekend, won't he, Al?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Allison - I'll try and not be upset.

But I AAAAAAm.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I return. Had a meeting.

You know, it's cagey whether or not we'll see Omar this weekend. Pam is gone, and he's a friend of hers and not really one of Eric's. I mean, there is a definite possibility we'll run into him, but I can't say for sure.

Why does Meredith want to meet him so bad? Does she read him?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Bad start for the Big Ten. Hannah's Buckeyes lost. So did Wisconsin.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I don't know. I think she wants to meet him because he wants to meet her. She's weird.

Maybe I'll e-mail him if I end up in Austin this weekend.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh, I didn't realize they had been communicating, I guess.

Mike, keep us updated for sure. I guess I could listen to some games via the web, but we don't have a tv. When does Maryland play?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Yeah, and they're losing. And playing like ass.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Say it ain't so, M. I will begin the chanting.

AB - so you really might come down this weekend? Sweet! Be sure to use H's cell number, because you know mine is Effed.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

No, they haven't been communicating, Al--Omar and I have been, but he was asking about Mere and saying he wanted to meet her, and I told her.

I know! I'm thinking if I go, it will be tomorrow morning. Will you e-mail me Hannah's cell #?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Ok - I sent it to you. Check mail immediatry!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

"dear forum,

thanks for the wellwishes, but my day just got worse. my gramma called and told us that my uncle is in the hospital. he's been very sick because of ulcers and somehow he ruptured his esauphegus. he lost alot of blood and they don't know if he'll live for long. keep him in your prayers?

jess"

Y'all. Does SHE even see it? I swear to God, she has Munchausen-by- proxy.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I check! It no here! Clazy e-mail.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh my God, Al, me and V and Matt were talking about Munchausen-by- proxy the other day, and how it would be a great name for cologne.

"What are you wearing?"

"Munchausen."

"Who makes it?"

"Proxy."

Alternately, you could say the "by Proxy" part like the "by Mennen!" commercial.

Gawd, we're freaks. But Funny Freaks.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Mayn, that is hilarious. Phunny Phreaks.

Ask Master V and Matt if they want to form a side-project called The Deputies of Sheriff Jesus. I'll steal the new drummer and guitar player from the Jag band and we can become y'alternative superstars.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh, that would be great. I e-mailed them just now. It's really too bad they won't let you be in Hardlucy.

"Y'allternative Superstar" is the name of my first album. Or my next art show, if I ever get to have one.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

We are getting our asses kicked by George Freakin' Mason.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Al, did you resend my e-mail? Also--I wrote the Angel of Death in DSAS. I had to restrain myself from typing "Angel of Deathifer."

M, that sucks! Stupid George Effing Mason.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

First of all, Hardlucy don't need no girls up in it. They got their own thing going - or will again, soon, I hope. But the Deputies would be a rocking bunch, I'm telling you.

SecondLY, I am lighting candles and concentrating on the Terps. All of MATH must do the same. Time to rally! Mike, don't be upset. How much game is left?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Oh, and third of all (hee!), anybody know who this is: http://www.nakedsometimes.com/home.html?

Here name's Hannah, too, and she linked to all of us today. (Except AB. Clearly this chic does not know the +1 protocol.) Y'all... MATH is getting pretty popular. We should really think about launching the SPC portal soon, and then the MATHazine and then... we take ovah the WORLD!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

She's the girl who's dissing Maryland. But it's all good. We're friends now.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

I can't believe she left me out. Mean old meanie.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Wha? THAT's her? Hmph. Well, you sort of have to love her for loving the MATHletes.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

scrnwrt linked to us? Cool. Guess I'll update, after all.

Mike, shall we band together in our non-Texas-ness?

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Yeah, we should. I feel all lonely and whatnot.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

AB, she just doesn't know the Associated Press Style to be used when referring to MATH. We need to send a press release out about that, that it's MATH + 1.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Y'all feel lonely? Why, sugars? MATH is united.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Wait, I'M L_L?! Ok, I updated and now I can't ftp into the server (DAMMMIITTT) so, I'm oot. Dang!

Drunken phone calls are sure to be made to each of you over the next few days.

Much love!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

But we will not be united in the Lucinda until Jazz Fest!

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Y'all better call me, is all I'm saying. I'll be dealing with Surly McBarbedwiretaoohead bitching about our lack of cable, I'm certain, and I'll need y'all's drunken support.

I did update, though.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001

Maryland 83, George Mason 80.

And y'all? I'll have the greatest journal entry tomorrow. I was much entertainment at the office.

-- Anonymous, March 15, 2001