TGIF.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Answers

Well, well, well...

Dear former boss,
Now that you're not hanging that "if-you-post-on-Squishy-again-you're- fired" crap over my head any more, let me extend a loud and joyous "FUCK YOU" in your general direction. Notice I didn't seem upset when you told me I was fired? That's because now I no longer have to put up with your slutty, manipulative, back-stabbing ways. Your mother was right: you only keep people around long enough to use them and then you're done. Guess my 15 minutes was up, huh? God DOES love me after all.

Oh, and would you like to know how I'm posting THIS? From my second job...the one I've had for a month now. The job that's paying me $35/hour to do HALF of what you're supposed to be doing.

Have fun making deadline this month.

Sincerely,
rudergirl

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Puke. Gross me out the door.

The Al/AB Wine and Survivor night was, as ever, a hit. Secrets were told. Guitars were played. Ani was listened to.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Yeah, how sad was that episode? Poor Rodger. But it could be no other way.

At least they got coffee and a danish.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Oh, I was tearing up during that part! Even Master V got emotional.

When Jeff Probst read that last vote, I wanted to kill myself. Sadness! Rodger! I just watched him on the Today show or whatever it is. He was precious. And still, with the Elisabeth love.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Yeah, I was all touched when he took the bullet for Elisabeth. And I have to admit I got all teary-eyed when everyone broke up during the reward challenge.

Next week should rule.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Crybaby.

Yes, and if Elisabeth gets voted off next week, I'm going to be very, very, very angry. And cut people's heads off.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

They [b]have[/b] to vote her off. But I don't think they will.

I think whichever male loses the immunity challenge is gone, but that would be so dumb. There's nobody in Ogakor who could beat Elisabeth with the jury, so I'd get her out of there as soon as possible. I was surprised Keith and Tina kept her in the game a few weeks ago, and targeted Jerri and Amber instead.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

They NO have to vote her off!

Okay, yeah, you're right. Who would want to be up against her in the final two? Nobody, that's who.

She looked so sad and alone after Rodger left. They better be sweet to her.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

They're all sweet to her.

Although I liked how, early in the show, Colby talked about how Tina had hit rock-bottom after the camp washed away, and added "Of course, Elisabeth's been at that stage for awhile now."

If you're one of the final four looking to win the million, I think you want it coming down to you and Keith in the final two. There's no way he can win. He walks in there with two people in the seven-person jury hating him, and that can't be good.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Colby's just getting mean now. I can't like him as much as I used to. But yeah, I'd totally want to be up against Keith in the final two. Do you think Tina's going to win, as everyone else seems to think?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

It depends on who goes next week. If it's Colby/Keith, I think Tina wins it all unless Elisabeth wins the final immunity challenge.

If it's Elisabeth who gets the boot instead, I think Tina has a 50-50 shot. Should Colby win the final immunity challenge, he'd probably vote off Tina and take his chances with Keith. If Keith wins it, I don't know. He still owes Tina huge, but he owes Colby as well.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

I think poor Elisabeth is just too run down to win much of anything, unless it involves sitting or sleeping. Her hair is falling out! And how cute is "Bessy"? Man.

All I'm saying is, Keith must not win. I'd take Tina over him any day.

I think we're alone today, Berman.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

"Today on MATH ... Mike and AB talk Survivor."

I'm hoping Colby wins every immunity challenge and takes the million dollars. Prove the Social Darwinists right!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

We should host a talk show.

Nooooo! Colby can't win, because he's a creepola. And he smells.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

At this point, everybody smells.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

I don't smell.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

You're not on Survivor.

So y'all know I may be meeting Melooooooooonsa tomorrow, right?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

That's CLAZY. I hope you're armed. Legally, of course.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Hey, y'all.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

T! We meeeeesed you!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Teri, Queen of the Knives, has returned. How great is that?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Introducing special guest star: Al Lowe

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

People. I just set up a phone interview with a company in ATL. Mwa hahahahahahah...

It's a health care thing, which I don't want, but do you know how fast I'd take it if I could get it? Very fast.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Y'all, the knife class was the coolest thing, ever. Turns out, Chris and I have a pretty kick-ass knife collection. I chopped up enough vegetables for a tub of gazpacho - the Resistance would be pleased.

Mike, I'm so glad you don't hate me!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Hold on second... I'm the L_L? This is unprecedented and unacceptable. Do I have to kick your asses? Because you know I will...

T! I was chilling with AB last night when you called me from 1-800- Teri. We must talk soon, though!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Yes, we must. I don't know if my cell has coverage in Scobey, but Chris' might.

I love my 931-TERI line. It makes me feel like a stripper.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Girl, I don't hate you! Just because I spent the weekend staring forlornly at my cellphone...

Nah, it's all good. I figured coming up to see the future in-laws didn't leave much free time. Besides, I spent the whole time in one bar or another anyway.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Dude, that rudergirl thing... that's ridiculous. I can't even believe it. What a skank.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

If I were not a kind, gentle person, I'd dedicate "Dirty Laundry" to her on the song thread.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Oh, I wish you would. Of course, it would probably bring the DUMBs back from the dead (just like The Baby Jesus) and I can't have that.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Oh, Allison, the Baby Jesus back from the dead killed me. A zombie baby Jesus. Nice.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Yeah, it's a Friday and I have a headache, and I'd rather not start a war. But y'all know I'm thinking it, and that's enough.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

What is so trashy is that she called her boss (boo, right?) the "whore from hell." My lord. I hope boo comes on the forum and rips her. I would back her up so fast.

Here's what I'd like to see:

Dear rudergirl,

I think you got fired because you, uh, ate your desk. It was against company policy, and you knew it.

You're fired, boo

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Hee! I still laugh when I think, "FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT".

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Mike, the facts that you had a radish garden, you love magical books, and you want to start a war with the fatty fat DUMB club make you the most endearing person ever.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Even though I like Survivor?

Thanks, T! I'm all smiling and whatnot now.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Even though you like Survivor.

Why do I have to be all busy? I hate being all busy.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

You might be all busy, but you still have to update that journal as soon as you get caught up.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

I know, I know. I have a little update for today.

I envy your updating prowess.

So, Allison, is Atlanta set in stone? Don't go breaking my heart, baby.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

You know, the Mike Berman Radish Garden... it's like my favorite thing about him.

Where'd AB go?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

You know, Allison, if I was to learn that the DUMB club ate at the Fat Boy while they were here, I would quit my job, leave Chris, and become a nun, as I would truly know that there is a God.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Yeah, it's set in stone. Unless something clazy happens, and I don't even know what that would be.

Yesterday, the MOC's friend Lance put the high-pressure sale on him to move to back to Charlottesville and Chris said no. I told him, "If you want to go there, I'll consider it." He said (and I nearly cried) "No, we're doing this together. You're my top priority and I want you to go somewhere you can find a job you like where you can be creative. I want to go to Atlanta."

I was shocked.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Wow. That is so awesome.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

It is, and I can't believe it.

It freaks me OUT that we're going to live together. We HAVE to have at least two bedrooms. I mean, we've never even lived in the same TOWN and we're going to move in together? I think it's clazy.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

It's clazy in a really good way. Oh, I am just THRILLED! Thrilled, I say. We will go see Francine Reed every week. It will be a standing appointment.

Allison, I do know a lot of people in nonprofits, if you want to go that route. Probably not as much bank as the Science Lady, though.

The fact that Chris said that to you is just the best, ever. And besides, Charlottesville is close enough for a visit. Chris and I are heading up there this summer, actually.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Well, I have quite a bit of non-profit communications experience so... I would definitely consider it.

You know AB's not posting because she's sitting at her house crying because I'm leaving her one of these days. Y'all don't understand how I'm gonna miss my AB. Why did I have to find her just when I was getting ready to leave?

I just called the science lady and left a message with a lot of "um" and "uh" in it, sounding like a dork. It's cool, though. My resume was tailor-made for that job.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Man, I'm an updatin' fool.

When's the ETA for the move?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Allison - go here:

http://www.opportunitynocs.org

Would you be interested in the Zoo?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

M, I am very proud of your burst of updating.

I just ran to the post office to mail Chris his Krazy Komps Kare Package. He takes his comps this Tuesday.

I also went to Whole Foods and got the best lunch imaginable. I am now enjoying it at my desk.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Oh, and I'd love the Zoo very much.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Now, wait a minute. If it's zoos you're interested in, I must point out that Washington -- not Atlanta -- has the giant pandas.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

That's where you're wrong, Mike. Atlanta has two 3-year-old pandas, Ling-Ling and Something-Something. They're much cuter than the old- ass pandas y'all have. (Actually, I thought they died, seriously.)

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

See, that's why I'm here ... to provide all the DC info.

I'm not sure how you avoided the PR onslought from the National Zoo folks when you were here, but we have brand spankin' new pandas, just off the boat from China. And apparently they're quite adorable.

But yeah, the old ones died a couple of years ago.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

It's the Panda Smackdown Royale! Winner gets Al Lowe as a resident in their town! GO!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Yesw, but OUR pandas tumble around, and they're all cute, and soon they'll mate.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

That's right - mating Pandas. AND, I get to see them (and Allison, you, too) up close and personal-like, because my friend Caroline is Junior League placement is as a Panda Interpreter.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Oh, and I forgot to answer this: the ETA on the move is "whenever we find jobs."

I'd like that to be like, tomorrow. I'm hoping mid-June at the latest. Just in time for the sweltering, baked-in-pollen Atlanta summer. I know that's soon and I may be crazy for thinking I can find something that fast, but that's just how much I want it, people.

Seriously, whenever I find something, I'll be turning in my two weeks notice THAT DAY and hitting the highway ASAP.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

The Discovery Channel's not doing a special on Atlanta's pandas, though. But they're doing one on Washington's. It debuts this weekend.

(Or maybe it's on Animal Planet.)

Ours are the new, high-tech, high-energy pandas. And they'll mate, and then we'll have baby pandas, and that's just unbeatable. Even in theory.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Plus, we don't need no Junior League "Panda Interpreters" because our pandas speak perfect English.

OK, maybe I made that part up.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Y'all are killing me with the pandas... the choices... don't know.... what to do...

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

I'm not crying, Allison, because I know you'll never leave me. Pandas, bah!

Plus, who else to teach you John Prine songs and dole out the Hogue? Nobody, that's who.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Now come on, AB. Everyone knows there ain't no pandas in Dallas. It's a no-brainer.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Do y'all have this??

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Did I say we had pandas? I didn't. I said we don't need no pandas. Because, you know, I'm here.

I beat pandas blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back, drunk as a skunk, with a stick.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

That's right, y'all, the PandaCam.

Mike, the whoe point of our pandas is for them to have panda babies. Lots of them.

AND, when Caroline interprets the pandas, they all talk like Lin Chao. It's very endearing.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

PandaCam, SchmandaSchmam. Why would Al need to move if she can watch that from Dallas, I ask you?

Now.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Our pandas do the panda dance, though. And they sing karaoke. Actually, Allison, when they sing karaoke they sound like the old Chinese guy at Tong's doing his Neil Diamond impresonation.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Okay, see, now you're just making shit up.

But here's what's true: I can get you free, all-access panda passes.

And I'll leave it at that.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Oh, sadness. Who can beat all-access panda passes?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

But ask yourself what will happen when T runs for Congress in a few years, and it's revealed that she used her connections to procure said panda passes. She'd have to drop out of the race.

Do you want that on your conscience?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Ok... the Panda has become the official mascot of MATH. It fits in well with our Chinese obsession.

Speaking of that, Mike - what do I have you for, if not to get me the inside Chin-Feng information? I have been checking the Dodgers farm web sites and...nothing!

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

I pray that Chin-Feng hasn't been "disappeared" for his revolutionary Big Shot American-ness.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

Hmmmm... I thought for sure he'd be with the Vegas 51s.

He ain't.

I just found their roster through the Las Vegas Sun Times, or whatever it's called. They did get Geronimo Gil, who was another favorite San Antonio player of mine. But where is my Chin-Feng?

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

I'll look it up.

But think about the panda thing. Because seriously, I'm counting on Teri becoming President someday and making me Ambassador to Some Neat Country, and I'm hoping for no panda scandals in her early political career.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

You'll be Ambassador to Belize.

Well, I'm off to Scobey. Let's hope that Chris asks my dad a little sumpin' sumpin'.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001

T! Is that where Little Jimmy Dickens lives? Say hey to him for me.

-- Anonymous, April 20, 2001