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Words of wisdom?
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops.
"Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"
"It worked for your ass didn't it?"
He lived. And with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.....
-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001
I probably shouldn't laugh at this but can't help it -- ROTFLMAO.
(I think it's the vision this conjures.....)
-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001
Antique joke and disgusting. These are more suitable for family viewing.
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-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001
I know I'm getting old when I agree with Charlie that these jokes are "antique." SOME are still funny, and I'll offer one that SO [new to the internet] sent today, but when one has seen them AGAIN and AGAIN, the response becomes more like a yawn.-----------
A trip down memory lane Close your eyes.....And go back in time....Before the Internet or the MAC, Before semi -automatics and crack Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...Way back........
I'm talking about hide and seek at dusk. The Good Humor man, Red light, green light. The corner store. Hopscotch, butterscotch, doubledutch, jacks, kickball, dodgeball. Mother May I? Red Rover and Roly Poly Hula Hoops Running through the sprinkler The smell of the sun and licking salty lips.... Wax lips and mustaches An ice cream cone on a warm summer night Chocolate or vanilla or strawberry or maybe butter pecan. A cherry coke from the fountain at the corner drug store Wait...... Watching Saturday Morning cartoons... short commercials Fat Albert, Road Runner, He-Man, The Three Stooges, and Bugs, Or staying up for Gunsmoke Or back further, listening to Superman on the radio When around the corner seemed far away, And going downtown seemed like going somewhere. A million mosquito bites. Sticky fingers. Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, Zorro. Climbing trees, Building igloos out of snow banks Walking to school, nomatter what the weather. Running till you were out of breath Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt Jumping on the bed. Pillow fights Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles. Being tired from playing.... Remember that? The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team. War was a card game. Water balloons were the ultimate weapon. Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
I'm not finished just yet...
Eating Kool-aid powder Remember when... there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers) and the only time you wore them at school, was for "gym." It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends. When nobody owned a purebred dog. When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a miracle. When milk went up one cent and everyone talked about it for weeks? When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny. When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time. And, you didn't pay for air. And, you got trading stamps to boot! When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box. When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there. When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up, if you even had one. When your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces. It was magic when dad would "remove" his thumb. When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents. When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then. When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done. When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it. When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed ..and did! When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home. Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive -by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! and some of us are still afraid of them!!! Didn't that feel good.. just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!
Remember when............ Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo." Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!" "Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest. Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly." The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties. It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn't an Olympic event. Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a slingshot. Nobody was prettier than Mom. Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better. Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin. Ice cream was considered a basic food group. Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true. Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare." Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors. If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!! Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life...
I Double Dog dare ya!
-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001
"Antique", maybe. But never ceases to make me misty-eyed.
(Wimp that I am.)
Thanks for posting that, Anita. It's one of my favorites.
-- Anonymous, April 10, 2001